


Écarlate

by NaoYoshikawa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 20th Century, Alternate Universe - Historical, Bottom Eren Yeager, Ereri AU Week, Ereri Week, F/F, F/M, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Letters, Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, M/M, Oral Sex, Protective Mikasa Ackerman, Riren Week, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 108,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28028958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaoYoshikawa/pseuds/NaoYoshikawa
Summary: [Riren AU].Eren Jeager is a noble, intelligent, curious and somewhat rebellious young man. Having moved to Paris from London, his desire to know and learn will lead him to cross the boundary that separates his home from that of Levi Ackerman, a bohemian writer who devotes most of his time to his novel.Two very different personalities, but at the same time on the same wavelength, will they find a way to cultivate and grow what will immediately bind them?TAKEN FROM CHAPTER FIVE."Levi, what is love?" he suddenly asked. "I am in love with the idea of love, and I have read many romantic and poignant stories. Yet I'm not sure I fully know what it means. If I had experienced it, I think I would know. But I haven't, I don't know."
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi/Eren Yeager, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer
Comments: 69
Kudos: 104





	1. 1x1 - Le jardin derrièr le maison

The journey had been long. Eren had ended up falling asleep in the carriage, and when he woke up, he realised he had arrived at his destination. It must have been late morning judging by the sun shining brightly in the sky.  
He rubbed his eyes, then looked at Mikasa, still in a dream world. Then he looked at Mikasa, who was still deep in the world of dreams, and then looked at what would be his new home from now on. It was different from the mansion he had left in London.  
It was smaller and a black gate barred the entrance. Beyond it there must have been a garden, which did not seem too big. But there were many trees, and that was already a good thing.  
Gently he roused Mikasa from her sleep.  
"We have arrived," he whispered.  
The girl slowly opened her eyes, relieved to realise that the journey had finally come to an end.  
The head of the family, Grisha Jeager, and his wife, Carla, had already preceded them and stepped out of the carriage.  
The woman wore a dark blue dress with flounces and held a fan between her fingers.  
"Come on, darlings. Come down," Carla invited them warmly.  
Eren was the first, eager to stretch his legs. He still didn't know how he should feel. He had lived in London for eighteen years and being in a different city was perhaps a little lost.  
He tilted his head to the side and looked at the many windows of his new home. At least it would be bright.  
His sister clung to his arm.  
She too was dressed in a long, ruffled, plum-coloured dress. And she held, in the same way as her mother, a fan.  
"Well... it looks nice," she commented.  
Eren nodded without answering. More than the interior space, he was interested in the outside actually, for what there was to see.  
"Father, you don't mind if Mikasa and I look around a bit, do you?" the boy asked.  
Grisha gave him a stern look.  
"It'll be a while before it's all settled. So you might want to find something else to do."  
Eren mentally cheered, smiling. When the gates were opened, he grabbed his sister by the wrist. Later he had to realise that the green space around the house was much larger than he had imagined. If he looked around, he could see what, to his eyes, seemed almost unexplored territory.  
Excited, Eren walked around the house, while Mikasa followed behind him, more strutting and poised. They had always been different in everything from their personalities to the way they spoke and behaved.  
"Yes!" the boy suddenly exulted. "I knew there was something hidden back here! It's beautiful!"  
"Beautiful" was not exactly the right word. It was just an abandoned back garden, spacious to be sure, but full of weeds. But one thing that also caught his attention was a swing. Perhaps children had once lived there.  
"Eren, you're going to get dirty like that," Mikasa sighed. Her brother, however, puffed out his cheeks, not listening to her. He would have been more comfortable if only he hadn't been wearing that tight jacket and that annoying starched collar that caused him unspeakable itching. Not to mention the velvet trousers, a real torture. But he could put up with the discomfort if it came to playing.  
For although Eren was a man in his own right, in his soul he was still a child with big eyes, ready to see all kinds of wonders. Even in the smallest and most insignificant things, he could see the beauty. His father always told him to stop pursuing silly fantasies, but he never listened. In fact, he was more than convinced that he possessed some sort of gift.  
"Look, there's even some flowers hidden in the weeds. I'm sure, with a little care, this garden could shine again."  
Mikasa did not reply, lifting her gaze. Only then did she notice a wall, not so high in fact, that separated their house from the one next door.  
"Did you see that? We have neighbours."  
Eren stood up, wiping his dirt-stained trousers. He brushed his hands against the mossy wall, then raised his arms.  
"What are you doing?" his sister asked, sternly.  
"I just want to see what's beyond."  
"That's not a good idea. You shouldn't be doing this."  
He rolled his eyes. There were a lot of things he shouldn't have done, but if he listened to every single rule, he would surely freak out, and he didn't want that. So he climbed up, ignoring the fact that he would get his clothes dirty. He finally glimpsed what was beyond the wall.  
"Well? What do you see?"

There too, a huge garden, even bigger than his own, left to itself. The bushes were lush and the trees so tall that sunlight was almost blocked from filtering through the leaves. This gave the place a dark and suffocating appearance. And there was, of course, a house. A quarter the size of his own, plain and with ruined walls. It looked almost abandoned, yet Eren was pretty sure that wasn't the case.  
"I wonder who lives there? Maybe it's a haunted house?"  
"Oh, Eren, stop it, this isn't funny," Mikasa complained, feeling a chill. "Come on, get out of there."  
The boy's irises, however, were busy glimpsing something, any clue that would confirm or not confirm his hypothesis.  
"There, something moved!"  
He lifted himself up, but due to a wrong movement he ended up falling to the ground. Mikasa sighed.  
"See? I told you to get down."  
Eren was wide-eyed at the leaden sky that reminded him so much of where he grew up.  
"Damn, it's going to rain," she muttered.  
That alone could convince Eren to go back into the house. The inside was even better than the outside, the mansion must have been quite old from what he had heard his parents say, dating back to the beginning of the last century, but it had been uninhabited for years before their arrival.  
The boy's room was connected to his sister's. Of course, his belongings were not yet in place, but he was sure that when everything was settled, he would find his room more comfortable.  
At five o'clock tea was served. Lady Jeager had taken a seat in the living room, as it had not been possible to stay outside because of the bad weather. Mikasa sat elegantly next to her, sipping earl grey from the cup.  
"Eren dear, come on, why don't you get up from there?" his mother suggested.  
Her son, in fact, was literally lying on his stomach on the floor, his eyes glued to a book.  
Reading was indeed a passion of his. This would not have been a problem, had it not been for the fact that he loved romance novels unconditionally. And for a young man of his calibre, wasting time on such nonsense was inappropriate.  
"Yes, yes, I'm coming now," he sighed distractedly, moving his legs. He found himself totally absorbed in his reading.

_"Where am I? What am I doing? Why?" She wanted to lift herself up, to lean back, but something huge, something inexorable pushed her head and dragged her back. "Lord, forgive me everything!" she said, feeling the impossibility of the struggle. ___

__He read that sentence with bated breath. Many people didn't understand the fascination hidden behind the words and the emotions they could give.  
"Grisha, would you like some tea as well?"  
Hearing his father's name, Eren looked up. He could see the man's annoyed expression. He would probably have preferred to see his son devote himself to more suitable pastimes, but the truth was that the boy was stubborn, a prisoner of his imaginary and insurmountable perfect world.  
"No, thank you," he said again. "Eren, what have you done to your clothes?"  
The boy rolled his eyes. Perhaps he had better change, but it had completely slipped his mind.  
"I tried to climb and fell."  
"You shouldn't climb."  
"It can be useful to learn how to do certain things," he always had the answer ready. Mikasa then decided to intervene on his behalf.  
"We wanted to see what was beyond the wall in the garden. There's a house, I think it's abandoned, but Eren says not."  
The latter lifted his gaze to study his father's expression.  
"I see. It is better for you young people not to snoop around too much. Sometimes curiosity hurts."  
His son took the hint, but didn't pay too much attention. He knew he wasn't the son everyone wanted. He was the only heir of the family, the one who had to carry the family's honour and good name. If he imagined himself ten years from now, he could not see himself as a composed and boring nobleman. There were too many things to see and do to lock himself in a glass bubble. And his family was always trying to grab him and impose rules on him, though without success.  
That evening Eren slipped between the cotton sheets. Through the large window he could see the moon - fortunately the clouds had cleared - and part of the mysterious garden.  
Curiosity might have hurt, but he was not afraid to suffer.  
He slowly drifted into sleep and thoughts gave way to dreams._ _


	2. 2 - Pétales de rose après le pluie

Now that the sky had returned to a beautiful deep blue, Eren could see the real difference between Paris and London. It rained a lot when he lived in England, not that he had a problem with the rain, except when it came to being outside. That morning, young Jaeager and his father had left their home for the city. The boy had to admit he was quite curious, although that was not what was on his mind. His thoughts were of returning home and satisfying his curiosity. This time he would go further, without Mikasa, who would surely scold him again and again.  
The boulevard de la Madeleine was full and bustling that morning, with carriages, street vendors, men strolling, women with their parasols and children chattering. For what little he was finding himself seeing, Eren had to admit that he didn't mind being there. As usual, his eyes were full of wonder, like a child discovering the world for the first time.  
Grisha looked at his son before stepping out of the carriage, sighing.  
"Eren, perhaps you had better wait here," he told him matter-of-factly. "There's something I need to attend to."  
The boy rolled his eyes, arms folded.  
"I was hoping we could see a bit of the city first."  
"We'll do it later, at most. It'll be quick. Stay here and don't move," Grisha recommended, sternly.  
The boy huffed. Why did his father want him with him if he was going to leave him alone? Besides, he had no intention of staying and getting bored.  
He nervously drummed his fingers on his leg, watching the bustle of the city around him. So, for the umpteenth time, he decided to listen more to his curiosity than to reason and decided to get out of the carriage. After all, a young nobleman like him would have no problem with that. He walked down the main street, letting his eyes wander over the many shops on either side of the street. He recognised the boutiques selling women's clothes, the boulangerie - he was hungry just looking at it - and then a bookshop. As if he had been a child in front of a candy shop, Eren practically clung to the glass. Not that there was any shortage of books in the house, in fact there was even a library in the new house. The problem was that most of the books were boring and uninteresting tomes. Those books he had been able to read he had bought on the sly.  
At this thought he put his hand in his pocket. He never went out with money, only a few coins. At least in his opinion, it was always better to have some on him.  
After mulling it over for a while, he decided that the purchase of another book was absolutely necessary. He loved to get lost in the smell of new pages, even if they were not exactly new pages. They were second-hand books, but all well-kept.  
Eren searched the shelves for a long time, forgetting the passage of time. One title caught his attention: Pride and Prejudice.  
He immediately widened his eyes. That novel had been published many, many years ago, but he had never had a chance to read it. Now that it was in front of him, he could not miss the chance. He bought it and thanked his habit of taking money with him.  
When he came out of the bookstore, Eren was more excited than a kid on Christmas Day. Very gently he took the book out of its envelope, looking at the cover. Obviously it was in French, which he hadn't thought about while buying it. But then he said to himself that this would be a good opportunity to approach the language he was not at all good at, despite having studied it a few years ago.  
As he walked along, he suddenly felt a leg being grabbed. Frightened, he lowered his gaze: a hand had clutched at the fabric of his trousers. Two clear, wide-open eyes looked at him with an exasperated, pleading attitude. It was a boy, probably his age, with blond hair and delicate features, despite his excessive thinness.  
"Please, I'm starving! Mercy, sir, mercy! Do you have anything for me?"  
"Alright, alright, I got it," immediately Eren stuck his hand in his pocket. "It's not much, but I'll gladly give it to you."  
The boy's eyes lit up at seeing that gesture of charity towards him.  
"Do you understand what I'm saying? God bless you, thank you!"  
"Eh? I, yes... you're welcome," Eren smiled uncomfortably. Certainly, some things were the same in all cities, like poverty. His father always warned him to stay away from poor people, saying they were dangerous and caused trouble. He obviously didn't think so.  
Then, suddenly, he remembered the time he had lost.  
"Damn, I've got to go!"  
"Goodbye sir, and thank you!" the blond exclaimed, sincerely grateful.  
Eren retraced his steps, and when he got to the carriage, he sighed to see that his father wasn't there yet. He went back inside, hiding the wrapped book behind his back to avoid detection.  
Grisha returned shortly afterwards. He actually found it strange that his son had just stood there without causing any trouble, but he preferred not to ask questions.  
Afterwards, Eren thanked himself for not listening to him. Because Grisha had obviously chosen to skip her tour of Paris with an excuse and they had returned home.  
This was not a bad thing, however, quite the opposite. After carefully storing his new purchase, Eren disappeared before Mikasa could catch up with him.  
He went behind the house. He was pleased to see that the gardener had already started to pull out the weeds, probably on orders from his sister or mother. But that was not what interested him at the moment. He was more than certain that this apparently abandoned house was the home of thrilling secrets. He took off his jacket and folded it up, laying it on the grass and remaining with his shirt, the first two buttons of which he unbuttoned. He sighed and then climbed up. At the top, he looked ahead. It was indeed not a very reassuring view, and he almost thought again about the "ghosts" question. But then he shook his head, he was no longer a child, it was absurd to be afraid of such things.  
Taking care not to scratch himself, he gently slid down. He wiped the dirt from his shirt and started walking. The grass was so tall that he could not walk properly. He reached the modest house and approached one of the windows. When he saw what was inside, he realised that his assumptions were correct. Someone really did live there. And who knows if that someone was home? Maybe he could try knocking...  
"Qui-es tu?!"  
Eren felt his heart almost jump out of his chest, probably because he hadn't expected to hear a voice behind him. He slowly turned around until he spotted the figure of a tall, blond man with an austere expression.  
As long as it was a matter of understanding another language, it was easy. But when it came to speaking, it was a little different.  
"Je... I... that is... Man, this is bad," he muttered.  
"I get it, you're not from here," said the other with folded arms, in a tone that was not at all polite. "Then I'll ask you again: who are you? And what are you doing here?"  
"I... my name is Eren Jaeger and I live in the house next door!" he said quickly.  
"You are indeed well-dressed, but you look more like a petty thief looking for trouble than anything else!"  
The boy could not have retorted, he had been caught in an uncomfortable situation.  
"I'm not a petty thief, I just wanted to see who lived here. Do you live here...? You?" he asked arching an eyebrow.  
"No, but the person who lives there wouldn't be happy to see you at all. You'd better leave. Now."  
The guy didn't have a friendly expression. And, on the other hand, Eren didn't want to go through the trouble. So he turned his back on him, clenching his fists.  
Human beings tended to always be attracted to what was most distant and forbidden. By that same logic, Eren would return the next day.  
And the next day, it rained again. Almost a storm, but that wouldn't stop Eren, who simply hoped not to meet the guy from the day before. Since he didn't live there, who was he? Maybe he really was a thief, that would have been the logical thing to do. If she found him there again, she would give him a piece of her mind.  
In the early afternoon, both his parents were busy, so no one would give him any trouble. Obviously, Mikasa was weirded out by the fact that her brother wanted to go out at all costs even in the rain.  
"But what are you going to do?"  
"Huh? Nothing," he lied.  
"Then I'll go with you."  
"No! No, really, it's not necessary. I... I'm going to check if the flower seeds they planted are already growing!"  
"What? What are you talking about? Eren, wait!"  
Mikasa made to go after him, but due to the persistent rain, she couldn't take another step outside.  
Eren, for his part, wasn't even feeling the cold or discomfort of being wet. Of course, climbing in those conditions would be dangerous, his clothes would be ruined for the umpteenth time, but these were minor trifles.  
"Okay. Now we'll see who's the petty thief or not," he said to himself.  
Once again, he climbed to the top with a great effort. Then he raised his head. He did not expect to see anything much, which is why he was later surprised to see a totally new figure.  
A man stood with his face turned upwards and his expression almost blank, his eyes glassy. And he stood motionless, totally undisturbed, as if waiting for something. His white shirt was soaked and open on his chest, his hair, longer in the front, fell over his face like ebony on snow.  
It was at that moment that Eren totally lost the ability to speak. The silhouette was more like a mirage than reality, so much so that for a moment he was convinced he was imagining it. Who was that man? What was he doing? Was he really there? Or was his mind wandering elsewhere?  
His heart began to beat so fast it hurt. And he felt so small and helpless, without understanding why. He wanted to get her attention and at the same time he wanted to stay there forever and watch her. He wanted to come closer and stay there, without moving.  
What was that dismay that was taking place inside him? Was it the consequence of being near a soul that was probably, he did not know in what way, similar to his own?  
Eren swallowed heavily, trying to settle himself better on the wall. Because of the rain, however, he slipped, making a noise. In that moment, the man stopped looking at the sky and turned around, but he couldn't see him.  
The boy had in fact disappeared in time. Now, with his back against the rock and moss, Eren was trying to breathe normally again. He massaged his chest.  
It had almost been a mystical experience. Surely that had to be the person who lived there, in that corner, seemingly so forgotten by everything and everyone. And he had been totally enraptured and intrigued.  
With his heart still in his throat, he went back inside the house with a strangely dreamy expression, which is why Mikasa was worried when he returned home.  
"Eren! Eren? Are you alright? But what did you do?"  
"Huh? Nothing. The rain isn't bad at all, is it?" she whispered. His sister didn't understand. But she noticed the strange light in his eyes anyway.  
When evening came, Eren crawled between the sheets but couldn't get to sleep. Probably because every time he closed his eyes, her image appeared in front of him, causing him to wince violently.  
His soul was shaken. And his curiosity, instead of subsiding, had only increased. He felt he wanted to know everything about the man whose melancholy beauty had struck him. He sat down. Then he lit a candle.  
There would have been nothing strange in going up to him and introducing himself; after all, they were neighbours too. But the thought of having to talk to him made him nervous.  
And that had never happened.  
But, at the same time, Eren had never been good at sitting on his hands. He had a visceral need to know; he had the feeling that he and the man would have a lot to talk about.  
He opened one of the drawers of the bedside table and then went to sit at his wooden desk. He placed the candle there, looking at the paper he had retrieved a moment before.  
Sometimes it was easier to express oneself in writing than in words. But what kind of letter should he write to someone whose name he did not even know?  
He dipped his nib into the ink, keeping his arm suspended for a few moments. As if that were not enough, he also had to make an effort to write in French. He would surely be at it all night, but it didn't really matter. It was necessary to find the perfect words to express himself without sounding like a madman or depraved.  
He sighed deeply and bent over the paper.  
Before he knew it, it was dawn. Eren hadn't written much, but perhaps a few words would have been better than a rambling rant.  
He reread what he had written for the tenth time:  
_"Hello,  
I am sending you this letter to introduce myself. My name is Eren Jaeager and I have just moved in next door. I saw you yesterday, but I didn't want to go near you. You seemed so absorbed. Would it be too indiscreet to ask what you were doing?  
I hope we can soon meet in person.  
Sincerely, E.J.". _  
Too formal? Too confidential?  
Until the very end, Eren didn't feel sure, but sleep prevailed. So he stuffed the letter in his envelope and allowed himself a few hours' rest, the candle's candle having been completely consumed.  
He woke up about four hours later. After he was fully dressed and perfumed, Eren was able to leave before he ran into any of his family.  
The air still smelled like rain.  
Besides, climbing over the wall was getting easier and easier. He sincerely hoped he wouldn't run into him at that juncture, it would be too embarrassing.  
She walked around the house and finally agreed that it would be better to leave the letter under his door.  
And so he did. He approached him timidly and with circumspection. He bent down and let the envelope slip underneath. But Eren knew it would not end there. Now came the most terrible part, the waiting.  
Would he ever answer him? Would she ignore him?  
Had he done the right thing?  
There were so many questions he was asking himself, questions that no one could answer. Absolutely no one was to know about his initiative; his family would surely tell him it was inappropriate. However, his impatience was palpable, as was his nervousness. And pretending not to be uneasy in front of his parents was difficult enough, for the simple fact that Eren was as clear as water. It was awfully easy to see what he was feeling, just by looking at his face. Mikasa was one of the best at understanding. For the past few days her brother had had a gleam in his eye that she couldn't explain. And he was quivering and reading absent-mindedly, which was never usually the case, knowing the visceral attention he paid to reading. He smiled nervously and rubbed his hands together, waiting for something.  
A day passed, two days passed, and both days Eren had returned to the wall that marked the boundary between the two gardens, hoping to find an answer. He searched carefully and everywhere, behind and in front, in every little cove. What if the wind had carried it away? It was a consideration he had not made, and for that he mentally called himself stupid. Dejected, the boy returned home.  
On the third day, something finally changed.  
It was a beautiful, sunny day and Eren approached the wall in a low mood. He felt so stupid. Sending a secret letter to a man who didn't even know him, what had gone through his mind? Perhaps it would have been better if he had not received a reply at all, he would have avoided an embarrassment.  
When he looked down, the flow of his thoughts was interrupted. Tucked into one of the indentations was what looked like parchment. Or, at least, it was a sheet of paper rolled up like parchment. And then he forgot everything he had thought up to that moment. He immediately picked it up and opened it. As he did so, red rose petals fell to the ground. This surprised him and caused him to smile. The paper smelled good and the handwriting was really elegant.  
Impatient, he read:  
_"My goodness, your French is really terrible. I hope you can speak English, and I say hope because otherwise I would have wasted time and ink unnecessarily. I actually felt quite watched. You ask me what I was doing in the rain?  
What do you think I was doing? Maybe I was waiting...  
And it's not polite to stare at people anyway. Next time come and talk to me. I don't look exactly reassuring, but I don't bite.  
Greetings,  
Levi Ackerman." _  
Eren didn't even notice the austere tone of the letter. At that moment his heart began to beat. Strong, just like the first time he had seen him. He read his name in a low voice.  
Levi.  
Magnificent. Truly magnificent. He had to answer now.____


	3. 3 - La réunion

Mikasa had just put on a beige dress that was simpler and more comfortable than the ones she was used to wearing. Her parents were not at home and the girl had taken refuge in her room. Without thinking too much about it, she had decided to join her brother's. It had been a whole morning that Eren had been shut in there, sitting at his desk with his pen in his hand. He always wasted endless minutes, even hours, trying to find the right words. Luckily for him, he had managed to get something down.  
 _It is a pleasure to know your name, Mr Levi Ackerman. I apologise for my bad French, I have never been much of a language person. In any case, I have no idea what you were doing, which is why I asked. You suggested you were waiting. Waiting for what? _  
Eren gasped when he felt Mikasa's presence behind him.  
"Eren."  
"Huh? Mikasa? What is it?" he asked nervously. He didn't want his sister or anyone else to see what he was doing.  
"You've been locked in here all morning, maybe you're not feeling well?"  
"I'm fine, don't worry," he tried to reassure her.  
Mikasa wanted to satisfy her curiosity though. So, with her hands behind her back, she walked over to the desk.  
"A letter?"  
"No! Damn it, don't look!"  
"Come on, there's no need to get so worked up, there's nothing wrong with it. Is it for a girl? That's surprising, I knew about your romantic nature, but even this...."  
Eren narrowed his eyes. He would have loved to cover the paper with one hand, but doing so would have smeared ink all over it.  
"It's not for a girl. It's nothing at all, really!"  
Mikasa bowed her head to the side, looking at him seriously.  
"Eren... you've been weird lately. More than usual actually. You're always keeping to yourself, and I get the feeling that something has changed."  
Obviously, the boy had been found out because of his mannerisms. He wouldn't have any excuses to make, not credible excuses at least. Perhaps he could have told Mikasa. No matter how hard she tried to keep him grounded in reality, she certainly wouldn't misjudge him.  
Or so he hoped.  
He sat down, stiffly, in the chair.  
"Mikasa, I found out who lives in that house." She blinked. Who knows why she wasn't surprised at all.  
"Oh, I see. And who is it?"  
Eren lowered his voice, though there was no one there but them. From the first moment, that had been her secret, an extremely precious secret, which she kept in a corner of her heart.  
"His name is Levi Ackerman. I know practically nothing about him, I'm not even sure he knows what I look like. I've only seen him once, stunned as he looked up at the sky and the rain soaked him. I watched him for what seemed like centuries, when it was nothing more than a few moments. I wrote him a letter and he answered me. Now I am looking for the right words to write again, but it is not easy. How can I express on paper everything I am feeling? My curiosity is great. The moment I saw him, I felt something. I had the impression that I was looking at a lonely soul, a soul similar to my own and yet different. Is it possible to experience this?  
If she had not been so surprised by the previous answer, this time Mikasa found herself with nothing to say. Perhaps it was because of the excessive glitter in her brother's eyes, eyes now as bright as stars. Perhaps it was the way he sang the praises of someone he didn't even know. Eren seemed enraptured, bewitched.  
She sighed.  
"As usual, you tend to exaggerate and get excited over nothing. I'm sure he is a very normal person.  
"That's part of beauty. Just please don't tell our parents. Our father in particular would not be happy to know that his precious heir spends his days exchanging letters with another man. Inappropriate, so he would call it. Can you do that for me?"  
"All right, Eren, all right. But don't get yourself into trouble."  
He didn't understand what she meant by trouble, but he didn't really give those words too much weight either. People around him were always reaching out to grab him and drag him away from his perfect world of beauty and magic. A world that Levi had already entered at first glance, without even knowing it.  
Eren looked at the paper. Then he picked up the nib again.  
 _Many times I have searched with my eyes for a silhouette in that dark garden, but I could not find you before the other day. Are you a spirit? A figment of my imagination? I await your reply.  
Sincerely, E.J. _  
He waited for the ink to dry. Then he would climb over the wall again to deliver it.____

_____There is no need to call me "you", I have never liked such formalities. You ask me what I was waiting for? Maybe inspiration.  
Regarding your other question: it would be a real problem if I were a figment of your imagination, because that would mean you were completely mad. However, I assure you, I do exist. But I am elusive, alas, I realise that. I have a busy life. I live when you sleep, at night. And I let myself fall asleep during the day. Only sometimes. Sleep is optional for me. But, as you have also seen, it is not impossible to see me. If you do not fear me, speak to me. _  
L.A.__ _ _ _ _

______This time Eren had found a blue ribbon wrapping the parchment. When he untied it, once again rose petals fell on the floor of his room. He smiled as he read the answer. And immediately he felt like writing again._ _ _ _ _ _

_______"I find it very difficult to call someone I don't know by their first name, and I don't want to appear disrespectful.  
Inspiration? Are you an artist?.  
I'll certainly talk to you next time, don't worry.  
E.J. ____ _ _ _ _ _

_________An artist? Yes, that's actually what I am. Or at least that's what I consider myself. All right, I'll hold you to that. _  
L.A.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Sure, it was a rather strange thing. It would have been easy to see it, they were neighbours after all. Yet there was a certain magic in that waiting, in that talking without seeing each other. Eren was probably dreaming too much, it felt more like a romance novel than reality.  
But he appreciated it. It made his newfound relationship with Levi special. A relationship he felt he wanted to protect and cherish. He didn't know why, it was a feeling, and his feelings were rarely wrong.  
The boy's mood had now changed again. It was more serene, peaceful, light. He enjoyed talking to the man, even if it was only a few simple lines. His curiosity grew more and more, and getting to know him was slowly becoming interesting.  
With each letter came rose petals. The rose petals fell on the floor. Eren collected them and kept them in his drawer. Every time he opened the drawer, it gave off a beautiful scent, even though the petals were drying out days later._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Levi, what are those petals you send me every time?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________It's my way of personalising letters. I think it's elegant. Does it bother you?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________I don't mind at all. I think it's a brilliant idea. It's funny, Levi. I'm curious about you, but at the same time I'm afraid that if I take one step too far, it'll break the magic that's been created. What am I gonna say when I see you?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________You're too much trouble. Tell me what you want, if you feel like it. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Indeed, Eren could not help but be surprised. He had never been shy or insecure, quite the opposite. Perhaps the man was a little intimidating. He clapped his hands on the desk and looked up at the sky. Spring seemed a little uncertain this year. But on the positive side, the flowers in the garden were finally growing. He recognised the tulips and lilies. For the roses it was probably still early. He pulled back the curtain and looked at the garden next door.  
Levi escaped.  
Finding him was really difficult. They had been sending each other short letters for a week now and, despite the boy's fear of spoiling everything, curiosity was pressing on one side. However, he would have to leave him his letter, so he had to leave the house.  
So, as he did every day, he climbed over the wall, making his way through the ever-growing plants and shrubs and the branches that scratched his ankles.  
He reached the door, but this time hesitating. I wondered if he was home. No, it would probably have disturbed him; it was better not to get any strange ideas in his head.  
Leave the letter and then go. He made to duck down, and at that very moment heard a creak from behind the door. The door opened a few moments later and Levi appeared.  
The man didn't seem surprised to see him, or rather, Eren couldn't tell. His eyes were tired and his expression serious. One thing he noticed immediately was his height. Levi was much shorter than he had imagined, much taller than he was. He was dressed exactly as he had been the last time he had seen him, only this time his shirt was buttoned almost to the collar and he was wearing braces, one of which was loose along the side.  
The boy had the impression that his heart had stopped. He had not been prepared for this; in his mind he had planned and studied every detail of such a moment, and had not expected it to happen so... suddenly. Levi watched him for a few moments in a way that Eren could not interpret. He felt bewildered, quite in awe actually, but also incredibly fascinated.  
"L-Levi?" he stammered.  
The man himself rubbed his head, his expression like someone who had just woken up.  
"I finally get to meet you, Eren. You're different from what I imagined."  
He wanted to say something, to make a good impression. But he seemed to have totally lost the ability to speak. She held out her arms and handed him the letter.  
"Here, it's yours," he whispered with his gaze down, glued to the ground. He would have stayed looking at it for hours, but at that moment he didn't have the courage to even meet her gaze.  
"Ah, thank you," Levi replied, taking the letter from her hand.  
"I now... now I must go It's been a pleasure!" he took his leave quickly before saying something tremendously stupid.  
Levi didn't actually move, not even when Eren had turned his back to him. His expression didn't change either, he simply watched the figure of the young man disappear into the trees.  
A fool. That's how Eren felt. What was he thinking, running away like that? It was the behaviour of an immature girl, but he was a grown man. Or at least physically he was. Because inside he felt an exaggerated embarrassment and heartbeat. He'd never had any trouble bonding with anyone his own age or with anyone older or of a higher status. But Levi was beyond that. Without knowing it, he was in awe of him, which is why he had run away, afraid that he might make an even worse impression than the one he had already made. Eren climbed over the wall and then let himself slide onto the grass, tired, out of breath. He felt he had shattered any chance he had of getting close to the man. What would he have thought? Would she get the wrong idea?  
How many problems! And he really didn't understand why he necessarily had to think about it so much. Maybe Mikasa was right, that he was a person like any other. But it had an unsettling effect on him.  
He lifted himself off the ground, trying to regain a composure that had now been lost. He would not have been surprised if Levi had stopped writing to him. It was exactly what he deserved.  
He sighed despondently. He could only hope he was wrong.  
In the evening, young Jaeger was rather quiet at the table. Not that he usually conversed much, but it was clear that this time the silence was the consequence of a bad mood. Mikasa, now complicit, tried to imagine what the problem might be.  
Carla cleared her throat, then turned to her husband to try to break the heavy silence.  
"Darling, wasn't there an announcement you had to make?"  
"An announcement...?" asked Mikasa.  
Grisha wiped his mouth with her napkin, then pointed her eyes at his daughter.  
"A while ago I went into town to see the Kirschteins. Do you remember them? They came to visit us once when we were still living in London."  
She nodded, immediately sensing where this was going.  
"As you well then know, they have a son not much older than you. We have come to an agreement and decided that you will be joined in marriage. They are a prestigious and wealthy family, and Jean will be a good match for you."  
Eren dropped the spoon from his hand. It landed on the table with a loud thud. He had seen Jean Kirschtein half a time and had immediately taken a dislike to him. He had found him arrogant and unbearable. Obviously, his father must have seen in him everything he would never be: strong, mature, serious. And so he had thought of sticking him to his daughter in a marriage of convenience.  
"Isn't that great?" Carla then said. "Such a marriage will bring many advantages... especially for you, Mikasa dear."  
The boy looked at his sister, who as always had an indifferent and serious expression. Although those were their family's customs and traditions, there were things Eren could not accept...  
"I understand, father," she replied quietly. "Thank you for thinking of my future. I will gladly be united in marriage with the heir to the Kirschtein family."  
"Very well. I have invited them here the day after tomorrow, so you can get to know each other.."  
Young Jaeager would have wanted to slump down on the table. He hated that kind of thing; how could Mikasa be so patronising? It was also true that a woman could only obey... but he thought differently.  
After dinner, the boy joined his sister in her room. Mikasa was in the process of going to sleep, but she would be long gone.  
"Are you seriously okay with marrying someone you don't even love?", Eren exclaimed with his hands resting on his hips.  
"Do I perhaps have a choice?"  
"Well... I don't know! What if you fell in love with someone else? Would you put your duties ahead of your feelings?"  
"Yes, since that's what we were taught. Your problem is that you read too many love stories. A time like that will come for you too."  
"Umh. When that time comes, I will run away. The only person I will spend the rest of my life with is the person I love."  
"Eren, this isn't a novel, this is real life."  
He huffed with folded arms. It was true, he read a lot of love stories and very often travelled with his imagination. But what was wrong with that?  
He loved the idea of love and dreamed of falling in love. Whether with a man or a woman, it didn't matter. These were thoughts he had never revealed to anyone, the world around him would not understand. Nor would they understand the turmoil that wracked his soul whenever he found himself thinking about Levi. Many would have been ill-thinking, but he did not care. He couldn't let his agitation ruin everything. He and the man were destined for a confrontation.  
He wanted to know more, what he did, what he thought, how he acted - he wanted to know everything.  
So soon, Mikasa's problems were outweighed by his own. He had to go back there. Take courage and stop panicking. Having confidence - or even pretending to have it - was necessary.  
He spent the night tossing and turning in bed with too much anxiety. He woke up when the sun had just risen and waited impatiently for the time to come out. He had no idea whether or not Levi was home; the last time had been a coincidence.  
He mentally ordered himself to remain calm and not to listen to his instincts. He deftly climbed the wall - he had become quite good at it by now - and reached the top. His eyes widened in surprise.  
Levi was sitting comfortably in front of the door, on the ground - more like slumped over, eyes half-closed - and smoking with a relaxed expression. Once again the younger man seemed to be entranced by the sight of him.   
He felt like smiling. He looked like a figure trapped in a painting.  
The man shifted his gaze, resting it on the boy. And then he moved a hand in greeting.  
He was waving at him.  
"Ah! G-good morning! How are you doing?" asked Eren in a sharper tone than normal.  
"I'm not complaining. I was going to go and answer the letter you gave me yesterday... before you ran away."  
The other swallowed heavily, lowering his gaze.  
"I'm sorry."  
"No need to make that face," Levi stood up slowly, stretching. "I realize I'm not very affable, I have a scary face."  
"Oh, no! That's not why! You don't scare me, really. In fact, you make me curious, there's so much I want to know about you."  
He had opened his mouth and allowed the words to come out without her being able to stop them. Immediately he felt ashamed. Levi arched an eyebrow.  
"No one has ever told me that. If you really want to get to know me, then by all means come see me...."  
Eren blinked softly. Was she perhaps inviting him to her house?  
"O-today?"  
"Not today, I have plans. Tomorrow afternoon. Or whenever is most convenient for you."  
"Tomorrow afternoon will be fine!" he exclaimed in one breath. On the same day the Kirschteins would be guests in her house, but that was no problem, she would find a way to escape.  
"All right, then. I'll be waiting for you, Eren Jaeager," he told him finally. The boy smiled at him without even realising it. His heart was still pounding, but it didn't hurt, it simply made him feel more alive. He put his hand on his chest.  
To feel alive was just beautiful._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	4. L'écrivain

His clothes had never been so tight. Eren was itching all over. And he was moving around, rocking, being scolded by his parents.  
He didn't want to be there. But when the time was right, he would find the perfect excuse to escape.  
The strange thing was to see Mikasa extremely quiet. The girl was once again wearing an elegant, light blue dress that made her look more like a doll than a real person. She wore gloves. And flounces everywhere. Stiffly, beside her mother, she waited for the carriage from which her official fiancé and betrothed would emerge.  
Eren huffed, rolling his eyes. He hated those formalities, it was also for that reason that he did not want to submit to the rules.  
It was all boring.  
The Kirschteins arrived at about half past four. Before she knew it, Mikasa found herself standing in front of the man who, theoretically at least, was to become her life partner. Jean had an elegant bearing, he was serious, polite and poised. Although they had met once before, they had never spoken to each other. Eren, on the other hand, had spoken to them, and it had taken him only a short time to realise that they would definitely not get on. He rolled his eyes as the newcomer greeted Mikasa and his parents. Finally he greeted him as well, and Eren tried to be as polite as possible. Together with the boy's parents, the family headed for home.  
Eren was forced to follow them and sit on one of the sofas while the others talked. And talking. And they talked again, with empty words, while the two future spouses stood opposite each other, observing each other without any great interest.  
In addition to all the qualities he had listed earlier, Eren found others: Jean spoke fluent English, French and German, his mother having come from Paris and his father from Germany.  
He always said the right word at the right time. But even that, in his eyes, appeared as something extremely fake. Nobody was really that perfect. But one thing was certain. Jean was not particularly handsome. Levi, for example, was much more so. And after formulating that thought, Eren didn't feel strange. He was natural. And there could be nothing wrong with naturalness.  
Nervously, he looked at the grandfather clock above the fireplace. Five o'clock already. Levi wasn't going to wait for him all afternoon. He had to go, and he had to go now. He stood up, clearing his throat.  
"Sorry to interrupt. Mother, perhaps Lady Kirschtein would like a bouquet of lilies. There are so many growing in our garden."  
"Why, dear boy, you are very kind," replied the woman, her hair a wheat-blonde and an elegant hat on her head.  
"That's a very nice idea," Carla asserted. "Can we ask the servants to..."  
"There's no need for that! I'll go! It's a real pleasure for me. Don't get up, I'll do it right away!" she tried to sound as natural as possible as she said this. And he must have succeeded, since nobody protested. Mikasa imagined his true intentions.

With his heart in his throat, Eren escaped from the prison. He found himself in Levi's garden without even realising it. He hadn't bothered to fix his clothes or hair, it hadn't even occurred to him. With an agitated manner he had simply arrived at the door and knocked.  
A few moments passed before Levi opened the door. The latter held a cup in his hand.  
"Eren, I see you finally came. You're just in time, I was making tea. Have a seat."  
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "Yes, I'll take a seat!"  
His enthusiasm was perhaps misplaced.  
"But take off your shoes first, I don't want you to dirty my floor."  
The younger man was surprised by this request, but in the end he obeyed anyway, too eager to follow him into the house.  
The interior of the house was different from what he had imagined. He had thought he would find an unimaginable mess and ruined walls, but nothing like that. There was little furniture, quite old in fact. There were two main rooms. One was a kitchen, very spartan. The objects that impressed him most were a kettle, a wooden chair, a small table and a seedling in the middle of the table. The other room was completely different. The walls were not white, but an almost scarlet red. There was a carpet on the floor, a small sofa and in front of it a low table with stacks and stacks of papers perfectly arranged one on top of the other. In one corner there was a desk. And more papers. Everything was simple, but extremely tidy. And it smelled good.  
"Nice..." the boy murmured.  
"It's essential," Levi replied, approaching the kettle and pouring water into one of the two cups. Then he approached his guest and handed it to him. He thanked him. Now that he was there, he felt strangely less agitated.  
"Well, Eren?", Levi then said. "At last you can satisfy your curiosity. And, besides, I too am curious as to why a perfectly normal person like me has aroused your interest."  
Again he had been direct. Eren tried hard not to wince, both at the fact that his tea was bitter and the fact that he was finding himself drinking it standing up.  
"I don't think it's something that can be explained. It was a bit like a stroke of lightning. I saw you standing there in the rain and then I thought.... This soul is similar to mine."  
"You speak well for your age. You're even younger than I expected."  
"I'm eighteen. How old are you?"  
"I can tell you I'm over thirty. But it doesn't matter. Age is a state of mind," Levi took one last sip. Then, without another word, he took the cup from Eren's hands, who gaped. The man walked away and rested the two cups in the sink, then returned and leaned against the doorframe, watching him.  
"You know, I generally don't like company. People annoy me. And despite the fact that you're nothing more than a kid, you seem pretty bright and intelligent. I can tell that by looking at you. And looking at you I can see that you are noble. No wonder, who would be able to live in a house like the one next to mine if not a very rich person?"  
"Huh? Yes, it's true, but that doesn't matter. I don't feel like a nobleman, or at least, I don't exactly reflect the ideals of the classic heir to a wealthy family. You know... climbing, exploring..."  
"Spying on a man..."  
"I wasn't spying on you, I was admiring you."  
His cheeks turned red. Levi always had the right answer at the right time. He looked around, feeling more than a little embarrassed.  
"I still haven't figured out what you do for a living. I understand that you are an artist, but what kind of artist?"  
Levi let out a sigh, then walked over to the couch and sat down on it.  
"I am a writer."  
That simple sentence was enough to scupper all of Eren's attempts at maintaining self-control.  
"You're a writer? Oh my god! What have you written? What genre? I love books and...!"  
The man waved him off. Then he ran a hand through his hair.  
"Of course you're easily aroused."  
The other smiled embarrassed.  
"I beg your pardon."  
"Ah, whatever, I haven't posted anything yet. If you must know I'm going through a black period. That's why I'm looking for inspiration. A romance novel doesn't write itself."  
"Romance novel?" the boy had only needed that one word to swoon. "I'm a big reader of romance novels, I just finished Anna Karenina and loved it. I mean, passion, betrayal, intrigue, secrets, how can I not get hooked?"  
Levi blinked a few times. But was that really a young man in front of him? Or was it a young girl in a disguise?  
"All right, but curb your enthusiasm. You don't want me to think you're an expert."  
Eren puffed out his cheeks.  
"Well, an opinion from me might come in handy."  
"And what makes you think I need your opinion?" there was no malice in Levi's tone. It was rather a tone of defiance, something that amused him greatly. In the end he had been right. He and the man were different, extremely different. But in some ways they were even similar.  
"I don't know, it's a certainty I have," he replied slyly  
"Oh, what a stubborn little boy," he rolled her eyes. "At least you're from a good family and not a delinquent."  
At that moment Eren's mind was crossed by a thought, nay, a memory.  
"Oh, right, about that! There's something I forgot to tell you! The first time I entered your garden, a person stopped me. He said he didn't live here. He scared me and I ran away. Maybe he was a thief. Did he steal something from you? Did he ever come back?"  
"... A thief?", Levi looked visibly confused.  
The conversation between the two was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and then closing. At that point, a figure that was more than familiar to Eren stepped forward. It was the same person who had warned him to leave and not to come back and look around the property.  
"Levi, I didn't think you had guests."  
"That's him! He's the thief!" the young man immediately pointed a finger at him.  
"The thief? Wait a minute, I know you, you're that kid! You even invited him to your house in the end?"  
The writer shrugged.  
"So what? You're always in my house."  
"Wait a minute! Do you know each other?"  
"Erwin is a friend of mine. And he's a painter, if you must know."  
Eren wanted to say something, maybe apologize for accusing someone of being a thief, but he felt so embarrassed that he couldn't get a word in edgewise.  
"Come on, don't make that face. I'm not offended," Erwin reassured him. "So you've moved on from love letters to actual dating?"  
"L-love letters...?" stammered Eren.  
"Erwin, please. Rather, why don't you go and improve your technique with watercolours? I think that would be necessary."  
His friend grimaced, but refrained from answering. As he appeared, he took his leave, leaving the two alone. The younger man's cheeks were still flushed from the previous sentence. Theirs were not love letters, although he could see that it was a very equivocal situation.  
Levi clicked his tongue.  
"I beg your pardon, Erwin sometimes speaks without thinking. He always stays with me, you know, between artists we understand each other," he said in a much more reassuring tone. Eren had to smile. He thought he was doing well, he was sure there was much to discover. He was fascinated, attracted, even if he had to admit to himself that he still felt a little in awe.  
He stopped smiling when he remembered his family, who must surely have wondered where he'd ended up.  
"Damn. I have to go now. Unfortunately my parents are waiting for me, they don't know I'm here. We... will we be able to see each other again?"  
Once again, Levi shrugged.  
"If you want to, I don't see what the problem is. Maybe you'll be useful in getting me through writer's block."  
The boy tried not to cheer. He enjoyed being with him and looked forward to the next time. He wanted to know and know more.

Mikasa was sitting perfectly still, but her head was somewhere else. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Eren's had been nothing more than an excuse. He was probably up to something. And that something included the man named Levi.  
He was no longer even paying attention to the chatter of his family, who were in the process of agreeing with Jean's parents on the most suitable date for the wedding.  
Her betrothed, on the other hand, was silent. He was observing her without making a sound, which made Mikasa feel rather uncomfortable. So far she had not expressed an opinion. The only thing she could do was keep quiet and acquiesce, just as any good woman should. And perhaps she should have thanked the heavens for the chance she had been given.  
"Mikasa dear, why don't you and Jean go for a walk in the garden?" suggested Carla. "I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about."  
The girl blinked. The idea of engaging in conversation with this guy made her nervous. She had never been one for words, and was afraid of being rude. But she gladly accepted.  
So the two young people went into the garden behind the house, always watched by the numerous servants. Mikasa kept her gaze down and slowly moved her fan to get some air. She was looking at the rosebuds that had finally decided to emerge. In a few weeks time, they would have fully bloomed.  
"Your brother's been missing for a while, don't you think?"  
She lifted her gaze. Jean had just asked her a question.  
"Yes, indeed he has - he'll be around somewhere. He has a much more adventurous nature than I do. As for me, I prefer to keep to myself."  
"Shyness is usually a thing with women. What do you think about the wedding our families are planning?"  
That was an uncomfortable question. Mikasa's agitation was palpable from the moment she had taken to moving her fan faster.  
"I can only be grateful to my family. I don't know if you know this, but the Jaegers adopted me and care for me as if I were their biological daughter."  
"So that's just why you willingly accept? Out of gratitude?"  
The girl shrugged.  
"What are you trying to tell me?"  
Jean sighed, she had an incredibly hard look on his face for a young man his age.  
"There are rules we all have to abide by. For society, for morality, for the eye of the people. It's sad, isn't it? Like a prison, only bigger and without bars. But there is no choice.  
Mikasa admitted that she was impressed by the way he spoke. There was a certain melancholy in his words, a sadness in his eyes that she just couldn't explain.  
When she thought better of elaborating, Eren emerged from behind the wall, his clothes already dirty and ruined.  
"Ah, Mikasa! And... ah, you," he huffed.  
"Lord Eren?" asked Jean. "I thought you were going to pick flowers for my mother."  
"And indeed I am picking them now, Lord Jean," he said venomously, bending down and plucking some lilies. "I see you were talking. Indeed, you must make the most of it while you can, I imagine you don't have much time before the wedding."  
"Eren..." his sister called back under her breath. Sooner or later, his habit of saying things bluntly would turn against him.

When evening came, Eren found himself snug in his bed, sighing dreamily. It had undoubtedly been a great day, he had gotten to know Levi better. A writer. Surely he must have been a deep and sensitive person; one could not be a writer without, at the same time, possessing great depth of soul. Speaking of books, he remembered the novel he had bought some time before and had not yet read. Perhaps reading it would give him some ideas to give Levi. The latter seemed to have placed a certain amount of trust in him, or so he liked to think.  
The idea that he could be his inspiration made his heart quiver.  
He lifted his head and saw Mikasa enter his room with her arms folded. Judging by her expression, a lecture was on its way.  
"You embarrassed me today," she proffered.  
"Why? All I did was tell the truth."  
"Why don't you want me to marry Jean?"  
"It's not that. Him or someone else wouldn't change anything, it's about having to marry for convenience that I don't like. Love is more important."  
"I can't understand what you mean. After all, I've never loved."  
Eren rolled his eyes. Even trying to carry on that conversation would be pointless, so he thought better of changing the subject.  
"Rather, I went to Levi's house today. But do you know he's a writer? He's writing a romance novel, do you realise? So, perhaps it was destiny for us to meet."  
The way her brother talked about Levi never left her indifferent. An admiration was brewing in Eren that could easily have blossomed into a dangerous feeling.  
"Eren, please don't get too attached to him. If you want to establish a good friendship with him, then fine. But don't go too far..."  
"It will be what it will be, I'm not the one who decides," he stated annoyed, almost in a tone of defiance.  
The girl was well aware of her brother's thinking. For him, love was a pure feeling that transcended everything, gender, social class and so on.  
At one time she had thought so too. But the reality was different. The reality was cruel.  
And she didn't want it to be the same for Eren. At least he had to save himself from the pain.


	5. 5 - C'est quoi l'amour?

When Eren awoke, his sweet dream faded. He opened his eyes with the echo of Levi's voice in his ears, an echo that was slowly disappearing like the darkness at dawn.  
He felt in a very good mood. He had no idea why she had dreamt it, let alone what specifically he had dreamt. All he knew was that he was there, very close to his mind and very close to his heart. The words of his sister Mikasa came back to him. She must have sensed something he was jealously trying to guard. The admiration, but also the attraction, not only physical and mental, that he was finding himself feeling for this man.  
He found himself in the grip of a lightness of heart that prevented him from thinking about what the consequences would be. Consequences for what, then? This was a hidden and certainly one-way attraction. Like in a good romance novel, Eren would find himself loving someone without their knowledge.  
He had already convinced himself of this, but it was fine. Having him by his side, enjoying his words and his attractive intellect, would be enough.  
Mikasa was already perfectly dressed and combed when he came into his room.  
"Oh, Eren. Are you still in bed?"  
"I was having a nice dream. Too bad I woke up afterwards."  
She sighed, trying to deflect the conversation.  
"I'm going with our mother to the city. Would you like to come?"  
Immediately the boy's eyes lit up. He hadn't been to the centre of Paris in a while, which was a shame. He was in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and he had yet to see much of anything.  
"I will come very willingly!" he exclaimed, lifting the covers.  
After about an hour, the two brothers and their mother were in the carriage that would take them into the city. When they arrived at the boulevard de Capucines, Eren stuck his head out and began to observe the various carriages that passed by and the numerous shops. It was likely that Carla and Mikasa would stop at some of the boutiques to buy clothes and hats. The two women had been attracted by the delicate, pinkish colours of some of the party dresses and had gone in without a second thought. Eren, on the other hand, preferred to wait for them outside. If only he had some money on him, he could have gone in search of some bookshops. His hunger for reading was insatiable, to say the least.  
He was impatiently waiting for his mother and sister to finish their shopping when a hellish racket caught his attention: across the street, there seemed to be a beating between his peers. Normally, a boy of his calibre would have turned away and pretended not to notice. But this wasn't like Eren at all. He couldn't just stand by and pretend nothing had happened, especially when he realised that the group of boys was focused on picking on one person in particular.  
Without a second thought, he crossed the street, even at the risk of being run over by a carriage. He began waving his arms to get their attention.  
"Hey! You, stop!"  
They probably wouldn't have understood him, but as soon as they saw him approach, the battered, dusty-faced kids backed away. All curled up on himself was the very same boy who had stopped him a while back to ask for a handout.  
"Oh. Are you okay?" he asked, leaning over and resting a hand on his shoulder.  
The blond-haired boy looked up. Rather than hurt, he looked simply frightened.  
"Sir! You again! You don't know how happy I am to see you!" he exclaimed with a heart full of joy.  
"Alright, alright. You don't need to call me 'sir', we'll be the same age. Why were those guys beating you up?"  
"They always pick on me. Because I'm fragile and helpless..." he muttered.  
"But that doesn't mean anything! You... Amh, sorry, I forgot to ask your name."  
"My name is Armin Arlet."  
"All right," he smiled. "I'm Eren Jaeger. You shouldn't let them treat you like that, have courage."  
"It sounds easy, but it's not. But it's okay, I'm used to it by now," he sighed, lifting himself up with great effort. "The only bad thing is that those guys stole from me what I had earned during these days. Not that I don't know hunger, but I was hoping to at least get something in my teeth."  
Eren paused to look at Armin's figure. He looked so innocent, but at the same time wise. He was different from him; he knew hardship, hunger, sacrifice.  
"What work do you do?"  
"Whatever I can get. Shoeshine, chimney sweeping, begging... In short, what everyone does".  
What everyone does. Eren didn't think so exactly. It wasn't fair. He had grown up with wealth and comfort, had never known hardship, and he didn't think anyone deserved to live like that. Armin seemed to be a very sensitive and decent boy. If only he could have helped him...  
"Eren, dear! Is he a friend of yours?"  
The boy turned around and saw his mother and sister looking at him curiously. Immediately Armin went to hide behind what he now considered to be his saviour, probably because he felt uncomfortable.  
"Mother! He... yes!" he immediately replied. "He's a friend of mine, his name is Armin!" Carla smiled sweetly, softened by the blond's frightened look.  
"Very nice to meet you, Armin. I am Mrs Carla Jaeger. And this is my daughter Mikasa."  
The woman's gentle tone calmed the boy, who detached himself from Eren. Usually, rich or noble people were never kind to him.  
"Madam, you are truly enchanting."  
"Oh? Why, what a dear boy. Surely you must not be from here if you speak such fluent English. Are you with your family?"  
Armin lowered his gaze.  
"I no longer have a family," he whispered softly, but loud enough to be heard. It was then clearer to Lady Jaeger. She hadn't paid much attention to his tattered clothes and excessive thinness. But now that she was paying attention, she couldn't pretend that nothing had happened.  
"Mother, we can't leave him here," Eren said. The woman seemed to have an idea.  
"Armin... Would you like to come home with us?"

Mikasa watched her mother, her brother and the newcomer with a worried look. Her father was not going to be happy with that decision made by his wife without any consultation.  
"Mother," she whispered. "Are you sure my father...?"  
"Don't worry about that," she gently addressed the blond. "So, Armin. From now on, this will be your home. You will look after Eren and keep him company. Is there any question you want to ask me?"  
Armin was simply speechless. He had never seen such a beautiful and elegant house. And he had the honour of being there, of breathing that air so different from the street air he was used to.  
"This must be a castle," he murmured open-mouthed. Eren tried to hold back a laugh. Surely he and Armin would enjoy each other's company, the company of one of his peers would only do him good. Besides, rather than as one of the servants, he would simply treat him as a friend.  
He looked at the grandfather clock hanging in the living room.  
"Amh, sorry, I'll be right back!" he exclaimed. "I remembered I have to do something."  
"But... but Eren!" his mother tried to stop him, though to no avail. Her son had already disappeared. Smiling, he turned to Armin, who looked, besides being surprised, very bewildered. "Come, dear. I'll show you where you're staying."

He was late. Or was he? After all, he and Levi had not agreed on a precise time to be kept.  
Oh, but who cared. Eren was able to distance himself from everything and everyone when it came to this man, who had an even greater influence on him than he could have imagined.  
He found Levi as sleepy as ever. He had managed to get some rest in the morning, but his sleep had been interrupted by the knowledge that he had to continue his novel. Dealing with writer's block was a real ordeal, especially when there was no way to solve it.  
There was a bin full of crumpled papers containing drafts that the writer had discarded and thrown away. He was now staring at a blank sheet of paper and holding the fountain pen in his fingers. His expression was concentrated and attentive, searching for the right words. He was usually accustomed to absolute silence, but with Eren around it would not be possible to enjoy that privilege.  
"Levi, you think too much," the boy had started, poking around the living room like a child. The other looked up. It was unbelievable how easily the boy said such things. Sometimes he gave the impression of possessing the innocence and impulsiveness of a child.  
"Thinking too much is not my problem," he replied sternly.  
Eren shrugged, observing the maniacal order in which everything had been arranged. Then, out of nowhere, a question crossed his mind.  
"Yeah, I almost forgot. When you sent me letters, you always put rose petals in them. But where did you get them? Roses usually bloom in May."  
"Some of them bloomed under my window," the man replied absent-mindedly, still looking at the paper. He was forced to look away again because of a noise. The young Jaeger had looked out of the window at the blood-red roses that had bloomed in the ground.  
"Wow, how wonderful, they haven't bloomed at my place yet. They are so beautiful”  
"It is not surprising. There are immature flowers that are in a hurry to bloom. But that doesn't make them any less beautiful. Or smell less," he said. Eren looked at him, smiling. He was literally hanging from his lips, everything the man said seemed so wise, so true, pure poetry.  
"Y-yeah... it's true," his smile became shy. "Do you already know what title you're going to give your novel?"  
"Right now, the title is the least of my thoughts," he sighed, settling himself better on the sofa in a messy position, legs crossed and cigarette between his lips. "By the way, since you wanted to help me, answer my question: in a romance novel, what would you like to find?"  
The other assumed a lovely thoughtful expression as he tried to banish certain thoughts. He had to admit that Levi, besides being charming, was charismatic and sensual.  
"'Well... intrigue, secrets, definitely drama. And then a good leading man," he immediately bit his tongue. The man bowed his head to the side.  
"You mean a male lead?"  
He felt stupid. In romance novels, the protagonists were always women who fell in love with men. Many times he had empathised, feeling almost like a protagonist in the very stories he loved so much. Anyone hearing what he was thinking would surely have caught him and locked him up in an asylum. Still, Eren felt he could talk to Levi about that too.  
"Yeah," he rubbed his hands together nervously. "In my head I was thinking... about a male protagonist falling in love with another man. I realise that would be daring too much, though, so let it go."  
Amazingly, Levi seemed interested.  
"If I had been afraid to dare, I would never have given up a normal life to be a writer without glory. You see beyond that, Eren. From someone as young as you... I certainly wouldn't have expected that."  
Was that a compliment? Eren's heart filled with joy. It was important to him to know that Levi didn't just think of him as a noble, rich, and possibly spoiled child.  
He lowered his gaze, rocking slightly.  
"Levi... I know you asked me for help, but now I'd like to ask you for a favour. Are you familiar with the novel Pride and Prejudice?"  
"Who doesn't know it?"  
"Good. Because I bought it and... of course it's in French. I'm not very good at it, so I wanted to ask you if you... I mean, if I could read it with you, so maybe I could improve my pronunciation or something. Is that a problem?"  
The person directly involved ran a hand through his hair, looking bored.  
"Ah, no. I guess not. Besides, you've been very helpful today, so it seems only fair to return the favour."  
"Really?!" she exclaimed with excessive enthusiasm, then recomposed herself. "I mean, I mean... all right then, I won't miss it."  
Levi blew out the smoke from his cigarette, watching him. He'd never seen eyes as green and languid as that boy's.  
He liked those eyes. Green was a good colour, though he would certainly still prefer red.

When Eren returned home, exactly as he had imagined, he found the atmosphere a little tense. His father was not at all happy about his wife's decision to take Armin to work for them, and he had not failed to point this out.  
"How could you make such a decision without consulting me first? Besides, we're talking about a kid who has been living on the streets. He might even be dangerous, he might be a thief. And you offered him room and board!"  
Eren ran a hand through his hair as Mikasa, ignoring the chaos around her, played on the piano.  
"Armin is a friend of Eren's. That's enough for me to be sure he's a good guy. Besides, he'll be working for us, keeping our son company, I certainly couldn't leave him in the middle of a road," Carla replied.  
"Sure, then let's take care of all the orphans in Paris while we're at it, right?" the man then cast a glance at his son. "I hope for your sake that little boy doesn't cause any trouble, otherwise I'll throw him out without a second thought."  
In the end it had just been a rant, nothing more, Eren had expected worse. Shortly afterwards he returned to his room, where he found Armin there, now well dressed and perfumed.  
"Oh, Armin, there you are." The latter bowed to him.  
"Master Eren, I was expecting you."  
"My, you are good," he said. "And there's no need for such formalities."  
"But your family..."  
"When we're alone, just call me by my first name, alright?" he clarified, as he began to rummage through the various drawers.  
"Amh... all right. Now maybe you should take a bath, I'll help you."  
"There's no need, I can do it myself, and then it would be embarrassing," he turned, showing what he had in his hands, which was the various letters Levi had sent him. He had gotten it into his head that he wanted to find a safer place for his treasure.

"Leave it, I'll do it."  
"No, no, no!", Eren stepped back, afraid that the other might peek at something. The only result he achieved was to drop everything on the floor.  
"Oh, no! Forgive me, I'm just hopeless!" made Armin.  
"I'll take care of it, really!" the other almost begged him. But the blond did not listen to him and, lowering his gaze, he soon realised that these were letters.  
"Are they love letters?" he ventured to ask. "Levi? But that doesn't sound like a woman's name..."  
"Boy, you sure do ask a lot of questions, don't you!", Eren blushed. "They're obviously not love letters," he puffed up his cheeks and then lowered his voice. "Levi is my friend. And he lives next door. He's a promising future writer, and I'm helping him with his novel."  
"Oh, that sounds like a really good story," Armin commented, smiling. "I wonder, how come this paper smells like roses?"  
Eren then stood up and motioned for him to approach the drawer that was left open. Inside the drawer were numerous dried petals.  
"With every letter, he sends me petals. I have decided to keep them, I would never throw anything away. I have a favour to ask of you, Armin. Don't mention this friendship of mine with Levi to anyone. Apart from you and Mikasa, no one knows. Sometimes you'll see me disappear, so please don't ask questions. I'm afraid my family, especially my father, might think I'm bad, considering my character... well, different from the other boys.  
Armin nodded. There were so many things he wanted to know, but at the end of the day he had no right to ask questions, he was there to serve Eren.  
"It will be done. And let me also say that your way of being will take you far. Because you are different from the others, it is true. But perhaps it is because you are destined for far more exceptional things."  
Armin had a way with words. Who knows if his point would prove accurate or not, in time.

"Come on, Eren. Concentrate, it's not that hard."  
The boy kept the book resting on his lap, while Levi sat next to him. As usual, he was more slumped than sitting.  
"Ah, I hate French pronunciation, it's difficult," the young man complained, huffing.  
"No, it's you who doesn't apply yourself," the man settled back better. "Now I'll show you how you should read. By the way, maybe you should put some feeling into it."  
The other man rolled his eyes. That must have been another facet of his personality. Levi liked to give orders, and he could also be very strict and tough. But that only increased their interest in him.  
They were strangely close to each other. Levi had just put out a cigarette and was now reading a paragraph.  
"You cannot, for love of one person, change the substance of principles and moral integrity, any more than you can try to convince yourself, or me, that selfishness is prudence, and recklessness of danger a guarantee of happiness," he whispered, looking him straight in the eye.  
Eren felt himself trembling. He didn't know if it was because of his tone, his gaze or the emotional intensity with which he had spoken those words, but his soul was shaken. That closeness had never seemed so natural and wonderful.  
If only he'd had the chance to stand there and look at him for a whole eternity, he probably would have.  
"Well? Did you understand anything I said?" the man's harsh tone brought him back to reality.  
"Huh? Yes, I think so. It says that for love, one cannot change oneself. And that one cannot convince oneself that being cautious is selfish and that unawareness of danger is a guarantee of happiness."  
"Good, bravo, I said exactly that."  
Eren looked away.  
"But you know, I don't agree, though."  
"You don't... agree?"  
"No. I think love is one of those few things that can make you question everything, your upbringing, laws, morality. Love is too illogical to care about things like that."  
Levi watched him with interest. The boy was deep for his age, mature and said some things that were accurate and that he found himself sharing.  
"As much as I have never known love in my life, I have to admit that we think alike. What are social laws or one's own ideologies in the face of such an intense feeling?"  
"Precisely! And-oh, have you really never been in love?"  
"Why? Do you find that strange?"  
Eren barely stiffened. Partly he felt very relieved.  
"I imagined a writer of romance novels would have had so many stories."  
"Oh, believe me, that's not the case at all. What about you, Eren? Have you ever been in love?"  
Their talking had become whispering without them even realising it. The whole world around them had become distant, distant, almost ephemeral. Their eyes had met and they had been observing each other for no specific reason. It was such an easy question, and yet the answer was so difficult.  
"Levi, what is love?" she asked suddenly. "I am in love with the idea of love, and I have read many romantic and poignant stories. Yet, I'm not sure I fully know what it means. If I had experienced it, I think I would know. But I haven't, I don't know."  
Eren could be many things. Stubborn, curious, sometimes inappropriate. And candid as a child. He said certain things with a gentleness that did not leave him indifferent. That little boy with the green eyes had come out of nowhere, suddenly, like a rose in April, a beautiful scarlet rose.  
He would have liked to answer him. But after all, what did he know about love? How could he even hope to think of an answer, now that he was losing himself in the green of those eyes?  
A creaking sound awakened the two, as if they had been asleep until that moment. Erwin had walked in and his eyes had widened in surprise to find the two of them there.  
"Oh, Levi, Eren. Am I interrupting something?"  
"Amh... no," the boy answered quickly. "Levi was helping me with my French. I... can I make some tea?"  
"But you're a guest," Levi replied boredly. "Besides... do you know how?"  
"I'll find out."  
"Ah... don't make a mess, please."  
In truth, that had only been an excuse to get away. A rather awkward situation had arisen. Erwin looked at the young man's figure and then turned to his friend.  
"Tell me, what's on your mind?"  
"About what?", Levi was trying to light yet another cigarette of the day.  
"With that kid. Please, you're a rambling writer, he's noble, nothing good can come of it."  
"I don't know what you're talking about. Eren and I are just two people who share interests and opinions, like friends."  
"Oh, and I guess reading romance novels together and sticking together is a friend thing, right? Look, Levi. Our life is hard enough by the tenor we've decided to follow. Dealing with that boy... I'm afraid you're both going to get into trouble."  
"You're boring," he finally proffered. "Relax, nothing much is going to happen...".  
As he spoke, he heard the sound of a cup smashing on the floor, breaking.  
"Oh, no. S-sorry, I didn't do that on purpose!" apologised Eren.  
As if he hadn't already made enough fools of himself.

When that day came to an end, Eren retired to his room to sleep. Their conversation had been so intense and deep, there had been a special closeness in which their souls had touched for a brief moment.  
He was letting himself go too much. But he didn't care. He had never followed conventions, he certainly would not have started now. He wanted to know what Love was and Levi was probably one of the only people who could help him understand.  
Sitting on a bed, he picked up the book, noticing something he had not noticed. Locked between the pages was a rose, one of those growing under the window of Levi's house. With shining eyes, he smelled its perfume, instinctively taking it to his heart. Then he opened the book. On the very first page, there was a sentence handwritten in a handwriting he knew well.  
"I could not have been more hopelessly blind if I had been in love. But it was vanity, not love, that lost me."  
He immediately recognised the quote and his heart tightened. Levi had written it for him. And he had left him a flower, a rose, a symbol of life, death, blood, love and passion.  
He brought the soft petals close to his lips and squinted.  
What that word was, what that immense concept like love was, Eren wanted to find out with him and him alone.


	6. 6 - Dans tes bras, sur tes lèvres

"See, Armin? I told you, they finally bloomed!".  
With excitement, Eren bent over the newly blooming roses. Finally, after much care and attention, they had decided to come into the light. Armin watched his little master without saying a word. Day after day, he was more and more impressed by the sensitivity of the young man's soul. Nobles were generally not like that. But surely Eren was an exception, as was Lady Jaeger, who had offered him a job and a roof over his head. About Mikasa, however, he could not have said. The girl was very quiet and reserved, and he hadn't yet figured out whether or not she had accepted his presence in that house, much like the head of the family, who constantly looked at him as if he were a bug to be squashed.  
Fortunately, most of his time Armin spent right there with Eren.  
"I see. Do you like flowers?"  
"Not to an exaggerated degree," he admitted with his hands resting on his hips. "But lately I've found that I like roses. They represent so much of beauty, don't you think?"  
"Y-yes, I think so," he answered in supreme embarrassment. Sometimes his master said such profound and poetic things that he did not know how to answer. It seemed to him that he was talking to a child trapped in a young man's body. This made him uncomfortable, but only briefly. Because soon after, he realized how different Eren actually was from any person he had ever met, and not just because of his goodness of heart.  
"I definitely need to catch one."  
"But won't that be a little early?"  
"Sometimes the immature roses are the ones that have the most charm, don't you think?" he made with the air of someone who knew better. Armin tried to reply, but his voice was countered by a second one.  
"Heavens, Eren. Now you're stealing my sentences, too? It doesn't look good."  
The servant lifted his gaze over the wall. Clinging to it, on the opposite side, was a man with an expression that almost scared him. He looked as if he had come straight back from the land of the dead, probably because of the deep circles under his eyes and the ice-cold eyes, not to mention the excessive pallor.  
Eren shuddered and blushed at that unexpected "visit".  
"L-Levi!" he stammered. "I-I didn't steal anything; if you had given me the time, I would have undoubtedly quoted you!"  
"Ah, yes, of course," he replied in a bored tone. "Look, I have to go run some errands down town today. So we won't be able to see each other, unless you want to keep me company."  
If he could have cheered loudly, Eren would have. Just the thought that Levi wanted to enjoy his company flattered him beyond belief. But to go out without his family knowing? He couldn't even if he wanted to.  
"I...um...I'd love to, I really would!" he replied apologetically. "The problem is... I'm not sure my family would be okay with it."  
Armin looked at him. His cheeks had turned strangely red.  
"Actually, your parents will be out of town until tomorrow and... didn't they tell you?"  
They probably should have, too, but he'd been so head over heels that he must not have gotten the message.  
"Really? Well, then there's no problem. I'll gladly go with you."  
"All right, then. I'll be waiting for you in my garden in an hour," Levi hurriedly made, disappearing as he appeared.  
Armin realized that, seen like this, the two of them might have looked like two lovers who longed to see each other. But what was he thinking? It was obvious that this was not the case.  
"Um...here," ventured the blond. "But if you leave now... what am I going to tell your sister and the rest of the servants? I mean, won't they be worried?"  
"And you tell them you don't know anything about it, tell them I probably ran away and you couldn't stop me."  
"Escaped? Have you by any chance done that before?"  
"Yes, when I was twelve," he said, then resting his hands on his shoulders. "Make up whatever you want, but please, you absolutely must not mention Levi's name, understand? I'm afraid Mikasa would freak out. I promise I'll be back in time!".  
The idea of covering for him didn't particularly excite him; he would end up getting into trouble. But at the same time, it was his job to obey his little master. He shivered weakly, then smiled reassuringly.  
"I will do as you have requested."  
"Thank you, Armin. Really! Guard my secret with care!" he finally begged him.  
He knew she could trust him. He would be grateful to him, that time and for all the times to come.

Sneaking out of the house had never been a big problem for Eren. Especially when it involved something as important as Levi, for whom he was certain he had fallen head over heels. At the appointed time, the two saw each other; the boy had, as always, climbed over the wall. When Levi had seen him, his eyes had widened slightly.  
"I guess you'll always walk in like this from now on."  
"W-what? Why? Is there another way in?"  
"What do you think? That I'm going to sprout wings to get out of here?" he sighed. "Come on, follow me!"  
The boy lowered his gaze, feeling no small amount of embarrassment at that silly statement. Hidden by climbing ivy was a small, black, somewhat rusty gate, which Levi opened with a clatter.  
Immediately thereafter, the two found themselves on the street. It was no doubt strange for Eren to be outside without a member of his family.  
"To go into town, shall we take a carriage?"  
At that question the man gave him a grim look.  
"Are you kidding me?" he asked lighting a cigarette. "Let's walk. Or are you not used to walking?"  
"Um, sure I am," he declared with folded arms. He certainly didn't want to come across as a spoiled or wayward kid, and besides, walking would give them more opportunity to talk and get to know each other better, although he didn't know exactly what to say. Perhaps she should have thanked him for the rose she had given him? Still, just the thought of it embarrassed him. He was pondering the right words to use, when it was Levi himself who broke the silence.  
"I guess your family doesn't know about me," he said in a neutral tone. Eren reserved a surprised look for him.  
"Actually, no. The problem isn't so much my mother as it is my father. He doesn't see eye to eye with people.... well, I mean..."  
"Different. That's the word you were looking for."  
"Different for him, certainly not for me! He'd probably cause me quite a bit of trouble if he found out I was spending time with you. That's why the only one who knows is Armin. And also my sister Mikasa. Actually she is not my biological sister, she is adopted. But she only cares, she is not prejudiced against non-noble people and.... but what am I saying?" he had taken to jabbering without realizing it. That's why he brought a hand to his face, in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.  
Levi looked at him, looking calm.  
"I stopped caring about people's judgment so many years ago. I'm a writer, in every way I go against social and moral rules. No wonder you hanging out with me...is a secret."  
Eren watched the smoke fade into the air. It was starting to get hot now, before long it would be summer. He decided to remain silent until he arrived in town to avoid any more awkward conversations.  
After a twenty-minute walk, the two arrived at the Boulevard Saint-Denis, finding of course a large crowd and excitement as always.  
Levi had stopped at a store to stock up on ink, pens, papers, and binders; Eren, on the other hand, had stayed outside. Doing what, he had no idea. Once he had bought everything he needed, the man walked out of the store.  
"Eren, what are you doing?"  
The boy's eyes were fixed on the "cinéma" sign.  
"Unbelievable..."  
"What? You've never been to the movies?" The other shook his head.  
"I think my parents have been once, but not me. And I'm sorry, because I always would have loved to go."  
Levi clicked his tongue. Now he understood why Eren looked around with constant wonder: there was actually a lot he didn't know!  
He grabbed him firmly by the arm.  
"This is unacceptable. We're going now."  
"Now? But I have no money!" he exclaimed, blushing at that contact.  
"It doesn't matter; I'll pay. It's time for you to discover the wonders of entertainment."

Eren and Levi left the cinema when the sun was already setting. The first stretched out, pointing his eyes upward. He felt incredibly relaxed in a way he hadn't in a long time, the man's company was good for him and he was certain in his heart that it was the same for him.  
"Wow, that was really amazing," he whispered. "I want to go back there again, I love the movies. Will we go again?"  
"If you wish to, then... I don't see what the big deal is," Levi stated as serious as ever, his expression contrasting greatly with the boy's jovial and cheerful one.  
What a ray of sunshine he was. Genuine and pure, he broke through the darkness without even realizing it. There were few things in the world that could affect Levi. And, despite himself, he had to admit that Eren was one of those "few things". Maybe it was his mannerisms, his way of being, the way he looked at him, with adoration.  
A little boy, nothing more. A nobleman, at that. Erwin was right, he would do well to get a grip on himself and not get drawn into something dangerous. Not so much for himself, but for the young man whose life he certainly didn't want to ruin.  
Eren suddenly bowed his head to the side, pointing to a spot in front of him.  
"Isn't that Erwin?"  
Indeed, the latter was standing a few meters away from them, with a disconsolate and distressed expression. An expression that didn't change even when he saw the two of them.  
"Hey," he greeted Eren cordially, although he knew he wasn't exactly in the man's good graces.  
"Erwin, you have a horrible expression," Levi noted.  
"You'd have a horrible expression, too, if you were told that your novels suck," he stated coldly, showing the folder he was carrying. "I went to a museum, I wanted to ask if my paintings could be exhibited. And do you know what they told me? That in a museum you display works of art, not cheap junk from a nobody. So I told them all to go to hell and left. I guess I blew all the chances I had."  
"Ah, knock it off," his friend rolled his eyes. "It's hardly the first time you've been told something like that."  
"That doesn't help me."  
"Um...," Eren shyly stepped closer. "May I see? I don't understand much about paintings, but maybe I could give you an opinion."  
Erwin didn't seem so convinced, but in the end he decided to please him anyway: he showed him a painting depicting a country landscape. The boy found it well done and was pleasantly impressed by the soft colors, it almost seemed as if he could immerse himself in that place imprinted on paper.  
"Well, I like it," he said with a shrug.  
"Did you hear that, Erwin? Eren likes it, you have an admirer."  
"Yeah, all right, whatever," he muttered. "Anyway, I'm in La crabe blue tonight. If you want to join us, Levi? And if you want to bring Eren, too..."  
"What's La crabe blue?" the curious young man asked.  
"It's just a Brasserie, but it's way too low key for someone as refined as you."  
Eren then crossed his arms over his chest.  
"I, on the other hand, say no, in fact, I say I gladly accept the invitation," he stated almost defiantly. Levi rolled his eyes. Yes, definitely that boy was beyond stubborn.  
"Well, I guess that's settled," Erwin concluded. "Follow me."

Le Crabe blue was absolutely the most absurd and fantastic place Eren had ever seen. Accustomed to elegant receptions and lavish parties, the idea of finding himself in a brasserie where gallons of beer flowed like rivers was nothing short of thrilling, probably a mystical experience. He had to admit he felt a bit out of place because of his attire, anyone would have noticed he was certainly not used to frequent such places. However, he didn't have a chance to dwell on it too much. Erwin's friends, who were also acquaintances of Levi's, were immediately very friendly towards him. Conny was about his age and, like him, cheerful and sunny. Marco, on the other hand, was a little older, dark-eyed and freckled, slightly quieter but very easy-going.  
"I swear I never thought I'd see a nobleman walk into a dump like this," Conny took to tapping a hand on his shoulder repeatedly. "It's almost exciting."  
"Come on, knock it off, you're making him uncomfortable," Levi shot him back, inspiring all the way through the cigarette smoke.  
"Boring," muttered Conny. "How is it that a nice guy like you met an unsociable guy like Levi?"  
"He's my neighbor," he explained. "Now I'm trying to help him find some inspiration for his novel."  
"Ah, if it works then give me some inspiration too. Music doesn't compose itself," Marco sighed.  
"Are you a musician?"  
"A pianist, for the record. But I haven't managed to break through yet. Maybe people think I'm not talented."  
"Come on, stop saying that. I play the violin instead!" gloated Conny. "Marco and I play together all the time, so his failures are my failures. You can well imagine how wonderful that is."  
"Hey, you're not funny at all!" he blurted, snatching a laugh from his friend.  
Levi, as always in reality, merely listened and observed. Observing Eren, as he absent-mindedly sipped his beer. And Erwin observed him in turn, sure that he had an exact intuition. His best friend never showed interest in anything except writing or other art forms. Still, he watched the boy with an almost palpable eagerness and interest. He could be as rational as he wanted to be, but in that case, rationality had little to do with it. It was something much more illogical.  
Eren made to grab the mug of beer that had been served in front of him, but immediately Levi took it from him.  
"But...hey, what are you doing?"  
"You're too young to drink."  
"From what pulpit, you drink and smoke like a chimney too."  
"Nicotine stimulates brain activity. And I hold my liquor well, you'd probably be out of the game after two sips."  
The young man huffed, arms folded. He was certainly not a child, yet his expression was very reminiscent of an infant. Levi felt like smiling, but of course he held back.  
About two hours later, the atmosphere had changed somewhat. Eren hadn't touched a drop of alcohol, while Conny had definitely gone off the deep end. Erwin and Marco had also gone overboard, but unlike their friend, who had suddenly become hyperactive, they were slumped in their chairs looking bored. Levi was somewhere in between. He wasn't drunk, but the alcohol had slightly inhibited him, making him more likely to talk.  
And the boy noticed this in the middle of a conversation.  
"... I agree with the saying 'for artists there is no glory'. Of course there is no glory. Because we bring nothing useful or new to this society that is already falling apart. But I tell you, I'd rather die today than live another fifty years without my art."  
Eren lost himself listening to him like a child intent on following the story of a fairy tale. Levi was taciturn, but when he let his words go, he had a way with them.  
"Yes, Levi is right," mouthed Conny. "It would be otherwise miserable existence, without our passions. Those of your rank, Eren, for example, are the first to despise us, for our choices. Because we voluntarily chose to live in poverty. Society wants us all to be equal."  
"Society is a prison for us!", Levi at that point stood up. "It suffocates us, it annihilates us. But they will never have me. No, never will I bend to their will They should...shoot me," with two fingers he imitated a gun firing a shot. "And you... Eren? What do you think? You're on the opposite side, after all."  
The boy cleared his throat, afraid he was saying something wrong.  
"I may be a noble, but I don't think the same way as others. I admire all of you, you are so smart and capable. And you're not afraid to go against the grain, even if it means paying some serious consequences. Oh, I wish I could be like you too. To take courage in two hands and forget about everything. I thought I already did, but now I realize that mine are nothing more than the whims of a rebellious boy. Yours is true sacrifice, a life dedicated to your passion. You deserve the glory, all of you."  
Erwin lifted his head weakly.  
"I like the way this boy expresses himself, he has character," he mouthed.  
"That's right, that's right, glory. That's why we create art. For wealth? Yes, maybe for that, too. I dare not imagine that one day the name of Levi Ackerman will be forgotten. My wish is that posterity will remember me through my writings. I want to imprint myself on cloud-white pages," Levi had looked up, almost as if he were reciting a prayer to heaven. "I may be living miserably, but I won't leave the same way."  
Eren had forgotten to breathe, absorbed as he was in listening and watching him. With every word, his heart leapt in his chest, warming him. This was what she adored about him. His intelligence, his approach to life. And then... Levi had freedom. Of thought, opinion, this caused him problems, but he would have done anything to be able to live like him. Instead, he found himself living in a beautiful gilded cage. Comfortable, but still a cage.  
That man was the embodiment of what he wanted to be. And what he wanted to make his own.  
Levi sighed, then sat back down. He rarely indulged in such ramblings. As if nothing had happened, he lit another cigarette, unaware that the boy still hadn't taken his eyes off him.  
He loved the way she adoringly observed him, but he made sure to keep that observation to himself.

"I thought you held your liquor well."  
On the drive home, Levi needed to stop more than once because of dizziness. Of course, Eren had wasted no time in holding it against him.  
"It's not the alcohol, I just got too excited," he said.  
"Because you were a little tipsy."  
"You lecturing me, kid?"  
"Well, you lecture me. I returned the favor."  
All around it was dark, the road, now all uphill, silent. It had been a beautiful day to say the least, Eren hadn't even realized how much time had passed, he had forgotten everything. He felt much closer to Levi now than he ever had. He was caught in the middle, between wanting to take an extra step and staying in place, probably driven by fear of a negative reaction from him.  
"Um...thanks for the rose. And for the quote you wrote. How come you chose that particular quote?"  
"Because every sentence that strikes me is worthy of note."  
Eren puffed out his cheeks. It wasn't exactly the kind of response he'd expected.  
"Do you believe in love stories like the one between Darcy and Elizabeth?"  
Levi arched an eyebrow, looking at him.  
"Love stories are beautiful, but they are still stories. There is no such love story in reality."  
"Oh, sure there is! I mean, if you don't believe it yourself..."  
"And how can you be sure? I thought you never fell in love."  
The young man bit his lip. The conversation was becoming awkward.  
"Well, I've changed my mind. It's not exactly like that," he stopped short.  
"Now what?"  
"Maybe I've figured out why you lack inspiration. You've never been in love, so you can't consequently write about love. You should know what it feels like first."  
The man stepped closer. Eren's first instinct was to back away, but he remained still. Perhaps it was still because of the alcohol?  
"I thought it was your job to give me some inspiration," he whispered in a lower tone than normal.  
The boy felt her breath and scent, taking a step into deep oblivion. They had stopped, their backs were against a wall, the dim light of a streetlamp illuminating them.  
He stepped closer.  
"I want to help you. Damn right I do. Accept my help, Levi," he whispered, clinging to his shirt tightly. The man narrowed his gaze. Nothing else seemed to exist at that moment but them. He was dizzy from the drink he'd had moments before, dizzy from the sweet scent of innocence, dizzy from the very emotions he was feeling. Eren was his best source of inspiration. She stroked his lips with her thumb. The young man remained motionless, completely unable to make even the slightest movement. It was Levi who zeroed in on him, he was the one who put his lips to his. Eren could feel it, the heat spreading through his body. He could feel her strong arms wrapped around his back. He could feel her, her tongue eagerly seeking his own, eventually finding it, beginning a slow, secret dance.  
He felt himself dying. And if this was indeed what it felt like, Eren wanted to die a thousand more times. The shiny eyes ended up closing and he ended up trying to reciprocate, rather awkwardly, his first kiss, given to him by another man, an artist, in turn an inspiration.  
He tasted different flavors: acrid, caused by the smoke, and then a strange sweetness.  
Levi's hands were holding him and his heart, he was sure of it now, was beating faster, it was against his own.  
He was going to explode, he might as well have died there now.  
Anyone, seeing them, would have sent them to their deaths instantly.  
But never was there anything more natural and pure as that gesture dictated by something true and sincere.


	7. 7 - Le plus belle rose du mon jardin

Armin knew he would get into trouble.  
Oh, what a cruel fate!  
All he would have wanted was to serve the Jaeger family and live a life of at least dignity. But since his job was to obey Master Eren's demands, he also had to cover for him. And covering him meant, as a result, confronting Mikasa.  
The latter was not angry. Or at least, she didn't show that she was, on the contrary, she still maintained her perfect demeanor and calmness, but there was something in her hard gaze that made Armin quiver deep inside.  
He literally stood with his back to the wall, eyes to eyes with his mistress. How could he lie?  
"Armin, I'm not going to ask you yet another time. Where is Eren?"  
The blond boy swallowed dryly. For a whole afternoon he had thought of a plausible excuse, but he had found nothing, nothing that would be believable. So he had finally opted for the easiest solution: deny to the point of exhaustion that he knew anything.  
"Miss Mikasa, please! I swear I don't know anything about it, your brother escaped from my sight and ran away!"  
"I'm sorry, but I just can't believe you," she proffered sternly. "My brother is good with words. What did he say to you? How did he convince you? Did he at least tell you where he was going? And with whom? He could be doing something dangerous!"  
Armin's eyes widened. He couldn't imagine anything bad happening to his little master, he'd never forgive himself.  
"D-dangerous?"  
"Exactly. I need to know, it's dark and he's not back yet. And you don't want anything to happen to him, do you?"  
That was a good psychological trick. Mikasa knew there was no need to get worked up or make a big scene, just say the right words. She saw in Armin an extremely selfless and kind soul, and judging by his expression, he would give in soon.  
The man himself looked away. If he spoke now, Eren would no longer trust him. And he didn't want that. His lips moved slowly, to say what exactly he didn't know. But he found his salvation soon after, in the doors that were opened and the figure of Eren who was now crossing the threshold.  
The dreamy expression, the bright eyes, a seemingly unwarranted smile. These were the first things the two noticed.  
"Eren!" called Mikasa.  
"Master Eren, are you all right!" whined Armin. "I was afraid something had happened to you!" The other gave him a radiant smile.  
"Indeed something has happened to me. But nothing bad."  
His sister then abandoned her composure for a moment and walked towards him with her hands resting on her hips.  
"What are you doing! Eren, it's late, where have you been? And then, without even warning? Just think what would have happened if our parents had come back earlier, you would have been in trouble! You're not a kid anymore, you can't just run away for fun and come back like nothing happened. Are you listening to me?"  
She talked and talked, but she doubted her brother was listening. Once again, Eren was there with his body, but with his mind he was somewhere else.  
"Oh, come on, nothing happened..." he whispered relaxed.  
"Then why do you have the smell of tobacco and alcohol on you? Don't tell me..."  
"I didn't smoke. And I didn't drink either, someone stopped me," he raised his hands in surrender, smiling as he thought of Levi. And of the kiss they had exchanged moments before.  
Mikasa sighed. She immediately realized that Eren must not have come out on his own, but at least for the moment she avoided taking the subject up. Rather, she advised him to take a long, reflective bath, which the young man gladly accepted. After doing so, all the fatigue caused by the intense day, came.  
Sitting on the mattress, he clutched the book Pride and Prejudice to his chest. He felt exactly like he was in a novel. The first kiss had been stolen from him, and Eren was certain that no one could have marked his lips but Levi himself. And like a beautiful love story, it was all there: the secrecy, the intrigue, the class differences that would put them on the spot. There was only one small difference from ordinary romance novels. They were two men. And two men lying together and daring to love each other was an unthinkable idea, blasphemous, her parents would have called it. The Jaeger family was Christian, Eren was only Christian because he had no choice. He believed in the existence of a higher entity, but he didn't want to believe that the latter would send different people to hell.  
Armin had his back to him and was taking care to blow out the candles. He had noticed how pensive his little master was. And then, truth be told, he was also quite curious.  
"Are you okay, Eren?"  
He lifted his gaze.

"Yes, Armin. Oh, I'm sorry, I got you in trouble. Did Mikasa give you a hard time?"  
"She almost convinced me to tell you the truth. She made me think something bad might happen to you."  
"Ah, typical Mikasa. Really, really, I'm sorry... but you don't know how grateful I am for you covering for me, it was a beautiful evening."  
"No, no, no, you don't have to apologize to me!", Armin fretted. "But, here... if I may ask... what happened? Your eyes are glowing."  
Eren looked at his friend for a moment. After that he put the book back and looked at it again. Armin had proved, more than once, to be sensitive and also different from most other people. He could understand him and certainly would not judge him, unlike the rest of the world.  
"Love has happened, Armin. I'm falling in love," he said plainly.  
"Y-you are? That's good news! And who's the lucky lady? Is she beautiful? What's her name?"  
The other gave a strange smile. He knew that in truth Armin, even unconsciously, had understood that it was not a girl the one to dot his dreams and fill his head.  
Soon after, in fact, the blond's smile changed to a worried expression.  
"Oh... um... does it happen to have anything to do with that friend of yours? Levi, right?"  
"That's the one!" he stepped up to him, lowering his voice. "Armin, he kissed me."  
His friend's eyes went wide. Hearing him say that he had just been intimate with another man made him uncomfortable. And not because he felt disgust or was scandalized by it, but Eren had stated it so naturally that it left him surprised.  
"He kissed you?" He nodded, trying not to burst out laughing. And there was no reason for it, it was a laugh that sprang spontaneously from the heart from too much happiness.  
"He did, Armin. Do you think that's strange?"  
"Well... actually yes. It's very strange," he was visibly surprised, but curious at the same time. "And he... feels the same?"  
Eren shrugged.  
"Maybe," he smiled. "Actually, I don't know. We never talked about it. It just happened. I always knew I'd have a different destiny than everyone else. I mean, get married and start a family and become a boring adult? No. I understand it all now. I was born for him. He was born for me. Fate brought us together. Levi is so... deep, intelligent. He doesn't care about anything, he lives by his own rules. And I would like nothing more than to follow his example."  
Armin noticed the eagerness with which Eren spoke. Was this really what falling in love was causing? It also would have been a great thing, if only they weren't two men.  
"E-Eren... I understand what you're saying, though... don't you feel like you're going a little too far with the fantasy? If your family found out..."  
"That's exactly the point! They don't need to know. Mikasa suspects something, but it's best not to confirm it. If my parents find out...if my father finds out...he'll take me away from him, and I don't want that, you know? I can't afford to lose something so beautiful!" he pleaded, grabbing his hand.  
Eren was sincere. His was not mere whim, not a desire to escape or rebel. He was feeling something deep and compelling. He knew that keeping the secret would mean being an accomplice and consequently, if discovered, getting into serious trouble. But he couldn't betray him. Perhaps it was better to live by hardship than as a traitor.  
"Don't worry, Eren. Just please be careful."  
"It's okay," he reassured him with a smile. In Eren's eyes, Armin could also see a lot of recklessness. Maybe he didn't really know what kind of trouble he was getting himself into. But then again, it didn't really matter.

Levi had woken up a few moments before, but he categorically refused to open his eyes. The night before, he hadn't been able to reach his bedroom and had ended up falling asleep on the sofa, which was too small and not even that comfortable. At a certain point, however, he was forced to wake up completely, because of the shrill and annoying noise of cups and plates banging against the table.  
He sat up, massaging his temples. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the unfortunately empty pack of cigarettes. This caused him to sigh loudly, and then stand up and stretch.  
"Oh, well awake Levi," Erwin greeted him, with a cup of tea in his hand.  
"Ah... but can't you go to your house?" the host complained.  
"But then I would not enjoy your company," he made, handing him a cup. "I think you need a hand, considering your hangover."  
"I tell you I wasn't drunk, I just got too excited. It takes a lot more than that to knock me out," he stated blowing on the cup.  
"Yeah, and it takes a lot less for you to let go with Eren. You guys got back together last night, are you sure everything went well?"

Levi almost burned himself with the hot tea. At that moment, memories of the previous night's kiss came back to him. It had been a gesture not dictated by alcohol, but by his deep desire to taste that flavor of innocence. He was undoubtedly attracted to Eren, to his being brave, different, his depth of soul and his sweet purity of spirit. If only he could have drawn that same soul to himself and held it, touched it, placed his lips on it tasted it, he would have been the happiest man on earth. And the line that should never have been crossed had been crossed long ago, from the moment Eren had climbed over the wall to find him.   
And then he'd reached out and kissed him. Each sensation was so vivid and intense that it made him shudder, he who was always so controlled.  
"Why do you think otherwise?" he asked coldly.  
"Perhaps because I see how you look at him."  
"I don't look at him in any way."  
"Oh, come on Levi! I've known you since we were a couple of brats, I can tell when someone falls under your radar."  
"Maybe it's true that Eren does fit into my interests. After all he is smart, sensitive. Stubborn and annoying most of the time, but he's determined and stubborn," her eyes moved to the window. "He's like a rose. He smells, he hypnotizes you, he fascinates you. Why shouldn't it interest me?"  
"I also agree with you, but aren't you getting too involved? Sentimentally, I mean."  
"Tsk, I've never fallen in love before, why would that happen now?"  
"Then I ask you a different question. Don't you think that up until this moment you haven't fallen in love precisely because you were meant to meet him?"  
Erwin had a way with words. Before him he had understood perfectly what the problem was. Before that, Levi had never shown any interest in either men or women. He always said that a person's gender didn't matter, what mattered was the mental and spiritual affinity, an affinity that he was finding himself feeling with Eren. It wouldn't have been a problem for him. He was used to being an outcast in society, to being judged, to going against the rules. But this boy was a nobleman, things were not as easy.  
Then, the thought that his feelings could be so transparent unnerved him, causing him to blurt out.  
"Of course you're a shrink, huh! Where are my cigarettes? And put the kitchen back in order, got it?!".

Eren felt good that day. He simply felt good, happy, light as a feather. And he was itching to see him again. You couldn't stay away from Heaven after getting a taste of it. His parents had returned in the morning and fortunately Mikasa hadn't taken up the conversation about his escape the night before. Again with Armin's complicity, Eren reached the garden. Before crossing the wall, however, he bent down to pick up one of the roses, in the height of their bloom and beauty. He looked for the most beautiful one and, after eyeing it, gently plucked it. With no little difficulty - he kept the book under his arm and the rose in his hand - he climbed over the wall. He felt as excited as ever, the accelerated beat of his heart was a melody that accompanied him constantly. He reached the door with a wheeze, and then knocked.  
Levi opened it shortly after, as always he was sleepy, but there was a note of surprise in his gaze.  
Without being able to help but smile, the young man extended a hand in his direction.  
"Good morning, Levi."  
The latter was surprised. The boy was handing him a beautiful rose with dew still on its petals. Eren's expression was the expression of happiness and lightness of heart.  
"Good morning, Eren."  
"Come on, take it, this is for you. It's the most beautiful rose in my garden," he insisted. As if that gesture was costing him immense effort, the man gently grasped the flower.  
"Thank you, Eren. Come on in."  
For the first time in his life, Levi Ackerman didn't know how to act. It was clear that there was something strong between him and this boy, was he supposed to play it cool? Or make things clear from the get-go?  
Before they knew it, they were on the couch. Eren was focused on trying to figure out what he was reading. And Levi was looking at him like he'd never seen him before. It seemed so perfect, that moment.   
Right next to him. And every worry, the outside world, seemed to disappear. That must have been the passion, the emotion and the feeling that Levi tried to pour into his writings every time. And to experience and understand them was something else entirely.  
"Levi?" called Eren. "I don't understand what's written here, can you translate it?".  
The man then stepped closer.

"Never had she felt so clearly that she could love him, as now that all love was in vain," he whispered. Then she lifted her gaze, meeting his emerald green eyes. A smile came to Eren's face. It was amazing how every sentence in that novel seemed to be about them. Levi sensed it. He sensed the change in the air, sensed the passion suddenly peeking through.  
He wanted him. He wanted him next to him, but closer, as close as when they had kissed. Eren seemed to understand this, so he reset the short distance between them. He brushed his lips with immense delicacy, just for a moment. Because soon his excitement, his heat, took over. Levi drew him to himself, held his hair, searched for his taste and found it soon after. And Eren let him, because the man could do anything to him. He wanted to get lost and never find his way home again.  
Levi wanted it too, but he knew very well what a hard and difficult life that sweet creature would have had if he had been selfish.  
It was a huge effort, almost inhuman, but he broke away from that kiss. Eren looked at him with bright, wide eyes, the expression was that of someone who wanted to be pleased instantly.  
"Levi?" he called his name panting.  
She didn't have to call him that, because it would have been even harder to hold back.  
"Eren... you can't..."  
"Why not?" he whispered, making himself close again.  
"Because you don't deserve to have a hard life. You're a noble."  
"So what? I thought love looked no one in the face."  
"Those are stories, sweet Eren. They're not reality," his tone was cold, but genuinely sorry. "I never gave a damn about the rules this society imposes on us. But I am no one. You, on the other hand, have a name you don't have to sully. I can't be selfish."  
"What's the big deal?" he ground out, as flippant as a child. "You don't want me?"  
"Damn it, Eren. God knows I'm holding myself back from taking you here, right now, on this very couch. You make me lose control, no one ever has." The hand rested softly on his face and then Eren shivered again. He was the one who grabbed his arm and kissed it.  
"But I don't care. You don't know, what I would do for you."  
"I'm not worth it."  
"You will always be worth it, Levi Ackerman. You're my first love and I know for a fact that you'll be my only one, too. And if it's not love to people...then the latter doesn't exist!"  
Like a sweet-smelling rose it hypnotizes you and ensnares your senses.  
Levi, composed, closed the book, handing it to her.  
"Excuse me, Eren. I need to get back to writing my novel. I'm way behind."  
Eren had not been surprised by that answer of his. By now he was well on his way. But he wasn't going to give up.  
"You will come back to me and I will come back to you, always."  
"No, look, just shut up, all right? You think you know everything, but you don't, you're a kid."  
"What's going on? Where's your courage? Where's your going against the grain? Are those just words, yours?"  
Levi was getting agitated. He paced back and forth with his hands resting on his hips, not wanting to be confronted with the facts.  
"Yes, all right? Those are just my words! What did you think, that I was perfect? You have a distorted image of me!"  
It was the first time he had raised his tone of voice. The young man frowned.  
"Why then did you steal my first kiss if that's the case?"  
"Because even I make mistakes sometimes," he declared. And Eren felt anger. Because it wasn't a rejection given by the fact that Levi didn't feel anything. It was a rejection dictated...by what? By the fact that he wanted to protect him?  
But he didn't want to be protected!  
"I'm a mistake, me. Nothing more... right?" he whispered. Levi avoided answering. He was desperately trying to send him away and fight her urge to hold him back.  
He wasn't worth it.   
"Damn you," he cursed under his breath. "You're a coward!"he insulted him, before leaving that house. Coward, it was the first time someone had reserved that insult for him. Maybe it was true, he had been a coward. Levi had always followed his own rules, but the fact that he cared so much about him prevented him from being reckless. And not being able to control himself only made him more nervous. He let himself fall into a sitting position, with a sigh. And he began to think that maybe in his entire existence he was doing everything wrong.


	8. 8 – Étouffer

Love could be a great mystery. One minute it could make you forget all evil, the next it would grab you violently and throw you down into a deep oblivion of exasperation.  
Eren had begun to wonder. Maybe he really had only travelled in his imagination? He was no fool. He was aware that real life was quite distinct from romance books. But reality was depressing enough, what could be wrong with dreaming of a different life, a different love?  
When he thought back to Levi's words, he realised, deep down, that Levi was right. Their eventual relationship would never be easy, because of what they were and what could not be changed. That was of course according to his rational side, which Eren hardly listened to. And then there was the emotional part, there was the heart ache. Levi had been the first. The first to steal a kiss from him, the first to make him feel sensations he didn't think he would ever feel. He had been the first to understand his way of being so different, the first different but also so much like him. And more than sadness, it was anger. Eren tended to get more upset than depressed at times, because he couldn't accept it. He wouldn't accept that he couldn't pretend, that he couldn't submit. And Levi would be convinced. He was sure of it, because they both wanted exactly the same thing. He was certain that running away from what they really wanted was simply a temporary solution. Especially for them, so close in their apparent distance.  
"Heavens, Eren's still locked in his room," Carla sighed worriedly, sitting down at the table. "He hasn't wanted to come out for days, that boy gives me a thousand thoughts. Mikasa, do you know anything?"  
The girl shrugged. It would have been nice to know what was going on in her brother's head. She could only speculate.  
"Eren only wants to joke," Grisha replied sternly, with a hint of nervousness. "Where is Armin? Has he gone to call him? Armin!" he addressed the young servant with very little grace.  
And the latter, rather intimidated in fact, approached him, giving him a slight bow.  
"Yes, master?"  
"Why is Eren not here to dine with us?"  
"I... well... I really don't know, sir. He told me he wasn't feeling well, but that's all I know."  
"That's all you know? You're with him practically all the time, and you would have me believe that you don't know?" he asked frostily.  
Carla then intervened, "Maybe someone should go and talk to him."  
Grisha looked at his wife, then got up from the table.  
"I'll go talk to him myself," he declared in a tone that was anything but promising.  
Eren was oblivious to his parents' concerns. Locked in his own world, he always tended not to notice what was going on around him. Cuddled up on his mattress, he kept his eyes fixed on a page of his book. Now that he and Levi had quarrelled, he couldn't help but feel an enormous rage as he read the beautiful words of love in that novel. For he, too, wanted such a story. And he would have it, no matter how. Why did only a man and a woman have the right to be happy? Wasn't he a person too?  
Oh, no. Right. He was a nobleman, so he had to behave in a certain way. He energetically flipped through the pages. But then he reconsidered and closed it again. And his eyes fell on the quotation written by Levi.  
It was his fault! He was the one who had attracted him, and if he thought he could get rid of him as if nothing had happened, he was very wrong.  
He heard someone banging energetically against the door.  
"Go away," he blurted with very little grace. But Grisha had no time to lose, so he went in anyway. The moment that happened, Eren immediately hid the book under his pillow.  
"Ah, hello father. I didn't know it was you."  
"I can imagine," he began to say all strutting around. "Your mother and sister are very worried about you. You've been cooped up here for days, doing what exactly? Reading?"  
"Yes, well... also. Reading gives me relief."  
"Relief? And yet you don't seem to lack anything."  
Eren rolled his eyes. Did he really have everything? No, not for him. He might not have lacked anything materially, but no one could understand what he really needed.  
"Being rich doesn't necessarily make me exempt from wanting something," he stated quietly. His father hated it when he responded in a certain way, but that didn't seem to stop him either.  
"You insolent thing," Grisha whispered as he approached. "I blame all that junk you read, fills your head with strange ideas. A young man shouldn't waste his time on silly little-girl fantasies. Have some composure and learn to behave."

His tone had now become perhaps threatening. Who knows how his father would have reacted if he had known that he was attracted to another man, to a "poor man" as he would have called him, to a gloryless artist who had robbed him of his first wonderful kiss. He would probably have invented something to break off their relationship immediately.   
"I don't feel like I've done anything wrong."  
"You've been going off who knows where all day with that dreamy look. You're not a child anymore and the rebellion phase should be long gone. It's time for you to take responsibility, to think about marriage."  
At that word, he almost gagged. If there was one thing he absolutely did not want, it was to be bound by a bond like a marriage, to a woman he would never love.  
"M-marriage?" he stammered.  
"Of course. Your sister has already been settled, now it's your turn. You need to grow up, Eren. Whether you like me or not, that is your one and only task."  
The boy narrowed his gaze. And just this once he avoided answering. This was nothing new. Ever since he was a child, his family had tried to clip his wings. But by dint of doing so, they had achieved the opposite effect, making him untamable, perhaps almost wild and more determined than ever to find his own way. That was his power alone.   
His father said no more. Certain that there was nothing more to say, he left, giving way to Armin, who stepped forward a little fearful.  
"Um... Eren, are you alright?"  
"I'll never do as they say," he said with a bemused look. "They want me to get married and become like everyone else, but I'm not going to do that."  
"Eren... You know, I'll try to be on your side as long as I can, but are you sure you're not letting the euphoria get to you?"  
"It's not euphoria, Armin! It is something that needs to be experienced to be understood. I would like to escape, far away. And it would be doable, too, if only that idiot Levi hadn't driven me away."  
The blond came to smile.  
"Then it's exactly as I thought. He has something to do with your bad mood, huh?"  
With a furrowed brow, his little master blushed. There was always a sweet, slight embarrassment in talking about him.  
"Yes, that's right. He says we'd better stop now while we're in time. Because he knows how these things go and he says he doesn't want to ruin my life. That's excuses, I tell you! Because I don't need protecting. I know I may seem like a spoiled, reckless child, but I know very well what I'm getting into. The fact is, I don't care. And if he thinks he's got rid of me, he's very much mistaken!".  
Armin's smile only widened further. It was more than clear that Eren's was no mere whim. And although he had initially found it a little strange that his little master had fallen in love with another man, now, seeing him talk and pine like that, he could only think that it was simply the natural occurrence of a feeling far greater than either of them could imagine.  
"Oh, but I'm sure he didn't get rid of you. You know, I don't know him, but I think he's acting this way for the simple fact that he really feels connected to you. He doesn't want to protect you because he thinks you're an incapable child, but maybe, I think, and I'm not an expert in this, that when you love someone you do everything to protect them. Even at the cost of hurting yourself.  
The other puffed out his cheeks.  
"I had even thought of that. No, what the hell, I won't let him hurt himself, he's messed with the wrong person. My father can say what he wants, but it will have to snow in hell before I marry a woman. And that's all there is to it," he said in a tone that allowed no reply.  
Armin realised for the umpteenth time that he was indeed lucky to have happened upon such a family, with Eren, who was now more of a friend than someone to serve.  
"Um, Eren...?"  
"Yes?"  
"Sometime, would you help me with my reading? You know, I'm not very good at it, I've only been in school for a short time...."  
"Of course, Armin. As many times as you want."

Finding the right words had never been more difficult. Levi was certain he would lose his mind with that writer's block. He had consumed an untold number of cigarettes in an attempt to concentrate. Yet it was nothingness, a total vacuum.   
When he had met Eren, he had been certain that the damned blockade was finally dissolving like mist in the sun. And now he was back where he started. He shifted a leg in annoyance as he looked at the still blank sheet of paper and the bin next to him full of rubbish. He had made about ten attempts, all of them obviously unsuccessful. His gaze then fell on the only object he kept in his desk: the rose that Eren had given him and that went so well with the colour of the walls. He had taken the trouble to put it in a vase and take care of it. But what was the point of taking care of one of his gifts if he had badly thrown the boy out?  
He was a fool, but he had no choice. Besides, since when did he care about necessarily finding love? Just because some random kid had brightened his day, did that mean he had to give back? Absolutely not. But it was he who had chosen to reply to her first letter, he had chosen to get closer and he had chosen to erase all distance with a kiss. Therefore, the only person he could blame was himself.  
He sighed, resting his nib. Love was complicated. And that was nothing new. But living it was different from reading it or writing it.  
"Hey, Levi. What do you think?", Erwin called his attention back, pointing to his easel. He had painted a seascape he had once been to on a trip to Greece.  
"Yeah, nice...," huffed the other.  
"That's all you can say. It should be admirable that I only rely on the memories in my head."  
"Well, I didn't tell you to paint that subject."  
"That's true. But Eren did inspire me. I admit I had misjudged that kid, his words strangely spurred me on. And the same goes for you."  
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Levi replied boredly, shrugging.  
"I'm talking about the fact that maybe, with him around, your dreary, monotonous life had become a little less dreary and monotonous. And that your inspiration was benefiting as well. I've watched you write draft after draft. Now you've stopped again. Even if you don't want to admit it, that boy is your best inspiration.  
Levi then stood up with a snap.  
"Of course I don't want to admit it. There are bigger things than me."  
"Strange to hear that from someone who makes nice speeches with important words. You're a bit lacking in facts though."  
"Ah, go to hell, Erwin," he cursed. He rarely lost his temper, but when faced with the facts, what could he say? He had always been impenetrable, yet it had taken his friend only a short time to realise how troubled his soul was.  
Levi got up and opened the door to let some air through. It was now beginning to get hot, summer was just around the corner. He leaned against the doorframe, another cigarette between his lips. He looked at what little he could see of Eren's house,  
The latter his inspiration? This was ridiculous, to say the least. Since when was inspiration a person?  
It could be a word, a sound, a visual... but a person!  
It was all his fault. Weighted as he was, he should have known the risks he was taking by getting so close. Because Eren was literally hanging on his every word, he was completely lost to him, he had known that from the beginning, always because of the excessive genuineness and transparency of the young man's soul.  
And Levi, then? On the surface it might have seemed impregnable, but in the end it had taken very little, very little, to get close.  
He blew the smoke outside. If he could have, he would have run to him, climbed up the wall there and then shouted his name to the four winds. Unfortunately, he was not yet insane enough to do so.  
He closed the door, aware that it was going to be a long and sleepless night, searching for the inspiration that seemed to have been lost.  
He probably fell asleep a few moments before dawn on the sofa. Briefly, he told himself, but sleep had obviously prevailed. When he awoke, it must have been late morning, judging by the sun streaming in through the open window. Levi opened his eyes in annoyance, then rubbed his temples. The more he thought, the less he could come up with an idea. He decided to get up, and the first thing he saw that made him nervous was the tempera that had stained the floor. Of course it was all Erwin's fault; he had left without even bothering to clean up. He clicked his tongue. He would have exploded in a moment if it hadn't been for one thing in particular that caught his attention: there was a letter a few inches from the door. And the only one who delivered letters that way was Eren.  
What was he surprised about? After all, it was obvious that the boy was not going to give up easily.

He listlessly bent down and picked up the envelope. He could already imagine angry words and insults, so what he read next left him more than a little surprised:  
"There are few people I really love, and even fewer I respect. The more I know of the world, the more disappointed I am in it, and every day my opinion of the inconsistency of human character, and of the little reliance one can place on appearances, whether of merit or intelligence, is confirmed."  
He had to smile. It was really unfair to quote Pride and Prejudice just to accuse him of being inconsistent. But surely it would have been rude not to reply.  
So he went and sat down, picking up his nib and writing.  
"You cannot, for the love of a person, change the substance of principles and moral integrity, any more than you can try to convince yourself, or me, that selfishness is prudence, and recklessness of danger a guarantee of happiness.

Eren clutched the rose-scented paper in his hands, the petals had fallen at his feet. Was he the one who had written such a thing? He who was so against the tide? This was truly ridiculous. He was sure of it, Levi Ackerman was a master at getting his nerves shot.  
"That-that pusillanimous man! Is he making fun of me?" he asked, taking to pacing back and forth. "For love cannot change the substance of principles and moral integrity? It goes absolutely against everything he has ever said and thought!"  
"Actually the book says those things, not him," Armin wanted to point out.  
"Well, but he used them to write his concept clearly! All right, no problem. That insufferable writer wants to shut me up? I'll shut him up instead, oh yes, words are on my side!"  
Armin rolled his eyes, actually not at all annoyed. Those two young lovers were mostly playing, it was clear as day that they didn't want to be apart even for a moment and it was even clearer that it wouldn't be long before they found each other again.  
"Being too cautious can also be a disadvantage. If a woman hides her feelings so carefully even from the beloved object, she may miss the opportunity to win him over, and in this case it would be a poor consolation to think that no one ever knew about it.

P.S.: Ever heard the saying, "All's fair in war and love?"

Levi read the letter aloud to Erwin, who had taken his eyes off his painting to pay attention to his friend. At that point he had started to laugh.  
"You find that funny?"  
"To death! That kid knows how to stand up to you, now I can see why you're in love with him."  
"None of that ever came out of my mouth."  
"Like I have to say, it's pretty clear. How do you think you can talk about love if you reject love itself?"  
"You know, Erwin, sometimes I feel as if I were talking to a child. I think I have already explained to both you and him why I am trying to push him away. Besides, I'd like to remind you that you too didn't agree at first. What, now you've changed your mind just because Eren told you you were talented?"  
"... Yes," his friend simply replied with a shrug.  
Levi shook his head. In love. He remembered well the time when Eren had revealed to him that he loved the idea of love, but didn't really know what it was. That was news to them both. Was that fear his? Was Levi Ackerman, who never feared anything or anyone, finding himself afraid for the first time in his life?

"Eren, maybe you should calm down, you will see that he will answer you soon."  
Armin was trying to calm his little master's nervousness, who just couldn't sit still.  
"That reckless man, that coward... I want to punch him! How can you worship someone and want to kill them at the same time?!"  
The servant shrugged.  
"The secrets of love?"  
"Ah!" he rolled his eyes. "I should have guessed, after all, I believe there is no love without some suffering first, right?"  
The other made to reply, but the two's conversation was interrupted. Grisha wanted to see her son immediately. Eren snorted at that news. After the conversation they'd had, the thought of having to talk to him again made him nervous. But in the end he had no choice. Followed by the faithful Armin, the boy reached the dining room. On the sofa, his mother and sister were sitting there looking incredibly serious. At first he took no notice.  
"Yes, father?"  
"Oh, there you are. Eren, I suppose you remember our talk a few days ago about settling down, don't you?"  
The son rolled his eyes. How could he forget such an unpleasant conversation like that?  
"Yes, I remember it well. But you don't need to remind me anymore, I get it..."

He listlessly bent down and picked up the envelope. He could already imagine angry words and insults, so what he read next left him more than a little surprised:  
"There are few people I really love, and even fewer I respect. The more I know of the world, the more disappointed I am in it, and every day my opinion of the inconsistency of human character, and of the little reliance one can place on appearances, whether of merit or intelligence, is confirmed."  
He had to smile. It was really unfair to quote Pride and Prejudice just to accuse him of being inconsistent. But surely it would have been rude not to reply.  
So he went and sat down, picking up his nib and writing.  
"You cannot, for the love of a person, change the substance of principles and moral integrity, any more than you can try to convince yourself, or me, that selfishness is prudence, and recklessness of danger a guarantee of happiness.

Eren clutched the rose-scented paper in his hands, the petals had fallen at his feet. Was he the one who had written such a thing? He who was so against the tide? This was truly ridiculous. He was sure of it, Levi Ackerman was a master at getting his nerves shot.  
"That-that pusillanimous man! Is he making fun of me?" he asked, taking to pacing back and forth. "For love cannot change the substance of principles and moral integrity? It goes absolutely against everything he has ever said and thought!"  
"Actually the book says those things, not him," Armin wanted to point out.  
"Well, but he used them to write his concept clearly! All right, no problem. That insufferable writer wants to shut me up? I'll shut him up instead, oh yes, words are on my side!"  
Armin rolled his eyes, actually not at all annoyed. Those two young lovers were mostly playing, it was clear as day that they didn't want to be apart even for a moment and it was even clearer that it wouldn't be long before they found each other again.  
"Being too cautious can also be a disadvantage. If a woman hides her feelings so carefully even from the beloved object, she may miss the opportunity to win him over, and in this case it would be a poor consolation to think that no one ever knew about it.

P.S.: Ever heard the saying, "All's fair in war and love?"

Levi read the letter aloud to Erwin, who had taken his eyes off his painting to pay attention to his friend. At that point he had started to laugh.  
"You find that funny?"  
"To death! That kid knows how to stand up to you, now I can see why you're in love with him."  
"None of that ever came out of my mouth."  
"Like I have to say, it's pretty clear. How do you think you can talk about love if you reject love itself?"  
"You know, Erwin, sometimes I feel as if I were talking to a child. I think I have already explained to both you and him why I am trying to push him away. Besides, I'd like to remind you that you too didn't agree at first. What, now you've changed your mind just because Eren told you you were talented?"  
"... Yes," his friend simply replied with a shrug.  
Levi shook his head. In love. He remembered well the time when Eren had revealed to him that he loved the idea of love, but didn't really know what it was. That was news to them both. Was that fear his? Was Levi Ackerman, who never feared anything or anyone, finding himself afraid for the first time in his life?

"Eren, maybe you should calm down, you will see that he will answer you soon."  
Armin was trying to calm his little master's nervousness, who just couldn't sit still.  
"That reckless man, that coward... I want to punch him! How can you worship someone and want to kill them at the same time?!"  
The servant shrugged.  
"The secrets of love?"  
"Ah!" he rolled his eyes. "I should have guessed, after all, I believe there is no love without some suffering first, right?"  
The other made to reply, but the two's conversation was interrupted. Grisha wanted to see her son immediately. Eren snorted at that news. After the conversation they'd had, the thought of having to talk to him again made him nervous. But in the end he had no choice. Followed by the faithful Armin, the boy reached the dining room. On the sofa, his mother and sister were sitting there looking incredibly serious. At first he took no notice.  
"Yes, father?"  
"Oh, there you are. Eren, I suppose you remember our talk a few days ago about settling down, don't you?"  
The son rolled his eyes. How could he forget such an unpleasant conversation like that?  
"Yes, I remember it well. But you don't need to remind me anymore, I get it..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, how are you? I don't usually write notes, but I'll take the opportunity to say that I hope you had a good Christmas. Secondly, I'm glad you're enjoying this story. I'm Italian and I've just started translating my stories, but Ecarlate is a very important project for me and I wanted to translate it.  
> Talk to you soon!


	9. 9 - Ma âme

It was a certainty for Eren. The more his family tried to get in his way, the more he wanted to escape. And this time, Armin's calm and gentle words, and Mikasa's, were of no use. Mikasa was merely an accomplice in her father's plans. Why had she not said anything to him, even though she knew how he felt about it?  
Perhaps, in the eyes of others, it might have seemed like nothing. But to him it was simply the end of the world. He didn't want to get married, and he didn't even want to consider such an idea. Just thinking about it drove him crazy. He had barricaded himself in his room and locked it. It had started to rain outside, almost as if the sky was a mirror of his bad mood. Reaching the garden would not be easy, not so much because of the adverse weather conditions, but because he was certain that, this time, his father would keep an eye on him.  
"Like hell I'm staying here!" he cursed. Then he went to the window and opened it. Immediately he smelled the good scent of rain. He was on the second floor and there was every reason to get hurt. But he had to try. He was considering what to do when he heard the bolt turn. Surely someone would want to get in.  
"Eren, it's me!" exclaimed Mikasa. "Please open up!"  
He restrained himself from answering her. He had to go, now or never. She stood on the windowsill, trying to keep her balance. Then he sighed, looking up at the sky.  
What a fool he was. He had always known it, but now he had tangible proof.  
He took a leap. He landed on his knees, scratching them and ruining the shorts he was wearing. It didn't hurt as much as he had feared, but perhaps the adrenaline was actually inhibiting the pain. Immediately he made his way to the wall and climbed over it fiercely. He seemed impatient, quivering with rage. It was all Levi's fault. He had started the game. If they had never met, he would probably have suffered less. He still would not have given in to his fate, but his heart would have hurt less.  
It was soaking wet, dirty with mud and dust. Yet he did not care. The rain had been the first and true witness to their meeting, even if it was not a real meeting.  
With clenched fists he headed for the house, then started banging loudly on the door.  
"Levi! Open it immediately! I don't care if you kicked me out, now you open up! And I won't take no for an answer. Come here now!" he exclaimed. He had never dared to address him in such terms, but he felt far too furious.  
Receiving no reply, he ran his hands through his hair.  
"Alright, aren't you going to open up? Then I'll come in!" There were teachings he had been given: to be posh, elegant and never violent. All things he had only half-learned. He looked around for something useful to break the glass of one of the windows: he found his salvation in a heavy boulder. He found his salvation in a heavy boulder. With some difficulty he took it in his hands. And then he broke the glass, deliberately ignoring the fact that he could have been injured by the splinters. The shards shattered on the floor. Eren carefully slipped through the gap, fortunately managing not to injure himself.  
More than a person, he felt like a complete fool.  
"Eren?"  
Levi's voice reached him immediately. The writer was serious, yet there was a note of surprise in his voice.  
"Me of all people! Why didn't you open up for me?"  
"What have you done to my window?"  
"He thinks about the window! Never mind the fact that I'm here, soaking wet, bleeding knees and furious at you!"  
Levi looked at him sideways, bringing his hands to his sides.  
"At me?" he asked casually. The boy restrained himself from throwing a punch at him.  
"Yes, damn it! This is all your fault! You knew it would turn out like this! You should never have answered my letter that day! You shouldn't have, we wouldn't have ended up here! Because you know what happens now? What's happening is that my family has arranged an arranged marriage for me. I knew it would happen sooner or later, but now that the day has come... I can't think about it! And you... damn it! If I knew I had you on my side, I'd probably face it better! But you don't, because first you draw me to you and then you push me away. What's going on in your head, eh?".  
His cries were countered by the roar of thunder. And then the sound of the rain was heard, which was now beating harder.  
Levi could see them clearly. The tears on her cheeks. His cheeks delightfully flushed, his body quivering with rage, but also with cold.  
A child, nothing more than a child raised in comfort and not understanding.

But sometimes not understanding could be the greatest gift.  
So could innocence, which he had lost long ago, simply by living.  
A soul like his own, but different in many ways. Why had he met Eren on his journey? He could not be just passing through.  
The boy tried to wipe away his tears, although he knew it was futile. What would Levi think now? That he was a fool, a spoiled child, a weakling?  
That he would think that.  
"Well? Don't you have anything to say at all? Damn it!"  
With his back against the wall, he waited for her answer. The latter came shortly afterwards. The man slowly stepped forward.  
"I have struggled in vain. There is no remedy. I am unable to suppress my feelings."  
"W-what?" he whispered bewildered.  
"... Let me tell you how ardently I love and admire you."  
Eren blinked. He knew that wonderful statement well, he had read it in Pride and Prejudice. Why had she played that part to him? Levi never did anything by accident, he understood that now. Was it her way of telling him that perhaps, just like him, she felt something strong?  
He smiled strangely, though he had taken care not to look him in the eye.  
Then he found the courage to reply.  
"I didn't put my name to him in words, but if looks have a language, the biggest idiot would know I'd lost my mind," he whispered, then crossed his irises.  
Levi at that point smiled back.  
"Ah, I see you've also read Wuthering Heights."  
"Why are you telling me this now? Are you trying to be funny or are you being serious?"  
"I thought you knew me well enough by now to know that I rarely joke. It is true, alas. I was afraid and I'm still afraid. What if someone discovers what is between us? We'd be out of business. My situation is bad enough, but your life would be ruined. But it's not just that, and I realise that. Remember when you said you didn't know what love was? I think subconsciously I already knew. And so did I. It's funny, isn't it? I try to write stories about love, but when love presents itself, I tremble. Because it shakes my soul so much that it makes me vulnerable.  
Levi's tone of voice had become a whisper. The body grew closer. Eren brought a hand to his chest. That heart was beating fast, just like his own. He knew immediately that if neither of them stopped, there would be no turning back. He knew that, but he didn't care.  
"Levi..." he whispered his name, now almost completely lost.  
The man stepped closer, whispering something in his ear.  
"Whatever our souls are made of, mine and yours are made of the same thing."  
That umpteenth confirmation was enough for him to die and then be reborn a moment later. Only they could understand each other and talk about what bound them together through the words of the books they loved so much.  
Levi's lips rested on his neck. And that was just one step towards the infinite oblivion into which they would fall together this time and never come out again. He gasped, as if he had forgotten to breathe until then. Perhaps it was because of that contact. It was Levi himself who held his hair between his fingers and it was he again, just like the first time, who grabbed him and kissed him. Again there was impetus, but there was also a gentler possessiveness, affection and passion. Eren let himself be drawn in, stunned at first. The man seemed to know what he wanted and what he didn't want. And now he seemed to want to devour him. He moved his tongue slowly, caressing his own, then alternating bites to his lips, all without stopping for a single moment. That was why Eren felt confusion, a pleasant kind of confusion. Every feeling that he had always been forced to repress - he had always been told that it was not good to let himself go to such thoughts - was finally being released, his passion bursting and expanding like a fire!  
There was no need to breathe at all. Levi placed his hands on Eren's face, pulling away abruptly and leaving him open-mouthed and wide-eyed. And at the same time, Eren saw him. He saw how his control was finally disappearing, she could tell by the light in his eyes and his quickened breathing.  
"Sweet Eren, I don't know if I can hold back," he said slowly. "Are you sure about that? Do you want me to be the first?"  
The first one? Just the first one? No, certainly not. He wanted much more. The young man stepped closer. He feared that he would soon fall, but it was probably just a feeling.  
"I don't want you to be the first. I want you to be the first and the last. Nothing matters anymore." He grasped his hand and then felt him tremble for the first time.  
Levi looked at him as he always wanted to be looked at, with extreme ardour. It was the man himself who knelt down and placed a kiss on his back.  
"My inspiration," he whispered. "Let everything be erased out there, there is only you and me. And if others say this is not love, I will reply that love then does not exist and never has and never will."  
Eren felt something. It was excitement, but not only that. It was fire in his heart. He knelt down in turn. The innocence seemed to have faded. Levi had met the boy and was now getting to know the man.  
Hungry, the boy took over, kissing him again, this time hinting that he wouldn't break away so easily. And, on the other hand, Levi didn't want that. He needed to touch him, taste him, and lose himself. Totally. With a great effort, the man lifted himself up, carrying him along. They had begun a sweet, passionate battle that would last as long as possible. Eren didn't see where Levi was taking him, too busy enjoying every single new sensation. He was excited; he could finally be free to give vent to his most secret desires. It was only moments later that he opened his eyes wide and realised he was in the part of the house he had never had the chance to see: Levi's bedroom, white walls but red sheets. Like the roses. Love and passion. There was silence there. The rain seemed to have subsided, or perhaps they were simply so out of touch with the world that they heard no sound.  
Eren fell. And he fell onto the soft mattress. Levi looked at him for a moment, leaning down a little. He looked at his scratched knees.  
"Ah, damn. That'll give you an infection."  
"N-no. It's fine, never mind."  
"Oh, and yet it didn't feel like it just now," she taunted him. The boy blushed again. He didn't feel annoyance. He loved that too, loved everything at that moment.  
"Yeah. And how about my wet clothes? I'm also wetting your bed."  
"That's not good. I need to fix this immediately," he said sternly. Finally he decided to top him. He returned to kissing his neck as he felt him move beneath his. Everything was new to Eren and every sensation was heightened. He yearned to be freed from the clothes that had always been so tight on him. Levi's fingers patiently unbuttoned every single button on his white shirt, but not before removing his jacket, which he carefully folded and adjusted. It was at this juncture that Eren gave him a venomous look; he seemed to be acting a certain way simply to make him even more impatient. Removing his shirt, Levi bent down once more and placed his face where his heart beat.  
Fast beats given to him and him alone. His hands went up to Eren's hips, who, he was sure, must have gone to heaven. He had no idea what would happen as soon as he touched him there, in his most intimate part. Although he felt unable to move, at the same time he did not want to be completely helpless. He too had a visceral need to feel Levi, to touch him. He raised himself up on his elbows, looking at him. The man returned the gaze, locking his eyes with his own. The boy's hand came up to his face, caressing it. He enjoyed that sweet gesture, which concealed quite different intentions. With unheard-of slowness, Eren began to reach down and touch his body for the first time, with curiosity, perhaps even a little fear. He didn't know how he should act, everything that was happening was simply driven by instinct.

"Come on, Eren. Don't be afraid. You and I are the same way," Levi reassured him, for the first time showing a tone so sweet it melted him. He smiled shyly. He caressed the fabric of his shirt and, slowly, as he had just done with him, he first slid the braces down, then unbuttoned the buttons. And his hands trembled adorably, suggesting to Levi that behind this young man there would always be a boy who was curious and at the same time afraid of everything. After a few moments, Eren's eyes widened. Levi was thin, but more muscular than he thought. As if enchanted, he approached him, feeling an exasperated need to smell him. Levi held his breath at the contact between his skin and the boy's hot face. Eren noticed, and realising that perhaps he had done something to cause him pleasure, he moved up his neck, kissing him. The older man was certainly good at holding back, but his young lover also wanted to see the more fragile side of the serious artist he knew. After the kisses, he tasted her skin, mentally exulting in hearing her occasional sigh. Levi was enjoying himself, but that didn't mean he was going to let him. He was one to take control when and how he said. So he grabbed his face, kissing it fiercely again. Eren let him fall on top of himself, bringing his arms around his shoulders and squeezing. Skin began to rub, still-covered arousals rubbing against each other. And they were both on fire in this war of kisses, bites and caresses.  
Intoxicated, lost in an oblivion of peace and lightness, the happy place from which they never wanted to return.  
"My God, so this is the passion I've heard so much about," Eren gasped with his eyes closed, Levi was now leaning over her turgid nipples which he was teasing with the tip of his tongue. "I want more... I want more and more and more."  
The man brushed his hair back from his forehead.  
"For your first time, you're brave and quite sly," he reached out a hand and stroked his lips with two fingers. "Don't worry, my inspiration. I'll give you anything you want, all you have to do is ask."  
"Ah," he breathed deeply. "Then take everything of me."  
He had the feeling that, even if he tried, Eren wouldn't be able to keep from whispering, for all around him was as muffled and blurry as a beautiful dream. Levi stood again, but this time only to impatiently finish undressing. This time he did not bother with the trousers left on the floor, and from there the boy could see how aroused he really was. He could see every inch of his body with no more annoying walls in the way. Levi lowered himself, crawling towards him. In his eyes was the light of a hungry predator. Then he grabbed him by the hips, pulling him beneath him once more. He kissed his abdomen gently, reaching down to his pubis. The lower he went, the more Eren felt himself implode; he knew he wouldn't be able to hold back. Levi freed him from his shorts, at which point it was necessary for the boy to close his eyes. He was practically glowing. Maybe he was a little ashamed, to be looked at like that by a man... he would never have believed this was possible even in his wildest dreams. Anything could have happened now. Levi realised that Eren needed his special attention, attention that he would certainly not deny him. He sank his head between his legs, opening his mouth and slamming into his erection. Eren moaned uncontrollably, he probably should have expected such treatment, but it was a surprise nonetheless. Suddenly he raised himself up on his elbows, now watching as the man's raven head moved and trapped his erection between his lips, licking it, tasting it and leaving him no choice. He was forced to bring one hand in front of his mouth. The moans would otherwise have been uncontrolled and the last thing he wanted was to appear too fragile. But Levi could see that.  
"No need to hold back," he reassured him. Eren then slowly shook his hand away.  
"But..."  
"I want to hear you. Call my name," he stated in a tone that almost sounded like an order. At that point there would be nothing to do but obey. Eren leaned his head back, letting himself go totally. It was a strange sensation. Every fibre in his body seemed to be stressed, he could feel his own breath and pulse.  
"Levi... more..." he gasped in a broken, pleading voice. Satisfied, the writer decided to give him that "more" that the boy had asked for so much. Without ceasing to give him that special attention, he brushed a finger over his virgin cavern, the one that theoretically no one should ever have touched.   
Why would a man, someone like Eren, marry a woman?  
According to the others. According to him, Levi was the only one who could afford to touch him in a certain way.  
"I beg your forgiveness, Eren. This is going to hurt. Are you really sure?" he asked again, his voice hoarse.   
Between gasps, the boy smiled, his eyes watered with pleasure.  
"If it's going to hurt, let it hurt. I want to feel everything. I want to feel you."  
He was capable of immense sweetness. That was what warmed the older man's heart, what made him want to protect this creature he had crossed in his path. He licked his index finger and advised him to relax his muscles. At that first 'invasion', Eren responded with a gasp, stiffening without even meaning to. Desperately, he was looking for something to squeeze. For his part, Levi was trying to be as gentle as possible. After all, Eren was so tight, so pure, never touched by anyone, and he was allowing him that opportunity. When the discomfort became bearable, Levi insinuated a second finger into him, moving his index and middle fingers rhythmically. This time the moans of pain were impossible to hold back, but it was okay, it was okay to suffer and endure everything if he could have it.  
"God...please...please don't think I'm a child...," he begged him with her eyes half-closed and tears poised.  
"Eren, take it easy," her voice was like a caress. "If you knew what I thought of you instead."  
"Then... then you could tell me, couldn't you? Ah..." he clutched the sheets. "I'm ashamed of myself... I'm so much turned on."  
At that point Levi stopped teasing him. Serious as ever, she towered over him, resting her forehead on his.  
"Shame?" he whispered. "You want to know what's really shameful? That a man like me, so rational and thoughtful, has lost his wits over a little boy... yes, little more than a child," she breathed down his neck. "And that he chose to blow it all to hell, to abandon reason and embrace recklessness with open arms. That is... shameful... But you are to blame as well... You who are so pure, so sincere, so sweet, you who are the inspiration I sought so much... that day, in the rain... I found it."  
Eren shuddered to the bottom of his soul at that sentence. Levi was like that, able to make him quiver just by talking. In a rush, he kissed him with immense passion, their manhoods rubbing together.  
"Take me... take me..." he begged, now at his limit. Levi complied, not even he could resist any longer. As he held on to one hand, he slowly entered Eren, being very careful not to act aggressively.  
"If it hurts too much I may as well stop."  
He, however, shook his head, stubborn.  
"Continue."  
He continued on his way. The man groaned as he felt the tight walls of the boy who, as he expected, was in enough pain. Without realising it he brought a hand through his hair, tugging at it as a tear streaked down his face.  
"I'm sorry!" exclaimed Eren.  
"It doesn't matter, really, it doesn't matter," he reassured him. Levi sighed in an attempt to catch his breath. Then he began to move as slowly as he could, so that he could get used to it but also feel the pleasure. For Eren it was strange but wonderful at the same time. Now that he was inside him, now that there was no longer a wall dividing them, he felt that they were united, not only in body, but also in spirit and, above all, in mind. He breathed deeply, enjoying the image of Levi. Levi's expression twitched from time to time; he seemed to be concentrating. The boy put his arms around his shoulders again, for he was beginning to feel something, that forbidden pleasure. And then he lost all awareness of himself or what was around him.  
Nothingness, just the two of them. Levi knew from his breathing, from his moans that something in the air had changed. He leaned over her neck and kissed him, his hand in her hair, his movements never aggressive, only more intense. Eren laid a bite on his shoulder, a gesture he would not remember later.  
"How? How?" he groaned. "To this day, how have I lived without all that? Have I really lived?"   
"Don't ask me, I couldn't answer that... I... I ask myself the same question," Levi stifled a groan, then grabbing him by the hips and suddenly reversing sides. Eren felt himself penetrate even deeper. He was full of himself and it was driving him insane. He tightened his legs around his waist, gasping.  
"Oh God!... I love the earth beneath his feet, and the air above his head, and everything he touches, and everything he says; I love all his looks, all his gestures, and him, everything and completely! That's it!"  
So much passion, so much ardour in one person. No words, no gesture, no thought could express what was born, what would grow and never die. Eren was one step away from orgasm.  
"Fill me with you, I need it so badly," he whispered between kisses. His desires were nothing but orders. Levi rested his forehead on her shoulder and, unwittingly scratching his back, he let himself orgasm. The boy trembled, first from the feeling of warmth inside him. Then a rush from his head shot through his body, resulting in an explosion. It came, dirtying him, but this time Levi would have no objection.  
Dazed, intoxicated, completely gone. Eren could have died right now and been the happiest person in the world.  
"Levi..."  
"Eren." His tone was a caress. The man placed a kiss on his forehead. He collapsed into his arms, at peace with himself.


	10. Historia

How much time had passed?  
Eren couldn't tell. The orgasm had exhausted him, and afterwards he had fallen asleep. He had drifted gently into that dreamless sleep, wrapped in a pleasant warmth, only to wake up suddenly, not suddenly at all. When he had opened his eyes wide, it had taken him a few moments to collect his thoughts and remember what had just happened. He turned to the other side and then saw him: Levi was sitting comfortably with the blanket pulled up to his waist, a cigarette in his mouth and a concentrated expression, holding some papers in his hand.  
For a few moments, he enjoyed the sight of him, a radiant smile on his face. Everything vanished beside him, whether it was a thought or a worry. Nothing mattered anymore when he was in his dream.  
"Ah, you're awake," the man said suddenly, without taking his eyes off the papers.  
"Yes... how long did I sleep?"  
"I don't know... two hours, maybe?" he asked in turn, a sign that even he must not have been paying attention to something as ephemeral as time. "Your family will be worried. Maybe they'll be looking for you."  
"They don't know I'm here. Even if they wanted to, they couldn't find me," he stated with a mischievous smile. "Only Armin and Mikasa know I come here."  
"Would Armin be the blond kid from last time? Are you sure you can trust him?"  
"I'm sure of it. Armin understood me. Mikasa... I doubt she understands in the same way, but I know she would never speak."  
Eren had walked over and sat down, curious.  
"Are you writing?"  
"That I've already done. Now I've reached the proofreading stage. I could safely say you've cleared my head."  
The boy was flattered by that compliment. Then he turned his eyes to the writing.  
"Etienne's eyes were full of hope and he was inexorably in love with Lèon, who until that moment had not lived, had not known anything about real life. Then they had met and everything had begun to change without either of them realising it."  
"Eyes full of hope, eh? Etienne reminds me a lot of me..."  
"Because it's you. When you advised me to write a love story between two men I was slightly sceptical. For the simple reason that no one would be willing to publish it. But then I said to myself, to hell with them! There must be someone in this world who is willing to go beyond mere appearances. So I thought, if I'm going to tell a story, I should tell our story.  
Eren smiled shyly, resting his head on his shoulder.  
"And you think our story is worth telling?"  
Levi blew out the smoke, bringing an arm around his torso.  
"As someone told me, it's always worth it."  
"Yeah. And tell me... will this story have a happy ending or not?" he asked more seriously this time, meeting the man's eyes. The latter sighed, brushing his hair back from his forehead.  
"I am the author and I have decided that it will end well. But sometimes stories take an unexpected turn without you being able to do anything about it."  
Eren grasped his hands.  
"You are not the only author of this story," he whispered. Determination. And hope. There was a world in those eyes he could lose himself in. Levi made to speak, but his attempt was stopped when he realised that someone had entered.  
Erwin couldn't imagine what kind of situation his friend was in. Therefore, when he entered, he did so expeditiously.  
"Levi, are you there? Why is your window broken? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!"  
Eren had blushed suddenly, trying to cover himself as much as possible.  
"Emh, I... eh... Oh, God... Levi, say something!".  
The latter, on the other hand, seemed quite calm. In fact, he even found time to complain.  
"I knew I was wrong to give you a copy of my keys. I need to regain my privacy. Trou de cul*..."  
"Now I don't feel like insulting!" he exclaimed with a hand in front of his face. "How was I supposed to know you were here having fun!"  
Eren meanwhile had pulled himself up, searching for his clothes.  
"Alright, I really have to go now. Erwin, keep your eyes closed," he pleaded as he tried to haphazardly slip on his shorts. With great embarrassment and discomfort, the boy dressed himself as best he could and then quickly took his leave. Before leaving the house, however, he noticed the rose that Levi had carefully stored in a vase and watched as the sunlight caressed its petals. And he smiled.  
Erwin opened his eyes, looking at his friend truculently.  
"I don't know, do you want me to get you a tea, by any chance?"  
"Actually, I wouldn't mind."

It had happened. It had happened simply what should have happened. With naturalness and feeling. Eren still trembled at the mere thought of all that they had so intensely shared. Words, feelings, breaths. He still had her scent on him. His presence imprinted on his skin. Judging by the sunlight, it must have been about six in the afternoon. He'd been missing for a while, but if he was lucky his parents wouldn't ask too many questions, after all, it wasn't the first time he'd left home without asking permission. When he returned, he immediately noticed a great deal of excitement that he could not explain. In fact, he didn't even care. He hurried across the hall and into the long corridor. He was afraid that someone might notice what he had done. Although that was indeed absurd, things like that were certainly not understood by looking at a person.  
"Eren!"  
The boy shuddered. Fortunately, it had simply been Armin who had called him.  
"Oh, you're here, thank goodness. You'd locked yourself in your room, not answering, we were afraid that...".  
His master shushed him, bringing a hand over his mouth. Then he grabbed him and dragged him with him into the library, closing the door again.  
"Eren?" He sighed, looking into his eyes, serious. Only then did he decide to remove his hand.  
"It happened, Armin."  
"Happened? I can't understand it." Though he could have guessed it, Armin didn't think his little master could have gone that far. But he found confirmation in two red marks on his neck. A gesture of love imprinted on his skin and which could not have escaped an attentive eye. The servant found the courage to look him in the eye.  
"You and he...?"  
The boy nodded slowly. Talking about such things was strange. It made them so damned real. But what was he surprised about? It was all real, all he felt. He ran a hand through his hair.  
"I've never felt this good. I don't care what's right or wrong, I'm more certain now than ever."  
Armin smiled, but immediately his smile faded and his expression became that of someone who was hiding something.  
"Then maybe this isn't the best time to tell you..."  
"Tell me what?"  
"Haven't you seen the commotion around here? Lord Reiss and his daughter will be here tomorrow morning."  
Eren's eyes went wide. Suddenly a hand had grabbed him and brought him back to reality. Certain situations might not be possible to escape from.  
"Damn it. If I don't show up I'm afraid I'll seriously incur my father's wrath. Which is something I often do, but this time I'm afraid it would lead to some serious consequences... What the hell!" he cursed, clenching a fist. "I have to think of something."  
"Don't think about it now, alright? There's still time..."  
"Time?" he asked slowly, leaning his back against the closed door. "Time. Certainly the latter is not on my side. Like everything else."  
And Armin would have loved to counter, but how could he? His master was right, of that he was aware.

Eren decided not to run away. Resisting that impulse was very difficult for someone like him, but at least for the moment he had to be patient and endure. Later, he and Levi would find a way around it.  
It was ten o'clock in the morning when the young Jaeger, fully dressed, with neatly trimmed hair and a bored expression, was waiting for his future fiancée to arrive. Mikasa and Carla stood by him, as did Grisha, who was keeping an eye on him, probably to make sure he didn't do anything strange. But at least this time he would pretend not to do anything, he would make an effort.  
Exactly ten minutes later, a carriage stopped in front of the family home.  
Grisha immediately went to pay her respects to Lord Rod Reiss, who then immediately shifted his attention to Eren.  
"Oh, this young man must be Eren. He looks strong and healthy."  
The boy blinked a few times before his father cleared his throat, signalling for him to answer.  
"Huh? Ah, yes. That's me. It's a pleasure to meet you."  
"Come on, there's no need to be so formal. Historia, please join us," the man turned to his daughter, who was now getting out of the carriage, wrapped in a light blue dress and an elegant hat on top of her blonde head. Two melancholic blue eyes lingered on Eren, who tried to hold back a grimace. That girl was undeniably beautiful, but she looked at him as if she didn't want to be there. And that was probably a thought they both shared.   
Eren moved forward, before being told off again by his father. He approached his bride-to-be, grabbing her hand.

"It is a pleasure for me to make your acquaintance, Lady Historia."  
"The pleasure is all mine, Lord Eren," she replied boredly, waving her fan slightly. The boy bent down and very quickly kissed her hand.   
At that moment he bitterly regretted not having run away earlier.  
Fortunately the worst was, for the moment, over. He and Historia didn't have to talk, their families would take care of that. Eren sat down on the couch, Armin stood next to him. Historia sat between Carla and Mikasa. The latter, although generally reserved and not very conversational, seemed to be trying to force a conversation. In the meantime, Grisha and Lord Reiss were talking about all sorts of things, including the future marriage of their children, smoking cigars and drinking fine champagne.  
Eren forgot to stand up straight and put his face on one hand, snorting. What exactly was he doing there? His tolerance level was already at an all-time low. For a moment he had a kind of daydream, a vision of his future: he could become like his father, interested only in business.   
It was his worst nightmare.  
"Um, um," Armin cleared his throat. "Well, at least she's beautiful, isn't she?"  
"Yes, she's beautiful, but that's not the problem," Eren whispered. "I'm going crazy. I don't belong here."  
Fate could be so ironic. One day it gave him the best experience of his life, the next day it made him feel like hell.  
Suddenly Carla turned to her son.  
"Eren, why don't you take Historia to see the garden?"  
"Huh?!" he sneered. "The garden? Oh, no! Not appropriate, outside there are mosquitoes, bees, it's much better here!"  
"Come on, don't be rude," she scolded him. "Historia, dear, will you?"  
The girl looked at Eren.  
"I'd love to."  
He forced a smile. Fortunately, Armin would be there to silently give him moral support, though it still wouldn't be enough. 

When they reached the garden full of roses and coloured lilies, Eren snorted with folded arms.  
"There, we've arrived. Well, there's not much to see."  
Historia looked around with the fan in front of her face. Then she looked at Eren, who gave him the idea of being an impatient child rather than a boy.  
"You are not happy to be here, I take it," she stated. The boy cleared his throat. He couldn't afford to offend her or he'd be in serious trouble.  
"C-certainly I am!"  
"Look you don't have to lie. You are not happy to be here, just as I am not."  
He was very surprised, she never imagined that such a beautiful and delicate girl could say such things.  
"Oh... so... why did you agree anyway?"  
"I don't seem to have much choice. My father thinks a girl from a good family like me should settle down and obey, no matter what."  
"Ah, I understand you. My father thinks the same about me," he sighed, rolling her eyes. "He doesn't understand that my interests.... Well, they are quite different."  
Historia then looked at him, this time with more interest. It was clear that they had much more in common than they thought.  
"And what are we supposed to do now? Accept without batting an eyelid?"  
"I wouldn't even think of marrying you. I mean, no offence. But there's someone else in my heart, that's it!" he stammered in embarrassment.  
Lady Reiss nodded.  
"'Then we really are in the same situation. It's really true, Eren. For the likes of us, there is no such thing as happiness."  
He made to answer, but suddenly something happened that he could not have imagined. Levi had climbed up the wall and knocked over a bucket of water. At first Eren recoiled. He hadn't realised that the culprit was none other than the writer, so he was surprised when he looked up.  
"Levi?"  
The latter had an annoyed expression.  
"Please excuse me, young Eren. I was doing some cleaning in my garden, I thought no one was here," he stated coldly and with a look that could make him shiver. "You have company, I see."  
"Yes, that is, she is... she is my... fiancée" he stated with little conviction, still shocked at that reaction. "Lady Historia Reiss."  
"Ah, I see. Nice to meet you, then," he replied boredly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to what I was doing, have a good one."  
Eren couldn't believe it. Was it jealousy or not? He only hoped he was the only one who noticed.  
"A friend of yours?" asked Historia.  
"No! Levi's just my neighbour. He, um... I... you...".  
Historia walked past him, closing the fan again.  
"Rest assured. I will not breathe a word of this event to anyone."

Eren had had a meagre, meagre consolation. He and Historia felt the same way. Both were in love with different people and both would have liked to avoid marrying each other. That was already a great thing. He had told himself so many times that when the time came, he would run away. And he wanted to do it too, he did not intend to submit to those rules, to that damned injustice. To run away not for one night, but for good, to leave behind his family and his home. Life was made up of choices, some more difficult than others.  
But he wondered if Levi would agree with him. He was much more sensible and thoughtful, and it was not a foregone conclusion that he would agree.  
The boy waited impatiently for the Reisses to leave. When they did, he vanished from the sight of his family. He desperately needed to talk to Levi, especially after his bizarre reaction that day.  
Once over the wall, Eren brushed the dust off his jacket, looking around.  
"Levi? Levi, are you here?" he asked.   
He felt rather uncomfortable, a great sense of unease, as if a heavy, suffocating aura was hovering over his head. And indeed, that was not an entirely wrong impression.  
The man had seen him come forward in his garden, and had stood motionless and silent behind a tree, only to jump out.  
The boy turned his head.  
"Levi, there you are. But why are you hiding?"  
"I didn't hide," he stated harshly, arms folded. "Did your fiancée leave?"  
"Huh? Yes, but stop saying that."  
"Say what? That she's your girlfriend? It's true, I think. Tsk..." he stated harshly. Eren blinked a few times. Then he had to smile. That reaction was a real show of affection for him, a clear and strong sign that Levi cared enough about him to feel jealous.  
"I get it," he slowly walked over to him, hugging him and resting his head on his shoulder. "You are jealous."  
"That's nonsense."  
"Come on, Levi. It's blatant, and there's nothing wrong with it."  
The man narrowed his gaze. Eren could swear he saw his cheeks flush slightly. He then grabbed him firmly by the arm, pulling him even closer to him.  
"I have no reason to be jealous, because after all, I know you belong to me. You and I are bonded here," he ran a finger over his right temple and then down, reaching to where his heart was. "And here. So you're mine, not perhaps officially mine to others, but it doesn't matter, do you understand?"  
Eren shivered. He liked the slight note of possessiveness towards her quite a bit. Then again, he himself was feeling very jealous of Levi, he knew that if he did he would go crazy and couldn't control himself.  
"I understand. I belong to you. As you belong to me."  
Saying that she stole a kiss from him. Full of passion and warmth. Levi immediately brought his hands to her shoulders, squeezing them. Their tongues found each other soon after, tasting each other voraciously and hurriedly, as if they had been afraid someone might see them.   
Due to the lack of air, Levi pulled away slowly, still keeping his forehead resting on hers, his eyes half-closed.   
He was losing his mind. No, he wasn't. It was probably long gone by then.  
"I'm meeting Erwin and the others tonight. Come with me," he whispered.  
Eren felt he could burst with joy. He would have been happy to be able to spend an evening with him. Even if it was madness - yet another - he would find a way to escape his family's control.  
"I'll come."

*Asshole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish everyone a Happy new year!


	11. 11 - Amoreux sous le pluie

That evening at the table the Jaeger family was quieter than usual. Eren's absence was noticeable and the only audible noise was the ticking of the clock. Armin stood diligently by the table, waiting for one of his masters to decide to speak, for he knew that unfortunately that moment would come. And indeed, Lady Carla's question came a few moments later.  
"Do any of you know what has happened to Eren? He has been locked up in his room all evening."  
Promptly Armin approached the woman.  
"My lady, Eren is not feeling well, that is why he has been locked in his room," he explained affably.  
"Oh, he's not feeling well? I didn't know, then maybe I should go and check."  
"No!" he exclaimed in a higher than normal tone of voice, then recomposed herself. "I mean... it's not the case, seriously, you'll see that she'll be better in no time. In fact, I'll go make him some chamomile tea. Don't bother, really."  
The woman looked at him.  
"All right, Armin dear. I'll leave him in your care, then."  
Grisha excepted his dissent with difficulty. Armin had never been trusted from the moment he had set foot in her house, because of his history and social standing. He was fairly certain that company was not good for his son.  
"Mikasa, do you know anything about this?" he asked the girl. The latter merely shrugged.  
"Not really," she lied, actually imagining that the two of them were plotting something behind everyone's back.

It hadn't been difficult for Eren to escape from his home. He would certainly be indebted to Armin for many years to come. Around eight o'clock that evening, Eren opened the window and, for the second time that day, was forced to crawl with his back against the wall and land on his knees in the damp soil of the garden. It didn't hurt that much, and even if it had, it didn't matter, because it would have been worth it anyway. After all, it was all about climbing over walls and jumping off. He hurried over the wall until he found himself in Levi's garden. Once in front of his house, he banged on his door.  
"I'm here, Levi!" he exclaimed.  
The man appeared in front of him after a few moments, squaring him.  
"Ah, you arrived on time, I see. How did you get around your people?"  
"I jumped out the window."  
"Seriously?" he asked sternly. But then he sighed, realising it would be pointless to ask further questions.  
"Listen... I was thinking, maybe you'd better change? I don't think those clothes are appropriate for a night out."  
Eren lowered his gaze. Indeed, such tight and uncomfortable clothes were not suitable for any particular occasion.  
"And what am I supposed to wear?"  
Levi clicked his tongue, signalling for him to follow him into the house.  
"I can lend you something of mine."  
The boy paused for a moment, trying to hold back a smile.  
"Are you sure they'll fit me?" It was at that point that Levi turned to look at him with a certain murderous instinct in his eyes.  
"I'm just short, this has nothing to do with size."  
Eren brought a hand in front of his mouth to hide a smile. By now he was getting to know every facet of Levi's character: he was serious and precise, but also a bit touchy and fixated on absolute order and cleanliness. He was deep, charming, intelligent - he would spend hours singing the praises of the man who made his heart beat so loudly.  
Once in his bedroom, Eren was able to change into clothes that were much more comfortable: black trousers and a light white cotton shirt. Levi stood watching him leaning against the doorframe, arms folded.  
"How do I look?" the boy asked with flushed cheeks.  
"The fact that we're dressed almost the same is disturbing. But yes, I admit you look good," he said as she approached him. He brought a hand to the back of his neck, then placed a kiss on his lips. The boy shivered, pulling away for a moment and looking at him mischievously.  
"Your trousers are a little short."  
"Arranged."

Paris in the night was nothing like Paris by day. The boulevard de le Madeleine and boulevard de le Capucines were lit up and full of people, mostly young people, ordinary people about to find some entertainment. And Eren looked around ecstatically, those same lights reflected in the green of his eyes, his hand reaching for Levi's in a desperate attempt not to get lost. For a person like any other this might be normal, but not for him: it was absolutely extraordinary, a bit like the first time he had been to the cinema.

Shortly afterwards they arrived at the crowded brasserie "Le Crabe Blue". Erwin, Marco and Conny were already there, sitting at a table, partying. The last one welcomed the two newcomers with great warmth.  
"Levi! Ah, I see you're here too, Eren! Glad to see you again!"  
"Hi, guys. I'm glad too."  
"Ah, Eren Jaeger," Erwin began. "My number one fan and saviour. I wanted to let you know that I have been to another museum in the city. I showed them my paintings, and after some insistence they said they might exhibit them."  
"Really? But that's great! Ah... um... by the way," he lowered her voice. "I'm sorry about the incident the other day," he referred to the time the man had caught them in bed.  
"Ah, don't worry about it. I've known Levi all my life, I'm not surprised you're a man, the only thing that makes me a little strange is that you're so young, Levi likes unripe fruit."  
"Shut your mouth," muttered the man directly concerned.  
"Fine!", Conny forced him to sit down next to him. "A mug of beer for our friend!"  
"Don't even think about it," Levi scoffed at them. "Eren shouldn't be drinking."  
"If that's the case, I shouldn't even be here. Come on, Levi. Let me have some fun." The man rolled his eyes. If the insolent man wanted to get drunk, who was he to stop him?  
It only took about two and a half mugs of beer for Eren to laugh out loud with Conny, while Marco pretended not to know them. Levi stood silently sipping the drink from his mug as he conversed with Erwin.  
"And to think, that boy and I didn't exactly get off on the right foot. I was wrong about him, he's not like the others. Besides, I can see he's very useful to you, he's your inspiration, isn't he?"  
"You know, you're quite irritating lately."  
"Come on, you know I don't mean that unkindly. The thing I like most is that Eren brings out the best in you. You seem more alive now. There's a different light in your eyes - you're different. It's like you've really begun to live.  
Levi didn't answer, too busy lighting a cigarette. His attention was focused on Eren, on the sweet sound of his laughter and the sparkle in his eyes. He himself felt different, Eren had been the unexpected that had filled his dark days.  
"Even if he was? He's special."  
"I know, it's not like you to look at everyone like that. But... how do you think this is going to end? I mean, I guess you've thought about your future. What are you going to do when people find out? Cause I doubt you can hide it forever. Someone might try to separate you and fate might be against you.  
Levi had to smile. He wasn't the type to give up easily, and Eren even more so. And at that moment, a phrase he himself had said to him a while back came to mind.  
"Tsk... fate. The authors of our story are us. And us alone."

About two hours later, the group went out. Although it was after ten o'clock, the streets were filled with people pouring into cinemas or various taverns. There was the scent of summer in the air, the scent of freedom that Eren had only discovered after eighteen years of life. It was pleasant to feel light-hearted, to be able to laugh and sigh, without thinking about anything. The alcohol had inhibited him no small amount, and because of that, Levi had been forced to go after him.  
"Eren!"  
"Leeevi! Where are we going now?"  
"Surely by yourself you're not going anywhere. I told you not to drink." The young man smiled, drawing him to himself.  
"Come on... don't be boring."  
In the midst of all the chaos, Jean Kirschstein had well understood that he found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. He and his friends - a group of well-heeled young men like himself - had decided to have a different kind of evening, but they'd probably be better off staying indoors than in the midst of a bunch of annoying, drunk guys.  
"Ah, what a nuisance. We'd better get the hell out of here," Jean complained, making his way through the crowd. Soon his eyes settled on the figure of the young Jaeger. It was not so much the sight of him there that surprised him, but more the sight of him in a rather intimate position with a man. The heir to the Jaeger family doing such things? For a few moments Jean thought he'd seen wrong, but it only took him focusing on the image before he realised he hadn't been wrong at all.  
"Eren... I remind you we're in public, people might see," Levi's cheeks were red and his eyes filled with desire. Was it going to be a case of letting go of instinct?  
"Let them see, then!" exclaimed Eren at that point, resetting the distance completely and giving him a kiss full of passion, to the point that it was impossible for Levi himself not to kiss him back, forgetting the people around them.

And among all the people who could have seen them was Jean, who stood completely still in shock. What he saw was a kiss, a passionate and rather heartfelt kiss. He wanted to say or do something, but before he could, one of his friends called the boy's attention, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him along. But it certainly couldn't end there. He had seen something too compromising to put aside.

It had taken a while for the effects of the alcohol to wear off completely, but now Eren had regained the ability to walk on his own two feet.  
"That was fun! Your friends are really nice. I haven't felt this good since... forever practically!" the young man exclaimed, practically clinging to Levi who, with an arm around his shoulders, was supporting him.  
"They're nice yes, and you're an idiot," he scolded him.  
"Don't be mean. I like all of you, especially I like you, Levi. Because you are exactly what I would like to be."  
"There's nothing good about being like me," the man whispered. Eren then forced him to stop.  
"What are you saying? It's beautiful to be you. You are absolute, you have your own rules. You are deep, sensitive, you understand the wonder of the world, you understand people and you understand me! You don't just exist, you live life day after day! You are my role model, you are what I want to become! You always tell me that I am your inspiration, but in truth you are my inspiration!  
Eren said this out loud. The road back was deserted, the street lamps lit, the villas silent and a few clouds above their heads. Levi felt a tremor. Although he would not have admitted it easily, those words had moved him, for no one had ever spoken to him with such affection and esteem.  
"Well... if I really am your role model, perhaps I'd better behave in an exemplary manner."  
"Yeah, you should stop smoking, for example."  
"Not a chance."  
Suddenly there was a clap of thunder in the distance. Before they knew it, a roaring downpour arrived.  
"Damn it!" exclaimed Levi. "That was uncalled for. Eren, we'd better hurry!"  
The boy, however, didn't seem bothered by the rain at all. He spread his arms wide and, looking skyward, walked to the middle of the street, letting the water soak him.  
"Oh, dear. Eren, come away from there, you fool!"  
"I can't! I could never hate the rain, for it was in the rain that I met you. Oh yes, you really should put a scene like that in your book. I'd call the chapter 'Lovers in the Rain!' I'm such a genius!"  
It was hard for Levi to hold back a laugh at that point. He was observing a crystal-clear, joyful soul who could not help but express his happiness  
"Alright, but you're really going to end up catching a disease this way." Young Jaeger thought better of ignoring him.  
"What's in a name? What we call by the name of a rose, even if we called it by another name, would still be the same sweet scent," he recited theatrically. Levi then approached him, taking him by the hand.  
"Who are you that, defended by the night, you come into my closed thoughts?"  
"That I should ask you! Oh, Levi! You are always here, in my mind, in my dreams and in my thoughts. Our souls must have interlocked so easily the moment we met! Nothing has any meaning without you now. They may take everything from me, sight, speech, breath, but they dare not separate me from you!" he exclaimed, his heart bursting with ardour.  
Levi ran a hand through his hair.  
"You were born to belong to me. I love you, Eren Jaeger, my inspiration," he whispered.  
"And I love you, Levi Ackerman, my artist." Their breaths merged and their lips soon met in a kiss that warmed them both. There was no more water to wet them or make them shiver. The kisses and words of two young lovers were lost in the rain, which disappeared as soon as it came.

Mikasa was certain that Armin and Eren had been up to another one of their mischief. The servant had seemed too strange and she knew her brother well enough to know that when he disappeared, it was never a good sign. So she decided to go to his room to make sure everything was okay.  
"Damn it, Eren! Where are you? Please come back soon!"  
Armin paced back and forth in his master's room. He had managed to keep Mr and Mrs Jaeger at bay, but the one he feared most was Mikasa, who had already caught him covering up for the boy once.  
"If Miss Mikasa finds out what I did, she'll kill me for sure. Eren will come home sooner or later, won't he?"  
His monologue was interrupted by Miss Mikasa's insistent knocking.  
Armin tried to hold back his nervousness, sighed and went to open the door.

Armin tried to hold back his nervousness, sighed and went to open the door.  
"Y-yes?"  
"There you are, Armin. I'd like to see how my brother is, can I come in?"  
"No! You can't, he has a cold, he might infect you!"  
"Come now, I'm not afraid of a cold. Or maybe there's something you're hiding from me?"  
The blond swallowed nervously, he definitely had to come up with something.  
"Wait here, alright? I'll go get him!"  
Mikasa made to counter, but the door was literally slammed in her face. In reality Armin was simply getting desperate.  
"Eren, please, where are you?".  
Luckily for him, the boy was not far away at all. After picking up his clothes at Levi's house, the latter had offered to accompany him under the window.  
"At last it's you on the other side! So how does it look?"  
"Huge. Your house is three times the size of mine, I could never live in a place that big."  
"Yeah, it's all about habit. I miss you already, Levi."  
"Come on, we haven't even broken up. Isn't Armin waiting for you?"  
"You're right. He covered for me for the umpteenth time, I owe him!"  
"You better hang on to a friend like him."  
"That's what I'll do!" Eren stamped a kiss on his lips, then made to climb the wall.  
"Climbing up?! You're going to get seriously hurt!"  
"Ah, but it's worth it. Good night, mon amour! I'll see you in my dreams!" he exclaimed loudly, ignoring the fact that they might hear him.  
"Sssh, you fool!" she scolded him, then lowering her tone. "Bonne nuit, ma douce inspiration*."

"Armin, if you don't open this door I'm just going in."  
The boy was biting his hands. He almost had the idea of slipping under the covers and pretending to be Eren, but he was afraid that wouldn't work. When he thought all was lost, Eren climbed up onto the windowsill.  
"Damn! I almost fell once or twice!"  
"Eren, finally!", Armin helped him down from there. "Get into bed! I told your folks you were sick and Mikasa is all over me!"  
"But I'm sick!" he lay down in bed. "I'm lovesick and I don't want to get well."  
"Please don't say such things in front of her!"  
At that point the lady, tired of waiting, opened the door. She was very surprised to find her brother there. She wouldn't have bet on it.  
"Eren, so you're here," the boy was strange, his face was flushed and his eyes bright. "Are you okay?"  
"I think I caught a cold."  
If Armin could have done that, he would have slumped to the floor. He'd had a rough time of it, but once again he'd had luck on his side. When Mikasa had gone, she walked over to his master to adjust the blankets.  
"Thank you, Armin. I can't thank you enough."  
"No worries. It feels good to make myself useful."  
Eren smiled.  
"You think Levi and I will be happy?"  
What did he know about happiness? He who was only a humble helper in that story?  
"I hope so. Because you deserve it."  
Happy, Eren sighed. And then he fell asleep, with a heavy heart. A new day was coming.

* Good night, my sweet inspiration


	12. 12 - Peur pour l'avenir

When he woke up, Eren had found himself with a splitting headache. It was a small consequence that he would gladly accept - after all, he had had a fantastic evening in return. Neither the migraine nor the cold could in any way spoil his good mood. Everything was going well, every day was a new adventure. For a long time young Jaeger had dreamed of living a life like that, full of excitement and even a little danger.  
Because he knew the uncomfortable situation he was in. Starting a relationship with a man was certainly not something every young man did, in fact, if anyone had done it, he would probably have found himself locked in a psychiatric hospital. No, that was not the fate that would befall him. He and Levi would have gone far, although he hadn't spoken to him about it yet. The fact was that it slipped his mind every time; they were so good together that all malicious thoughts automatically disappeared.  
If he thought back to the night before, in the rain and that declaration of love, Eren would end up getting lost, sighing dreamily as he clutched a book to his chest.  
"Um, Eren? Am I doing okay?"  
Armin's gentle voice brought him back to reality. He remembered he was in the library, he was teaching the servant how to read, after all the servant had asked him nicely, with all the favours he owed him that was the least he could do.  
"You're doing quite well," he replied distractedly. "How's the book?" The boy shrugged, displeased.  
"Unfortunately, it's not like I understand much of the plot, it's hard enough trying to understand the words."  
"Ah, don't worry. You know, Jane Eyre was my favourite book when I was fourteen. I still like the main character, despite all the misfortunes that happen to her, she's strong and impetuous, and I loved the story."  
"Oh, talking to you is like losing myself in a story," sighed the blond. "I'd like to be like that too. Strong, brave... but what the main character and I have in common is that we're orphans... and we're mistreated by everyone. If it hadn't been for your family..."  
"You don't have to think about the past because... it's past," he said as if it was the most obvious and natural thing in the world. "You know, I never had a friend. There's Mikasa, but she's my sister, so it's not really the same thing. You were my first real friend."  
Armin blushed at those words. No one had ever even called him a friend. There were no friends on the street, only companions in misfortune. He tried in vain to hold back his tears.  
"Oh, no! Please don't cry!" he huffed.  
"I apologise, it was stronger than me," he rubbed his eyes. The two boys' chattering was interrupted when Mikasa opened the library door and paused for a moment to look at them.  
"Mikasa? What is it?" her brother asked.  
"The Kirschsteins are here."  
"What?! But why? Oh, I don't want to be near that unpleasant Jean, do I have to come?"  
"You'll have to get used to it, since we'll be married before long." Eren rolled his eyes, deliberately avoiding comment. It couldn't get any worse than this. Once again he had forgotten that, as in the best love stories, the idyll could very often be snapped like a twig in the wind.

The boy tried not to look annoyed in front of Jean, who, as usual, was looking at him, but not with condescension. There was something strange in his expression, but in truth Eren didn't mind so much. His only thought was that he did not want to be there at that moment. Together with the bride and groom and Armin, they soon found themselves in the garden. With folded arms, he watched Jean talking to Mikasa, unable to help thinking that his sister deserved better. But unfortunately there was nothing he could do about it, if she had accepted her fate, there would be no point in getting in the way. The blond servant had stepped away for a moment, at which point the boy found himself alone. Jean seemed nice enough to Mikasa, although he had no idea what they were talking about. She saw him suddenly move away from her and towards him, who was leaning against the wall. The sight alone was enough to make him stiffen. What was this guy up to?  
Kirschstein approached, silent. And this silence only made the younger man more nervous.  
"Well? What do you want?" he asked impatiently, not caring if he appeared rude.  
"I find you nervous, Eren," sang the other only and exclusively to irritate him. "I have the vague feeling that you don't like me too much."  
"Ah, then you're not as stupid as I thought." The other smiled.  
"Perhaps if you knew, you would treat me with a little more consideration."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he huffed impatiently. Only then did he meet her gaze, feeling, without understanding why, a shiver.  
"Eren, I saw you the other night on boulevard de le Madeleine. You were in a man's arms and your lips were glued to his."  
For a moment the boy felt a void beneath him. He felt a very unpleasant sensation in his stomach, nausea and nervousness merging together, his heart now beating wildly. He tried to answer, but Jean silenced him.  
"Try to put on a calm expression. Your sister is watching us and thinks we are conversing amiably."  
Eren sighed. How could he even pretend to be calm? His most precious secret had been discovered by the person he despised most of all. Immediately he panicked. He could have denied it, but it was as clear as day that Jean had seen him. There was no credible excuse, he had been caught red-handed. He cleared his throat. Although he was afraid, his pride required him to maintain a certain demeanour.  
"What are you going to do? Tell my family?"  
"I honestly don't know. You know, I'm surprised. I knew you were rebellious, but I had no idea you were into entertainment like this."  
"Levi is not fun. I love him. I really love him, so much that I will kill myself if they try to separate me from him. But what can you understand? Nothing! You people don't understand, you people don't know!" he whispered angrily, his eyes wide open.  
Jean looked at him. His words were probably true, he could not understand. But what was he doing with love? More importantly, why would he understand such love, so unnatural and disgusting?  
"I probably don't really know. And to answer the question just now... I could probably tell your family. Maybe not."  
"What game are you guys playing?"  
"Who knows. If I told right now it would end the fun. For now I'd rather keep it to myself and maybe... use this to my advantage when the time comes."  
If only he could have, Eren would have punched him. He understood his intentions; she wanted to wait for an opportune opportunity and then threaten him.  
Never! He wouldn't stoop that low, he wouldn't submit to her blackmail or anyone else's. He sighed deeply. He had to remain calm for the moment.  
"I'm back!" exclaimed Armin with a jug in his hand. "Would you like some lemonade?"  
"Armin," Eren called after him, signalling for him to follow. "With me, now."  
The servant didn't ask any questions, just set the pitcher down on the table under the gazebo and followed him as Mikasa joined Jean.  
"I'm glad you two were able to talk normally. I hope you two can get along."  
"Don't worry. I'm sure Eren and I will have a good time."

"Eren!", Armin was trying to get behind his master. "Eren, stop! What's wrong with you?!"  
The noble looked at him wide-eyed: his expression was frightened and his breathing short. He rested his hands on his shoulders, drawing him to himself.  
"Armin, I'm in trouble. Jean knows!"  
"Jean knows what?"  
"About me and Levi!" he looked around. "He saw us. He caught us in the act. I'm ruined. What if I have to run away? I haven't told Levi about it yet, how can I?"  
"Wait, calm down! There's no guarantee he'll tell anyone!"  
"He hates me! He's made it clear he's going to use it to threaten me and I... no! I can't let that happen, but I don't want my parents to know about me and Levi either. But I have to be prepared for any eventuality."  
Armin was suddenly silent, backing away just a little.  
"Then you would run away for real?"  
"What other choice would I have?" The blond lowered his gaze.  
"You're right, the thing is... what would become of me? The only reason I'm staying here is because of you."  
"Oh, Armin. You don't have to worry about that, alright? Do you think I could leave you alone after all you've done for me? Don't worry. But now I have to talk to Levi, I can't wait any longer!"  
There were few things that could frighten Eren. He probably hadn't felt terror very often, for the simple reason that he had never had anything too important to lose, unlike now. After the initial shock, he told himself not to panic. What could they have done to separate them? Nothing, because he had been quite clear with himself: he would rather get himself killed than be separated from the person who most understood his desires and passions. The one person to whom he had given all of himself, body, soul, mind and heart. He sighed deeply and went back to Mikasa and Jean. He pretended not to see Kirschstein's gaze on him.

Time had passed without Levi realising it. He had woken up early and immediately set to work on his novel. Inspiration was a fleeting gift that could disappear in a moment. That was why he was working so hard, although he had the impression that, with Eren at his side, he was unlikely to lose his ideas. The story was finally taking shape. It would probably be the first novel, of all the ones he had started writing, that he would finally finish. . He was completely absorbed in writing the new chapter. It was no longer a question of simply staining the paper with ink, but also of putting down on paper part of his - their - story, his feelings, something that no one had ever been allowed to see. Until that boy came along and changed the plans. Levi ignored, even deliberately, what their future would be. It would have been nice to be able to come up with a happy ending for them, too, and that's what he had promised himself he would do, what writer would it be otherwise?  
The ink dripped onto the paper at his unconscious movement. It was in fact jerked, because Eren was knocking on the window - the same window he had broken some time before - with impetus and agitation.  
Levi huffed, going to open it.  
"Does this look like the way to-"  
"I need to talk to you!" she exclaimed as she walked past him. "We have a problem!"  
"What problem? Can't find your book anymore? Or has one of the pages been stained with tea?"  
"Jean Kirschstein knows about us."  
The writer looked at him for a few moments, then blinked.  
"Who?"  
"My sister's fiancé!" he exclaimed, bringing his hands to his head. "He saw us yesterday. He definitely saw us. That bastard."  
"Eren, calm down," the man walked over to him, grabbing him. "Has he told anyone?"  
"Not that I know of. But he's made it clear to me that he's going to use this to his advantage. He can't stand me and he knows that if my family found out about something like this it would be the end of me!" with exasperation she clung to him. He had always tried his best to appear strong, composed, calm, but he felt too nervous and agitated. Levi rolled his eyes.  
"No problem. He's just a kid pretending to have power. But neither he nor anyone else has power over you, or me. Do you understand?"  
The boy nodded, swallowing hard. He absolutely had to ask him, otherwise he wouldn't be able to in the future.  
"But if for some reason he spoke... would you run away with me?"  
Levi didn't answer right away. He assimilated that sentence, analysing it carefully. He had always had a quiet life, had always lived in that little house among the tall grass and trees. Paris was already a harsh reality for the likes of him, what was to come?  
"Running away? Are you serious or are you faking it?"  
"Hell, no I'm not pretending!" he forcefully clung to the fabric of his shirt. "And don't answer me by saying she won't tell anyway. Because it wouldn't change anything anyway. Suppose I couldn't persuade my parents not to marry Historia Reiss. Even then I'd have to leave. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I never had the courage to ask you. Don't you understand, Levi? There's no place for it, anywhere. We'd have to leave to hope to survive-"  
"Eren!", Levi called harshly. "I know you're having a hard time, but take it easy, all right? Suppose we ran away tomorrow... where would we go? What are we going to do? I have deliberately chosen to live in poverty, I have nothing but my art."  
"One can also live on art and love. I know, I know it would be madness," she gasped, wrapping her arms around his neck. "But now I'm beginning to be afraid that they might actually separate us. Even though I will fight with all my might, a little fear is always there. I'm human after all, right? Please tell me something...".  
In the tremor of his voice, there was a clear request for reassurance. Levi wasn't always able to be gentle; it was more accurate to say that it wasn't in his nature. But Eren seemed genuinely frightened and, with those big eyes full of questions, he was looking to him for protection and affection. Even if, like him, he had uncertainties, he could not possibly afford to show even a hint of fear. She gently grasped his face in her hands, looking into his eyes.  
"Of course you're human. And what a wonderful human being you are. You must know one thing, I do not intend to let you go, or allow you to marry a woman. Because I am selfish and because my good intentions went to hell a long time ago. You must trust me. If need be we will escape, we will live, though I don't know how. But until then you must stay calm and not allow anyone to control you, do you understand?"  
Levi's tone was almost fatherly, firm but gentle. This was something he liked very much. His touch reassured him. The man was security as well  
as well as salvation.  
"Levi, my love. What would become of me without you? Without you I wouldn't have found a reason to want to live. To really want to live, not the miserable existence that others want for me!"  
"And without you I would never have found the right inspiration," he sighed, then closed his eyes. "Nor would I have ever felt so alive. It's all right now, we'll just have to be careful. And if he tries to bother you in any way... you call me."  
A smile was born on the younger man's lips.  
"Will you come and defend me?"  
"A gentleman always defends his lady."  
"I am not a lady!" he exclaimed, pinching him. Levi's eyes widened.  
"How dare you, little boy?" he asked without any malice in his voice, unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt. Eren laughed as he stepped back further and further until he met the wall. Seconds later, the man was on top of him, trapping him in his arms. Again everything appeared blurred, distant. Nothing existed any more. It was not strange that he felt fear, it was simply the most natural thing in the world. Because he would never feel that way about anyone again.  
He looked into Levi's eyes.  
"What are you thinking about?" the latter asked.  
"I'm thinking that I finally know what it means to love. That's all I've ever asked for in my life.he encircled his body with her arms, stealing a kiss on his lips. The man reciprocated immediately, pinning him against the wall. Through the fabric of his clothes, he could feel the arousal he had caused him and it delighted him. Eren unleashed in him the rush, the deepest desires, his most fiery and animalistic side. He felt it was his, it belonged to him, there was no other option. He grasped his face with one hand, biting his neck and then running the tip of her tongue over it.  
"I will not allow anyone to touch you like that, it is my right and mine alone. As is the right to protect you, to love you, to desire you."  
Sometimes words could be better than gestures. Eren stiffened, his eyes closed, as his body responded, without even realising it, to his touches. Levi was aroused too, he could feel it when their bodies were close together, practically sticking together. Eren longed for him. Ever since he'd given himself to him, he couldn't do without the sensations, his body, his lips, his hands. He wanted it in every way.  
"Levi..." he gasped.  
"What?" she whispered in his ear. The boy placed a hand on his chest and pushed lightly, smiling mischievously at him. There was a strange light in his eyes that Levi could interpret, though not entirely. Without adding another word, the boy dropped to his knees, making him at that point realize his true intentions.  
"You've become quite bold."  
"I'd like to think I always have been, after all," he whispered impatiently, dropping his trousers and taking his erection into his mouth soon after. Levi squinted his eyes, watching him and barely holding back a moan. It was the first time he'd ever given him such attention, but Eren was determined to make him enjoy it as much as he had. His erection throbbed between his lips and he licked his shaft, listening for the slightest sigh from Levi. Levi hardly let himself go, and it was pleasant as well as amusing to see him lose control. The man stiffened, taking a hand in his hair, gripping it tightly and enjoying the tongue lapping at the length with great skill.  
He sighed deeply, trying not to lose his balance.  
"Eren..." he called his name in a broken tone, full of excitement. That was enough for the younger man to become aroused beyond measure. He couldn't get enough. He lifted his gaze and met hers, sucking hard. Levi cursed through clenched teeth.  
"Something wrong... Levi?" asked Eren amused. He was seeing him gasp and shake. Oh, but he wasn't going to let him get away with it!  
Moments later the man bent down, grabbed his face and pulled him close to him.  
"Everything is absolutely fine," he replied. He licked his lower lip and then Eren kissed him again and again, dragging him over himself onto the floor. They would have liked to get up and get to a more comfortable bed, but they didn't have the energy.  
Eren's arms were around Levi's back. Levi, on top of him, grabbed him by the hips, forcing him to wrap his legs around his waist as he rushed into him, taking care not to be aggressive.  
The young man moaned aloud, rising just enough to steal one more kiss, one that both he and Levi would not be able to tear themselves away from for many minutes to come. They desperately needed to be like this, they felt that otherwise they would both die. It didn't matter what the world thought, that it was a perversion, a disease, because even if it was, they would be happy to be singled out as sick or perverted.  
"Everything," Levi whispered in her ear. "You took everything from me. How dare you, do this to me?"  
"I ask for forgiveness," Eren bit his lip, closing his eyes.  
"I don't want your forgiveness. I want to be able to take everything from you in turn."  
"You already have, Levi. I belong to you totally," he clutched at him even tighter. Sweat dripped down their foreheads and wood scratched their backs in the final moments of their act of passion. Eren reached a violent, hurricane-like orgasm. He hunched over as Levi bit into his neck and released his seed into him.  
And the lightness of his heart returned. That floor had never been so comfortable as it was at that moment. A few seconds later, their fingers intertwined, caressing each other gently.  
"Mon amour, mon premier amour, mon prince*," Eren whispered, looking into his eyes.  
"I see you're an expert by now, petit garҫon**." The boy laughed, drawing closer.  
"There are still so many things you could teach me. I like you when you speak French. You're... more exciting."  
"Ah, is that so? Laissez-moi vous montrer les portes du paradis***," he whispered, sliding his lips over his body. Eren laughed, bringing his hands to his face and casting a glance at the now-dry rose in the vase. Could love dry up and die like a rose? The scarlet of those roses could be a symbol of life or death. What was their fate?

*My love, my first love, my prince  
**little boy  
*** Let me show you the gates of paradise


	13. 13 - Combats et rencontres

It was rare for Levi to go out during the day. In fact, it was an activity he often abstained from, unless he had an emergency.  
That was an emergency. He and Erwin had arranged to meet at the Rouge Café, and the painter had found this invitation rather strange. After all, they saw each other practically every day, and when they did go out, it was only to see Conny and Marco at Le Crabe Blue.  
But he soon realised this: Levi appeared nervous. He sat stiffer, under the shade provided by a parasol over their heads. The heat was strangely stifling that summer, perhaps because of this the streets were almost deserted.  
Erwin soon realised that the writer had asked to see him to talk about something very specific. However good he was at hiding his emotions, his agitation was almost palpable. However, he decided to take the conversation at a distance, otherwise he would risk making Levi shut down and probably change his mind.  
"Well? How's the writing of your novel going?" he asked, stirring a teaspoon of sugar in his cup.  
"Fine, thanks," he sighed. "The only thing is... I'm still missing a title. I've discarded at least six or seven of them. It's not as easy as it sounds, the title is important, it has to give an idea of what the reader is going to read but at the same time it has to capture you."  
"Don't worry about that, I'm sure it will come. After all, you have a good deal of inspiration on your side," he replied, bringing his cup close to his lips and studying her expression carefully.  
Levi rubbed his head, annoyed. It was as if just being there was taking a lot of effort. And that wasn't actually a lie. He had always hated to bore people with useless chatter, but as a human being, even he sometimes felt the need to unburden himself.  
"Eren is important to me. Even if I don't tell him enough."  
"I think he understands your character, you don't need to tell him, you show it enough already."  
Erwin looked amused, that his best friend needed advice in love?  
Levi lowered his gaze to the now lukewarm cup of coffee.  
"Eren would like to run away with me," he said in one breath. His friend's eyes widened then.  
"What? Why?"  
"His sister's fiance knows about us, and he's threatened to tell everyone. I think... goodness, I don't know," he stated nervously. "You should have seen him, he came to me and looked so scared. I tried to calm him down as best I could and convinced him not to do anything hasty..."  
"You wouldn't go away with him?"  
"Damn right I would. My fear is another. I fear he may one day regret it. I left home to pursue my dream of becoming a writer."  
"You don't sound regretful to me."  
"Indeed I am not. But I had nothing, no parents, no future, no decent life. I built my own life. On the one hand, I'm afraid he might be unhappy with me. Maybe he's not thinking about that now, because he's young and in love. What will happen if I hurt him? And what will happen if we end up spending our whole lives together? I'll probably die first, what will happen to him? I..."  
"Levi!", Erwin called his attention back. It wasn't like him to panic like that. "These are all legitimate concerns, but you don't have to think about them too much. Relationships are never easy. But being unhappy? Him?"  
"The thing is, I know what it's like to be lonely. I don't want him to be lonely too. Because by choosing me, he'll lose everything else," he sighed, then raising her voice. "On the other hand, though, I can't let his family shape him the way they want him to be, I can't let him get married and suffer. Because my sweet Eren... he's strong, but if they managed to rip off his wings, he wouldn't be able to fly anymore. These are my problems, I realise that. Because Eren already has a clear head. I don't understand why I have to worry so much."  
"I guess it's the consequences of loving someone." Levi lifted his gaze. Of course, what a fool. Why think so much about it? It was obvious, the answer was always the same: love, the meaning of everything, inherent in everything.  
Immediately afterwards, the two artists left the Café Rouge and turned into the Boulevard des Capucines, since Erwin was in dire need of buying new paints, and Levi was going to take advantage of this to buy some ink. This street was slightly busier and fuller than they had imagined.

Eren was happier than ever that morning. He had bought a new book and was looking forward to reading it with Levi. His mother and sister were inside a boutique - they had started looking for a dress for Mikasa's wedding - but he had preferred, for obvious reasons, to stay outside.  
Then he had seen Levi and his eyes had lit up with surprise and amazement. He raised his hand in greeting.  
"Levi!"  
The writer gasped as he heard himself called. The bag he was holding almost fell out of his hand.  
"Eren?"  
The boy crossed the street in a hurry, catching up to him shortly after with his breath short.  
"Levi... I'm surprised to see you here. You didn't tell me you were going into town."  
"I'm afraid it's because of me," Erwin intervened on his friend's behalf. "I asked him to meet me at the last minute." Levi looked at him, Erwin was clearly winking. He owed him a favour.  
"Ah, I see. Oh, Levi. I bought a new book, look at this," he whispered, showing him his new purchase.  
"Persuasion," the writer read.  
"Yes! I like Austen a lot. Maybe we could read it together," he lowered his voice, batting his eyelashes languidly. Levi knew how this would end. They would start reading it and continue even as they stole kisses, provoked each other and finally made love. The man had the impression that he could lose himself in those eyes. In them was the hope of a future together, in them was everything he wanted to live and fight for. There would be no need for words: it was enough to look at each other, the silence was enough to make a noise, the breath was enough to explain what they felt whenever they were together.  
"Eren darling, we can go!"  
The observing and wishing was interrupted by Carla: she, followed by Mikasa, had reached her son, who had turned to look at her with an indefinable expression. At that moment, time seemed to stand still, Mikasa was the first to realise this. Her brother seemed frozen, probably because his mother had just caught him talking to Levi, although in the very act of talking there was nothing compromising. It was what was behind that facade that was compromising.  
"M-mother," he stammered. "Yeah, um... okay." Carla, however, seemed to be looking curiously at the two men in front of her.  
"And who are these people? Are they your friends?"  
Levi arched an eyebrow, looking at Eren. That was certainly a situation he never expected to find himself in. The young man forced himself to remain calm. After all, his mother wasn't like his father; she was compassionate, he shouldn't forget that it was she who had wanted to take Armin in.  
"Y-yes, that's right. This is Levi Ackerman and Erwin Smith. They are a writer and a painter, respectively. Levi is... our neighbour."  
The man refrained from elbowing him. Was it really necessary to say such things? He noticed how Mikasa had taken to staring at him in a way he didn't really know how to interpret.  
"Two artists?" asked Carla. "How wonderful, I've never met an actual artist."  
"Um... actually we're still trying to get ahead," Erwin admitted embarrassed, as he brought a hand to his head and grinned like an idiot. Levi rolled his eyes.  
"You are Eren's mother and sister, am I right? Your son has told me about you. I am happy to finally make your acquaintance."  
"Oh, how kind. Eren was so curious about who lived next door to us, I never thought it would be a writer, I guess you two have a lot in common."  
Eren's eyes were glued to the ground, he simply wanted to disappear. It was all far-fetched: his mother was talking to Levi, who, he had to admit, knew just how to approach the nobility, thanks to his way of speaking and behaving. All this, however, risked being highly compromising.  
"Yes, we actually have a lot in common..."  
"Alright!" the boy said suddenly. "Mother, Mikasa, we'd better go, I'm sure Erwin and Levi have a lot of things to do: artists' lives are always so hectic and busy...!"  
"Since you're a neighbour of ours, I'd be happy if you'd come and visit us one of these days," his mother suddenly stated, ignoring him. Eren brought a hand to his face and suddenly felt faint. Now that would have been a compromising situation. Not that he wasn't happy to have Levi near him, but he wasn't exactly sure that any meeting with his father would end well. He looked desperately into his eyes, silently begging him to refuse in some way. Levi, however, was quite resolute and confident in his choices, so he thought better of acting on his own.  
"I would very much like to come."  
"Perfect! Of course you're coming too, Mr Erwin Smith."

"I-I?" he asked blushing. "C-certainly!"  
He couldn't believe what had just happened. What was Levi up to? Was he trying to amuse himself by putting him on the spot?  
"Perfect," the boy cleared his throat. "Then we'll wait for you. Now come on mother, please."  
"Such impatience, my son! All right then, it was a pleasure to meet you, my regards."  
"Goodbye," Levi greeted, watching Eren walk away. The boy occasionally turned his head, giving him a look mixed between desperate and nervous.  
"Um, am I mistaken, or did we just get invited by the same people who generally despise us?"  
"Apparently."  
"Well, I don't mind," Erwin quipped, bringing an arm around his neck. "Aren't you pleased? You will meet your beloved's family shortly."  
Levi refrained from answering. He doubted it would be a pleasant meeting.

"What did you do?!"  
Eren was quick to clamp a hand over Armin's mouth. He imagined a reaction like that from him.  
"It wasn't me, Armin! It was all my mother's idea! And he even agreed to it, but he'll hear me!"  
"Well, maybe that's not entirely a bad thing. Maybe this way, your father will finally understand that people like Levi - and like me - are not so different from you. And then you won't have to hide anymore."  
"Yeah, and do you think I could ever tell my dad that I'm with a man?"  
"Maybe not that. But it would still be a step forward."  
Eren sighed deeply. It could be good or bad, there was no middle ground. But he would get a chance to talk to him that very evening.  
"I'll go over and talk to him."  
"No! Don't tell me I have to cover for you again!"  
"Don't worry. My parents and Mikasa will be at a party. I won't go with them. The last time I was at one of these events, I got into a big fight with some of my peers from other noble families. They made fun of me because of my passions. So I threw a punch at one of them and that was that.  
Armin shook his head. Who knows why, but he wasn't surprised at all, it was just like Eren to behave in a certain way.  
On the plus side, he wouldn't have to jump through hoops to cover for him.  
The two suddenly heard footsteps from behind the door. Mikasa didn't bother knocking, simply walked in with her hands resting on her hips and a furious expression on her face.  
"But please, have a seat," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. His sister nervously tapped her foot on the floor.  
"Eren, I want to know what's going on immediately."  
"About home?"  
She sighed. She very rarely lost her temper and wanted to avoid losing her mind over a trifle, even if in that case it wasn't a trifle.  
"Look, I asked you to please. I asked you to make sure that your admiration for Levi didn't turn into something else."  
"And how do you know there is actually something there?"  
"Do you think I'm stupid? I know you better than anyone, and it's clear that there's something between you and him. Up until now I've been over everything, over the fact that you were seeing him on the sly, I've even been over the fact that Armin was covering for you, but now you're getting into trouble!"  
Eren felt his nervousness flare up like fire. He didn't want anyone to tell him anything. For the simple fact that no one knew anything, how he felt, what he felt, the beauty of what united him with the writer.  
"I don't want to talk about this with you," he pointed his finger at her. "When our father saw fit to arrange a marriage between myself and Lady Reiss, I don't recall you warning me."  
"You knew that would happen."  
"Yes, but I counted on you to understand! But in the end, perhaps I demanded too much. Because you said so yourself. You have no idea what love is... therefore, how could you understand?"  
Mikasa wanted to answer, but couldn't find the courage. Eren looked at her, looking deeply wounded in his soul. She wanted to speak, she wanted to tell him how she felt, to show him her fears, to tell him her secrets. But she couldn't. Because the pain had made her cold and apathetic. Only on the surface, because inside she was still that little girl who dreamed of a great love. A love that would never be hers.  
Armin looked at the two brothers, shocked. It was very rare for Eren and Mikasa to fight. The atmosphere was heavy, suffocating. But he had better keep quiet. Eren didn't add anything, he simply walked past his sister, who sighed and almost collapsed against the wall. Seeing her expression different than usual, now almost upset, there, at that moment, he understood that this young girl must be hiding a secret as big as it was painful.

Eren was certainly not happy about the discussion he had just had with Mikasa, but they would have a chance to clear the air later. That evening, the only thing he could think about was having to talk to Levi. At least, since his parents and sister weren't home, he didn't have to do crazy things like jump out of a window. Besides, alcohol was off-limits for him that night. Given how the last time had gone, Levi was making sure to keep an eye on him. Le Crabe Blue was packed as usual, and Conny was already half-drunk as he joked with a young waitress, Sasha Blouse. Eren had been paying attention to the way the two of them were looking at each other, it was more than obvious that there was tenderness there, he'd always been pretty good at picking up on such things. But, at least for the moment, he had more to worry about.  
"I can't believe you agreed to this!" exclaimed Eren, sitting down next to Levi, trying to overpower the vociferation around them. "Could it be that you don't have a problem with it?"  
"Should it?" he asked quietly.  
"I thought you didn't fit in with the nobles."  
"Of course, because I'm just trash to them. Besides, I couldn't refuse, your mother can be persuasive. She's not like the others, she seems nice. I think I see where you get your good heart from...".  
As he spoke, Erwin encircled his shoulders with an arm, smiling.  
"She has been so sweet towards us! I think I'm in love."  
"For God's sake, Erwin, do you hear yourself when you speak?" the writer sighed. Eren shook his head.  
"Just promise me you won't do anything weird. My father can be very harsh indeed, and he won't miss a chance to taunt you or get you in trouble."  
"Tsk, as long as I don't get him in trouble," he muttered, drinking what little remained at the bottom of the mug. Eren rested his face on one hand, drumming the fingers of the other boredly on the wooden table. It was shaping up to be a quiet evening, were it not for the arrival of Jean Kirschstein. On seeing him, Eren stiffened. Immediately he wondered what a nobleman was doing in a place like that. Then he thought that he absolutely must not be seen, otherwise something very unpleasant would happen.  
"Eren, are you feeling alright?", Levi asked him.  
"Yes... I mean, no!" he exclaimed agitatedly. "I feel sick, can we leave?"  
"But we just got here."  
"I know, but really... we shouldn't stay here," he whispered with a grimace. He brought a hand in front of his face, then looked at Jean. Probably, hoping the latter wouldn't see him would have been hoping too much. Seconds later, her eyes were on him. Eren saw him smiling strangely and then saw him break away from his group of friends and approach.  
"Eren, what a surprise, I had no idea I would find you here," he stated quietly and with false warmth.  
The younger man swallowed dryly. He could feel Levi watching him.  
"Hello. Neither did I, actually. What's someone like you doing in a place like this?"  
"Me and my friends were looking for a place to stay quiet. We were fooled by the sign, it looked so posh, but apparently I was very wrong. Just riffraff."  
Levi furrowed his brow, listening intently. As soon as he met his gaze, Jean smiled wickedly.  
"Besides, I suppose it's pointless to ask why you're here."  
The boy's breathing was now rapid. He knew that Levi was unlikely to lose his temper, which was precisely why he feared to see any violent reaction from him.  
"Are you by any chance Jean Kirschstein?"  
The person directly concerned gave him a dirty look.  
"How dare you, you beggar, address me in such a confidential tone? Show respect to your betters.  
"I will do so when I am faced with someone actually superior to me.  
Conny was heard to say, "Oh, you go, Levi!" as Eren grew more and more desperate, although on the one hand he was happy to see Jean being put in his place. But he must not forget that Jean himself was aware of his secret. Levi stood up, a proud expression on his face.  
"Are you perhaps provoking me?" asked Jean.  
"That depends. You know, for me violence is regression, since we are endowed with reason, unlike animals. However, I have no problem reacting if the need arises."  
The way he spoke unnerved him. Jean felt humiliated, how dare the poor man go against him like that? Short as he was, he wouldn't have been hard to attack, even though he wasn't very familiar with such things.  
"Joke all you want," he leaned in close. "After all, I'm the one who's got you after all, since I know your little secret. You want to ruin everything, huh?"  
The older man tightened his lips. At first he tried to hold back, but then he decided to regress and punched him in the face. Jean groaned as Eren's eyes widened in amazement at such agility and resolve.

"You bloody bastard," cursed Jean with his hands on his now bleeding nose. "You're dead!"  
A ruckus ensued. Eren and Marco were the first to intervene, as Erwin and Conny were pretty much out of the picture. The boy grabbed his beloved from behind, dragging him away from Jean's grip.  
"Levi, are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine," he blurted. "I'm sorry, but he was stronger than me."  
Marco had been left with a thankless task. After grabbing Jean firmly, he dragged him into the street.  
"Come on, calm down now!" he tried to reassure him. But the nobleman immediately broke away from him, looking disgusted.  
"Don't touch me, you beggar. Why did you interfere?"  
Marco grimaced, not seeming offended by his insult.  
"Because Levi is my friend. And because you started it."  
Jean waited for his breathing to become regular again before he realised that this boy was indeed right, but he wouldn't admit it.  
His dark eyes were kind.  
"Um... you're hurt...," Marco then uttered.  
"Wha...?" the nobleman looked at the bloodstained hand. "Ah, this. It doesn't matter. That bastard, I can't believe I got hit!"  
"Unfortunately I don't have anything, but I can make do," in saying that he tore a flap from his shirt sleeve. Realizing what his intentions were, Jean stepped back.  
"Stop! What are you doing?"  
"I just want to help you. You've been punched pretty hard, I hope you didn't break anything." As he said this, Marco stepped closer. As soon as the cloth lay on his face, Jean's instinct was to sigh. He was feeling a caring and gentle touch from someone he did not know, who was totally different from him and whom he had even mistreated. But that had not stopped him from helping him anyway.  
Marco smiled.  
"Done. Apparently you and Levi don't get along too well."  
"Watch your mouth. I am Jean Kirschstein, future lord and sole heir of the Kirchtein family," he declared coldly. And in return he received a smile. Yet another sweet smile that made him quiver.  
"How do you do, my lord? I am Marco Bodt, a future pianist. I mean, at least I hope to be a pianist, it's not at all easy to break through."  
The nobleman was astonished by such naturalness. It was making him more than a little uncomfortable.  
"Oh, yeah? Well, that's good to know. You've helped me, but I don't want to be indebted to you."  
"It's okay, you're not."  
"Yeah, right. Well, I'd better go now, it's not good for someone like me to get into trouble." His tone appeared hurried and nervous. In spite of this - and in spite of the unkind treatment he received - Marco had to smile. Even though they were from a different social class, he felt that Jean looked like him. Who knows if he would see him again.

"Ah, your friends are always so confusing," Sasha sighed.  
"What can you do, that's the beauty of youth," Conny gloated, looking at the girl in love.  
"Youth? You're the youngest among us," muttered Erwin, who had recovered from his hangover.  
Eren brought a hand to his head.  
"Levi... is... is everything all right?"  
"I already told you it is. There's one thing you need to know about me. I'm very quiet but the moment I have to protect something I care about I tend to get a little aggressive."  
The young man made to reply that yes, he had noticed that, but he didn't have time to do so when Marco returned.  
"That guy left."  
"Gone away? That's terrible. Now he's going to tell everyone. How do I do that?"  
"I don't understand, but who is he?"  
"Only my sister's future husband."  
"Oh... I see...."  
Eren grimaced. For once he wished so much that the next day didn't come.


	14. 14 - Après-midi chez Jaeger

That morning Eren woke up in a bad mood, aware that he was in for a tough day. Still sleepy, he made his way to the living room. He had no desire to eat, all he wanted to do was drop to the floor and start reading Persuasion. Which he actually tried to do. He lay down on the carpet, enjoying the smell of the new pages. And he began to read, as long as he obviously had the chance.  
"Eren!" his mother called him. "But what are you doing in this condition? I remind you that we have guests today!"  
"Yes, I know," he mumbled. "But do we have to?"  
"What's the matter? I thought Mr. Levi Ackerman was your friend!"  
"And indeed he is!" he exclaimed, setting himself down. Carla blinked, then smiled.  
"Well then there's no problem at all. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I also invited Jean Kircshtein and Lady Historia."  
Eren made to speak. He would have loved to ask a "what?", but in truth nothing came from his lips but a faint whisper. This was a disaster. Him, Levi and Jean together? Anything could have happened, given what had happened the night before. And then Historia. He wasn't sure the writer would be able to keep himself from making some acid joke or odd remark.  
With these thoughts on his mind he stood up, going after his mother.  
"They can't be there!"  
"Eren, don't be rude. They're part of the family now." The boy assumed an exasperated expression. There was absolutely nothing he could have said to convince her. Also because it was probably late. They would all be together, face to face. He sighed loudly. He would never have been ready for such an uncomfortable and frustrating situation.

Levi and Erwin, for their part, were already standing in front of the entrance to the Jaeger house. If the former was calm, the latter seemed more than a little agitated.  
"Am I properly dressed? Am I in order? I'll probably say something I don't have to, as usual."  
"Since when do you make such a fuss?"  
"I don't get into trouble, I just feel a little uneasy. This is the enemy's lair for us."  
"Actually, it's my lover's house," said the writer without too much trouble. They were greeted shortly afterwards by the servants, which for them was almost extraordinary. Levi immediately recognised Armin, who smiled affably at him, as if to reassure him.  
In the living room, meanwhile, Grisha was sipping a glass of wine in his armchair.  
"And so you became friends with a writer, eh?" he asked his son, who carefully avoided looking at him. The head of the family had not exactly been happy at the news that his house would be "invaded" by such people. However, he had no other choice; his wife had already acted. He only hoped that the day would pass quickly.  
"Yeah..." he replied vaguely.  
"At least now I know where and with whom you were spending your time."  
"Grisha, dear, please try to be friendly," Carla begged him.  
"I am friendly, but you also know how I think," he stated sternly. Mikasa, sitting next to her brother on the couch, turned to the right and saw Armin, followed by Levi, serious and stiff, and Erwin looking around curiously.  
"This house is huge!" the latter commented. "You can really tell that these people are rich." His friend then elbowed him in the ribs to force him to shut up.  
"Gentlemen, the guests have arrived," Armin said with a bow. Carla was the first to welcome the two.  
"Welcome! Please take a seat, tea will be served shortly!".  
"Eh... thanks for the invitation," Erwin replied, clearing his throat. Levi just looked at Grisha, who immediately looked back at him. Eren held his breath. How would they approach each other? The head of the family stood up and went to meet the long-awaited guests.  
"'So you are my neighbour - a writer. From what I understand, you and my son are very close friends?" The man looked at the boy.  
"That is true," he said. Only after hearing his reply did Eren remember to breathe. The tension between them was palpable, but he trusted in Levi's good self-control, although he was sure things would get worse when Historia and Jean arrived. Shortly afterwards, Erwin had let loose a rant about his misunderstood art and the pictures he painted, and Carla had replied that she would be very happy to see his paintings. Mikasa stood silently, contemplating something not so pleasant. And, strangely enough, Eren kept quiet too, casting a few sidelong glances at Levi, who was sitting next to him. Having him there was bizarre, but even more bizarre was the fact that he couldn't allow himself to act like that. Pretending. Then he and Grisha started talking between glasses of wine.  
"What do you write?"

"Romance novels".  
"Ah, now I understand why Eren is such a friend to you. He has always had a strange fondness for tales of the genre, though I have always found it unsuitable. Some stories are only for women and young dreamers."  
"Some stories are simply for everyone," Levi retorted, looking straight into the eyes of his interlocutor. Eren was rigid and his heart was pounding, more and more, moment by moment.  
"So that's how you guys think, huh? You think writing love stories will give you glory?"  
"Who can tell. I just feel the need to tell something. And Eren gives me a lot of inspiration."  
Eren turned to look at him with wide eyes. Was it really necessary to bring up such a thing? Grisha's face had turned gloomy.  
"Is that so?"  
"Yes. Your son is intelligent and sensitive. Besides, he is a great expert in the field, he could only be my inspiration."  
The young man had to smile as Levi looked at him. How could he, even disguising the words, make him quiver completely? The head of the family did not answer, just took another sip of wine as he watched the two. He wasn't keen on the idea of his heir hanging out with people like that. He already had strange ideas in his head, the last thing he needed was to hang out with a strange and arrogant writer.  
After that, Eren remembered he had to warn Levi. Pressing himself not to look at his face, he whispered his name.  
"We have a problem."  
"If you mean the way your father looks at me, that's okay, I can ignore it."  
"No, Levi. I mean another problem. Historia and Jean are coming soon. You can't stay!"  
The young man could not have seen her, but Levi's expression had changed. Immediately he rested his goblet on the low table and stood up.  
"Gentlemen, please excuse me, but I think it is time for Erwin and I to go."  
"But why? We've only just arrived," Erwin huffed, receiving a glare from his friend in return.  
"Your friend is right. And then we are still waiting for guests," said Carla.  
That's exactly the problem, the writer wanted to reply. But just as he was about to open his mouth, with impeccable timing, Armin arrived with bad news.  
"Lady Reiss and Lord Kirschstein are here!".  
Eren had to summon all his strength to try not to let any emotion leak out. Levi sat back down, bringing a hand to his face with annoyance. They had better get ready, because soon their secret would come out in the worst possible way.  
Shortly afterwards, Historia and Jean arrived. Historia, dressed and combed like a beautiful porcelain doll, opened her eyes slightly at the scene, but the biggest change was in Jean's expression as he found himself in front of the most unexpected person.  
For a few seconds there was an icy silence, to say the least. Eren wanted to sink into the sofa. He looked at Levi, certain that Jean would soon be spitting out every word.  
"Please don't stand there. Historia, Jean, this is Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman, two of Eren's friends."  
It was at the very moment that Levi and Jean found themselves in front of each other that young Jaeger feared the worst. They stood studying each other for a few seconds.  
A few seconds of anxiety and terror. Kirschstein had an indefinite expression. Fate sometimes played strange tricks. It would have been so easy to talk and ruin everything. Yet he did not.  
"Pleased to make your acquaintance," he said seriously. Levi frowned, surprised.  
"Likewise," he merely said.  
Eren sighed. Jean hadn't said anything. He couldn't explain why; it had weirded him out. Levi's attention then shifted to Historia.  
"We've already met once. Eren told me about you," the girl said.  
"I am pleased. He never told me about you," he said sourly. Eren got up abruptly.  
"Is the tea ready?"  
The danger had probably been averted. But it was always better not to declare victory too soon. There were some really strange things, including Jean's silence that he just couldn't explain. And then there was Levi, who sometimes looked at Historia as if she had been an insect to be squashed. He was jealous and it made him smile. After all, he could understand it, he was possessive of her too. He just hoped him wouldn't indulge in some brilliant joke like the one just now. The atmosphere was slightly more relaxed now than before, but that didn't mean Eren would let his guard down.  
"Mr. Levi, would it be indiscreet of me to ask you what the novel you are writing is about?"  
The boy almost choked on the tea he was drinking. A more inappropriate question than that could not have existed. He looked at Levi, begging him with his gaze to come up with something.

"It is about the love between two people from two different social classes. Grisha and Carla were the only ones surprised.  
"Really? That sounds interesting. You mean that one of the two characters will be a nobleman while the other... no?"  
"That is correct, Lady Jaeger. The love that unites these two people is something that escapes the comprehension of many, but which nevertheless endures the elements, like a scarlet rose under the snow."  
As he said this he looked at Eren, who was trying hard not to smile. Was this really their story? Passion, love, secrets?  
"This is confirmation that we think differently," Grisha commented at that point. "Nobles with the nobles and the poor with the poor. That's how it should be, a social order that must be respected."  
"The social order was invented by man himself, and my only rule is not to follow any rules."  
"Even if that means doing something immoral?" he asked curiously. The young Jaeger lowered his gaze.  
"Yes, even. Ah, don't worry, I haven't killed anyone. I'm just a writer who likes to question everything around me.  
"Truly enchanting," the man then quipped in a tone that was anything but kind. Eren only hoped his father didn't say something too offensive, because otherwise Levi wouldn't hold back. And the situation was compromising enough as it was. But he wasn't the only one who was nervous. Jean seemed to be restless, and Mikasa could see that.  
"Jean, are you not feeling well?" asked Carla.  
"I just feel like I need to breathe some fresh air. It must be the heat."  
"I'll take you!" exclaimed Eren at once, who was going to ask him on this occasion what was so pressing on his lips. In truth, Jean would gladly have done without talking to him. In the garden, the two young people were able to enjoy the shade of a tree. The older one sighed with his eyes closed, giving his back to the younger one who didn't go around the matter too much.  
"Why didn't you speak up?"  
"I guess you were quivering to ask me that, huh?"  
"Well... yes, considering what happened yesterday. So? You had a chance to tell about me and Levi. What kept you?  
Jean grimaced. It was a smile that held him back, freckles, soft eyes and a kindness from a pure heart. It frightened him somewhat. Why should another man, a poor ordinary man, be so interesting to him?  
It was absurd and unnatural, to say the least. He looked at Eren. His gaze was not as hard as usual, the young man even found it melancholy, a melancholy that Kirschstein hardly allowed himself to indulge in.  
"The boy who helped me yesterday, Marco... is he your friend?"  
"Huh? In truth he is Levi's friend. But yes, I know him. Why are you asking me about him?"-  
"It's nothing. I just owe him, that's all. That's why I'd like to see him again.  
Eren felt like smiling. His face flushed, his expression embarrassed, he would have recognised those signs anywhere.  
"Jean, you wouldn't happen to have an interest in a musician? In a man?"  
"How dare you insinuate such a thing? I am the betrothed of a woman, your sister."  
"So am I, but in the meantime here we are. Marco must have won you over quite a bit to be able to even desist from revealing my secret."  
"Shut up, please!" Jean shushed him stridently. And Eren did not actually reply, but an amused smile appeared on his face. Could it be that he and what he had always considered a rival were actually more alike than he thought?

Watching the two young men was Levi. At arm's length, with his hands in his pockets, he was smoking to try and relax. Although it might not have looked like it, he felt quite nervous, he felt suffocated. How could Eren have lasted all those years in that prison? If it had happened to him he would have gone insane, but the boy had been strong enough to keep going and still find a way to escape.  
Lady Historia approached the man with the fan close to his face. Her eyes were curious.  
"I've never met a writer," she exclaimed as she came up beside him. Levi turned his head slowly, looking suspiciously at his lover's future wife.  
"I'm glad to know that," he replied coldly. Historia wasn't surprised, it was obvious he saw her as a rival, as something extra that shouldn't have been there. Rather ironic in fact. The girl's blue eyes settled on Eren's figure. She and that boy were united by an incredibly similar and sad fate. She sighed.  
"I know you've taken a dislike to me because of the infamous role I play in this."  
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he huffed boredly.  
Historia smiled.

"No words are needed. From the very first moment I recognised what was between you and Eren. I could not have failed to recognise it, for the exact same thing happened to me." It was only at that point that Levi lifted his gaze, showing a modicum of interest.  
"Do you love another person too?"  
"That's right. I promised this person that we would be together, but that can't happen if I get married. Therefore, Eren and I have decided that we will do everything possible to avoid the wedding."  
Levi tried not to give it away, but he was incredibly relieved.  
"And why on earth are you confiding such a thing to me?"  
Historia walked past him, swaying her dress.  
"To warn you to be quiet. I'm on your side. Anyway... I like the plot of your book. I'm sure it will be a great story."  
Saying this, the young woman went back inside the house, leaving the man there, his cigarette almost completely consumed between her lips.  
A good story. Yes, that was indeed what they were, a good story to be written and to which the happiest possible ending had to be found.

After Historia, Levi, Eren and Jean went back into the house. Lady Jaeger was chatting amiably with Erwin, who had commissioned a very important task: she wanted him to paint a portrait of Mikasa and Jean on their wedding day. Obviously this was too important an offer to refuse, so the painter had accepted immediately.  
"It will be an honour for me. I'll do my best, you'll see!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. Levi rolled his eyes, while Jean had abandoned his usual upright posture and was leaning back slightly. Had he been right to confide in Eren? Or had it been a mistake?  
The young man then cleared his throat.  
"Um... you know, Jean and I were thinking of going to the theatre tomorrow," he said out of nowhere. Kirschstein looked at him wide-eyed. They had agreed to nothing of the sort.  
"Theatre? But darling, you hate theatre," his mother pointed out.  
"That's true, though... you always say I should find pastimes befitting my social rank, so what better than theatre in the company of a Kirschstein, no?"  
His father seemed impressed by this.  
"I'm glad to hear you say that. At least you have someone to influence you positively."  
Levi took the hint, but did not respond.  
"But... but I really...," Jean tried to say something, being silenced by a look from Eren. Although he had never felt sympathy towards her, he knew what it was like to be in her state. Besides, that little confidence she'd made in him had made him incredibly more human in her eyes, more like himself.  
"I'm glad you two are getting along," Mikasa said at that point, surprised but ultimately satisfied. Her brother smiled nervously at her. Perhaps this was the right opportunity to save his sister from an arranged marriage. It was clear that she was not in love with Jean, and he was sure that this was just a facade to avoid suffering. The afternoon continued to pass fairly quietly. Levi spoke little, but when spoken to, he conversed beautifully and wittily. Lady Jaeger seemed fascinated, Grisha on the other hand always seemed to look at him with a certain resentment. He didn't appreciate people who were different, and that was clear, but for Levi it was even worse. Maybe it was because Eren's eyes were full of admiration for him. If he'd known what else was going on, he probably wouldn't have limited himself to barbs. Levi had confirmation of that that afternoon.  
He was trying to hold back his urge to smoke as much as possible, but he found it difficult since he was under so much pressure. So he went outside again; the blue sky was streaked with pink and yellow-orange, a sign that the sun would soon be setting. He let the nicotine do its work and closed his eyes. Then a voice raised his nerves again.  
"You smoke a lot," Grisha said behind him. Levi looked at him. Now they were alone, face to face,  
"Yeah, I started when I was twenty. I know it hurts, but I just can't stop. Ah, rest assured, I didn't let Eren smoke, I don't want him to ruin his health."  
"Well, despite your nonconformist nature, you are still a responsible adult. It almost seems like a twist of fate that you and my son met."  
"As I always say, the authors of our destiny are us and us alone."  
"Sure... I guess. I just hope you don't want to give too much breath to his silly fantasies. Not least because before long he will be getting married and leaving this house forever. Most likely your friendship will end, but don't feel bad. It's only fair, you come from two different worlds.  
Levi took care not to look him in the eye. Grisha was not saying this naively; he had said it to get a reaction from him. A satisfaction Levi would not give him.  
"Who can tell? Maybe things will be different," he challenged him. The man narrowed his gaze.  
"Failed artists have never had my sympathy. I'm watching you, be aware of that," he whispered. Levi shrugged, continuing to smoke his cigarette undisturbed. Then the head of the family walked away, taking the heavy, suffocating aura with him. As if he needed to be told certain things, he had already understood them. Deep in thought, he found himself flinching when Eren brushed his shoulder.  
"Did my father bother you?"  
"Oh, no, he's a gentleman, we were just talking. You rather! What are you up to? Are you allying yourself with the enemy?"  
"No, no, you don't understand! It's all right! Jean wants to meet Marco."  
"Marco? Marco my friend? Why?"  
The young man shrugged, making him imply with his gaze what could not be said.  
"Did he tell you that?"  
"Not exactly."  
"Oh, Eren. We have our own problems."  
"No, it's fine, really! Look, helping him doesn't cost me anything, you know how hard it is to be... us too. Besides, look on the bright side, at least he can't blackmail me anymore."  
Levi sighed. Damn Eren and his good heart.  
"Alright. But I'm coming with you too."   
"That's more than obvious. By the way," he lowered his gaze. "I love it when you're jealous."  
"Eren Jaeger, don't provoke me, we're not in the right place."  
The boy approached spitefully though, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, being very careful that there were no prying eyes around.  
"Either way, it went better than I thought," Levi sighed. "I admire you, Eren. In your place, I wouldn't have lasted so long with such an oppressive father."  
"But you would have lasted. Besides... meeting you helped me," she whispered, furtively stroking his fingers. Levi had to restrain himself from doing all the things he would have liked to do to him, bite him, hold him, kiss him.  
"Nonsense, mon amour. You're the one who helped me."  
"Ah... you know I like it when you speak French."  
"Je t'aime, mon premier amour*." The boy smiled like a fool, moving closer.  
"Eren!" his mother called back. Immediately he retreated.  
"Um... shall we go back in?"  
"I'm afraid we have no other choice. Rather, I must retrieve Erwin, I'm afraid he will take root here otherwise." Eren had to laugh. He knew he wasn't alone, so many people were against them, but so many people were on their side. Perhaps reality was not as cruel as he had believed.


	15. 15 - Distance annulée

It was a strange day. Rather dreary for summer, the air was crisp. But that wasn't a bad thing for Eren, who had learned to appreciate rainy days even more. It had taken on a special meaning since he and Levi had met. Now they were not only lovers - what a wonderful word -they were people who loved each other unconditionally, and even improvised as Cupids.  
Jean quivered impatiently. The fact that he was there with Eren, who had understood perfectly what the problem was - of course, even without words it would have been obvious! - made him uncomfortable.  
"But why did you make up that excuse?" he asked suddenly, catching Eren's attention.  
"Why? You wanted to meet Marco and I'm accommodating you. Anyway, just call me 'you'. There's no point now, we're fellow adventurers."  
"C-companions?" whispered Jean in amazement. He didn't like the idea of being compared to that young man too much. Besides, they weren't the same, and they definitely didn't share the same things.  
Never.  
Absolutely impossible. Jean saw Eren's eyes light up: in the distance, Levi was approaching with his usual serious, inscrutable expression.  
"Oh, no," he complained. "Why is he here?" On arriving in front of him, Levi squared him.  
"You should learn to be a little nicer to those who are helping you, since I don't think you deserve it. But Eren is stubborn and even I can't convince him."  
"No problem. The last thing I want is to be helped by a failed and perverted writer like you."  
"Failed and perverted. That's a new one on me," he said with an enviable calmness that would make even the most reasonable person lose control. And Jean was already ready to retort when Eren stepped in.  
"Look, here comes Marco!"  
It was unbelievable how even a spoken name could instantly change his mood. Kirschstein dropped his argument with Levi and turned his eyes to the other side of the street. A carriage pulled up and the boy's jovial smile and adorable freckles were all he saw.  
"Hello, everyone!" he exclaimed happily. "Oh, you? You're here too?" Jean got lost looking at him. Eren had to hold back a laugh, then elbow him.  
"Yes! Good to see you again!" he exclaimed. It was rather strange to see him like this.  
Jean Kirschstein was always stiff, controlled and quiet, but Marco had the incredible ability to shatter that mask.  
"You too! I thought you had problems with Levi."  
The man directly concerned rolled his eyes.  
"What are we going to do, things change."  
"That's right, that's right!", Eren grabbed him by the wrist. "We'll leave you alone now, we're busy."  
Jean lost a beat at those words. What was that madman up to? Leave him alone with him? They hadn't agreed to anything like that, and besides he didn't want to be alone with Marco, what was he supposed to say to him?  
Suddenly there was panic. Eren had been clever to set up that convoluted plan without making him part of it. Now he had walked away with the writer. Marco must not have understood anything, because he had simply turned to look at him, smiling.  
"Shall we go?"

"Eren, let's go. Do you want to stop or not?"  
The young man walked briskly and with a toothy smile.  
"Come on, don't be boring, my wonderful artist."  
"I just want to know what you find so exciting about it."  
Eren brought a hand to his chest, assuming a falsely troubled expression. He had a truly remarkable theatricality about him.  
"Oh, dear. You're asking me what I find so exciting about it? But it is clear: love excites, love must be defended, protected, sown. One day the good we have done may well come back to us."  
"Yes, but you're aware that we're talking about your sister's future husband, aren't you?"  
"Of course I am. But it wouldn't be right to marry someone you don't love... right?" she asked, blinking.  
Levi sighed.  
"Right. What do you want to do now? Do you want to buy some books? Do you want to go to the movies? Anything, but please don't seriously take me to see some boring show at the theatre, I wouldn't stand for it."  
The boy approached him, his gaze spiteful and his hands behind his back.  
"There's only one story I want to read - yours," he whispered. And that sentence sounded to Levi like the worst of provocations. A thrill of excitement ran through him. He looked around and then signalled for him to follow. The crowded city was not the right place to read love stories.

They had to walk for a good half an hour before they arrived at the predestined place that Eren did not know existed. Where there was no city, there was plenty of greenery and a different scent, the scent of wet grass and flowers. There was a little river that had burrowed into the ground and was flowing undisturbed. Eren marvelled at it as only he could, ignoring the fact that it might rain soon. He immediately lay down on the grass as if it were the most comfortable of beds. Levi, on the other hand, delayed, as he would have been annoyed to get dirty, but in the end he told himself that it would not be a tragedy. He took out his notes from the thin folder he always carried with him and handed them to Eren, who began to read aloud.  
"Lèon! I love you with all my being, you cannot even imagine how much. I am willing to give up my rank for you, my name, my family, if it will keep you bound to me forever! Lèon approached the young nobleman in front of him, stroked his lips with a finger, then drew him to himself in a kiss as hot as hell. Oh, hell, he would have settled for that rather than an empty heaven. Their excitement grew and..." oh, man! You put sex scenes in there too!"  
"At this point I don't see what the problem is. The kind of relationship I'm describing is already considered illicit, so there's no point in holding back.  
Eren smiled, his eyes languid.  
"I like them," he whispered quietly. He resumed reading, occasionally lifting his gaze to study the writer's reaction.  
"Their skin became warm and their intimacies rubbed; they were in need of knowing unexplored places. Desire grew like fire, until Lèon and Etienne realised that the time had come to abandon themselves to oblivion and abandon their fears and clothes".  
The boy tightened his legs. It was of them he was reading, he was not ashamed to think how beautiful, exciting, intimate it all was.  
"Lèon's mouth was now on Etienne's neck, his hands caressing every inch of it, catching heartbeats. And Etienne was calling his name. "Leon... Leon... take of me everything."  
Levi had grown closer. It was clear, palpable desire. With two fingers he grasped his chin.  
"I will take you, my Etienne, because you belong to me. And only to me," he whispered on her lips. Eren smiled, letting himself fall on the grass, Levi was now on top of him, body against body. He kissed him on the lips and desperately sought out his tongue to caress it with his own. The young man closed his eyes, the papers still in his hand, his heart beating wildly. The man intertwined his fingers with hers, lifting his gaze to hers without removing his lips from hers. There was something, or rather someone, in the trees.  
He broke away, huffing.  
"So I can't do it."  
"Did I do something I shouldn't have?" the young man asked panting.  
"No, you're not the problem. The problem is that there's someone watching us. And that makes me uncomfortable."  
On hearing those words, Eren gasped. Who was this person? Maybe someone connected to his family? He immediately looked around.  
"W-who are you?! Come out now and face me like a man!"  
A few moments passed before the person in question jumped out. It was a woman, the hard, cold look, the pride in her eyes, despite the rags she wore.  
"I'm not a man, but that won't be a problem," she said, showing what she had in her hand, which was a stone. Eren did not understand. It was after a movement of her arm that he guessed what her intentions were.  
"What the...? Stop!" she exclaimed, covering herself with her arms. "Are you crazy?"  
The woman then moved closer, she was now inches from his face.  
"I'm not crazy, it's you who are a total idiot. How can you cheat on Historia with a man?"  
"Huh... huh?!" he was getting more and more confused. "You know Historia? Levi, you're not even going to help me out?"  
"And why should I? It's so much fun," he commented, lighting a cigarette. Eren looked at the stranger.  
"Do I know Historia? She's the woman of my life. And it's only your fault that we can never be together."  
She hit him in the chest so hard that the boy almost fell. Historia had told him she loved someone else, but he never thought it would be a woman. But after all... why not?  
"Historia... she told me about you. I mean, she didn't tell me you're a woman, she just told me that there's another person in her heart and that's why she can't marry me."  
"Oh... oh," she sounded surprised. "He told you that, huh? I didn't expect that."  
"Yeah... you could say that. What's your name again?"  
"I'm Ymir. What's this all about? Do you know about me? And is this one your lover?"

"For the record, this one has a first name, last name and a job. About," Levi stated boredly. Eren then patiently explained everything to Ymir, of the fact that neither he nor Historia had any intention of getting married and that they were on the same side.  
"I'm afraid the four of us share the same sad fate. Historia and I don't want to get married, our families have agreed to that, but it doesn't mean we have to submit. I mean, actually we do, but we will do anything to win."  
The woman's expression remained serious and cold, but she had to admit she was surprised. Jealousy had probably blinded her; Eren Jaeger wasn't a total idiot after all.  
"Wasted effort," she muttered. "There's no escape. I mean, look at me. I steal for a living, do you think I could live up to a woman like that? Do you think she could really leave it all behind for me?"  
"Ah, of course I do, come on!" he muttered impatiently. "If you don't believe it either, you lose at the start. I love love in all its forms and I swear I'll do anything to make us happy. We don't deserve to suffer. Nobody... nobody deserves that."  
She didn't know the boy, but he immediately appeared to her to be stubborn beyond belief. And he probably spoke that way because he was also very much in love. Just like she was in love with Historia.  
"Yeah. That's true. Nobody deserves that. Maybe you're not as much of an idiot as I thought. Ah, sorry for interrupting your intimate moment."  
"No problem," Levi sighed.  
"Whatever. I know you don't know me, but since we share the same misfortunes, you have to promise me that you'll protect Historia and make sure they don't subdue her. You don't know her like I do, she is an innocent soul!"  
It was strange, Ymir was mostly expressionless, but she was inflamed as soon as she heard the mention of Historia. Eren couldn't help but give her his consent.  
"Promise."

If initially being alone in Marco's company had been strange, Jean felt much more comfortable now. He had been a skilled - but perhaps not so skilled - liar in claiming that he owed the boy. Of course he didn't. Obviously he had been impressed by his kindness and gentleness. With a blink of an eye and care he had shattered her perfect wax mask, letting his true nature - which he had learned to suppress over the years - come out.  
That evening, the Operà Garnier was showing "Romeo & Juliet". Undoubtedly Eren must have done this on purpose. He had been to the theatre many times, but had always detested love dramas. Marco, for his part, seemed reasonably interested. The nobleman cleared his throat. He felt irrationally eager to converse with him, although the place was not exactly suitable.  
"So... you're a musician?" he whispered. Marco's eyes lit up. That made him even more handsome.  
"Exactly. I play the piano. I'm performing at Le Chat noir for now."  
"Chate noir? Is that a theatre? I don't think I've ever heard of it."  
"Of course not. It's very popular with people like me... that is, for poor hopeless dreamers," he smiled embarrassedly. "Anyway, my dream is to become a world-class pianist. And to play in the theatres of capitals all over the world. Starting here, in beautiful Paris," he tried to contain his enthusiasm. "And then London, St Petersburg, Vienna, Rome... ah, Italy! I would love to go there one day!  
Jean felt like smiling. There was a familiar light of joy and hope in Marco that he must have seen somewhere else. The boy was full of life, though he possessed nothing but his dreams.  
"And you? What do you dream of?"  
The nobleman paused to look at the actors on stage, thoughtful. Dreams had never been for the likes of him. Those like him had a life established from birth. What could he aspire to if not to become a respectable nobleman, just like everyone else?  
"When you have a life like mine, there isn't much room for dreams. And anyway, please just call me by my first name."  
"All right, Jean. But you're wrong. Dreams are what keep us alive," he smiled, then turned serious again. "Do I sound too corny?"  
Indeed it was, but Jean did not feel disturbed. He was simply captivated by such sweetness and beauty. Ever since he was twelve years old he had always preferred to look at men than at women. This had been a secret that he had thoughtfully kept to himself, and he had done well, because he had later learned how bad this was considered to be. But of all the men she had known, Marco was without a shadow of a doubt the most handsome and he shone, even if he was not a nobleman. He shone from within and made him smile and feel better.

"You're... fine just the way you are. You know, I know a lot about music, I grew up with the great classics, if you know what I mean. I'd be happy to listen to you and... give you an opinion."  
Hearing that proposal, Marco felt happy as if he had been given a great gift.  
"I would love to! My friends always say I'm good, but I'm not sure their opinions are objective. An outsider's opinion would be ideal."  
"That's the least of it. You helped me and now I'm helping you," Jean said, looking him in the eye. At that point it was Marco's turn to blush and smile. He liked that nobleman. He was not at all as austere as he had thought, he was just like in that fairy tale he had once read, La belle et la bête.  
"Are you bored here?" he asked suddenly.  
"Huh? Well, I generally like the tractor. But Romeo & Juliet... Gosh, what a boring drama."  
Marco smiled jovially.  
"I like it. A good representation of what love is like. Cruel... but wonderful."  
Jean was lost once more in looking at him, marvelling at how much sweetness and beauty could coexist in one person.

Mikasa found herself, without knowing it, close to her future husband and her new friend. She had gone shopping with her mother. Armin stood behind her, ready to comply with her every request. Of course, being with Eren was much more exciting, it was a pity that his master had other commitments that day. Armin was fully aware of Eren's convoluted plan, which is why he had almost had a stroke when he had seen Jean and Marco on the other side of the street just after they had left the theatre.  
"Miss Mikasa! You can't go that way!" he exclaimed the first thing that crossed his mind. She then turned to look at him.  
"Why not?"  
"Your mother stayed behind, don't you want to wait for her? It could be dangerous!"  
"Thanks for the concern, but it's not necessary. Besides, you're with me."  
"Yeah, lucky me." The blonde boy took to smiling nervously and following his mistress, all the while taking to flailing to try and signal Jean to move away. But of course the nobleman wouldn't have seen him even by accident. It was then that the servant thoughtfully cut Mikasa off and stepped in front of him.  
"Armin!" she exclaimed in annoyance. "What's wrong with you today? You're making me nervous."  
"Please don't go this way, I beg you," he pleaded with his back to the wall. Mikasa then looked up, past Armin, and saw them. Jean was in the company of a boy, laughing and joking as never before, the melancholy and sadness she had seen seemed to have disappeared. What disturbed her most was not seeing him in Eren's company. She grabbed two flaps of the long skirt she was wearing and then walked, rather angrily in fact, towards the two of them, while Armin went after her like a faithful hound.  
When Jean became aware - too late - of her presence, he brought a hand to his face and cursed something under isr breath. Marco did not understand.  
"Jean!" the girl exclaimed. "I'm rather surprised to find you here. I thought you were with my brother at the theatre. Where is Eren?"  
"I-in fact we have just been to the theatre and.... As for Eren," for the first time the young lord found himself with nothing to say. "Eren has gone...."  
He looked at Marco, seeking help. But the other, very naively, shrugged.  
"He's with Levi, we don't know where he is," Marco stated naively. Mikasa sighed. She couldn't believe it, her brother had tricked Jean too, or so she thought.  
"Armin," she called to him.  
"What, I swear I had nothing to do with it!" she tried to salvage what she could. One way or another he was always being put in the middle, whether he wanted to be or not.  
"I don't understand, is it a problem?" asked Marco.  
"Oh, it's a pretty big problem, yeah. If my parents ever found out he lied... especially my dad!"  
"Then you guys don't tell them!" exclaimed Jean. Mikasa was quite surprised. Was she mistaken or was her fiancé defending Eren? Surely the conversation would have gone on for a while if it hadn't been for a fortuitous collision. Armin was the first to notice. A person had approached them, a beggar by the looks of him. With an almost apathetic expression, he was holding out his hands.  
"Excuse me gentlemen, do you have something to give me?"  
"Now is not the time," Mikasa blurted out in annoyance.  
"Alright, then when will be the time?"  
"Hey, did you hear that?" intervened Jean. "Get out of my way!"  
"Wait a minute!", Armin stepped in, glaring at the slightly older boy. "Berthold, is it really you?"  
The other blinked.  
"Armin? What... you here?"  
"Me here? You here!" the blond man exclaimed happily. "It's been two years since we've seen each other, when did you get here? Where are the others?"  
"Armin, you... you know him?" asked Mikasa surprised.  
"He is my friend, we were together for many years, but then we parted. I'm so glad to hear that you're alive."  
"Yeah... me too."  
Jean sighed, rolling her eyes and mumbling something. He was in the midst of people he had always despised, if someone had told him that a while ago, he would have laughed.  
"I however still have more questions to ask. Did my brother involve you in his strange plans?" Jean made to answer, but Armin's voice overlapped hers.  
"Oh, there are the others! Guys, it's me, Armin, remember me?" Mikasa lifted her gaze. The servant was now walking over to two other people, another boy and a girl.  
"Kid, we didn't count on seeing you again."  
"Reiner! You don't know how much has happened, I don't live on the street now, I'm a servant in a noble family."  
"Ah, is that so?" the young woman hit him on the head. "And we who were so worried, we feared you were dead! A puny fellow like you was pardoned to say the least! And who would you work for, eh?"  
That voice. That voice was the sound Mikasa would recognise anywhere. The melody that awakened in her impetus, emotion, tears and joy. For the first time, her expression no longer appeared serious. She was shocked. Her eyes were wide open, her chest now moving rhythmically. Her lips moved slowly and with great effort.  
"Annie."  
The blonde-haired woman replied, lifting her gaze. And without knowing it, she felt exactly the same. Her expression changing, her breathing quickening and her heart beating fast, as if it had never done so before. And in the same way, she called her name.  
"Mikasa."


	16. 16 - L'union fait la force

Levi repeatedly wondered what on earth he was doing in such a situation. His lover talking to his future wife's lover. A situation that might even have been funny, if only he hadn't been in the way. And although the first meeting between Eren and Ymir hadn't exactly been idyllic, the two were now talking as if nothing had happened.  
"No, I can't believe this. So you tried to rob Historia and so you two fell in love?" the boy asked, blinking.  
"Yeah, sort of. The thing is, when my eyes met hers I forgot all about it. Historia avoided reporting me and getting me thrown in jail. And after that we continued to see each other, secretly. Then simply what had to happen happened. I tried in vain to put a stop to it, because I knew we would have no future... but it was all useless. I am hopelessly in love with that woman."  
"What a romantic story, I never would have guessed," Eren sighed with his hands resting on his chest. They were walking slowly back into town when Levi spotted Marco and Jean in their company. He eyed Mikasa and Armin as well, then grabbed the boy by the wrist.  
"Stop here."  
"Huh?" the young man froze. "Oh, damn, that's Mikasa. But what's going on?"  
Too far away for the others to understand, the lady looked at the blonde haired woman with the serious expression now slightly blushing. The moment Annie had said her name, she had felt a meltdown. As if everything she had tried to build - the mask of coldness she wore - had collapsed and shattered against the asphalt. And his eyes glazed over. She stepped back. He wanted to run, to turn and run before the tears escaped his control.  
And so she did.  
"Miss Mikasa!" Armin exclaimed. But she did not listen to him. Although she found it difficult, she tried to run, while she helped herself by grasping the edges of her long skirt. Her vision was blurred to the point where she almost ran into her brother.  
"What?!" the latter exclaimed in confusion. "Mikasa, wait! What's going on?"  
"Well, it's going to her, isn't it?", Levi made with his hands stuffed in his pockets.  
"Eh... yes, I'm going! You stay put."  
The writer narrowed his gaze, not very happy in truth to be alone in the company of Ymir, who was undoubtedly unfriendly.

Smell of rain. Mikasa knew it would start raining soon, but he did not intend to stop. She did not want, nor did she intend, to look back. Why had her past come back to haunt her? She had believed that she had moved on, that she had left behind the silly little-girl fantasies, the sweet, romantic love she had once believed in. Because she had believed in it too. She and Eren had once been much more alike, sharing the same desire, the same dreams and hope. There was only one difference. She had not had the courage.  
Eren's voice seemed distant, like an echo. But her brother, much faster and facilitated by his slightly more comfortable clothing, leapt forward, grabbing her firmly by the arm.  
"Mikasa, stop!"  
"Eren, let me go now!" she exclaimed, taking care not to look him in the eye.  
"I can't do that after I saw you running away like that! What's wrong with you?"  
Eren would have understood. He wasn't like the others. He was the only one who would understand her pain. Mikasa turned slowly, her eyes filled with tears. Her brother was surprised. His sister seldom gave in to tears. She wasn't well, she was always told.  
"Mikasa...?"  
"Love, Eren...," her lips moved slowly, the trembling uncontrolled. "Love... it's cruel." He did not understand.  
"Love, Mikasa? But why do you say that?"  
"Because it is the truth! For our kind it is cruel. For the likes of us, there can be no happiness!"  
She had shouted this and immediately afterwards a thunderclap ensued, which surely foretold a bad storm. The rain began to fall hard, mixing with the girl's tears. For the first time in his life, Eren found himself speechless. He still did not understand why Mikasa had said such things. He sighed and then gently drew her to him.  
"We'd better get back. You might catch a bad flu." She didn't say a word. She merely nodded and enjoyed some of his warmth.

Levi was writing. Or at least, he was trying to. It would have been so much easier if only Eren hadn't kept walking around the house nervously.  
"We have to do something. Mikasa and Jean's official engagement party is coming up. And also mine and Historia's. Because actually the situation is not complicated enough."  
The writer sighed, getting up from his chair and stretching.  
"Alright, I give up. In such cases, there is strength in numbers. It is quite clear that all four of you have different interests. They won't be able to force you if you tell them your real intentions."  
"Ah, that sounds easy. For the first time I feel... anxiety! Because I understand that it is not only my fate at stake, but that of all of us. I am afraid they will take me away from you somehow. And I don't want that. I feel like I'd die from it... I feel like...."  
"Sssh," Levi brought a finger to his lips, shushing him softly as only he could do. "They may try to divide us in every way, but you and I are destined to always find each other. Our bond is far stronger than any will."  
"Oh, Levi," Eren felt a thrill of emotion and excitement. "If I even think that I could never again touch you, have you, feel you... I die!"  
"Ah, die, die, what an ugly word," he whispered caressing his face. "Living sounds so much better, doesn't it, my sweet Elizabeth Bennet?"  
"I agree with you wholeheartedly, Mr Darcy," she replied, smiling. The writer then grabbed his hand.  
"Would you like some music?"  
"Music? I'd love to, though... how?"  
"You watch," he motioned for him to wait. Levi grabbed him, dragging him with him into his bedroom: an object was resting on the wooden bench.  
"Oh, my God!" Eren laughed. "A gramophone? Where did you even get that?"  
"I bought it. I found it second-hand and they even sold me a record, but I have no idea what I'm going to find," the man explained as he took care to arrange the record. He stepped back. Shortly after, Eren heard a familiar tune.  
"No!" he brought a hand to his face. "Not Wiener Blut! I hate the waltz, it took me a lot of years to learn it."  
"Really, you don't say. Then I can't miss the chance to ask you for a dance," he cleared his throat. "Eren Jaeger, would you offer your company to a mysterious and fascinating writer?" Eren smiled.  
"I would be truly honoured."  
Levi brought one hand around his waist, while he grasped one of his own with the other. They moved closer, their lips a few millimetres apart.  
"Ah, I forgot to tell you I can't dance," Levi then said.  
"Then you better learn. Because you'll be at my engagement party, too."  
"I doubt there will be anything to celebrate. It'll end in blood and beatings."  
"Yeah... what a shame though," she sighed, looking at him. "It would be nice to be able to be like that, in front of everyone."  
"Maybe one day, Eren, the time will come when even the likes of us can be free. Until then, I will secretly love you more each day, until my last breath leaves me."  
Eren smiled, blushing slightly.  
"Please let the protagonists in your novel live happily ever after. Reality is hard enough as it is."  
"Don't worry. There will be a happy ending for everyone," she whispered on his lips, before stealing him a gentle kiss to which Eren responded just as gently. And nothing more could be heard than the world beyond the window. There was only them, the music and the closeness of their hearts.

Lady Jaeger was beginning to be very worried about her daughter. Mikasa did not want to leave her room, she was in a terrible mood and was suffering from non-existent pains. The woman could not imagine that the girl's pain was not physical, but of the heart, she could not imagine how much she was struggling to try to suppress what she was feeling.  
But Eren knew. Eren knew and could understand. The story Armin had told him had literally broken his heart. He and Mikasa were very much alike, they felt the same things and felt the same way about love.  
He absolutely had to talk to her.  
"I'm sorry, my lady," he heard Armin apologise to Carla. "But Miss Mikasa refused to eat again this time."  
Eren saw his mother make a worried grimace.  
"What's wrong with that girl? She's been acting strange ever since we got back from our trip to the city. Eren, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"  
Her son looked at her with his irises wide open.  
"Unfortunately not. I can try to talk to her though. Maybe she'll open up to me."  
"Please try!" the woman pleaded. So the boy walked towards the door of Mikasa's room. He didn't quite know what to say to her, but perhaps it would be useless to organise a speech in his mind, in some cases it was necessary to speak from the heart.  
"Mikasa, it's me. Please, can you open up? I'd like to talk to you." After a few moments of silence, she heard her sister's tired voice.  
"Go away, there's nothing I want to talk about. I am very ill."  
"No, you're not," he insisted. "Or at least, not in the way you want to pretend. Your illness is called Annie, isn't it?"  
She knew she had hit the right spot by saying that name. It wasn't long before Mikasa decided to open the door, wearing only a slip, her expression tired and her eyes red. It was strange to see her so frail, helpless, without a mask.  
"How do you know his name? Who told you?" she asked with a hint of aggression. The same aggression as someone who desperately wanted to defend his secret. Eren sighed and closed the door behind him.  
"It was Armin who told me," he explained. "He and Annie... you won't believe it, but they're friends. And she told him everything. And he told me. But I was the one who asked him."  
Mikasa rubbed her face. It was clear that crying had robbed her of all strength.  
"You must think I'm ridiculous, don't you? I always blamed you for being a dreamer with absurd ideas, I went along with our family's wishes, when all I ever wanted to do was run away. But I suppressed this feeling by telling myself that there would be no future for Annie and me. Because it's true. There's no future for us."  
"Of course there's a future!", Eren approached her, squeezing her hands. "You think you're alone. But you're not. I am like you. Even Historia is like us. And so is Jean."  
"J-Jean?"  
"Well, he didn't actually tell me that, but I'm sure that's the case. In the end I think there's a reason we met, because we're the same and because we want the same things. I have decided. I'm going to tell our family straight up how I feel about Levi, what we are."  
"Please don't! If they knew about you... I don't know what they could do to you!"  
"That's a danger I want to take! I'd rather that than live trapped in a marriage that will make me miserable. I'm sure Historia will agree with me. And if you and Jean did too... you would be happy too."  
Mikasa had tears poised on her eyelashes. Could she really do this to her family? Could she give them such pain? She had already been a coward once and had decided to submit. Annie had given her a choice, had said "run away with me". And she had been close to accepting, but then fear had taken over and she had retreated. That second chance was now being offered to her by Eren. She envied him. She wished she could have been like him, reckless and determined.  
"Eren... I don't know..."  
"You still have some time. Just please choose well. I don't want to see you trapped forever."  
"The same goes for you, Eren."  
"Ah, they have to try to get me first. They'll never get me. I'm scared, it's true, but that's what love is. That feeling so great it inhibits everything. Maybe even reason. But in this case it's probably a good thing, isn't it?".  
Mikasa was amazed. Eren had matured quite a bit. He was still young and spoke out of sentiment, but in her eyes he was extremely wise. Until that moment she had had one certainty: that they would both have a very normal life, even Eren, because as they grew up certain fantasies and dreams were put aside. But now everything was in question.


	17. 17 - Le vent se lève

"Come on, Levi! Come on, let me see!"  
"A writer never shows his unfinished work."  
"But that's not fair. You showed it to Eren."  
"But you're not Eren."  
For a good ten minutes, Levi and Conny had been arguing, secluded at one of the tables in Le Crabe Blue. In fact, the violinist had been begging his friend to let him read what he had so far managed to write, but Ackerman had obviously refused.  
"Why should I let you read? Rather, since you like to be the centre of attention so much, why don't you play something for us?"  
The boy rolled his eyes, bringing the overflowing mug of beer to his lips.  
"I can't, I don't have my violin here."  
"Yeah, or have you been unable to compose anything for months?" ventured Erwin, making his beer go sideways.  
"How dare you! Composing music is much harder than daubing a canvas!"  
"Painting a canvas?" the other asked. "That is an ignorant statement."  
Eren couldn't hold back a laugh as he saw the two of them arguing, with Marco standing in the middle and begging them to stop. At least now there was no need to do crazy things like run away from home, climb a wall and come back late at night. His mother had no problem at all in knowing that her son was in Levi's company, probably because she must have taken a liking to him. It was different for his father. Grisha had not said anything, but judging by how their meeting had gone, he could imagine that he was not extremely happy about it. And he wondered how he would react when he learned that the writer he looked down on was none other than the lover of his only heir. What a silly question, of course he would take it badly!  
The waitress at the diner, whom Eren had learned was Conny's girlfriend, approached with a tray in hand.  
"Can I get you guys anything?"  
"Oh, yeah," Conny brought a hand to her lower back and drew her to him. "A dessert would be good for me."  
"Ah, pervert," Erwin commented, rolling his eyes. Sasha then flinched, smiling.  
"There will be time for that later. I hope you guys don't want to get into any fights like last time." Levi sighed, but did not reply.  
"Ah, don't worry," Conny said. "Jean is now friends with Marco. I'd say they're almost close."  
"Don't say such things," the person concerned stated embarrassedly.  
"Why? After all, Mr. Ewww Poor People is as nice to you as he is to anyone. By the way, weren't you two supposed to meet today?"  
"Gee, that's right!", Marco rose hastily. "I hope I get there in time. See you later, eh!"  
Eren had to admit he was very intrigued, but he would probably get to know and talk to Jean later, about this and much more.

The young Kirschstein was very impatient as he awaited Marco's arrival. What had come over him? Invite him to his home? He had expressed his desire to hear him play, but to invite someone like him into his home was strange, something he had never expected to do. The appointment was in front of the cinema and Jean himself could not keep quiet. A man like him, always so controlled and composed, could not let himself go for so little. He was getting himself into a strange situation, to say the least. He had criticised Eren so much - or perhaps he had simply envied him? - and yet now he was finding himself following his example.  
Her anxiety vanished at the sight of two beautiful, sweet eyes and freckles on her face.  
"Here I am!" he gasped with shortness of breath. "Sorry I'm late, I didn't realise the time was passing!".  
"Don't worry, I've just arrived," he lied, for in truth he had been there for half an hour. "Follow me, my carriage is waiting."  
"Carriage?"  
"Of course, we can't go on foot, can we?" Marco mentally called himself stupid. He had to admit that he felt nervous himself. He had played many times, yet with Jean it was not the same. He wanted to surprise him, wanted to see the surprise in his eyes. The carriage ride was quite silent. Marco was trying to behave himself, after all he always had a nobleman ahead of him and he definitely didn't want to make a bad impression. On the other hand, nothing mattered to Jean at that moment, neither his social class nor his gender. As long as she could stay and look at him like that, nothing mattered. Then Marco's eyes filled with surprise. The Kirschstein mansion was exceptional to say the least; it was more like a castle than a real house. There was a fountain in front of it, the garden was quite bare but well-kept, not to mention the steps leading from the courtyard to the main entrance.  
"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it," he stated.

"Believe me, it's even better inside. Please come with me". The two young men were greeted by numerous servants who addressed Jean as master. It was unbelievable, he never thought a person could live amidst such wealth. He admitted to feeling a little out of place in such an elegant and wealthy place, but in truth he didn't have too much time to think about it as Jean caught his eye.  
"My parents aren't home, so we can be more comfortable," she signalled for him to follow. "This is the living room. And that's the piano over there. I've used it a couple of times, I tried to learn to play it as a kid, but I'm afraid I'm not very talented."  
Marco's eyes were glazed over. A magnificent instrument, beautifully finished and ebony black.  
"Magnificent," he murmured. Jean cleared his throat and elegantly went to sit on one of the sofas.  
"Please begin."  
"Huh? W-what, already?"  
"You can take as long as you like," she reassured him. Marco tried to pull himself together, he certainly wasn't a novice musician, even though he was young he still had a good deal of experience. He always carried his personal leather briefcase with several scores in it. He took one in his hands.  
"Um... I composed this one."  
"You're welcome, then," he said with an actually constructed coldness. Marco sighed deeply, then sat down. When he played, he was able to extricate himself, enter his own world of perfect notes. Jean watched him carefully. He saw his slow movements suddenly become fast, fluid, quick. His fingers moved beautifully over the keys, producing a melody so sweet and melancholic that it entered his heart in no time at all. Kirschstein instinctively brought a hand to his chest, as if the heart muscle could jump out of his chest at any moment. Marco was absorbed, completely immersed and concentrated, and with the simple help of his fingers he was creating art that could shatter the soul. Even his own. That must have been the beauty, the feeling of being alive for real. Now he was beginning to think like Eren, and it couldn't have been any other way. He shivered, and not from the cold. His eyes became bright, but not from sadness, simply because through the music she could hear him, could feel him and embrace his soul. A tear slipped down his cheek without him even noticing. He had never been emotional or sensitive, but his soul had been touched. Marco of course, with his back to him, had not been able to notice anything. Only when he had finished, decidedly lighter, did he turn to look at him.  
"Um... did I do well?"  
Jean blinked, wiping a cheek, surprised to find it wet. There wouldn't have been enough words to express what his music had made him feel.  
"Marco, you... you have an extraordinary talent."  
He saw the musician's cheeks turn red.  
"Really? You don't know how happy I am to hear that. This is an unreleased track, you are the first to hear it!".  
Kirschstein felt incredibly flattered. And he stood up just to get closer to him.  
"You are going to make a career."  
"I would love to. But unfortunately it's not easy. When you're a nobody like me, nothing is...", he sighed regretfully. It was then natural for Jean to grab his hands, narrowing the distance further.  
"You're not a nobody, Marco Bodt. You are a gentle young man, full of hope and dreams. You have courage... you are not like me... no. I am a coward."  
"Why do you say that? You are kind to me. You seem proud, but it's all in appearance. In truth, your eyes hide sadness. Why is it so?"  
"How can you know?"  
"I am an artist. I must see people's souls, otherwise I could not make music."  
Being so helpless was strange. Jean would have loved to blow it all up and encircle him in an embrace, but her self-control prevented her from doing so.  
"Right, how silly. The sadness you see in me is from not being able to be free to be myself." Marco would need no further explanation, for he had understood. He understood what the other had had to hide for so long, his true nature. Because if it was difficult enough for someone like him, it was even worse for people like Jean. He felt him trembling. Their hearts were beating fast and their fingers were intertwined. The musician wouldn't dare move, wouldn't push him away from himself, he could feel the urge he had to be able to show his desires.  
"Do not fear with me."

"I am not afraid with you," he whispered. He moved closer. And felt his breath, intoxicated by it. He placed his hand on her face and enjoyed the warmth of her skin. Marco looked into his eyes, his cheeks now hot. Did he deserve to be there? That would probably have been a moment dictated only by the heat, the atmosphere, but it was fine.  
It was Jean who broke the tension. He gently put his lips to hers. He had always believed that his first kiss would be with the woman of his life and the mother of his children, not with a boy, a musician or an artist. But he was happy about it. Marco was shy, he seemed to be holding back. But then his hands came to rest on the nobleman's chest, and he pulled back violently as if he had been burned. Marco looked at him. He wasn't surprised, it was obvious that a moment like that had to come.  
"Forgive me," Jean brought a hand to his forehead. "I...."  
"Why are you asking my forgiveness? If that's what you felt like doing, it's fine."  
"No, it's not fine. I have to get married. I have to do what everyone expects me to do." Marco assumed a resigned expression.  
"Everything they can choose, Jean. Even you. You can choose to obey or react. Because this kiss you gave me, your first, will always remain mine alone," he brushed his lips together. Jean had to restrain himself. If he had listened to his instincts, she would have taken him there and then. God, how he wanted it. But he couldn't, so he concentrated on trying to come to his senses.  
"I'll take you into town. I have to go to the Jaegers' now."

Eren had never been happier to see Historia. Mostly because they would get to talk, sitting under the gazebo sipping tea and eating pastries. Eren obviously hadn't refrained from telling his fiancée about his meeting with Ymir.  
"Oh, my God," whispered the girl with her cup suspended in midair. "You and Ymir have met?"  
"Yeah, and I have to say it was a heated encounter, she almost killed me. Fortunately, I explained everything to her. You know, she's supposed to be at our engagement party. Pretend she's a high-class friend of yours and invite her."  
"What do you have in mind, Eren?"  
"On the night of our engagement I'm going to speak. I know it may sound crazy, but I have to do it. For me, you, Mikasa. Didn't you say you would do anything to cancel the wedding?"  
"Of course. But I thought we were going to elope."  
"We'll be forced to elope anyway. But not without rebelling," he stated nervously. Historia sighed, drinking from her cup.  
"All right, I'll do it. But it's going to be crazy."  
"One more or one less won't make any difference," he said, unceremoniously popping a macaron into his mouth. With his cheeks still full, he looked up and saw Jean coming towards them after passing through the gates.  
"Ah, hello Jean. I'm afraid Mikasa is still locked in her room." Kirschstein did not reply, however. He simply sat down between him and Historia, his gaze incredibly serious.  
"I'm in crisis and it's all your fault." Eren did not understand. Instead, the girl understood that it would be better to walk away.  
"Um... I'm going to go for a walk in the garden," he stated as she stood up. Jaeger blinked.  
"Well? What did I do?" He looked at him.  
"Do you know what it is? That I can't stand you. And it's not because of your quirks, because you act like a child or because you're immature and stubborn. No. It's because you can ignore everything for love. You make love your strength, even though you know you'll probably get burned. But how do you do it? How do you do it?!"  
Eren knew that sooner or later Jean would reserve such a question for him.  
"If I had to give you an answer... I honestly wouldn't know what to say. The fact is, I don't know. For me, it's simply natural to give up everything for love. And I'm not talking about undoing ourselves, I'm talking about leaving behind what makes us feel bad and grasping what makes us so happy instead," he cautiously approached the boy, his expression twisted. "I knew from the first moment that you and Marco had something special. Some things happen like that, you can't control them."  
"Be quiet," he shushed him. "I don't want to hear that from you. I've always tried to hold back this attraction I have towards men, I thought I was sick! You have no idea how much I suffered. And then, what happens? I see you and Levi loving each other no problem. It's not fair! Why can you and I not?"  
Only then did Jean realise what she had just said. She had declared aloud that she envied Eren for that ability to be himself without fear. Jaeger could see that, yet he didn't comment, that wasn't what interested him.

"That's the thing. You can, just like me. My God, you and Mikasa are exactly alike! If you agree to marry, you will be unhappy forever. Have courage, Jean Kirschstein. Accepting what you feel won't make you weaker, but stronger! Oh, but go ahead, go ahead and think that my talk is the talk of a dreamy little boy!"  
Eren seemed to have become vaguely nervous, and after all, he had reason to be. Jean actually felt stupid. He was acting like an indecisive and confused child, but for him who had always been used to suppressing his true identity, it wasn't easy at all. No, it wasn't! And the thought of not being able to make a decision was making him fall into a deep oblivion.  
Mikasa was watching the two of them from her bedroom window. She rested her fingers on the glass. She had had a chance to reflect on what Eren had told her. She almost felt sorry for herself. She didn't want to be weak. She had the impression that she was drowning, that she was trying to swim but could not. But the human being was endowed with the wonderful instinct of self-preservation, which made him fight to the bitter end. This must have been what Mikasa was feeling. She silently decided that the next day she would go into town to look for Annie.

It would have been much better for Mikasa to go alone, but unfortunately this was not possible. As her mother was very busy, she had left the task of accompanying her to one of the maids, which was not a bad thing. Before leaving the house, the girl had gone to Armin, the only one who actually knew what she was going to do.  
"Now I'm going to ask you something, but in return I don't want any further questions. Where can I find Annie? I know she is a friend of yours."  
The servant had looked at her in amazement. There were so many things he would have liked to say, but his mistress had asked him nothing but to keep quiet.  
"People like us are always in the street. And when they're not in the street, they hide in the alleys. When I was begging in the Boulevard de le Madeleine, I always went to sleep in those slightly more desolate but crowded streets to seek shelter. It is not advisable to go alone, especially for a noblewoman.  
But Mikasa didn't want to know more. That information was enough for her. She had no idea what she was doing, it was madness! But for once, feeling was stronger than reason.  
When she arrived in the city, Mikasa took a quick tour. Then, when it was time to go, she quickly dismissed her servant, telling her to wait in front of the carriage as she had forgotten an important purchase and would prefer to go alone. Obviously this was the perfect opportunity to go in search of Annie. Adjacent to the main street were narrow, stuffy streets and lanes. She remembered that this was the case in London too, and some things probably didn't change even if you moved to another country. It was not the first time he had been in a place like that. Not long before, when she was still living in England, she used to go to places like that just to meet Annie, although Annie always tried to go to her, knowing the danger of the environment she lived in.  
So now Mikasa didn't seem at all surprised as she strutted past beggars, children with dirt on their faces who were fighting each other, rats hiding in the rubbish, and looks of curiosity and distrust were thrown her way. It was only natural that this should be the case. What was a girl of nobility doing there?  
She went on for about ten metres before asking someone for information. She was told that Annie kept to herself, along with two other strange men, but that she must surely be there somewhere. She decided to continue her walk, hoping to find something.  
Annie was literally turning her back on her. Sitting on the dusty road, she was enjoying some shade. Autumn was just around the corner, and when winter came she would regret the warmth. Next to her, Reiner and Berthold were bickering as usual.  
"Come on, Reiner. I'm hungry, give me some bread," complained the latter.  
"I might or might not. Who stole it?"  
"You did."  
"And don't I deserve something in return?"  
Berthold rolled his eyes, but he wasn't really bothered after all. He moved closer to him and kissed him warmly on the lips. At that sight Annie sighed.  
"I'm glad you two love each other, but could you please not do that in front of me?"

Reiner was the first to pull away, then looked up. His expression changed abruptly, but he didn't actually utter a word.  
"What's wrong now?" asked Annie. Receiving no reply, she turned around. Mikasa was standing in front of her, looking at her. It was almost like a vision, a daydream, but it was not. The wind barely lifted, shaking the noblewoman's dress.  
"Mikasa...," Annie called to her slowly, as if she was afraid to see her run away again. But Mikasa was not intent on leaving. She was facing the past that had come back to visit her.  
"Annie." Realizing from her expression that she wasn't going to move, the blonde lifted herself up, shrugged off the dirt and stepped closer.  
"Mikasa, what are you doing in a place like this?"  
"Honestly... I came looking for you. After running away the other day... I feel like there's something I should do."  
Annie sighed. It had been hard for her too. Because she loved Mikaksa and only wanted her good, she had let her go without any protest, suffering in solitude. He had not considered the possibility of meeting her again.  
"What is it that you have to do?"  
Mikasa lowered her gaze. Now was not the time to say what she was feeling, not yet. She looked into the girl's blue eyes, rigid.  
"I'd like to invite you to my engagement party."  
Annie arched an eyebrow. She didn't understand what he meant. What was the point of just showing up out of nowhere and inviting her to his engagement party after all they'd been through? Was he making fun of her? At first he thought so, but then, watching her expression, he realised there must be something he didn't know. He knew Mikasa well and every facet of her.  
"Are you really sure you want me to come?"  
"Absolutely. Bring Reiner and Berthold as well. I'll send Armin to give you an invitation. I hope you don't want to miss it."  
And there Annie saw it, saw the light, and saw intentions she had been unaware of but knew existed.  
"I won't miss it," she replied. That was good enough. Mikasa reserved a smile for her. There was no need to add or say more. They would have their time. Mikasa still thought it was madness. Yet she did not regret it. She felt as good as she had in a long time.  
For Eren, autumn was the sound of the wind rising outside the window and shaking the trees, the leaves. It was the coolness. It was the pleasantness of the warmth emanating from Levi's body, now on his own.  
His fingers were intertwined with hers as the writer pushed into him and dominated him with passion, kissing him without giving him time to breathe. Autumn was the same wind that came in through a draft, producing a strange whistle-like noise. It was what preceded a storm, it was the moment before the great leap.  
All this Eren thought about as he let the pleasure grow more and more, until it exploded.  
"Levi," he called. "Levi..."  
"The perfection with which you pronounce my name makes me shudder," gasped the other, grabbing his chin with two fingers and shushing him with yet another kiss that sanctioned this time the climax. Eren's arms tightened around the man's back and his walls trapped his manhood. Levi held onto his arms and immediately warmed him with his own seed as the boy moaned, trembled and quivered. Immediately silence followed, broken only by the now louder wind. Levi remained on top of him as he caught his breath. Eren smiled at him, stroking his face with one hand, a hand that Levi kissed.  
"Can one die for love?" the younger man asked.  
"I don't know, Eren. I realise I don't know many things."  
"I hope so. Because it would be the most beautiful death. I love you, Levi. With every fibre of my body."  
Levi rested his forehead against hers and held her body even tighter.  
"Dying in the name of love would be a good way to go. Certainly not as a wretch. Because I love you the same way, mon petit amour."  
The calm before the storm was pleasant. Eren turned back to the window. The bad weather outside didn't seem to want to stop.  
Maybe he needed to go home, but on the one hand he wanted to lie there with him for a while longer.  
"Levi, how long can I stay with you?"  
He closed his eyes.  
"Until the wind stops."


	18. 18 -  Crier et fuir

Eren looked at himself in the mirror. He was dressed more elegantly than usual, and his expression was serious. For the first time in his life, no emotion would leak from his eyes. Armin, behind him, was looking at him, sensing his nervousness. He was aware that this was madness - much of what Eren did was - but knowing his master, he knew it could not be otherwise. And even though he had so many fears, in the end he couldn't help but be on his side. As always.  
"Um... you look really good," the servant commented. The small master turned to look at him. For as long as he had known him, it was only at that juncture that he was giving him the impression of looking grown-up, of being like the others. Obviously it was all an act.  
"I thank you, Armin," he replied composedly. The other lowered his gaze.  
"You don't have to do such a thing."  
He had only said that to see her reaction. And indeed, a few seconds later, Eren had taken to smiling slyly.  
"Oh, there will never be anyone able to force me to do anything, my dear Armin." The latter had finally sighed in relief. It was as if he wanted to be sure of the boy's intentions. But what a fool he was, of course there would be nothing to stop him.  
"Then we had better go. Your guests are waiting for you."  
Eren sighed deeply. He walked out of his room followed by Armin to the stairs that would take him to the living room, which had been set aside for this occasion for the party. He longed to unbutton his overly tight jacket and take off his gloves, which he had never liked, but he had to try to hold back. There were already many people there, even more than he thought. Any other man would have been looking for his woman with his eyes. But he was looking for another man, a beautiful artist with a cursed look who must be there somewhere, hidden among so many people all the same. He looked in front of him, remaining motionless for a few seconds.  
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a colour: a pearly blue, a flounced, silk dress. Mikasa was more beautiful than ever and her eyes shone strangely. Eren doubted it was because of the party itself, there had to be something behind it that he didn't know.  
"Mikasa, you really are beautiful." She smiled shyly.  
"You look good too, Eren," then she looked ahead. "These events always make me nervous."  
"Oh, really? What am I supposed to say? Need I remind you that I'm certainly not known for my composure and elegance," he smiled, offering his arm to his sister, who clung to him. Mikasa looked at him, feeling the need to say something inside.  
"Annie will be here," she whispered as they descended the stairs.  
"Huh? What? Really? But how is that possible?"  
"Simple. I sent Armin to deliver an invitation. And some new clothes too, so she and her friends can blend in better with the crowd. I can't believe I actually did that."  
"Oh, but you have now. And there's no going back."  
They arrived at their destination. A few metres away, their parents were talking to Lord Reiss and Mr and Mrs Kirschstein. Carla's eyes lit up when she saw her children.  
"What a vision," she whispered. "My children, you are truly splendid."  
Alongside their respective families were Jean and Historia. The former seemed particularly nervous as he approached Mikasa to greet her, while the latter had quietly joined her betrothed.  
"I think I saw your lover here somewhere," she whispered, covering her face with her fan.  
"What? Levi? Where?"  
"Now let's go find him," he turned to the adults with a convincing smile. "Eren and I are going to pay our respects to the other guests."  
Jean would have preferred not to be alone with Mikasa, since he had no idea what would be appropriate to say or not.  
"Um... apparently it's all off, huh?"  
"At least it seems that way. It would be easier if we just pretend and get married. But I can't since I love another woman. Does that seem strange to you?"  
Jean had to smile.  
"Not at all. Probably because I also have feelings for someone who is much more like me than I should be."  
The girl nodded, there would be no need to ask further questions.

Levi, for his part, quivered. He'd never liked crowded places, he'd never liked to be cramped in uncomfortable clothes, but at least on this occasion he'd made an effort to fix himself up and manage his overly unruly hair. Erwin seemed to be the only one at ease as he sipped some delicious champagne.  
"Caviar!" he exclaimed. "I've never tasted caviar before."  
"Control yourself," sighed the writer. "I feel as if the air is missing me. But how can people love pomp and circumstance, when solitude is far more satisfying?"

"Ah, I guess you won't be thinking that way any time soon," Erwin smiled, pointing with a free hand to Eren who was approaching him along with Historia. It was at moments like that that everything disappeared, and the nobleman began to smile with shining eyes. A brightness that illuminated everything around him. Levi, on the other hand, was much better at controlling himself, but even in a case like that his happiness was evident.  
"Gentlemen," he greeted Historia. "Thank you for coming." Eren moved closer to the writer. Just enough so that he could talk to him, enjoy his warmth and scent, but not arouse suspicion.  
"You look beautiful, Levi."  
"Oh, no. No. I'm not beautiful, I'm just in pain. You, on the other hand, are beautiful," he looked around. "I can see from afar your father looking at me as if he wanted to kill me."  
And indeed, he had a point, for Lord Jaeger seemed to have eyes everywhere, and was carefully watching his son's every move, even his lips, as if trying to pick up the conversation.  
Eren had to laugh.  
"Don't worry, no one's going to kill you. I wish everything would just disappear. I'd like to kiss you here right now, in front of everyone."  
"Eren...", Levi called him in a decidedly pained tone. That was the greatest torture, having to remain distant while being close.  
"But you're the people from last time!"  
The two lovers turned their attention to Annie, who looked unrecognisable in the green and black dress she was wearing, which had been sent directly from Mikasa for the occasion. The same could be said for Reiner and Berthold, who looked strangely at ease in that context.  
"Isn't this boy the brother of your lover?" the former asked.  
"My name is actually Eren," he clarified.  
"Yes, forgive him, sometimes he can't relate to humans. Armin told me about you. He told me that you took him in and taught him to read. He was lucky."  
Eren shrugged.  
"Armin is a good boy, he deserves the best."  
"I think so too. Finally, it is a pleasure for me to meet the brother of the woman I love. I do not know precisely why I am here, but I know there is a reason."  
"Unfortunately, I can't contradict you," the boy admitted as he took a sip of the champagne Levi had given him earlier. It was the latter who whispered something to him.  
"Ah, I see you're here too. I guess Mikasa wanted to follow your example."  
"Yeah, that's right. There will be an announcement soon. Don't run away, eh..."  
"I'm not moving from here," he reassured him, stroking his back in a protective and comforting gesture.  
A few moments later, the general buzz was interrupted by the head of the Jaeger family who was addressing his guests.  
"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to personally thank you for coming here today. This is an important day, as not one but two unions between three very important families are being made official. You are all invited to the wedding, which will take place on the same day next October.  
The four people involved stood motionless beside Grisha without a word. There was a tension that only they could feel. The wind rising before the storm. Eren felt it. He felt his heart leap from his chest. And then he saw it. Levi was clearly encouraging him with his gaze. He had always wanted to do something concrete. Now he could. He alone was the author of his own story.  
"Ahm," he cleared his throat. "Father, may I say a few words?" The man was surprised.  
"Yes, of course."  
Eren wasn't good at speeches, especially not in front of so many people. That would in fact be his first and last speech. He smiled nervously.  
"Hello," he greeted. "Um... as my dad already said, thank you all for coming... really. I'm aware that I've always been... a bit of a naughty boy, someone who liked to break the rules. But I guess for everyone there comes a time to grow up."  
If he turned around now, he could see the hopeful look on the faces of his parents, who believed that their son had finally decided to grow up.  
"And I also know that... there are things the world expects me to do. But I can't do them," the smile disappeared. "And I'm sorry... I'm really sorry... but there will be no wedding. Neither between me and Historia, nor between Mikasa and Jean. Why is that, you ask? Because our hearts belong to someone else. I know marriage doesn't imply love but... to marry for convenience would be like suffocating... it would be like dying."  
"And we don't want to die. We want to live," Mikasa said in one sentence. But that was a great victory for her. As her brother smiled at them, their parents' expressions behind them were indecipherable. Carla was shocked, but Grisha seemed ready to explode as whispers and comments arose. Levi smiled, proudly.

"Man. Eren's really good at this. I'm a bit sorry, I'd got my first commission. Ah, but who cares, I'll get another job somewhere," Erwin said.  
Eren breathed, feeling light at last. However, he could not relax. The silence of his family foreshadowed the storm that was coming.

A few moments later, the young Jaeger moved on, passing through the crowd and searching for Levi. He absolutely had to find him and maybe even try to leave before the irreversible happened.  
"Oh, there he is!" exclaimed Erwin. "Eren, you were a legend. Levi, you should put that in your book!"  
"Yes, it's all wonderful!" said the nobleman. "But we'd better go now, eh?"  
His voice was countered by that of his father, who was having a heated discussion with both Lord Reiss and Mr. and Mrs. Kirschstein, who were obviously outraged by all this. Eren could see Grisha turn towards him and look at him with an anger that made him shudder. Then finally he saw her walk towards him. Levi instinctively grabbed him by the arm.  
"This is all your fault!" he thundered. "What is going on in your head? Have you any idea what you've done?"  
"Yes!" he cried, "I have an idea. I've been thinking about my future. You will no longer tell me what to do. I know what my good is, it is my life."  
"How dare you answer me in this way, you ungrateful son!" the man then made to strike him, but Levi was much quicker. He held Eren in a suffocating grip that was intended only to protect him. Eren could feel his hands around his body, his pulse racing. And his calm... but something in his voice was broken.  
"You will not touch him. Not a single finger will be placed on Eren as long as I am alive."  
At that point Grisha's expression changed again. There was something in the man's eyes that hinted at what he so hoped was not true.  
"No," he whispered, then raised his voice. "This can't be. I always knew something about you wasn't right, Levi Ackerman. But I thought it was all in my head. You twisted demon who seduced a little boy."  
"Stop it!" the son exclaimed. His heart was pounding. "He didn't seduce me. I love him! And he loves me, that's why I can't marry!"  
That sentence had marked Eren's release. He didn't know why, but he felt tears stinging his eyes and he was trembling, shaking uncontrollably. Mikasa stood next to Carla, who was trying to wipe away her tears with a handkerchief. It was chaos, Mikasa realised. And then she heard her own voice.  
"Mikasa!", Annie moved with difficulty in that dress, but did her best to get to her beloved. "So it's true then? You're not getting married again?"  
"No, Annie," she whispered grabbing her hands. "Somehow we can be together, I don't know how, but we'll manage."  
"Mikasa," her father was shocked. "You too?"  
She looked into his eyes. She had always been a model daughter, but maybe now she could afford to rebel.  
"Yes, father. I have since before Eren engaged in what you call an illicit relationship. I love a woman, well? If you take it out on him, you must take it out on me!" Carla had the expression of someone who would soon faint from the blows she had suffered. All the perfection she thought she had built was inexorably collapsing.  
"Are you making fun of me? It has to be that way, doesn't it?"  
Heaviness.  
Suffocating.  
He'd never thought it could be this hard.  
Hold me, hold me, hold me.  
Historia closed her fan, sighing in annoyance.  
"''I think it's useless to make such a big deal out of it. Since I am also in love with a woman."  
The storm, the lightning, the deafening noise, the earth shaking.  
"Historia," Lord Reiss called his daughter's name in a shocked and indignant tone.  
"I am sorry, father. But it is the plain truth. Rather ironic that the four of us met, considering we share the same fate."  
In saying this he had looked at Jean. The latter, his eyes glued to the floor, had not yet found the courage to say a word. Yet it was Historia who had put him in the middle, who had given him the impetus. If he lifted his irises now, he could see his parents' expressions, his father's harshest one, his mother's most exasperated one.  
"All four of them?" asked Lord Kirschstein. "Jean, don't tell me you had something to do with this, too."  
His heart beat so fast it almost hurt. Years of silence weighing on his lips. A knot in his throat preventing him from breathing.  
The young man began to speak softly.

"It's probably my fault, because I should have rebelled sooner. Father, mother, I am not what you think I am. Not a woman I want by my side, although that would be the right thing. I have met someone special. Someone who is so much like me, who is a man like me and who has allowed me to find the courage... I don't want to hide what I am any more".  
Now Eren could see it. His father looked at him exactly as if he had been the one to blame for everything. And maybe it was partly true, he was the one who had instigated the others to go their own way. But he didn't feel sorry at all. He would do it again and again if he could. Grisha came closer, but simply walked past him. At that moment the young Jaeger's thoughts went to his faithful friend Armin, who had been standing motionless behind them, undecided whether to flee or to remain there. In the end, terror had got the better of him and prevented his legs from moving. The fury of the head of the family was about to come down on him.  
"You bloody, filthy beggar!", Grisha had grabbed her walking stick. "I suppose you knew, eh? Of course you knew, it's obvious! You helped him!" Without giving the boy even time to defend himself, he made to strike him in the face. Armin instinctively brought his hands forward to cover himself, then fell to his knees.  
"Mercy sir, mercy!"  
"You don't deserve mercy. I knew I shouldn't have allowed you in my house!"  
"Grisha, stop!" his wife tried to hold him back, though in vain. Eren felt his vigour return, perhaps due to the adrenaline. He could not allow Armin to be harmed in any way. So he broke away from Levi, going to his friend's side and holding him.  
"Don't blame him! It's my fault, he only covered for me, I asked him to!"  
"I don't care about that! Now you're going to march in the street again, but not before I've taught you a lesson!"  
"If you hurt him then you hurt me too!"  
"I have no problem with that!"  
He didn't close his eyes. He did not because he simply knew that Levi would intervene first. And in fact, the writer had dared to approach and block Grisha's arm, displaying not inconsiderable physical strength.  
"You...!"  
Levi's eyes were glassy, icy, full of anger. But it was good anger, the kind that served to protect the people he loved.  
"I thought I made myself clear. No one will harm Eren as long as I am alive." Mikasa then decided to intervene once more.  
"This is absurd! We don't want to get married, that's all we're asking! What is a title or nobility in front of love?"  
"Love?", Grisha had spoken gravely, lowering her arm. "So it is out of love that you want to give up everything?" she particularly turned to Eren. "Giving up everything to be the lover of a poor, failed man who will throw you away as soon as he gets tired?"  
The boy stood up, his green eyes bright and brimming with tears.  
"I would rather be this than risk becoming like you."  
Go. I must go now. Or risk imploding, here, now. I can't let anyone see my tears. 

It all happened in a way that Eren would later remember nothing of his escape. He turned and ran. Down, far away, past the gate.  
"Eren!", Levi followed him. "Eren, wait for me!" He went after him, while Erwin positioned himself in front of Grisha as a sort of shield, preventing him from going any further.  
Beyond the door, the rain, the storm! Rain beating against the earth, against his skin, his face, God what pain, what excruciating pain! But was it because of the rain or because of his lungs burning from over-exertion? If he had stopped he would have collapsed, while he wanted to run and fly far away. He had left everything behind, everything, except Levi's voice, which was now telling him to stop. The man was forced to grab him firmly to stop him from running again.  
"Hey! Stop, it's me!"  
"Let go of me Levi, let go, please!" he pleaded. "It hurts so much. I can't breathe. It's all so painful!"  
The nobleman let himself fall to his knees. His was an exasperated, heartfelt cry like the kind children usually let out when they were afraid or hurt themselves while playing. This was Eren, both a strong man and a fragile child, enduring, moving forward, but at some point needing to stop and let it all out. Levi looked at him for a few moments. Then he knelt beside him and held him.  
"It's okay, Eren. I've got you. I'll take care of you," he whispered to him. The boy had sunk his face into his chest, hiding, seeking reassurance. Then he felt hot, so hot, and a drowsiness he could not fight. And the rain, their old and trusted friend, always upon them.  
He slept a lot, eight or nine hours. Every muscle in his body ached, burned, that was the first thing Eren felt. He was hot, he was covered by a sheet but had no clothes on, they were drying on a chair. He had not opened his eyes immediately, even a simple gesture like that seemed to take away so much effort. A moan escaped his lips.  
"Um... Levi...."  
"I'm here...."  
The writer was indeed beside him, had just placed a damp cloth on his forehead.  
"Are we at your place?" he whispered in a hushed voice, his eyes half-closed.  
"No, we're at Erwin's. At my place would have been too obvious."  
"Oh... Armin." he murmured. "Mikasa... they... I have to go to them."  
He sat down and the cloth fell in front of him. Levi gave him a reproachful look.  
"It's all right, Armin's with Annie. Your sister stayed home, but she'll be fine. For now you need to think about getting better, you have a bad fever. That running in the rain and the excitement did you no good. Now lie down again.  
Eren would have gladly done without, but he really didn't have the strength. He lay down slowly, his head on the pillow. Levi found himself feeling infinite tenderness towards him. Was it love that was cruel? No, it was probably the world. He knelt at his bedside, papers in his hands.  
"Would you like me to read you some of what I wrote? I've added some new stuff."  
"Oh... yes I'd like that very much, please," he whispered. Levi gave him one of his rare smiles and intertwined his fingers with hers as he read.  
"Etienne had risked falling so many times, Lèon had always tried to be there for his beloved. Even that time, as the pouring rain penetrated down to his bones, he had gone after him and grabbed him in the hope of saving him again. It was at the moment when Etienne had clung to him with strength and hope that he had understood he would protect him forever. Even at the cost of his life. Because dying for love was the best way he knew to leave this world.  
Eren smiled at him. He was slipping into sleep again.  
"You're good... Levi. I hope when you finish your book I would write at the beginning something like... 'To my beloved Eren.' or something like that."  
"Would that please you?" he asked as she tucked him in.  
"A lot," his eyes had closed. "Levi...is it night?"  
"It's the middle of the night yes, why?"  
"The night scares me now. Stay with me."  
"Yes I'm staying with you. Nothing can drive me away."  
"Levi... I'd like a rose now."  
"But it's autumn."  
"Please find a rose for me. I can't wait until next spring. Find it if you can."  
"I'll manage somehow."  
Eren smiled, and then fell into a deep sleep. Levi cautiously walked over to him and placed a kiss on his forehead. He was burning; he would watch over him all night.  
"Bonne nuit, ma belle rose."


	19. 19 - Étoile sans lumière

That day was strange. Sitting at a table in Le Crabe Blue, there were only Conny and Marco. The other three were nowhere to be seen.  
"Oh, but so what?" complained the first one. "Where are Levi, Eren and Erwin? Don't they show up anymore? Are they dead?"  
"Don't say such things," sighed Marco, his face resting on one hand. "I don't actually know what happened to them."  
Ever since Jean had stolen a kiss from him, the young pianist hadn't had a chance to be able to talk to him. He had seemed so shaken and his soul so disturbed, that there would have been so many things he wanted to say or do. But when all was said and done, was he the cause of his dismay? Kirschstein's heart had leapt closer to his own, he had felt it, but had then been forced to pull back.  
Where was he? What was he doing? Who was he with? Perhaps he should have sought him out, asked for him? Or would that have been inappropriate? He didn't know, the only thing he could do was drink beer, although it was barely afternoon, while he looked at the score he had played for the nobleman.  
"Isn't that Jean?" cried Conny suddenly. Marco nearly choked on his beer. He looked up, and indeed he saw him: the young Kirschstein, wide-eyed, short of breath and with a bewildered expression, had entered in a hurry, and the moment he saw him, he had pounced on him.  
"Marco, good thing I found you! Where are Levi and Eren? Tell me! Please, you must tell me!"  
His hands had clung to his shirt. Marco had tried to calm him down.  
"Hey, calm down! I haven't the faintest idea where they are."  
"No, no! I'm afraid they'll find them!"  
"They'll find them? Who? Jean, what are you talking about?"  
The latter looked away from him. That's what it sounded like to him, someone trying to escape. He heard a great commotion from outside, and then he caught sight of men in uniform.  
"What's going on?" asked Sasha, intent on cleaning some glasses.  
"Damn it!" she cursed. "We have to get out of here, I'll explain why later!"  
"Alright! Sasha, isn't there a back exit?"  
"Yes, that way!" the girl exclaimed. "After the kitchens!"  
Conny was left gaping at the scene. It didn't take him long to realise that his friends were probably in trouble. Soon Le Crabe Blue was overrun by rows of policemen. And with them was an elegant man, probably a nobleman judging by his clothing and the disgusted look on his face. Sasha stiffened, trying to look as natural as possible as he wiped the bottom of the glasses with a cloth again.  
"Please excuse me for this interruption. But someone very important in my family has run away and it is my duty to look for him," Grisha had the tone of someone who did not want to waste time. She turned to Sasha. "I assume you work here, right miss?"  
"That is correct, but please leave, you are scaring the customers," she stated harshly.  
"I will as soon as I get some information. Do you happen to know a Levi Ackerman? He's a writer, and I know that places like this are frequented by people... of a certain class."  
Conny tightened her lips and looked at Sasha, who shook her head.  
"I'm sorry, but I don't know him."  
"Really? That's strange. He was always with a noble boy, my son, Eren Jaeger. Big green eyes and an innate fighting spirit. You want me to believe you've never seen him?"  
Sasha barely flinched. The man must have probably realised she was hiding something.  
"Hey, he told you he doesn't know!" exclaimed Conny in an attempt to defend his girlfriend. Grisha glared at him, pointing her walking stick at him.  
"Quiet or I'll have you thrown in jail for assault. Very well. If you don't want to cooperate go ahead, but I'll be able to find who I'm looking for. If you'll excuse us, we'll get out of your hair."  
The maid instinctively embraced her fiancé. Nobles were not to be trifled with, they had the power to ruin the lives of those like them.  
"Conny...."  
"It's okay. Shit, something must have happened," he finally said.  
Meanwhile, Jean and Marco had emerged from the back of Le Crabe Blue and turned down a narrow, stuffy road. They were carefully avoiding puddles of water as the nobleman spoke.  
"And so pandemonium happened. Levi and Eren went, but I have no idea where. I wanted to warn them and tell them they're being looked for, I'm afraid when they catch Eren they'll throw him in some reformatory, or worse, some asylum. They'd better leave Paris if they want to hope to save themselves."  
Marco was listening to the whole thing, he thought it was terrible, however there was something he didn't understand.

"Jean, wait," he did, grabbing his hand. "I understand the others, but you... you why did you do it? Why did you give up everything?"  
The reason lay in the very touch of their hands, in that thrill Jean found herself feeling. She clasped her hands tightly together, looking at him.  
"Because there is something far more important I must fight for. I beg your forgiveness. I didn't need anything but a little courage. Because I like you Marco, I've probably liked you from the beginning.... And it's... so liberating to be able to say that out loud."  
Marco bit his lip in an attempt to hold back the tears.  
"What about your parents?"  
"My mother cried, a lot. My father hurt me, hit me with his belt. They say I am sick, they will help me heal. But I don't want to get well, I don't want to... if it is necessary I will run away too. Because now I know, I know what it means!".  
He had taken to speaking fiercely. Marco was experiencing a whole range of emotions: happiness, fear, shock. As the tears left his eyes, he grabbed him and kissed him with an impetus that did not usually belong to him. And for that one time, Jean would be very happy to reciprocate, to enjoy the sweet taste of him.  
"Okay...", Kirschstein smiled embarrassedly. "Now let's get away from here. I wouldn't want them to make trouble for us too."

Days later, Eren was undoubtedly feeling better. His fever was down and, thanks to Levi's care and attention, he was regaining his strength, although he had not yet got out of bed. He lay on his side, watching the landscape through the window.  
"Autumn is advancing," he sang. "I love spring, but I think all seasons have their charms. Winter, for example! Ah, how I love snow, chestnuts... oh, and then there's Christmas! Do you like it?"  
Levi sat next to him, his notes resting on his legs and his good will correcting his drafts.  
"It's the day I was born."  
The young man squinted and rose.  
"Really? What a beautiful thing. Then I'll have to give you a doubly wonderful present."  
"But that's still months away and..."  
"No, no, I want to think about it now!" he declared with folded arms. "What would you like?"  
"There are not many things I wish for. Peace of mind... for my book to be finished - here, perhaps that would not be bad - and then... you are enough for me, Eren. I have already known beauty, I could wish for nothing more." The boy felt his face redden.  
"I think the fever is coming back."  
"I doubt it. You need a bath."  
"But I don't feel like it."  
"I'll help you."  
"Then maybe I feel like it now." He laughed. And then, that same laughter was broken by a noise. Someone was knocking violently on the door. He found himself wincing as Levi signalled for him to be quiet.  
"Erwin, who is it?" he asked, trying hard not to shout. His friend did not answer. It took a few seconds of silence - punctuated only by their beats - before they received an answer.  
"It's all right! They're with us!"  
Immediately, the bedroom where Eren was resting was invaded by his friends. Jean, Marco and Armin in the company of Annie, Reiner and Berthold.  
"What? Guys...!" he exclaimed in surprise.  
Armin smiled excitedly, immediately running to hug him.  
"Oh, Eren. I'm so glad to hear you're okay!"  
"Armin, forgive me for running, I couldn't make it. Are you all right?"  
"But yes, with those three with me nothing bad can happen to me!".  
At that point Jean cleared her throat.  
"Guys, it pains me to interrupt you, but we need to talk to you. Eren, your father is looking for you. He's prowling the streets of Paris with the police, he even came to Le Crabe Blue. I mean, it won't take him long to figure out that you're hiding here. I'm not too worried about what he might do to you, but what he might do to Levi! The nobles are influential, he could have you arrested, he could have you killed and...'.  
Levi silenced him with a wave of his hand. He didn't look scared.  
"I understand perfectly, Jean. So, at this point it's clear what we have to do," he looked at Eren. "We have to escape, exactly as you wanted. Where to, I don't know, but we can't stay here."  
Eren felt the air fail him. He had always wanted to escape, yet why did he feel suffocated now that he had the chance?  
"But what about you? And Armin... and Mikasa!"  
"You needn't worry!" said Annie. "I'll take care of both of you. They want to lock your sister in a convent. Well, like hell I'm going to let them do that. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be here. We want you to be happy, even if it is a thousand miles away."  
Young Jaeger breathed deeply. Armin was smiling at him, telling him to go, that he would be fine, that they would all be fine.  
"Alright... let's do this thing then."

Mikasa was wandering around the house. Her father had not been lenient with her.  
"I will send you to a convent in the hope that God will bring you back to the right path. Because you have sinned and you have sinned grievously." But she was aware that God had nothing to do with a situation like that. It was the humans spitting poison, it was the humans and their constructed rules that had driven her brother away. The house seemed so empty without him.  
Carla stood in the living room, a handkerchief clutched in her hands. She had done nothing but cry and cry, especially since Eren had left. And she had screamed and insulted her husband. But in the end her words had been words in the wind and nothing more. The girl stopped and looked at her and sighed. She knew that her mother had always had a different way of thinking. Perhaps she was suffering from the desire to do something without actually being able to act?  
"Mother," she pleaded. "Please, you have done nothing but cry for days. Talk to me. Are you disappointed?"  
The woman wiped her eyes, shaking her head.  
"Never disappointed, my child! I always knew that Eren was wonderfully different from the others. He always loved love, a love that goes beyond everything. And I knew that deep down you were like him. You are two shining people. And in spite of everything, I cannot judge you."  
"Then don't send me to the convent! Leave Eren alone! Please, Mother, he doesn't deserve it. He really loves Levi, there's nothing wrong with that."  
"I know, my dear Mikasa, I know. It would be our job to stay here and keep quiet," she looked around. "But we won't. We will go and find your brother, somehow we will come out of this."  
Mikasa felt her heart unburdened. Her mother was on their side and that was a great satisfaction.

Arranging a last-minute trip like this was not easy. Levi and Eren had nothing, nothing but their love and the will to go on. It was Erwin who had given his friend the little money he had saved and jokingly told him, "You can pay me back when you become a famous writer. Levi could never have thanked him enough; neither of them could have thanked him enough. It was probably true that the good always came back, as did the bad. They had decided that they would leave late in the evening. They would leave the city, then cross the countryside, and go far away, where it did not matter. They had gathered their belongings with them. They counted on returning in the not too distant future, they had so much in that city, the city where they had met, where they had loved each other and from which they had been forced to flee.  
However, Eren was no longer afraid. For he knew that the man he loved would take care of him.  
"Levi, where are we going?" the boy whispered as, at a brisk pace, he walked beside him. The streets were so strangely silent and dark.  
"We can go anywhere we want. When I was your age I went to many places: Spain, Portugal, Greece... and Italy."  
"Ah, yes, Italy," he sighed. "Please, take me to Verona, there where Romeo and Juliet consummated their love so tragically."  
"I will take you there and anywhere you wish, as long as we are together," she whispered grabbing him and holding him tightly to her.  
The night was silent. No more cicadas, that sweet sound that had accompanied them throughout the summer. The air was cooler now, sometimes biting so much it sent shivers down their spines.  
Eren looked around. It would take them a long time to get to the train station on foot, but for the moment that was all they could count on. A few kilometres away was open country. They had to go past the magical place where Levi had taken him once before; that would be a good shortcut. There at that point the darkness was even thicker, not even a speck of light.  
"Shall we go, Eren?" The latter turned to look at him, then shook his hand and nodded. They walked about ten metres before they recognised, behind them, a certain creaking sound. The boy turned around with his heart in his throat. It was simply a carriage; it could have belonged to anyone. But an insistent, suffocating foreboding convinced him that it was not "anyone".  
He looked straight ahead, taking to walking faster, his breaths becoming shorter and closer together.  
"Eren?"  
"There's someone following us," he wheezed. "Don't turn around, just keep walking."  
Levi obeyed. All strutting around he was pretending nothing was wrong, at least he would pretend not to feel fear, he didn't want to put even more pressure on his beloved.  
"On the count of three we run."  
"What, but we'll never make it."  
"Well, we should make it, there's no other choice," he whispered. "Just hang on to me. Okay, three, two, one. Run!"

Eren knew that the moment he started running, he could not stop. His hand was clasped in Levi's and he was being led, almost dragged. A real escape. In another moment he would have thought it was something terribly romantic, but in that context all he could think about was how much his lungs were burning. Behind them, the carriage continued to advance. It was obvious that it was faster and it was obvious that it was following them.  
They ran, he couldn't say for how long. At one point Eren pulled Levi, forcing him to stop. He was hunched over with nausea and lactic acid in his muscles. His heart was pounding, like a hammer. From fear and running.  
"We don't have time."  
"Forgive me, Levi. I can't move anymore!" The man then raised his eyes to the sky.  
"Then climb on my shoulder."  
"What? But... you won't make it!"  
"I'm much stronger than I look, just get on!". At his authoritative tone, the nobleman would not have dared to utter a word. He clung on, surprising himself with both the physical and mental strength Levi possessed. He certainly could not have run as fast as he did before, but he still managed to keep up a good pace. The important thing was to lose whoever had decided to chase them, the important thing was to disappear. Eren literally clung to him, terrified. He had never been the cowardly type, but at that moment he was finding himself feeling a fear he couldn't put into words. Sometimes you could break down. Seconds after formulating that thought, it was Levi's turn to collapse, perhaps from exhaustion or perhaps he had tripped over something. They both ended up on the dusty ground.  
"Fuck," Levi cursed, out of breath. "Sorry, Eren. Are you okay?" The younger man's eyes had gone wide. He'd wanted to say something, anything, but anxiety had gripped his breath, imprisoning him. The carriage had just stopped in front of them, raising no small amount of dust. Despite his exhaustion, Levi reached out and pulled Eren to him. He would not allow any harm to come to him. The first to get out of the carriage was Grisha. He looked angry, but also satisfied, probably because, after so much searching, he had achieved his goal. Eren still did not speak. He only felt the writer's arms tighten on him.  
"Oh, I see we meet again at last, Mr Levi Ackerman. You thought it best to take my son away, didn't you?"  
"To hell with that! You must leave us alone! Eren is mine!" The latter was surprised to hear his tone for the first time so harsh, broken, agitated. That "Eren is mine" was not synonymous with possessiveness, but synonymous with the great feeling he had for him. They both belonged to each other.  
"Is that so? You really don't know what you're saying. And in any case, no harm will come to Eren. I would rather worry about you." Soon after, two more armed men came out of the carriage, whom Eren recognised as policemen. He opened his eyes wide, convinced that he was going to be forced to fight, but in truth they weren't after him so much as they were after Levi, whom they grabbed, forcing him to get up and, as a result, release his hold on him.  
"Hey... no!" the boy exclaimed. "Stop!"  
"Get your hands off me, you bastards," the writer cursed. Immediately, he received a baton blow to the head that stunned him for a few moments.  
"NO!" shouted Eren as well. "I said stop! Father, what are you doing?!"  
"The question is what are you doing, Eren. Are you running away from home to go away with this one? Your behaviour is inadmissible."  
"I don't care if it's inadmissible! Let him go!"  
"I just can't do it. Mr. Levi Ackerman is accused of sexual assault against a young man of the same sex and mostly a nobleman. And do you know how criminals are punished? They are sentenced to death!"  
"I have not bewitched anyone. Nor have I raped anyone, and you know that. The truth is that you cannot accept the fact that your son may love someone like me."  
Another blow. This time Eren saw blood on his face, dripping down from a temple. And it hurt, not a physical hurt, but an even more terrible one. Levi had always protected him, he couldn't just stand there and watch.  
"He didn't do anything to me! In fact, I am the one to be punished! I'm the one who ruined his life. Please, punish me!"  
He was finding himself pleading. He didn't even care about his pride anymore.  
"Oh, your punishment will surely come. And I might even be magnanimous and let Levi go if you...."  
"If I...?"  
"If you agreed to be locked in a reformatory."  
"Don't listen to him!" exclaimed Levi. "Eren, don't. I'd rather die than know you're trapped again, please!"  
The young man looked at him, then at his father. All his life he had been searching for freedom. He had found it in Levi, who had made him discover the love and beauty of life. If he had allowed such a thing now, he would have regretted it for the rest of his days. Even if he was afraid of what his miserable life would be from now on, even if he would never see him again, he would be content to know that he was safe and sound, but far from him. He looked into the eyes of his beloved.  
Of course. This was not a love story like the one in the books. That was the cruel reality.  
"Eren..." Levi called again. The young man sighed, then closed his eyes.  
"Do I have your word?"  
Grisha smiled contentedly.  
"Absolutely."  
A breath. And then much courage.  
"Then I will come." Levi was speechless. They could not separate like this. Only they and no one else, only they were the authors of the story. No one, no one!  
"E-ren...," the voice had now become a breath of wind. The nobleman looked into his eyes. Tears were now falling copiously. He took a leap forward, approaching.  
"I, love you, Levi. I have always loved you, and I swear to you, as long as I live I will love nothing but you."  
"All right, that's enough," Grisha declared. "Take him far away from here."  
Her inspiration, her sweet lover, the perfect half of her soul. No, they couldn't do that, it wasn't right, they couldn't. Levi then cried out.  
"I don't care how long it takes! I will find you Eren, I promise!"  
And the nobleman heard him, his eyes now dull. He could not shine without her light. The last thing he felt was Grisha's hand resting on his shoulder.  
Who was she? Where was he going?  
He did not know. And it didn't matter anymore.


	20. Je suis mort

I feel nothing. I feel nothing. I have nothing.  
He couldn't believe it, he had actually done it. He was faced with a choice. Save himself or save Levi. No, it was obvious that saving Levi was more important. He could not live knowing he was suffering. Knowing him dead.  
No air, no breath, no light. All he could think about was this, his impatience, as he was taken home.  
I will never see him again, he told himself. And maybe it was better that way. Maybe they would find a way to be happy.  
No, it was all a lie! They would not be happy, he would never feel joy again in his life. He would die.  
I am dead.  
On the journey home, Eren hadn't even felt it. He had only felt his father's hands grab him and drag him out of the carriage. A bolt of lightning and the sky lit up. The wind was shaking the trees. He saw two figures come out of his house and walk towards him. It was now Mikasa who was hugging him fiercely.  
"Eren, we've been looking everywhere for you! Are you alright?" she stroked her brother's face, but not a word escaped his lips. Those green eyes, usually so joyful and full of hope, appeared empty to her. As if he were dead.  
"Eren?"   
Grisha stepped in again, gripping her son tightly.  
"Your brother is leaving tonight."  
"What... what? What are you talking about? Where do you want to take him?"  
Carla had tried to walk over to her husband to say something. How could she let her son go like that?  
"Grisha, wait. Maybe you should think before you do something rash."  
But the look he gave her afterwards chilled the blood in her veins.  
"I've already stalled too long. I should have sent him away from here long ago, but I never imagined it would come to this!"  
"You can't take him away! Eren!" Mikasa shouted with tears in her eyes.  
Eren, why don't you speak? Why don't you struggle? Why don't you try to escape? Why do you stand there helplessly and take it when you need to fight? What has been done to you? Who has torn your dreams from you?  
"But I can. Eren is the heir to this family, I won't let him ruin everything because of one silly perversion of his!"  
"How can you say it's a perversion?" asked Carla.  
"And what else should it be? Men lying with other men? Where are we going to end up? This, this is the regression. Where I'm going to send him, they may be able to make up for the mistakes I've made. I should have been much stricter with him. And then," he looked at Mikasa. "It will be your turn, too, ungrateful one."  
Mikasa leaned her back against the wall, certain that she would soon collapse. Perhaps she too could have escaped. But she was not Eren, and how could she escape knowing her brother was trapped? The more she looked at him, the more she realised.  
He didn't look like a person, more like a puppet, beautiful and glassy-eyed.  
Eren, Eren, you are going on a long journey.

Jean ran. And he ran fast, in spite of his lungs that burned, in spite of his legs that sometimes gave way, making him stumble. He bumped into people, without paying too much attention, the dust was kicking up, but it wouldn't bother him anyway. In front of Le Crabe Blue, he saw it: a group of people who were talking. Among them he recognised the figure of Marco, to whom he immediately clung, both to be noticed and to find support.  
"I'm here..." he gasped, then looked up. "Eren, where's Eren?" There was Berthold with Reiner, Armin, Mikasa with Annie, even Historia with Ymir, and of course Erwin. The boy simply had to look at the expression on his former betrothed's face to understand.  
"Well?" he gasped.  
"He took him away," she sighed. "My father took him away. They left tonight. But I have no idea what happened! Eren didn't react, but there must be a reason!"  
"What?" he asked. "But... but they were running away together, that's not fair! Why did that fool give up?"  
"Mikasa said there must be a reason," Annie said aggressively. "We don't even know where he went, but we need to find him. Hell, if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be here!"  
Armin nodded slowly.  
"Eren is my best friend. I wish I could have done more to help him."  
"Me too," Historia added. "Of us, he's probably the bravest. We have to do something. But more importantly, I wonder, where is Levi?"  
At that point, attention shifted to Erwin, who stood with his arms folded.  
"I don't know where he is. The last time I saw him was when he left with Eren. He didn't even come back. I admit I'm a little worried, what if he does something crazy?"  
"Who? Levi?" asked Armin.

"When feelings are involved, there is no reason,' said the painter. "If we find him, he can tell us what happened. And don't make those faces, Eren will be fine. My word, I've never met a more stubborn kid."  
Mikasa sighed, clinging to Annie.  
"This is all my fault. It should have been me instead."  
"Don't say those things. You're not going to end up in some seedy convent. We'll save us both. We owe it to him."

How many hours had passed? Eren couldn't have told. Night and day, day and night. He had slept and then woken up. But he still tried hard not to stay awake, because otherwise he would suffer too much. It was a suffering that was causing him physical pain, a suffering that he was holding back. He would explode when he was left alone to feel sorry for himself. And his eyes stayed closed even when he found himself awake. He had heard disconnected words from his father, including Brussels. Was that where he was going? To another country? It certainly wasn't America, but it was still far from home. He couldn't move. All he could think of was his name. Levi.  
Levi, you'll be OK now. If only his stubbornness hadn't led him over that wall. If only she had pushed him away when she kissed him, if only he hadn't fallen in love.  
Now he knew what love was. Passion, pain, blood. Like the colour scarlet. Like the colour of roses. His roses... would Levi ever give him one again?  
He had no idea how much time passed. Arriving, what did it matter? He was in no hurry to get to his new prison.  
When they had reached their destination, he had been forced to open his eyes. He had slowly lifted his gaze and looked at what would be his new home, a large, grey, cold structure. What a shame, not even a little colour.  
His father spoke again. And this time he heard phrases like "you will retrace your steps", "this is what you have to do" and "you will forget about that failed writer".  
He did not know any failed writer, only a wonderful man to whom he had given his heart, everything. To whom he had given everything. Was it possible to feel nothing? To lose consciousness of his surroundings?  
The tutor of the institute was called Dot Pixys and was an old, bald man with a moustache, a distinguished person who had welcomed Lord Jaeger with a handshake. The old man had then glanced at him while Grisha whispered something in his ear. Interesting that they were talking about him as if he wasn't there, when it was his life they were talking about.  
"Oh, don't worry, Lord Jaeger," Pixys reassured him. "There are strict rules in this reformatory. Your boy will be straightened out in no time."  
"I hope so," he said looking at his son. "When I come to take you back, you'll be exactly as you're supposed to be."  
How should one be? Was there an unwritten rule he did not know? And why wasn't it fine the way it was?  
When his father left, his suffocating presence was replaced by that of the tutor, who had a kind but also disturbing smile. He had taken him with him into the facility and told him that this would be his home from now on and that there were rules that he took the time to list. Eren pretended to listen as he was shuffled from place to place. He caught a glimpse of other boys walking past, watching him with curiosity. Who were they? Were they also there because they had rebelled, because they had loved?  
Then, the man had stopped in front of a door that he had opened with a key. The grey walls, the apparently stiff sheets, on the bed folded what must surely have been the uniform he would have worn while staying there. There were no pictures, just a wardrobe and a bedside table.  
"This will be your room, Master Eren Jaeger. You wake up every day at seven, right on time. You go to bed at nine and it is absolutely forbidden to go to other people's rooms, you are here because you have a lesson to learn. Not to party. Needless to say, I do not compromise on anything and there will be very severe punishments if you try to escape. But I am sure you will not. Do you understand me?"  
His gaze on the window, on the rain beating on the glass. He had always connected rain to lots and lots of good things, yet now he could only hate it.  
"Yes... I understand."

"Very well. I'll leave you then, so you can rest." He closed the door again.  
A thunderclap, the room lighting up. Eren hadn't had a chance to take anything with him except for a book he'd managed to sneak out and tuck under his jacket. He had walked in such a way that no one would notice.  
The only thing he had with him. And his letters? Oh, her letters, they would be torn up, her rose petals would be torn off!  
He placed Pride and Prejudice on the bedside table. The novel that had united them, the pages filled with his scent, his dedication. He sat down on the bed. And breathed. The act itself was a kind of liberation, his allowing himself to let go. He did not want to think that he would not see Mikasa, his mother, Armin and then... Levi again for who knows how long. He was afraid of forgetting, of forgetting his name, of being forgotten.  
"Levi," he called in a whisper. A tear streaked down his face. A thunderclap.  
"Levi...", this time he had raised his voice. Tears streamed down his face. Another thunderclap, loud enough to cover every sound.  
"LEVI!" he shouted. For what, then? Did he think she would hear him? What a deluded man he was. He couldn't run. He couldn't turn back. Was he trapped? Had they taken his wings and broken them? No! What was the point of living now? Tired, exhausted and wanting only to sink and die.  
His hands resting on his aching heart. To sink and nothing more, that's what he wanted. For the first time in his life, Eren felt weak, fragile and helpless. He wondered if there was anything he could have done, but perhaps he had been right to disappear. Because reality - not love - was cruel and there would be no future for him and Levi. Perhaps he would forget him, so he would have no problems and would be fine. He cried and cried for a long time until, too exhausted, he slipped from sleep into dreams.

Carla had shed her own tears, the tears of a mother who had not been able to protect her son. In the absence of his father, Mikasa had taken advantage of this. She wanted to stay with Annie as long as possible, she was the only one who could console her. Jean, on the other hand, tried to spend time with Marco when he could. His parents insisted that he should be treated, but he had no intention of doing so, as he obviously had no illness. All he could think about was Eren. If only he could have done something!  
"I know we all said that, but I feel like I'm to blame!" he exclaimed bringing his hands to his head. "I feel useless!"  
"It's all right, Jean," whispered Marco. "We all feel useless. Please don't grieve like this." Being around the table at Le Crabe Blue wasn't the same without Eren and Levi. Even Conny was merely looking at the beer but not touching it.  
"Oh... I miss those two, damn it," he huffed. "Erwin, have you heard from them?"  
"Don't you think I would have told you? I've been looking all over for him!"  
"Guys!", Sasha suddenly called back to them. "I really think there's a fight going on outside!"  
Marco and Erwin looked at each other. Without explaining how, they feared they had imagined the exact same thing. In the middle of that fight was Levi. The reason was unknown, but apparently the writer must have fallen into debt after drinking who knows where and who knows how much. For yes, he was drunk, and you didn't have to be a genius to figure that out.  
"I won't give a penny to anyone," he said, wagging a finger. "I drink to forget, so I'm justified."  
"Oh sacrebleu!" cursed Erwin. "I can't believe what I'm seeing!"  
"Well, we can't leave it like this!" said Jean rightly. The painter sighed. As best friend, it was his job to catch him and help him come to his senses.  
"Alright, alright!" he exclaimed. "Folks, nothing to see here. It's all right, I've got this!" As he said this, he grabbed Levi by the wrist, who glared at him.  
"Ah, it's you Erwin... what do you want?"  
"What do I want?! What are you up to? Please don't tell me that all the money I gave you was spent on booze."  
"Fine, I won't tell you!"  
"You idiot!"  
Erwin's first instinct was to punch him in the face. However, his fist remained suspended in midair as he looked his friend in the eye. Levi was no longer himself. His eyes were completely empty, filled only with a different coldness than usual. It was as if he could see his own barren soul.  
He sighed.  
"You are coming with me."

After paying Levi's debt, Erwin headed for his house, dragging his friend along. The latter could not even stand on his legs, nor did he speak, but only let out a few moans and groans.  
The painter wondered what had happened to his dignity and perfect composure. There must have been something behind it, but for the moment he could feel nothing but a strong anger. With a great deal of effort he opened the door with a creak, dropping - or rather, more precisely, dropping - Levi onto the mattress. The writer let out yet another moan as he settled himself better and brought a hand to his aching head.  
"I'd like some herbal tea."  
"Because you actually deserve it, eh?" quipped Erwin. He was angry, yet his tone of voice was quiet. "May we know what happened? We came to know from Mikasa that you and Eren were separated, that he was taken away! Talk to me, please!"  
Levi looked annoyed, probably the only thing he wanted was to sink into a sweet sleep and maybe dream of his beloved.  
"His father found us... and he threatened Eren saying that if he didn't agree to follow him, he'd have me killed. And I was even ready to go, I would have done that and more, but Eren beat me to it. And he's gone," he raised a hand in front of him, as if trying to grab something non-existent. "Gone, got it? He got himself imprisoned for me, and I did nothing. I swore to him that I would find him, I swore to him that we would be reunited. Did you ever think you would see me suffer like this for love, eh Erwin?"  
His tone now appeared broken. The painter had noticed how tears were now running down his friend's cheeks. Tears that flowed slowly. Although they had known each other all their lives, Levi Ackerman had very rarely allowed himself to cry. Rather it was anger, concern, but never such obvious despair. And the news he had just heard had shocked him. He had sensed from the beginning that Grisha Jaeger was a determined man, but he would never have thought it to this extent.  
"My God," he whispered, bringing a hand to his forehead. "I certainly wasn't expecting this. That bastard... he threatened you," then gave him a sterner look. "But that's no way to react. Get a grip on yourself, Levi! Do you really think that's going to solve things? Drowning your sorrows in alcohol? How do you think you can keep your promise?"  
"But I don't even know where they took him."  
"No ifs, no buts. Levi Ackerman, I understand the desperation, but I won't let you give up like this. It's not in your person. You used to tell me that the author of your story was you and you alone."  
"Stories are stories, Erwin!" he exclaimed, overpowering her voice, then lowering his tone again. "They mean nothing."  
That sentence had struck the painter deep. If Levi himself, as a writer and lover of stories, would even go so far as to say such a thing, then he had fallen short. He looked around. He had to go back to the others and warn them of what had happened.  
"I'll be back in a little while. Get some sleep and come to your senses."  
Levi remained motionless until he heard the door close. He then turned to one side, feeling a tear slide down his face and wet his pillow.   
"I promised you so much and instead I won't be able to accomplish anything. Forgive me, Eren. Forgive me for leading you on," she whispered, closing her eyes and finally shutting her thoughts up for a few hours.

What Mikasa had learned from Erwin had left her speechless. She did not want to believe that her father had even gone so far as to do this, to threaten Eren. But it did make sense; it explained why her brother had been completely helpless. The first thing she had done was to tell her mother. Carla simply hadn't found words to say. Her family had been broken up in the worst possible way and she had allowed her husband to take her son away. The two women, sitting in the living room in front of a small table, seemed to be waiting. Outside it was starting to rain and evening was falling.  
It was just before dusk that Grisha returned home after almost two days' absence. He shed his wet coat and immediately became aware of the icy stares the two women of the family were giving him. Carla was the first to stand up. Although she was one step away from crying, she was going to speak.  
"Where's Eren?"  
He did not answer immediately. He first reached for one of the fine wines resting on a shelf and poured some into a small glass, guzzling it down. The liquid he swallowed warmed him immediately.  
"Eren is safe now."  
"I said I want to know where he is." The man smiled sinisterly.

"If you really want to know, he's at the Sainte-Marguerite Institute in Brussels. A reformatory where they will know how to mould him properly."  
"I mean, you took my son to Belgium? To another country?" she asked distraught, bringing a hand to her heart.  
"I took our son to another country to save him. I asked the tutor to inform me in case anything strange should happen. So if any of your little friends or the dear writer feels like visiting him, I will know. But I don't suppose any of you are that rash, are you?" he turned to Mikasa, who remained cold and impassive.  
"And I suppose the same goes for me, doesn't it? Will you get Annie convicted too if I try to run away with her?"  
"I might, unless... you want to marry Jean anyway and save our reputation at least a little."  
The girl found herself horrified. Was that, then, what really mattered? She clenched her fists, unable to contain herself any longer.  
"I don't care about people's eyes, to hell with them all. Jean and I can't get married, since we love someone else! And if you don't agree, I'm sorry, but Eren doesn't deserve this, none of us do."  
"Then you'd better make up your mind. Or in a few days you'll end up far away from Paris and everything you hold dear."  
She pawed.  
"I'd rather die. Yes, perhaps I will kill myself, rather than obey your orders!" she proclaimed. Her shoes clacked loudly on the floor as she walked back up to her room. Grisha didn't breathe a word as she smoked her cigar. Carla shook her head in dissent.  
"I realise something. It is not our children who have destroyed this family, but you yourself. You won't be able to control them forever, I hope you are aware of that."  
Normally, Grisha would have replied, but she merely let out a grunt, too tired to argue.  
Meanwhile, Mikasa locked herself in her room. She felt as if she were short of air. Impetuously, she threw off her tight dress and loosened her corset, then let herself fall back onto the mattress and sighed. She had three options. The first was to be locked up in a convent, which was out of the question. The second would have been to marry Jean, but that would have meant condemning them both and rendering their and Eren's efforts useless. The third was to try to escape. She knew that her father had probably thought of such an eventuality and if he found her trying to escape, he would end up like Eren. Something had to be done though, he had already lost Annie once, he couldn't let that happen again. Looking up, she turned her thoughts to Eren. He would know how to act.  
She promised herself that he would be happy, that they would all be happy, because the alternative was to die and not literally.  
It was dying inside, piece by piece, moment by moment.


	21. 21 – Réagir

The first thing Eren felt as soon as he woke up was a nagging tightness in his stomach. Even something as simple as breathing was terribly difficult. He was almost certain that he had dreamt it, which is why when he woke up he had felt a sense of despair that had led him to close his eyes. He had fallen asleep with his clothes on, collapsed from the convulsive crying that had dried up his tears and had now left him with a profound headache. Eren sat up, watching the dim light piercing the glass.   
The moment he'd woken up, he'd hoped he'd simply been dreaming, but of course he hadn't been, and it had only added to his despondency.  
He had better get ready, he didn't want to get a lecture on his first day. He struggled to get up, looking at his reflection in a small mirror by the bedside table that he hadn't noticed the night before. His eyes were red, he didn't even look like himself. He was no longer him.  
Now I have forgotten who I was, what I am, where I am. I am dead. I am an empty vessel.   
If he had started thinking again, he would probably have lost his mind. He sighed and changed his clothes, not wanting to imagine the tiring day ahead of him.   
Eren soon realised that being at Sainte-Marguerite was like being in a courtyard full of noisy kids. He was very surprised to find that his other classmates were all younger than him, teenagers of noble origins who must have ended up there for some reason.   
He must have been one of the oldest there.   
Preceptor Pixys checked every morning that all the boys were present, after they had settled into line, he made sure they were presentable and obedient. Eren had avoided turning his nose up at the sight of him holding an ebony-black wand. Could it be that he used that tool to beat up boys?  
He then heard him complain about one of the pupils who apparently hadn't shown up that morning. Judging by the way he spoke, that must have been the order of the day.   
The days were punctuated by different activities: mornings were spent studying, and lessons were compulsory for everyone, even the older ones. Eren would have gladly done without them, as he had never been particularly fond of studying. The subjects were philosophy, French, maths, reading, and probably reading alone would have interested him. In the afternoons, however, sports such as running, volleyball or cricket had to be practised, as it was necessary for a man to maintain his athleticism. One could not draw, write, play music, any form of art seemed banned. In the evening one had dinner and immediately went to one's dormitories. It certainly didn't seem so terrible, if it hadn't been for the strict rules. If you were late you were punished. If you talked back to teachers, if you didn't pay attention in class and if you didn't obey, you were punished. They focused a lot on physical pain, perhaps because there was a belief that this is how a man's character is forged. Because that's what he was, that's what they all were. The 'different' sent there in the hope that they would be downsized and made equal to everyone else.  
Eren had come to understand this. That strangely humid afternoon he was supposed to be running around the camp. In fact, he only managed to run about twenty metres before stopping and resting his hands on his knees in exhaustion. Doing something would have been better than getting depressed, but if there was anything he wanted to do, it was reading. He always carried his book with him, tucked into his jacket or tucked between the shirt and trousers of his sports uniform, as was the case here. He looked around, and realising he had no attention on himself, decided to cut the rope.  
The courtyard was surrounded by several old trees, some of them so close together that they blocked the sunlight. If he hid himself well, he might have some chance of being left alone. What did it matter if he was punished or not?  
He looked for a place to be quiet and sat down on the damp earth. He sighed.   
That was definitely a relief, albeit a small one. And he began to read. He had already finished that book some time ago, but he would continue to read it, reread it and be surprised. He would re-read it and brush his fingers over the dedication Levi had written to him, holding back tears each time. In a fit of exasperation, he brought the page to his lips, almost as if with that gesture he wanted to give his lost love a kiss.

"Levi, forgive me. I would love to know how you are, that's all. It would be enough for me to know how you are to be happy," he whispered.   
Then the trees moved behind him. At first he thought it was the wind. But then he heard footsteps. He immediately jumped to his feet: could it be that they had already found him?  
"And I thought that no one would ever go that far beyond me.  
On hearing that young voice, the young man became quiet. The guy in front of him looked a little older than him and had a bored expression. They were wearing the same uniform.  
"Um... um, I didn't think anyone was here, I just came here to read."  
"Ah, you can relax, I'm always trying to get away from classes and all that hassle too," in his hand he held a red apple which he was now biting into. "You're a newcomer, I suppose, aren't you?"  
"I... my name is Eren Jaeger. And who are you?"  
"I'm Mike Zacharias, nice to meet you."  
The other blinked a couple of times. That name was not new to him, he had heard it from Preceptor Pixys more than once.  
"Oh, yes. I understand. I heard the old man complaining because you didn't show up on time this morning."  
"That one's always complaining, and despite his rules I always try to rebel," he huffed throwing the core on the ground. "But I don't have a choice, I've been here for a year already, I've got to entertain myself somehow."  
"Ah... a year, huh?" he asked, swallowing hard. He would have gone crazy staying there for so long. Although from above he was also afraid to go back to his house. Because then what would happen?  
Before he knew it, Mike had moved closer.  
"What are you reading?"  
"Huh? N-nothing! I'm not reading anything!"  
"Pride and Prejudice, huh? I really don't think you got that from our library."  
"Eh, just leave me alone, okay!" he huffed, clutching the book to her chest.  
"Oh, all right. Anyway, did anyone ever tell you that there's strength in numbers?" he asked rummaging in his pocket and lighting a cigarette. Eren couldn't help but wonder where the heck he'd gotten that stuff.  
"Yeah. Why?"  
"Because if you want to survive without going crazy you should make friends with someone like me. Come see me tonight," he winked. Eren let himself grimace. The way he was feeling, he would have gladly done without making friends with anyone, he just wanted to let go of his despondency.   
Or maybe he would think about it.

Armin was voraciously devouring a piece of bread, to the point that Annie had been forced to reprimand him.  
"Armin, stop it! You look like an animal."  
"I'm sorry, but I was starving! We have Historia to thank for this food we have."  
"Ah, I don't want thanks. For the family we do this and more," the girl replied, going to sit down next to Ymir, who put his arm around her and drew her to him. The young Lady Reiss, after a furious quarrel with her father, had been thrown out and disinherited. And she had obviously left willingly, selling all the jewellery she owned. She had realised that comfortable, less feminine clothes belonged to her much more than lace. Besides, that was now her family, it was her life.   
Armin sighed, suddenly stopping eating.  
"Damn... I can't imagine that we're here and Eren is away. I can't believe his father would even do this. It's not fair, damn it, the guilt is eating away at me!"  
"Armin, please don't start whining again. Even though the situation sucks enough, I have to protect Mikasa, but I don't want her to be threatened by her bastard father too. Damn it! I want to grab her and take her away with me."  
"Then you do it," Ymir said. "If you want a woman, you have to take her." Annie huffed with her arms folded.  
"I might even try to take her away with me. But her father mustn't suspect anything," she thought for a long time about something, until her gaze had settled on Armin. "Um... Armin, would you be willing to give me a hand?"

Levi didn't show any sign of recovering. He didn't even want to go back to his house, too many memories! How could he go back there, where they had fallen in love, where they had consummated their love? He never thought he could find himself suffering so much for love, and yet there he was, feeling sorry for himself. He had sworn aloud that he would never write again, for his inspiration had been lost forever. It was a simply absurd situation, especially for Erwin, who felt he was dealing more with a corpse than a person.  
"It doesn't look good," commented Marco beside him. "I'm afraid he'll die of a broken heart if he keeps this up."  
"So passionate. I feel just as bad if I just think they might separate me from you," Jean made, turning to Marco. By now he was learning to let go of certain displays of affection even in public.  
"Well, it's good to see that there's still some love in the world," commented the painter. "It can't go on like this. If he lets go now it's the end. No, the man needs to come to his senses, my word."  
"What do you want to do?" asked the pianist.  
"Look for the only person who can help him. Please stay here and keep an eye on him," he concluded, reaching for his overcoat and subsequently leaving the house.  
It had been over a year since Erwin had seen the person in question. And he had to walk a long way, all the way to boulevard Beaumarchais, a wide, dusty street inhabited mostly by people from the lower and middle classes.   
Her house had remained the same, from the sloping roof to the flowers grown only on one side of the garden.  
She breathed deeply before approaching the door and knocking. After a few moments of waiting, the landlady opened the door.   
Hanji Zoe's face was smeared with a strange grey substance and she was wearing a white apron stained in the same way, her hair pinned up and her glasses.  
"Oh, I can't believe my eyes. Is he or is he not my old friend Erwin Smith?"  
"Good afternoon, Hanji. Long time no see." The woman bowed her head to the side, then gave him a resounding pat.  
"What's all this formality? Come on in! To what do I owe this sudden visit?"  
She remained her usual impetuous and cheerful self. Of the three of them, Hanji was the only one who had succeeded in some way. She was a very capable sculptor who also had a small group of pupils who followed and respected her. In fact, the house was full of small sculptures made by her, mostly depicting animals. Although she had to admit that some of them were disturbing, but that was OK. Hanji had an eccentric and bizarre personality; she was an artist in her own right. She didn't bother to wipe her face as she served tea and asked about Marco, Conny and Levi. Erwin replied that the first two were fine, but that Levi had a problem. It wasn't long before the woman learned of the vicissitudes the writer and her lover had gone through.  
"That's why I came to you. You are the only one who can help him come to his senses; he won't listen to me. I don't want him to get lost. Could you say something to him?"  
Hanji looked rather interested.  
"If they had told me that Levi would suffer for love, I would have laughed. That's why I was always teasing him. I mean, him, writing a romance novel? I admit I'm not too surprised, I don't know why. After all, he's a human being and... knowing his character, I'm not surprised that he fell in love with a nobleman."  
"Does that mean you'll come?"  
"Of course it does! The trio is about to reunite, I can't wait!" she exclaimed excitedly as she took off her apron.

"Eren... why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?"  
Slumped on the bed, Levi kept calling his beloved's name, even though he knew he would not receive an answer. Jean shook his head.  
"Come on, Levi, cheer up! Get your dignity back, Eren wouldn't want to see you like this and... but who am I talking to, a wall? This one's gone."  
"Come on, don't be cruel to him," sighed Marco. "He's tormented. I'd despair too. Your family don't want to take you away from me, do they?"  
"They mustn't even try to do something like that," he murmured as she approached him and grabbed his hand. "They think I'm so sick, that time will heal me. But I will never recover from you, my sweet musician."  
"Oh, Jean..."  
The nobleman stroked his fingers over her freckles. Then he looked at her lips.  
"Eren..." they heard a moan.  
"Oh, no! If he does that I just can't do it! I can't do it!" muttered Jean. Marco rolled his eyes, when a few seconds later the host came back with an unexpected guest.  
"What? Hanji?"  
"Oh, hello dear Marco, long time no see!" she greeted cheerfully. "You must be Jean! We'll have time to get to know each other, now there's something I have to do.

The nobleman approached the boy and asked him who the woman was. He simply waved him off. Levi fixed his gaze on her, keeping a serious expression.  
"Ah, it's you Hanji."  
"That's me. You're looking a mess. Erwin told me you're letting yourself go. What's going on in your head? Where's your pride? Get up and walk!"  
"Leave me alone. Without him nothing makes sense."  
"Oh! Do you really think Eren will come back to you if you get depressed? You have to fight, you know that better than anyone. Besides, what's this story you don't want to write any more? You have to write and love hard, fight and hope. They've driven him away from you. So what? There must be a way for you to meet again!"  
"How?"   
"Well, I don't know the how!" she exclaimed grabbing his arm, fed up with his whining. "But you will recover, should I guide you step by step. And now... you definitely need a bath."  
Both Jean and Marco were impressed by such impetuosity and determination. Hanji wasn't afraid to speak his mind, even to someone as cantankerous as Levi.  
"Wow," whispered Jean in amazement. "But who is that woman?" Erwin, on the other hand, was smiling. It had gone exactly as he had expected.  
"A friend of mine and Levi's. You will understand that she is very, very special...".

Armin shivered. He would always do anything to help his friends, even the most absurd things... but that was just too much! He and Annie had come up with a plan. In fact, it was fair to say that she had thought of a plan of which he was the bait.   
The girl had begged him and begged him again, so much so that in the end he hadn't had the courage to say no to her. He could not imagine that she and Mikasa could never be reunited because of him.   
In front of the Jaegers' home, he kept mentally repeating to himself the words he should say. He was afraid, and it couldn't have been any other way after the treatment he had received. He sighed, knowing he had to pull himself together.   
He was greeted by the servants of the family with whom he had worked side by side for months, and to his great good fortune he had ended up in front of Carla. Carla had been overjoyed and had kissed his cheeks when she saw him in her house. Then she had wiped her eyes with a handkerchief, unable to hold back her tears.  
"Oh, dear Armin, it is so good to see you in my house again. How are you? Are you back living on the street?"  
"Yes... but I'm fine. Luckily I have friends to help me. And how about you? How are you?"  
He could sense an unparalleled sadness in her tone and gaze. No wonder she had been separated from her son.  
"Could be better, dear... could be better."  
Armin stiffened. It was not Carla he feared, but Grisha. Still, he shouldn't let it get him down; the important thing was just to distract them. Carla joined her husband in the living room with as much goodwill as she could muster; he was sitting in an armchair, smoking a cigar.  
"Grisha, look who's come to visit us?".   
As soon as the man's and the boy's eyes met, a few moments of silence fell. Armin saw him stiffen and huff sonorously. It was obvious he wasn't happy to see him there; he was practically the one who had helped his son enter into an illicit relationship.  
"What is this doing here in my house? Let him leave now!"  
"No, wait!" he immediately exclaimed. "Please, I know I'm not well liked, but all I want is to know how Eren is!"  
"Eren is fine, that's all you need to know. He's in a place where he can be away from all of you."  
Carla noticed the heavy atmosphere.  
"Um... I'm going to go get Mikasa, she'll be very happy to see you considering how sick she is."  
"No, please!" he pleaded with her only to quickly compose himself. "Please... just leave her alone."   
It was at that moment that the woman saw something in the boy's eyes. And she had a feeling that he was somehow doing something to help her daughter. And she was going to let him. So she smiled.  
"All right, then."  
Upstairs, meanwhile, Mikasa alternated between moments of anger and despair and moments of utter despondency, slumped over in bed. Even then she had sunk her head into the pillow, mulling over what would be the right thing to do. She did not want to endanger anyone, did not want anyone to suffer. But she did not want to suffer herself either!  
She heard something tapping on the window. At first she thought it was the wind, but when she heard the noise becoming more insistent, she sat up. There she saw Annie, who was signalling for her to open the door. Immediately the girl jumped out of bed and threw open the windows.  
"Oh, my God. Annie, what... what are you doing here?"

"I came to get the woman I love. Look, I know this is bound to seem reckless considering what happened to Eren, but I can't leave you here, I can't let-"  
Her small talk was interrupted the moment Mikasa placed a warm kiss on her lips, her hands now on her face. The noblewoman had felt her heart explode with happiness, for that answer she had sought so much had come from her.  
"I won't think twice about it. I will go with you. But my parents...."  
"Armin will take care of them..."  
"Armin?" she asked, smiling. After all, why be surprised? He had helped Eren so much, nothing strange that he was helping her too.  
"Come on, get your things and let's get out of here. Can you climb down a wall yet?", Mikasa looked at her amused,  
"I'll learn now."

In the living room, Carla continued to remain silent. She didn't dare say a word as Armin spoke, partly acting and partly telling the truth.  
"But you can't send Mikasa away!"  
"If you think some poor guy can come into my house and tell me what to do, you are sadly mistaken. You have to get over it, Eren is gone now. And by the time he comes back, he'll have forgotten all about you and especially about that guy."  
The boy clenched his fists. If he kept up the spiel, Grisha would become suspicious. Besides, he was beginning to feel rather nervous.  
"I may be a poor man, I may be uneducated, but I understand very well when an injustice is such. Eren doesn't deserve this. He is much more sensitive than the rest of us."  
"It's not sensitivity that helps a man. You'll see, he'll come to his senses. And then it will be as if nothing ever happened."  
Armin's blue eyes moved to the large window in front of him and to which Grisha had her back. Beyond it Annie signalled with a wave of her hand that it was time to go.  
"This is nonsense," he whispered.  
"That's enough, you've tired me," the man's tone was furious. "I let you in and listened to your whining, now get out of my house and stay there. By now, your friendship with Eren is over."  
Of course, the boy didn't let that be repeated twice. Before he left, however, he felt compelled to say something. With an expression that did not usually belong to him, he turned to the master of the house.  
"You can try all sorts of things. It doesn't matter if it's a melancholy concept. Love always wins. And over everything."  
Grisha avoided answering, simply allowing herself a disgusted expression. Armin left, and shortly afterwards the man would discover that Mikasa had left with his beloved.

Eren had given this a lot of thought. Although he had made it a point not to make friends with anyone, he had to admit that a little company wouldn't hurt. Besides, he wasn't born to be alone.   
Mike's room was two doors behind his own. He had to wait until all the lights were off and the tutor was far away before he could sneak up to the door and knock a couple of times. Mike didn't answer right away, in fact Eren was almost thinking of going back to his room. Then, however, he found his face in front of him.  
"Ah, I see you finally came."  
The younger man was sullen, clutching the book to his chest.  
"I only did it because I was bored," he muttered.  
"And I'm perfectly fine with that anyway."   
Eren walked into the room that was practically the same as his own. Shortly afterwards, he and Mike had started talking, or rather, he had started talking about his daring adventures at Sainte-Marguerite, about how the tutor Pixys resented him for being the only one who disobeyed despite corporal punishment.  
"They don't even hurt anymore. Let's just say you get used to it after a while."   
Eren listened to him with a low stare, standing quite on his own.  
"But why did you end up here?" he asked curiously.  
"Why?" he asked lighting a cigarette. "Probably because my family didn't like the fact that I was so rebellious. I didn't want to get married, I didn't want to follow rules, and I didn't want to live a boring life as a nobleman. I mean, who wants that?" he paused a little. "'My father sent me here in the hope that they could straighten me out, but in truth I became even more unmanageable. Ah, I'll get out of this dump sooner or later, you can be sure of that."  
Eren looked at him. In fact, they were much more alike than he had thought. Mike was like him, a free spirit.  
"What about you? What are you doing here?"  
He felt a tremor and then a pang in his chest. If remembering hurt, talking about it was even worse. Yet he also felt a great need to vent to someone.  
"I... I ended up here because," he whispered. "Because I fell in love."  
"Come on! Really? And what would be wrong with that?"  
The young man lifted his green irises and only then did Mike realise the real pain in his soul.  
"He is a man."  
"He is a man".  
Silence. Mike was now surprised.  
"Oh... I didn't expect that," he said, smiling. "Ah, I guess your family told you it was unnatural or something, didn't they? It's all nonsense, some things have been around since the dawn of time and will never die out."  
"I had to come here of necessity," he said with an astonished look. "Otherwise Levi would have died. I couldn't allow him to be killed, even if it meant sacrificing my freedom and probably never being able to see him again."  
Tears were poised on his eyelashes. Mike clicked his tongue.  
"Levi, huh? Tell me about him. What does he do for a living?"  
"Levi is a writer. An artist. He's writing the most beautiful romance novel of all time," he looked up dreamily. "He is everything that is good in this world. I never thought you could love someone so much. I know for sure that in my life I will only love him. Forever."  
"Damn, he must be strong."  
"Well, yes! We read this book together! And here, on the first page, is a quote he dedicated to me!"  
"I understand, Eren. Well, I don't know you well, but I can tell by the way you talk that you're in love. And you know what? That they won't be able to keep you locked up here forever. Oh no. That's nothing compared to such a great feeling."  
"But I feel that all is lost."  
The other rolled his eyes.  
"Just because you think it's lost doesn't mean it is, does it?"  
Eren grimaced. Was he suggesting he should hope? How could he hope? Would he and Levi meet again? And if so, when? Where? How?  
 _Who am I? Where am I going? Where do I go? But most of all, without you, what happens to me? ___


	22. 22 - Mouts d'amor et encre

Levi sat slumped in Erwin's armchair. Although he had not looked in the mirror, he was well aware that his expression was more disturbing than usual, and he could not have explained why all his friends were staring at him like that.  
"Why are you all here?" he asked annoyed.  
All he wanted was to be left alone, he didn't feel like talking, his silence was comprehensive enough.  
"You could also be a little nicer to the people who decided to help you!", Hanji scolded him.  
"But I didn't ask for their help," he muttered, slowly turning to look at her.  
Jean was about to respond in kind, but he was stopped in time by Marco, who gave him the impression that it would be better to keep quiet. The writer then looked at Annie, Mikasa and Armin who were in front of him.  
"Well," he then said boredly. "I see that at least you two managed to escape. Don't get caught."  
"We won't get caught, but it's not us you need to worry about," the blonde-haired girl quickly clarified. "Rather, worry about Eren."  
Mikasa nodded, taking up the conversation soon after.  
"I know where my father took him. To Saint Marguerite's, in Brussels, a kind of... reformatory. It was my father himself who told me, I highly doubt he made it up, though..."  
"However?" asked Erwin curiously.  
"I think it's true about Eren being controlled though. If we tried to go to him, he would know. Besides, now that Annie and I have escaped, he's probably imagining something like that."  
"Umh," Hanji had taken to walking around the room thoughtfully.  
"At least we know where she is, though. That's something, don't you think, Levi?"  
The latter had mumbled something though, he was still hungover,  
but it was probably more of a mental illness than a physical one.  
"Look... Hanji. I really wish it was as easy as you think, but it's not! The truth is, it's my fault! It all started with me, I'm the one who stepped up. That night, that night!" he clenched a fist. "I should have held back. When Eren came to the house but, I should have sent him away, because I knew I would ruin his life. I knew it, yet I was selfish. He was braver than I was and he saved me. I told him so. I'm not worth it, I'm not worth it!"  
"Come on!" tried to encourage Erwin. "There's too much you promised him to back out. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."  
Levi didn't listen to him though, he seemed totally in his own world, his eyes glazed over into emptiness.  
"Maybe the others were right when they said there would be no future for us."  
Until that moment Armin had held back. He never usually felt anger so strong that he lost control, but in this moment it would have been impossible to hold back. He sprang forward and with one swift movement grabbed Levi by the collar of his shirt.  
The others were simply shocked at the absurdity of the scene. Armin had always been in awe of Levi. Now, however, the boy's blue eyes shone with determination.  
"That's enough!" he said aloud. "If you're as much of a man as you say you are, Levi Ackerman, then do something about it! Eren had himself taken away to keep you out of trouble, and if you stand here now and do nothing, it will all have been in vain. He gave you freedom, which is the most important thing, so that you can go back to him! What do you think he would think if he saw you here now, wallowing in anguish? I know how much he has suffered, I know how much he loves you. And if you love him too then you must stop. Do you understand?"  
He had spewed those words without her being able to stop them. Mikasa was pleasantly stunned, and Levi looked at him with a furrowed brow. The boy sighed and seemed to come to his senses. He released his grip from Levi's collar and then pulled back.  
"I... I... I don't know what came over me. But...."  
Levi adjusted his shirt there, looking at him.  
"Gee, you've got guts kid, even more than me in some cases."  
"I like this guy, he's cool!" exclaimed Hanji patting Armin on the shoulder. "Alright, maybe it would be best not to stir things up too much for now. But if you can't see each other, you can at least hear each other. Maybe you can send them a letter?"  
"Those will be checked too," the man said with his arms folded. Mikasa then rolled her eyes.  
"Well...but the sender doesn't have to be you. I mean...you can use a fake name."  
"Excellent idea!" winked Hanji. "A fake name would be ideal. And you also have to be careful what you write...."  
Levi waved her off.  
"I know which one to use."  
Saying that, she stood up with a snap and immediately started looking through the various drawers for something. But finding nothing he could use, he looked at Erwin.  
"So are you going to give me a paper or not?"

The other moved immediately.  
"Eh, yes. I'm coming!" Hanji had taken to smiling in the meantime. Perhaps Levi was finally coming to his senses.

Usually, during the weekends, the boys at Saint Marguerite's received visits from their families and parents. Eren knew it wouldn't be the same for him, which he didn't mind at all, even though he really missed his mother and Mikasa. He hadn't even written them two lines, but what could he say? That he had been weak, that he felt distressed? No, he did not want to worry them. The good thing was that at least that afternoon he could have a break from studying and various sports. He and Mike were in the common room and had started a game of chess, which in truth the boy was not participating in with much enthusiasm, he was not even capable.  
"At this rate I'm liable to beat you again, Eren."  
"Ah, go ahead," he huffed, "I'm bad at it anyway."  
"Come on, you've already made progress since last time!" The boy rolled his eyes. A few moments later the door to the common room opened and Pixys entered.  
"Oh, hello preceptor, did you come to see if I was making trouble?" asked Mike.  
"Oh, do be quiet, Mr Zacharias. I'm here for Master Jaeger," he extended a hand. "You have received a letter."  
"A letter? If it's from my father I don't want to read it."  
"Indeed it is not from your father. A childhood friend, apparently."  
Eren arched an eyebrow. He was fairly certain he had no old friends, but he tried not to let any surprise show as he took the letter from his hand. He waited for the tutor to leave before opening the envelope.  
"Well?" asked Mike. "Why are you making that face?" The boy did not reply. The sender of the letter was a certain Léon Thomás. The content, on the other hand, was quite hurried and informal:  
Dear Eren,  
I understand that you are at the moment at Saint Marguerite in Brussels. As soon as I heard this, I wrote to you immediately to find out how you were. I hope that nothing serious has happened. I await your reply.  
Your friend Lèon.  
"Eren? Do you feel ill?" asked Mike worriedly. The boy then raised his green irises to him.  
"Lèon. That is the name of one of the two main characters in Levi's novel. The sender of this letter signs his name like that."  
"Really? Well, that's great, then maybe it's really your Levi writing to you!"  
"Levi?" he asked as her heart began to pound and her breathing became shorter. "Him? But...but how do I answer him? They'll check what I write and there's so much I have to tell them!"  
Mike, however, who knew more than the devil, rubbed his chin, then stood up.  
"Let me see something," he said taking the paper from his hands and approaching the lit candle of a candle.  
"Stop!" the other made. "You don't want to burn it!"  
"Leave it," he shushed him . He cautiously brought the paper closer to the flame, far enough away so that it would not catch fire but close enough to show the secret that lay hidden in the now no longer white back. Something else had appeared. Words and phrases of ink. Another secret letter.  
"What?" the young man's eyes twinkled. "But what...?"-  
"Ah, I knew it. Your lover is clever, he used invisible ink, it can only be seen in the light. What strength...!"  
In the grip of an irrepressible happiness, Eren took back his letter and began to read impatiently what was written in it.

"My beloved Eren.  
I sincerely hope that you get to read these lines and I also hope that no one finds out about this, because I have already got you into too much trouble. And I don't want to do it any more. We were separated too abruptly. It's as if I saw the future being ripped out of my hands. Because they took you from me, Eren. You were taken away for me, who didn't deserve to be protected. They may have torn off your wings, but that won't stop you from flying either. Since you left, I have fallen into the deepest oblivion there is. I can't eat, I can't sleep, even worse I can't write anymore, because you, my inspiration, my only love, have been taken away from me. Fortunately there is someone here who has helped me come to my senses. But it's hard. I know this is going to sound very confusing, I know these words are going to sound very unlike me, but there are too many things I want to tell you and I'm afraid a sheet of paper wouldn't be enough. Forgive me Eren, forgive me for allowing them to take you away and forgive me if even for a moment I thought of giving up. I promised you that I would find you. The most terrible thing is knowing where you are without being able to reach you, but I swear we will find a way. I would have liked to send you rose petals, even a whole rose, but these days it's hard to find them, so I settled for scenting the paper with the essence of that flower we love so much. You left and everything is grey, you were there and everything was alive, fire, it was scarlet. I miss you so much it hurts, my sweet love. And how are you? Please answer me quickly, because I long for your answer."  
Yours forever, Levi

Tears had started to flow from the moment they had started reading, but he had not even noticed. It was true, the paper smelled like roses. He clutched the paper to himself as a smile broke out between the tears. He felt happy, he felt something, he did not believe it possible. Levi was there, imprinted in that ink, in that perfume, in his hands. Mike remained silent, watching his friend's expression change drastically.  
"My love.... my love..." he murmured. "If he knew that I missed him too...."  
"Well, he may know. Write to him. You just have to create the invisible ink, it's easy."  
"Mike, if they find out you're helping me...".  
"Ah, don't worry. I always get into trouble, at least this time I'll do it for a good reason." Eren sighed happily. Inside, the light of hope and the desire to want to move on had been rekindled. 

Although Levi had never been the anxious type, the next few days had been very hard. He was afraid that someone might discover them, so he was constantly on the alert. He had not yet found the courage to return to his home, let alone write. But Erwin had been understanding, and Hanji, who came to see him every day, had also been understanding. At least now he had stopped drinking and spent hours looking out of the window, watching the weather change from wind to rain, then sunshine and then rain again, over and over again. Then one day, Hanji arrived from the post office all excited.  
"Look what I brought you! A letter from Saint Marguerite. Wonder who that is, eh?"  
The man had then looked at her with wide eyes and immediately taken the letter from his hands, opening it. The facade, the fiction, it said:  
'My dear friend. I am at Saint Marguerite's because of family problems, but I expect to be back on my way soon. I am well anyway. I hope we can see each other again soon.  
Your friend Eren.  
"Well, is that all?" asked Erwin.  
"Ah, mind your own business, you!" blurted the other. "Eren understood perfectly well how to do it." As he said this, he reached for the candle, and a few moments later the real letter appeared on the back of the paper, the one soaked in love and sweet words.

"Levi, Levi, my beloved Levi.  
Only God knows how many times I have spoken your name in the hope that you would hear me. This paper is full of my tears, perhaps if you touch the paper you can feel them somehow. I never wanted to part from you, but I preferred to protect you than to protect myself. Was I brave? I, on the other hand, feel like a coward. Because I'm locked in here, and I'm afraid that if I try to escape, it'll be you. And you don't deserve that! I miss you too. Not a moment goes by when I don't think of you, you are always in my heart and you are the constellation of my dreams. You wrote to me and then I began to feel my heart beating again, I felt alive, because that is the effect you have on me. You don't have to ask my forgiveness, my love, because weakness is human. And I also know that you always keep your promises, I know that somehow you always manage to encourage me. You say I can still fly? Maybe, but not alone. Only with you. And please, you don't have to give up writing. I am always here, ready to give you what I need. I may be far away physically, but with my mind and heart I am connected to you. We will see each other again soon. I know we will. I won't leave you, I swear. Not ever. Never. As long as I have breath I'll never stop fighting. I love you, I love you so much."  
Yours forever, Eren.

The paper had immediately clutched at his chest. And he felt the hot tears roll down his cheeks. Before he had met Eren he would never have dreamed of crying like that, especially in front of others, but at that moment the only thing he could think of was the great happiness he was feeling, the luck that in misfortune had found him. His pupils were fixed on the inky words, on the boy's trembling, hurried handwriting. It came instinctively to him to smile, a smile as sincere and true as he had in a long time.  
"He's fine," he whispered. "Eren's fine, he'll be fine." Erwin smiled at him.  
"Of course he'll be fine. Why, did you have any doubts?" The writer wiped his eyes. He had lost his mind, he had been shaken by his forced separation from Eren, but now that he had made contact with him again he felt invigorated.  
"No, I had no doubt. He is strong, even stronger than me for that matter. I would love to go to him, right now, but I'm afraid that one wrong move from me could bring everything down But how can I live without him?" Hanji approached him with an affable smile.  
"But you're not without him. He's there, and he's closer than you think. I'm pretty sure people like you will always be destined to find each other. Let the dust settle. I'll help you personally, if it comes to that."  
"Thank you, Hanji. I'm indebted to you."  
"Ah, no debt. Rather, what about your inspiration? Is it coming back a bit?" Levi's expression was strangely vacant and focused.  
"Yeah," he whispered. "Hell yes. I can see the words again. I... I need... I need some ink."  
"Oh, damn," Erwin sighed, bringing a hand to his face. Levi seemed to have momentarily regained some life, and you could tell by his energy and his look. Perhaps it was the light of hope that had been rekindled in him. They had been separated, but that would not be enough to erase their love. No, sir! After much self-pity, he would take charge of his own destiny, for himself and for Eren himself, even if the road proved to be winding and full of obstacles.

A week and a half later, Eren received another letter. Same sender, same story. A few fake lines on one side, his secret on the other, the secret being brought to light by the simple flame of a candle. Between those inky words the young man could feel all the love, the rose scent that permeated the paper.  
"My beloved Eren,  
now I have probably found some of my inspiration, which I thought had been lost forever. I've never liked the idea of having to depend on others, but with you it's something I can't control, because indeed my happiness and probably my very life depends on you. It makes me feel better to be able to hear you. I swear that we will see each other again, but in the meantime have courage and be strong, because it won't be like this forever. You trust me, don't you? Because in you I have placed my complete trust. I miss you, I miss everything about you, your voice, your eyes full of life, your breath. I miss hugging you, holding you, kissing you and the warmth of your body against mine. I miss being one with you. I silently long for the day when I can hold you in my arms again.  
Yours forever, Levi."  
Eren finished reading aloud, sighing and then resting the paper over his heart.  
"And then people wonder how I love him."  
"Yeah, actually I wouldn't wonder if I were them," Mike muttered, a little embarrassed, but impressed nonetheless. "There's so much ardour in your words, imagine if it would take so little to separate you. By the way, you seem to have become a little more obedient lately, haven't you?"  
Eren looked at him for a moment. He wasn't actually mistaken. He had decided to behave himself, and not because he particularly wanted to change and go on the 'straight and narrow', he simply didn't want to appear suspicious in Pixys eyes. The less conspicuous the better.  
"I pretend to be obedient, if I rebel I won't achieve anything. And it's hard for me to say something like that, but unfortunately it's the truth. Sometimes you have to make an effort for love."  
"Yes, love. That's something quite unknown to me, but which nevertheless intrigues me," Mike said later, yawning and bringing his hands behind his head.  
"Then I hope you'll find out soon enough," the boy put the paper down on the table, sitting down and taking the nib with which he would later reply.

"My beloved Levi.  
I will be brave and strong if you do the same. It's not easy to follow such strict rules, but it's what I have to do to keep a low profile. I would love to escape from here, I've thought about it more than once during these long nights, but I've always kept myself from doing so. If I close my eyes I can almost feel your breath on me, at night I turn around and opening my eyes I hope to find you next to me, to find you in my dreams. Love can also hurt a lot, but that's OK, I want to live it all to the full.  
And how are the others? How is Mikasa? And Armin? Tell them I miss them and that I'm sorry I can't contact them."

It was starting to get cold, Levi realised. Winter was but a stone's throw away, he could tell by the colder wind that now whistled and came in through a draft. Concentrated, he was reading. It was dark around him, with only a candle providing light. On the desk he had several drafts and the paper he would use to reply to his beloved. He alternated between writing for him and writing the novel, he did nothing else, probably because it helped him not to think, to make everything more bearable.  
Erwin came in cold and immediately closed the door. He glanced at his friend.  
"Damn, you're just as I left you. It's getting really cold outside, I think we're going to see snow falling before long."  
"Yes, lovely..." he replied boredly, nervously biting his lower lip. "Where's Hanji?"

"She's come home. You know she can't live without her sculptures, she goes crazy if she doesn't put her hands in the clay for a day. And as for me... my blockage has returned. I need to paint something, but I don't know what."  
"Have you ever thought about getting into abstraction? You could try representing feelings and sensations."  
Levi sometimes had brilliant ideas without realising it. He rubbed his chin with two fingers.  
"Abstractionism, huh? I've never tried it, but you know I want to try it? Yes, that's an idea."  
"You're welcome," Levi sighed boredly, then taking the rose-scented paper and placing his lips on it, as if he wanted to imprint the essence of his kiss in the hope that it would reach Eren.  
"May you receive this kiss from me, my sweet lover."

"My beloved Eren.  
I see with pleasure that you also know reason then. You had better not do anything rash. I don't know if you are aware of this, but apparently the institute's paymaster and your father have made a deal to control you. If you run away or come to you, I think he'll find out anyway and given what happened last time, it's best to think of something else. Everyone is fine. Mikasa managed to escape with Annie. Unfortunately, they have to go into hiding in Paris, otherwise I don't think their fate would be very different from ours. Armin lives on the street, but he's fine. That boy has a lot more guts than I thought and he cares a lot about you. We all miss you, because you are the light, Eren. You brighten everything with your mere passing. I guess I'm getting too melancholy, but I'm not sure you mind.  
Answer me soon.  
Yours forever, Levi."

The boy smiled as he read that last bit. Of course he didn't mind that sappy side of Levi, in fact, in that particular context it pleased him. It was night, it was cold and the blankets were rough. He was in bed and the candle lit the room, spreading a pleasant warmth. It was at these particular moments that Eren felt lonely. Lonely, because he was used to having him by his side. Very often they had fallen asleep next to each other. More often than not, Eren would look at him until he collapsed into sleep, and then rest his head on his shoulder or on his chest. Levi's arms would wrap around his body and make him feel safe, protected and loved. And he would collapse like that, with the beat of her heart in his mind and the smell of her skin on him. If he reached out a hand now, he felt he could touch him. He felt that he too, in the darkness, was reaching out a hand in an attempt to reach out and touch him. They found themselves making the same gestures, without knowing it. The moon was high in the sky, its light reflected in his eyes.  
"The happy ending to the long story of our love will come," he whispered sadly before falling asleep.


	23. L'odour de la liberté

Autumn had passed and given way to winter, to December, to snow.   
Carla Jaeger was sitting by the window, from which the snowflakes could be seen falling.   
The woman was busy writing a letter to her son. Lately she had taken to writing to her son often, but she held back, because she knew how controlling letters were. She missed him, and she also missed Mikasa, but she was glad that Mikasa had gone, because she knew that she was with the woman she loved. Grisha had searched for her for a long time, she had stirred up the Paris police, but that girl, perhaps taking her brother's experience as an example, knew how to hide.   
She, Annie, Armin and the others seemed to disappear into the daylight like ghosts.   
At one point, the man had grown tired and proclaimed: "I don't care at this point. After all, she is not my daughter, if she has chosen to live this way, so be it".   
This had obviously hurt Carla, but on the one hand it had relieved her. She was sure Mikasa would be fine, but what about Eren? In her eyes, that boy looked so fragile now that he had been taken away from everything he knew and loved.   
She sighed, resting her nib and turning to her husband, who was sitting in the armchair drinking. Lately alcohol seemed to be the only thing that could give him any relief.  
"It'll be Christmas in a few days. Maybe we should go and see Eren. What do you say?"  
Grisha stalled a bit before answering. Maybe she could even do that. After all, just a week before, Prefect Pixys had sent him a letter informing him of how Eren had improved and become milder and more obedient. That had left him surprised, he had to admit, but he would wait before singing victory.  
"So be it. Tomorrow we set off," he said coldly.   
Carla nodded, then looked at the snow that continued to fall thickly. Winter seemed to be really cold this year.  
Whitewashed Paris had its charm, or at least it did for those people who had a roof over their heads, a warm home to come home to. For those who lived on the streets it was different. Mikasa of all people was finding herself suffering from the cold, as she was not used to it, but she would certainly have preferred frost and freedom to fire and captivity. Annie had offered to lend her her gloves, a bit battered, and she had initially refused, but given the blonde's insistence, she had finally been forced to accept.   
Armin, on the other hand, had been ingenious, and together with Berthold and Reiner had built a small fire, while Ymir had teased him affectionately and Historia had begged her not to torment him. There was a strangely familiar and warm atmosphere. Mikasa never thought she would feel more at home with strangers than with her own family. Although strangers were probably not mentioned. Very often they were joined by Marco. That day he had brought something to eat, as it was difficult to get food.  
"Hmm, I like this musician," Ymir said with his mouth full. "Will you bring us some tea next time?".  
"But Ymir!" exclaimed Historia. The boy, however, had smiled kindly.  
"Sure, I'll try to accommodate you. I imagine it can't be easy. I'd let you all stay in my house, but I already live with Conny and I don't think we'd all fit in."  
"Ah, you're welcome. Besides, you and Jean must need intimacy too, right?" asked Ymir again.  
"You really are amazing," Annie sighed, clutching her legs to her chest.  
"What? They're lucky! It's better than having to do such things on the street. Although I admit it's exciting." Historia blushed as she brought a hand in front of her face.  
"Speaking of Jean, where is she?" asked Mikasa. In truth, the young Kirschstein was not doing well at all, because of his constant quarrels with his parents. They had not accepted his diversity, but they had not thrown him out of the house or sent him to a reformatory. They simply wanted their son to get back on the right path and be persuaded to get treatment, because they were convinced that it was some kind of illness and that there was a cure. Obviously this was not the case and so Jean was forced to argue with them all the time, to have lively discussions and very often to talk in circles. They wouldn't understand him and Jean realised at that moment that he would probably be right to leave.  
That day, too, he had dragged himself through the snow, without taking the carriage, behind the church of Saint Ambroise, the place where his friends had found temporary shelter. And when he arrived, he did so with a loud snort and flushed cheeks.  
"Jean," Marco called to him. "Is everything all right?"

"No, everything is not OK! Maybe my parents haven't kicked me out of the house, but I'm very tempted to leave. I can't take it any more! They keep telling me that I'm sick and that I'll be cured, but I'm not, I don't want to do as they say. On the other hand, I have to argue with them all the time.  
Marco then approached him, resting a hand on his shoulder.  
"You know you can come to me. After all, it's my fault you're in this mess."  
"It's not your fault," he sighed, rolling his eyes.  
"Oh, come on," Ymir urged him. "Tell him yes, come on."   
"Alright, alright. It would probably be best for both of us. But let's be clear, Conny has to keep quiet in my presence or I'll throw him out."  
"Ah, I see you're already asserting your authority. I like that. So maybe you'll inspire me a little, what do you say?"   
As he said this, the freckle-faced boy had moved closer to him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Armin cleared his throat, embarrassed. He was in the middle of several couples, and he was standing there alone like a fool.  
"Um... does anyone know how Levi is doing?"  
"Erwin said he's back to writing for now. He and Eren are feeling as much as possible," Marco sighed. "Ah, it would be nice if they could see each other on Christmas Day, it would be an incredible double gift for Levi."  
"Maybe it's not impossible," Armin murmured quietly, sinking a wooden stick into the snow.

At Saint Marguerite's, life went on the same way every day. Eren had learned to endure and, above all, to pretend skilfully. In the meantime, his friendship with Mike had become very strong; that boy helped him to make everything much more bearable. Many of their classmates were busy at the moment, relatives and families had come to visit them for Christmas. He would probably be alone, as would Mike. Mike lay on his bed smoking while Eren sat at his desk reading Levi's last letter.  
"My beloved Eren.  
I will be thirty-five in a few days, and as much as I always say that age is a state of mind, I can't help but feel it all weighing on my shoulders. Another year is going by and I wish I could have been with you. My life has changed so much in the last few months and I had hoped that we would start again together. The more time passes, the more I fear that you will forget me, that you will lose faith in me. Because I'm afraid too, especially when it comes to you. You question everything, my whole being, my way of thinking. You bring out my most human side. These months without you have been terrible, I didn't think it could be so bad, but hearing you gives me relief and helps me to survive. When I have you by my side, then I will live again. I love you immensely.

Your forever,

Levi."

The boy let out a long sigh.  
"'How can I not love him more and more every day? How? The more time passes, the more my feeling grows, is that even possible?"  
"I'm not an expert on the subject, but I guess so. Eh, sure, I guess it would be much nicer to be there with him than to be here. After all, no one's coming to see us."  
"Thanks for reminding me Mike, really. On the one hand it's for the best though, I wouldn't want to talk to anyone after all," he said shrugging and looking for ink. A few seconds later, knocking on the door was heard.  
"I am Preceptor Pixys." Eren's eyes went wide.  
"Under the bed!" he whispered to Mike, who disappeared as if he had never been there.  
"Er... come in!" he then exclaimed in the most natural tone possible. The man entered, observing him.  
"Master Jaeger, were you studying?"  
"Me? Yes... I thought it was only fair to use my time in something useful."  
"I am pleased about that. I will inform you that you have a visitor."  
"A... visitor?" he asked. "But who is it?"  
"A young woman. She seemed very determined to meet you, said it was urgent." Eren blinked, confused.  
"Um... alright. I'll be right there."  
Pixys took her leave a moment later. A woman who had come there for him? Mike came out from under the bed, snickering.  
"Looks like someone really did come for you after all."  
Impatiently, Eren left the dorms. Near the entrance was a small living room where guests were seated. In an armchair sat a woman whom Eren was certain he had never seen before. She smiled immediately upon seeing him and immediately stood up and offered him a hand.  
"I'm very happy to finally meet you, Eren."  
"Um... sorry but... who are you?" he asked confused.  
"Forgive me, I haven't introduced myself. I am Hanji Zoe, a sculptor and..." she lowered his voice. "You might even say I am one of Levi's most trusted friends." The young man's eyes widened. Upon hearing his name, he froze, began to tremble, and was seized with frenzy.

"Levi"? Levi sent you? Where is he? How is he? Oh, my Levi...."  
"I realize the excitement, but keep your voice down. I know it's cold, but...would you like to go outside and talk?" The young man didn't let himself say it twice.  
It wasn't snowing now, but the frost still lingered. Hanji and Eren had sat on one of the stone benches and the woman had talked at length about what had happened since the boy had left.  
"Oh, my Levi. If I only think of the harm I've done to him."  
"The fault is not yours, but that of this cruel world. He would have liked to come himself, but you see it would have been too conspicuous. He sent me, he wanted me to give you your Christmas present."  
"My Christmas present?" he asked surprised. Then Hanji reached into the large pocket of her tunic and pulled out a white cloth wrapped around something. She unwrapped one edge of it and then the precious gift that she had taken care not to spoil in any way during the journey was revealed. Eren felt his breath catch. It was a beautiful rose, its petals not so much bright red as scarlet, just like blood. Trembling, he reached out a hand and touched its velvety petals.  
"But how is this possible? It's December."  
"Ah, there is a way. Believe me when I tell you that Levi went out of his way to grow them. Two of them have blossomed. One wilted, but this one survived the frost, for you. He knew how much I wanted a rose.  
The boy closed his eyes and put his lips to the petals. He could feel the tears urgently wanting to come out.  
"My love... I miss him so much...".  
"I know, Eren," Hanji leaned closer to him. "Look, this wasn't in the plans, however I don't give a damn. I'm getting you out of here now."  
"Wait, what? But we can't do that!"  
"Yes we can! The tutor doesn't suspect me, and you've been a good boy lately, haven't you? Come on, Eren. The likes of you are not meant to be imprisoned here. Are you coming with me or not?"  
He lowered his gaze. To refuse such an opportunity would be foolish, and he was no fool. He wanted to hold Levi again, wanted him back. He looked up.  
"You're right. I'm not meant to stay in prison. Now we just have to think of a way. And maybe I know who can help."

Mike hadn't been surprised to hear Eren say such things. He had guessed that moment would come, in fact he had even delayed it.  
"So you want me to help you? Of course, I'll gladly do it! Distracting Pixys will be a piece of cake!"  
"All right, Mike. We have to be careful," Eren said with his heart pounding. "Because otherwise my father will know that Hanji was sent here by Levi and he'll... oh my God, I can't think about that."  
"Failure is not contemplated," Hanji snapped harshly. "First of all, take off this uniform. You stand out too much. Second, if we can't leave by the main exit, we'll climb over the wall. You're good with this stuff aren't you?" He smiled.  
"Better than anyone else."  
Downstairs, meanwhile, something was happening that no one could have predicted. Preceptor Pixys was finding himself welcoming Lord Jaeger and his wife.  
" I am very happy to see you. I must say that your son has made great improvements. I said it, a little discipline and all will pass."  
"Thank you, Mr Pixys, I am very happy about that," Grisha affirmed. "Where is Eren now?"  
"He had a visitor. It was about a woman. I believe her name was Hanji Zoe, does that name mean anything to you?"  
"Not at all," he affirmed, actually a little weirded out. At that moment Mike, who was coming down the stairs, froze.  
"Mr. Zacharias, but what timing. Mr and Mrs Jaeger, this is Mike Zacharias, he's the boy Eren has grown most attached to. Too bad he didn't give him some of his common sense."  
He opened his eyes wide. What were Eren's parents doing there? It didn't look good at all. He smiled as naturally as he could, approaching the newcomers.  
"'Hello, Eren told me about you. We can safely say that I'm his best friend in here."  
"Well, enchanted," Grisha quipped coldly. "But now, if you don't mind, I would like to see my son."  
"No! You see, Eren is in bed, very, very ill, a flu. Perhaps, Preceptor Pixys, you should call a doctor."  
"Sick or not, I have come all this way to see him."  
"But it could be contagious!" he exclaimed, waving his arms nervously. Carla arched an eyebrow. That boy was acting very strange, it almost seemed as if he was trying to hide something.  
"Mr Zacharias, don't be a fool," Pixys scolded him harshly. "Please excuse me, Lord Jaeger, unfortunately this is an irretrievable case."  
"No matter, Mr Pixys. Well, can you take me to my son?"  
"Absolutely. Follow me."

Mike then grimaced. They couldn't go there, not until Eren had gone. Carla waited until the two men were ahead of her before approaching the boy.  
"Tell me the truth," she whispered, "is Eren trying to escape?"  
"Ah, damn it," he cursed under his breath. "I've already been found out." Promptly the woman placed a hand on his shoulder.  
"Know that I am on your side. But you have to stall them to allow them to escape." Mike squinted, surprised. He had never imagined the woman could be so smart. The two of them joined Grisha and Pixys, walking up the stairs and into a long hallway.  
"Strange that she has the flu, yet she was fine until just now," the elder commented. Grisha did not answer, seeming impatient to see with her own eyes how much her son had changed. Carla stopped a few metres behind them. She acted on instinct, letting out a scream. Grisha turned her head.  
"Carla? What's going on?"  
"Um... a mouse... I saw a mouse..."  
"It's true!" exclaimed Mike. "I saw it too!"  
"What! Mice in my institute, that's not possible! I absolutely must do something. Lord Jaeger, please excuse me, Eren's room is the second to last one down the hall."  
"Don't worry, I'll go alone," Lord Jaeger said quietly. Mike then sprinted forward, quickly going after him in an attempt to distract him.  
"Ah, you know what? Eren isn't expecting a visit from you, this must be a surprise without a shadow of a doubt, we thought we'd be alone at Christmas, but here you are."  
The man had quickened his pace, as the young man was definitely getting on his nerves. As he got close to the door, Mike walked past him, standing in front of it with his arms wide open.  
"Boy, you're getting on my nerves."  
"You can't come in! Everything's a mess and then... then there's a terrible smell of smoke, because I'm always hiding in Eren's room to smoke!"  
"I don't care! Now you'd better get out of the way!" he exclaimed nervously, pushing him with very little grace.  
At the same moment, completely oblivious to this, Hanji had just climbed out of the window with a rope of improvised sheets. Eren had waited for her to come down and climb onto the window sill. He had to be careful not to slip. He dropped to his knees first, letting out a deep sigh.  
"Alright. I'm really doing it. Goodbye to this dump, I'm not staying here another minute."  
At that moment, a loud rumbling sound was heard, probably due to the wind. At the same time the boy heard a creaking sound behind him. The light shone on Grisha, who had an expression of horror on his face.  
"Eren?"  
"Father..." he whispered in disbelief.  
"What are you thinking of doing?" The younger man narrowed his gaze. He remembered well how he had suffered in silence last time, but things would be different now.  
"I'm thinking of doing exactly what you think. You can catch me and lock me up a thousand more times, but I will always escape."  
"Don't you dare take another step," he threatened. Eren frowned. Then he climbed down from the window, but due to an unconscious movement of his father who had tried to catch him, he fell without the possibility of holding on. He felt pain at first, having landed on his back. Then he felt frost stinging his face and then he felt something else, freedom.  
"Eren!", Hanji helped him up. "Are you okay?"  
"More or less, but we don't have time for this. We have to go, come on, quick!"   
Grisha was as furious as he had ever been in his life. That kid had had it right under his nose. Immediately he darted out of the room, eyeing Mike who was standing with his arms folded against a wall.  
"You!" he pointed at him. "You helped him escape!"  
"Correct answer. Eren is my friend and I wouldn't have left him in the lurch anyway." The man clenched his fists and made to answer, but this was prevented by Pixys who had returned to him along with Carla.  
"What happened?."  
"What happened was that Eren escaped, rappelling down a window. I should have known he was up to something, some people never change."  
"Escaped? There's a collegian on the run? I need to sound the alarm and go look for him!"  
"Yeah, and you should also take care of... where did he go?"  
Mike had indeed taken advantage of the adults' distraction to escape. And Carla smiled, silently cheering.

Hanji and Eren hoped that the storm would help them with their escape. There was a large, hermetically sealed gate awaiting them from freedom, but that was not their destination, nor were the walls on the opposite side, only slightly higher than the one that had always separated the young man's house from Levi's. With shortness of breath and adrenaline in their veins, they arrived at their destination. With shortness of breath and adrenaline in their veins, they arrived at their destination.  
"Good," Hanji gasped. "Maybe I should have brought some ropes, eh?"  
"It doesn't matter at all," he said. "Even if I scratch or injure myself, I'll climb over this wall." He rolled up his shirt sleeves, he was cold and shivering because of the biting wind and the snow that had practically gotten everywhere, but he didn't care about that. Although he could no longer feel his fingers, he forced himself up and sank them into the moss and earth, mentally telling himself that he could not give up just because of a bit of cold and snow. With great effort he began to climb as the flakes fell down on his face. Then, along with the hissing of the wind, he heard a voice.  
"Eren! Stop immediately!" Grisha was calling him. He even had time to turn around for a moment and be surprised at his father's fast pace.  
"Not even dead!" he shouted. "Leave me alone!"   
Agitated as he was, he tried to go faster, but due to some wounds on his hands his movements were slowed down. Then he felt himself being grabbed on one of his ankles and it was total terror. Slowly he lowered his gaze and met his father's eyes. He had the expression of a madman.  
"I won't let you go so easily!"  
"Damn it!" cursed Hanji. "Come on, Eren. We almost made it."  
"Let go of me!" he shouted kicking. "I will never bend. Never. Never. Get that into your heads!"  
"It is I who will never bend. I'd rather know you dead than next to that one!"   
Eren's eyes widened and he made to reply, but a special friend had come to his aid. Mike reached out and without hesitation grabbed Grisha and punched him in the face, allowing Eren to be free. Behind them was chaos, the other guards were arriving. Eren didn't even realise he had made it all the way to the top.  
"Mike!" he shouted. "You...!"  
He grinned, while Grisha beside him cursed curled up on himself due to the blood pouring down.  
"I'll see you soon," he reassured him, smiling swaggeringly. Tears almost came to his eyes at the thought of having to leave one of his precious friends behind. But Hanji pulled him by the arm; after all, they couldn't call themselves safe until they reached the carriage. Eren had taken to breathing heavily. He was tired, wounded and cold, but he felt like he could take flight.  
"Here we are!" exclaimed Hanji. "You get inside, I'll drive!"  
"Huh? Do you know how to do this?"  
"Sort of, actually I stole it."  
"You stole it?"  
"Yeah, look, there's not much time, do you mind?" she begged him nervously. Eren then crawled into the carriage and only when he finally heard the horses trotting did he find the courage to slump down and sigh. His thoughts immediately turned to the rose, still wrapped in his handkerchief. He had dropped it and feared he had ruined it by keeping it in his pocket. He picked it up immediately, noticing with relief that it was intact.  
It seemed like a miracle. Then, as his breath calmed, he realised the beauty of the moment: he was free. And he could return to him. A smile touched his lips.  
"Wait for me, Levi. I'm coming back to you," he whispered, slowly closing his eyes. He slipped into a sweet sleep as Hanji hummed a little Christmas song and let out a few comments.  
"This is definitely going to be a good Christmas for you, Eren."


	24. L'amour gagne

Levi had never found holidays particularly interesting, and his birthday was one of them. Although he had always claimed that age was only a state of mind, he now felt the full weight of his thirty-five years on his shoulders. Erwin had begged and pleaded with him to come with him, not to shut himself away, but he had dismissed him, telling him that he would be fine on his own. And in the end the painter had not insisted so much, because he imagined how difficult it would be not to have the person he loved by his side on that particular day. Levi would remain alone. He had to admit he was a little worried: why hadn't Hanji returned yet? What if something had happened? Considering his friend's crazy disposition, that was very likely.   
Evening had just fallen and it had begun to snow gently. After working all afternoon on his novel and drinking hot tea, the man had fallen back in his armchair.   
He had dozed off and although it was his intention to continue working, sleep finally won out.  
Eren had just arrived in front of Erwin's house, Hanji had driven without even a moment's pause to allow him to arrive on time.  
"Come on, go to him," he had then told him. "I'm sure he'll be very happy to see you." Eren had smiled at her and whispered a "thank you" that wouldn't be enough. He owed a lot to the woman who had helped him get home. The boy approached slowly. The lights were dimmed inside, probably only a few candles lit. He approached the wooden door slowly, opening it as quietly as possible so as not to make any noise. Immediately he felt a pleasant warmth from the burning fireplace. His heart leapt in his chest as soon as he saw Levi asleep in the armchair. He felt like screaming, crying and jumping on him, but at the same time he did not want to spoil that perfect moment. He placed the rose, her precious gift, on one of the pieces of furniture, and then slowly walked over, the snow still in her hair and her hands cold. Slowly she leaned down, feeling her eyes grow brighter and brighter. Levi was sleeping peacefully, his face lit by the dim light of the fire. As always, his expression was sullen, his lips were pursed, and his adorable longest locks fell across his face. Eren had learned to watch him while he slept so many times and was now happy to see that nothing had changed. He was still him, he was there, beside him, he really was, it wasn't a dream or an illusion. He smiled, trying to hold back the tears as much as possible, and slowly brushed his hand over hers. Levi jolted awake. He gasped and then looked at him for a few moments, stunned.  
"I've had this dream many times. But as soon as I get close, you will dissolve."  
Eren then smiled wider.  
"I will not dissolve. I'm here, Levi. I'm right in front of you.  
Indeed, this could not be a dream. Because the grip on his hand was too strong and warm, he would have woken up already if it was really a dream, but it was not. Eren saw the man's expression change: for the first time he saw his irises as storm clouds filled with rain.  
"Eren..." he whispered slowly, then stood up. "Eren!" His arms immediately grasped him in a grip the boy had dreamed of for entire nights. He found his lost warmth and gentleness and held on to him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. This had been their first contact in months, and it had been beautiful. Eren slumped to the floor and Levi went down with him. Then he took his face in his hands and began kissing it. On his lips, on his cheeks, on his hands and everywhere, he seemed to want to imprint his presence everywhere. And then his hands, first on his face, then in his hair, on his body. Eren felt him trembling and trembled in turn, then rested his face on his chest and finally let himself go to tears.  
"I was afraid this day would never come," he murmured, hiding in her embrace like a frightened child. But Levi had taken to shaking his head, bent over.  
"Forgive me, forgive me. I left you to yourself. I did not know what to do, I did not know how to act. Fear overwhelmed me. But you're here, you're fine, you're with me. You are real. Will you ever be able to forgive me for not protecting you?"  
Eren lifted his gaze and his green eyes met the man's.  
"I have nothing to forgive you for. They tried to separate us, but they will never succeed. I'm here and I was born again."  
Neither of them could have imagined that such happiness and relief could exist in life. Levi was smiling now and had taken to caressing him as if he were something ephemeral ready to disappear at any moment.  
He wanted to do everything with him at that moment, he wanted to love him like she never had.  
"My beloved Eren, I was right. You are the light. You are my light," he whispered, not caring if he appeared melancholy. He drew him to his and kissed him. He kissed him in a different way than she had before, this was a passionate kiss, full of longing, desire and love. Eren was happy with such impetuosity, he threw himself completely on him. Their tongues began to caress each other fiercely, enjoying the taste of each other. They had been totally blinded by the desire to have each other and be one again, for no one could dare separate them. Suddenly they felt warmth again, they felt alive. It was Levi who was the first to get up from the ground, without breaking away from the boy. Even if he had wanted to, he would not have been able to. They would not let go until they had reached the bottom that night. Eren could still feel the tears on his cheeks as Levi laid him back against the wall, reaching down to kiss his neck and enjoy his scent that he breathed in all the way, then kissed him again.  
"Eren, Eren, my beloved Eren," he spoke his name as if it were poetry. "My first and only love. My first and only lover. My first and only inspiration. My first and only life partner."  
He shuddered as he rolled his eyes. Levi's hands were now unbuttoning the buttons of his double-breasted jacket, which ended up badly on the floor. Then it was the turn of his shirt, which he removed with force, even salting one or two buttons. He touched his lips to her skin, the place where her heart was, and caressed her hips with his hands. He had thought he was going mad. How had he been able to resist until that moment?  
"I was so scared," moaned Eren now with shining eyes. "I was afraid it was all over, I wanted to die, I couldn't feel anything. I was dead, Levi. Now I am reborn. Don't leave me again, ever."  
Levi broke away from him, stepped back and looked at him seriously as he unbuttoned the cuffs and slowly each button. He dropped his shirt to the floor and then came back to him, pinning him against the wall, now their fiery skins were in contact. Both of their eyes were still shiny and red from crying just now, the tears still kept falling down. Eren saw one, hovering between Levi's lashes. The latter moved closer to his ear.  
"I'm not leaving you. I swear to God, you'll stay with me forever."   
And then he went back to kissing him with the same impetuosity as before. Their bodies rubbed gently and their excitement was growing.   
Eren broke away from the wall and blindly tried to get to Erwin's bedroom, which Erwin would probably have objected to, but he would have forgiven them later. He almost stumbled and laughed. Levi laughed in turn. He had never laughed so much in his life but his heart was light, so light that he could not have done otherwise. Eren fell back onto the bed and Levi was immediately on top of him. He had slipped back onto his body and taken to kissing him all over. Those cuddles brought a smile to Eren's face, whose chest lowered and rose quickly.  
"Ah," he gasped. "I wanted you so badly I thought I was going crazy. I was even hallucinating, imagining you next to me. So much for my sanity."  
"It's about time, I lost mine the moment I met you," Levi smiled slyly, moving closer to him and kissing him tenderly on the lips again. Then he touched his covered intimacy and stared at him with eyes full of desire. Eren nodded slowly.  
"My God Levi, do what you want with me now," he pleaded with him in a lower than normal tone of voice. The man bit his lip. He would do as he requested. With impatience and haste he finished undressing him. Then he did the same to himself, threw the few remaining garments he had on into a corner and returned to Eren. With no more barriers between them, they went back to kissing and kissing for a long time, holding and caressing each other carefully. They wanted that moment to last forever, they wanted to stop time and stay close in each other's embrace. Levi had taken to gripping his hands tightly, kissing his forehead and giving him looks that made him shiver. It was the boy himself, at a certain point, seized by a strong excitement, who turned the tables. He towered over Levi and slowly began to rub himself against him with great elegance and sensuality. Levi remained motionless, looking at him and enjoying his image, is expression of pleasure, his flushed cheeks, hearing his sweet gasps. Then he reached out a hand and caressed her soft lips. In that gesture was all his affection, his possessiveness, the ardour he felt towards his.

"I desire you, I desire you so much," he moaned. Eren smiled, took her hand and slid it over his erection. Levi began to touch and pleasure him skillfully. The boy arched his back and let go, allowing the other to take over again. The man leaned over him and opened his mouth, beginning to stroke the tip with his tongue. Eren squeezed the sheets between his fingers and began to move his pelvis.  
"How?" gasped Levi. "How did you escape?"  
"Ah," he groaned. "Hanji... she was the one who took me away. You... you didn't know anything about it?"  
"How could I?" he whispered. "She never tells me anything, that one."  
"God, please keep going, Levi, don't stop!"  
The man smiled in amusement at her reaction, so sweet and yet so exciting. He went back to devoting his special intentions to him, found his cave and began to tease it with his fingers. Eren groaned uncontrollably, thrashing and moving his hips, trying to say something but only disconnected words came out.  
"Um... mh..."  
"What?" he asked.  
The boy didn't answer, just bent a little and moved closer to his lower belly. He didn't think it was fair that he was the only one enjoying it, what he wanted was to give Levi the exact same treatment. She moved closer, sinking her face between his legs. Levi shuddered.  
"Bold, who taught you these positions?"  
"Let's just say I have a very good teacher," he whispered eagerly. "You may as well continue now." At that point they both stopped talking, as their lips were too busy giving far more attention to each other's pleasure. The only audible sound was their choking, sometimes high-pitched moans. It was nice to be able to do what you wanted with your lover without having to be singled out or separated. Eren felt the blood rush to his head. Between his lips he held the man's throbbing erection while the latter gave him the same treatment. It was such a deep, intimate, erotic gesture.  
"Leviii," he called, squinting. "I can't take it anymore, I want to come."  
"Not yet, my sweet Eren. Just wait a little while. I will resume now, don't worry," the other reassured him, tiring of his erection. He kissed him again and from that gesture came an explosion of different flavours. That too was damnably intimate and erotic. Their erections brushed more than once, until Levi finally decided to draw him to himself and looked into his eyes. He entered him while biting his lips and holding his breath. The boy was completely rigid and aroused, it had been far too long since he had had him inside him and he was quivering, yearning for union with him. Levi made space for himself between his welcoming walls and let out a choking moan. Eren then pushed his hair back from his forehead, wrapping his legs around his hips.  
"I love you," he whispered to him.  
"I love you," the other repeated. "Immensely. You are mine. Mine. Mine," and as he said this he began to thrust, resting his arms on the headboard of the bed. Eren was now beneath him, he was his and he was safe, he wasn't going to let anyone hurt him. They were one and what merged could never again be separated. There were many kisses, many caresses and many smiles. At one point Levi decided to slow down because he wanted to prolong the moment as long as possible. He kissed his lover's jaw, held his hair as he whispered that he loved him and how happy he was to have him there. Eren scratched his back.  
"S-sorry..."  
"No. Scratch me again if you want to. I want your marks on me. Don't hold back because I certainly won't." The teeth in fact had now rested on his neck. The boy groaned, scratching him again. His mind was clouded, his soul happy. After spending days in pain and long nights crying, Eren was there again. Next to the person he loved, next to the perfect piece of his soul. At that thought, he was forced to squint, but still couldn't stop a tear from sliding down his cheek. Levi noticed and with immense delicacy wiped away that same tear with his fingers.  
"It's going to be okay, Eren. It will be all right, because I'm here now," the man said in a warm and reassuring tone. The younger man then opened his shining irises wide, giving him the most beautiful smile the writer had ever seen. He grabbed his face and pulled him close, kissed his lips impetuously and once again sweetness alternated with passion. The passion of two bodies that joined and moved perfectly, now one, one soul and one heart. Their souls seemed to be touching and their hearts were becoming one. Sinking his face into the hollow between her neck and shoulder, Eren let out a choked groan.

"L-e-v-i," he spelled his name, and at that point it was impossible for the latter to even think of staying any longer.  
"Eren," he called his lover's name in turn, and then he let himself go. He climaxed as the young man's walls tightened around his member and as his abdomen became smeared with semen.  
Eren didn't move, he simply tightened around him, clung, sank his nails into the flesh and then sighed. He had also reached his climax and was now dropping his head onto the pillow. The minutes that followed were a mixture of disbelief and happiness, a mixture of sensations that made the two lovers feel as if they were in heaven. They couldn't stop smiling, and Levi was sure he had never smiled so much in his life as he stroked his thumb over Eren's face, brushing every corner of his perfect lips and eyelashes. Eren, on the other hand, was sure that his love for Levi had grown even more, as he played with the longest strands of his hair and lost himself in watching him and blushing at such tender attention.  
"Hey," he whispered suddenly. "I'm not leaving, rest assured of that."  
"I know, but I want to imprint in my mind every single expression of yours, every look and smile. Now I'm sure of it again, Eren. It's a happy ending for us."  
Eren smiled, but immediately looked away. Something seemed to be bothering him.  
"Eren? What's wrong with you?"  
"Nothing, I was just thinking that... I'm really sorry it's taken you this far. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have gotten into all this trouble, you would have had less trouble. I know it's stupid, but I can't help but feel guilty."  
Levi then moved away from him, sitting down next to him with a furrowed brow and folded arms.  
"This is actually stupid," he muttered. "You know what I'd be without you by now? A poor failed writer searching for his inspiration. I'd still be groping in the dark if it wasn't for you. I'm the one who should be saying these things..."  
"Shut up!" the other pushed him slightly. "I would have risked becoming like everyone else or... like my father..." he looked up. "Come to think of it... you saved me."  
"Maybe we both saved ourselves, Eren," he sighed. "But it's not over yet. Your father will surely know you're with me. They'll be looking for me. And if they can catch me...."  
Eren rested a finger on his lips to shush him.  
"I know exactly what you mean, but I won't let you say it. I won't let anyone hurt you. Besides, we promised each other we'd be together."  
The man then shook his hand away.  
"If maybe you had let me talk to the end, I would have said like hell I'm going to get killed. Besides, I'm well on my way with the novel."  
"Right, the book!" he exclaimed happily. "So, my Lèon... would you read to me what you've written?" the boy asked, blinking languidly.  
A few moments later, Eren's head was resting on his chest. Levi was stroking his hair with one hand, holding papers in the other. And he read aloud.  
"... Léon waited for the return of his beloved. It was hard not to be discouraged; more than once he had believed it would be easier to let go than to stand up and fight. But he had too much to lose. There was one person who was counting on him, one person to whom he had made a promise. And that promise would be kept, he just didn't know it yet."  
"Hey, but that's not written down."  
"You're right, because I'm going to add it now. You know Eren, I've never particularly enjoyed the holidays. But with the gift I received tonight... I've changed my mind."  
The boy smiled, curling up next to him.  
"Happy birthday, Levi. And merry Christmas."  
"Merry Christmas to you too, baby," he whispered, resting her lips on his forehead. Soon they fell asleep, exhausted but happy. It had started snowing again outside and the winter rose lay in the darkness of the home.


	25. Sans choix

The first thing Eren did as soon as he woke up was to reach out a hand. He kept his eyes closed, almost afraid to open them. He was probably afraid, afraid that everything he had experienced the night before was nothing more than a beautiful dream. He could not bear to wake up and not find him beside him. But then all fears vanished as soon as his hand rested on Levi's warm back.  
It was only then that the boy found the courage to open his eyes. Levi was there. His expression was certainly more serene than when he had seen him the night before, he seemed relaxed, at peace with the world, clutching his pillow as he was. There was a strange, almost unnatural silence that Eren didn't mind. It had all been marvellously wonderful, it had been finding each other, never to leave each other again. He didn't want to wake him up and ruin that perfect vision, but Levi opened his eyes a little later.  
"Ah, you're here," he whispered. "Thankfully. If it had all been a dream I think I would have fallen into an immeasurable depression." He reached out a hand and stroked his face, and then Eren kissed his fingers.  
"Are you hungry? Shall I make some tea?"  
"Yes, I think that's a good idea." The boy smiled with bright eyes. He pulled back the covers and put on his trousers and Levi's shirt, which fit him perfectly but he left it unbuttoned.  
"Is that mine?" the man asked.  
"Not anymore," he said with a sly smile, before disappearing. Having her scent on him was one of the best feelings one could have, and Eren wanted to enjoy it always, always. He reached the living room and was forced to stop.  
Erwin stood there, sleeping in a seemingly uncomfortable position in the armchair. The painter moved and almost fell off his bed when he found the boy in front of him.  
"Eren!" he exclaimed, getting up awkwardly. "You look good! So good to see you!"  
After which he had embraced him. This had left the young man astonished, Erwin had never been so expansive towards him.  
"Yes... for me too but... how long have you been here?"  
"I came back last night. I saw you but didn't feel like waking you up," he made with folded arms. "Not to mention I'm going to have to burn that mattress now."  
"Ah, add that to the list of things I'll have to pay for."  
Levi had appeared wearing only his trousers, a cigarette in his mouth, and the messy hair he was trying to smooth out.  
"Ah, never mind. Someone's got a new light in their eyes. Eren, you're a miracle to his health, if you knew what he was like without you."  
"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop humiliating me," he sighed boredly. Eren laughed, but that same laughter was then interrupted by an abrupt noise. Someone was knocking insistently against the door. Eren gasped, hiding behind Levi.  
"They came for me?!" he whispered.  
Erwin signalled him to be quiet. Then he picked up a vase lying on the table. He would use it to attack. He held his breath and then opened it. The vase hung in midair in his hand, because he had hardly looked down when he saw Armin.  
"Erwin, what are you doing?!"  
"What am I doing?! You rather, why don't you announce yourself when...!"  
"EREN!"  
The blond was not even listening to him anymore. He had immediately rushed at his friend and hugged him so hard that he fell on the floor. Eren had had just enough time to open his eyes wide in surprise to find Armin's arms around his back and his face resting on his chest.  
"Eren! You're here, I can't believe it! It's you, it's really you!"  
The boy brought a hand to his head as if to reassure him. Oh Armin, how he had missed him. He was glad to see that he was all right, his eyes were always bright and he had great energy.  
"It's really me," he whispered. "And I won't leave again, I promise."   
It was only a short while later that Armin pulled him by the arm and helped him up, frantically starting to tell him everything that had happened.  
"Hanji warned us and the others wanted to come but couldn't. Mikasa begged me to run to you and now I'm here! I have to take you to her now!"  
"But wait!" she exclaimed trying to restrain him. "Where is everyone?"  
Armin then grimaced, making it very clear to him how his friends were not having a good time at all.

Mikasa, Annie and the others woke up in church. They had attended Christmas mass the night before, both to find some warmth and some comfort. Amidst the smell of incense and a pleasant torpor, they ended up falling asleep there, and the priest invited them to stay because the house of the Lord welcomed everyone, especially those in need. But in the morning Hanji had arrived and woken them up with the wonderful news: Eren had returned.  
Mikasa was now biting her nails nervously as the woman handed Historia and Ymir some warm bread she had specially brought for them.  
"Come on, don't get all worked up like that! I sent Armin to get it!"  
"I know, but mine is a different nervousness. I'm so anxious to see him. I wonder how he is? Will he be all right?"  
"Amazing how he trusts my words," Hanji sighed, rolling her eyes. Marco and Jean were sitting in one of the benches talking. The former had momentarily left his home and moved in with Conny and the boy.  
"It's the first time I've spent a Christmas like this," he whispered. "But I think I prefer it to the pomp and circumstance of a feast."  
"Ah, I wouldn't mind eating a roast chicken honestly," he complained.  
"Don't say that. I couldn't even get you a shred of a present."  
Marco then looked at him smiling.  
"You know there's no need for that. You're all I want."  
Jean found himself blushing as the boy's hand rested on his thigh. Although he didn't mind the attention, he still had to pull himself together.  
"I'll remind you we're in church."  
"You're right. We'd better save such effusions for later. Rather, I want to play. Perhaps a little music will give some comfort."  
"Can you play the organ?"  
"... I haven't the faintest idea," Marco shrugged, then smiled. Jean shook his head but let him do it anyway.   
Marco reached his seat and after a moment of familiarity with the instrument other than the piano, he started to play a classic Christmas song, Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht.  
Annie looked up, muttering.  
"Oh, now there's a mood, eh?".  
A few moments passed before the church doors opened. There were Erwin, Armin, Levi and Eren. Eren stood still for a few moments as his eyes met those of his sister. Mikasa felt a shiver run down her spine and immediately her eyes filled with tears. Although she was not used to crying, there was no point in holding back, because her happiness was uncontrollable.  
"Eren," she whispered. He smiled.  
"I'm home."  
Upon hearing those words, the girl moved and immediately hugged him. They had been separated so abruptly, without having a chance to talk, and it had been such a difficult time, she was simply glad that he was now there, in her arms.  
"I knew you'd come back," she murmured breaking away just to wipe away her tears. Then she looked at Levi and couldn't help but smile.  
"You... you are hope."  
The man did not understand. All he knew was that a few moments later, he found himself wrapped in Mikasa's embrace. This was something he had never expected.  
"Well... I guess it's the magic of Christmas or something," he whispered.  
Jean had meanwhile approached the young Jaeger and held him close.  
"Eren! Bloody idiot, I'm so glad to see you! It's about bloody time!"  
"Jean! You're hugging me! And... are you crying?" he asked pleasantly surprised.  
"Maybe," he muttered. "But only for today. Just for that day all evil would be left outside the church door, just a few feet away from them. Just for that day, the air would smell of incense and be filled with affection and genuine love. Eren looked into Levi's eyes. He had done nothing special to deserve so much, but what he had been given was a gift he would take care of.

The Jaeger couple had just returned to their sad, cold home after days of complete chaos. They had searched far and wide for Eren, but he had disappeared without a trace. Grisha knew very well where her son might have ended up. With that writer. Of course, because some things never changed. Eren never changed; it had been foolish to even think the opposite could happen.   
He had returned to the house with a glazed look on his face. He was strangely pale and sluggish, but Carla hadn't paid too much attention. Not a word had escaped her lips on the return journey. She had been complicit, but she regretted nothing. She would have preferred her children to be far away but happy rather than imprisoned.  
Grisha had her back to her. The latter had understood. He had always known his wife to be of a much gentler temperament, perhaps even too much so. But helping Eren escape, how had she gotten that far?  
"You helped him," he murmured. Carla looked up proudly.  
"'Well, yes, I did. But I couldn't have done otherwise. What kind of mother would I be if I couldn't protect my children? I've been wrong before, I don't want to be wrong again."  
"And that's protecting them? We have lost Mikasa and we have lost Eren. Their souls are lost and our family name stained forever."  
"That is what worries you! Not the purity of their souls, but the family name! Are you even willing to endanger the happiness of your children to protect your own honour?"  
Grisha did not tolerate his attitude, nor the fact that he had simply told the truth. So she threw a disgusted look at her. Despite the pain, Carla did not move; she stood there undaunted, looking him in the eye and waiting for an answer.  
The man approached her threateningly and then whispered something:  
"Everything you have you owe to me. The least Eren can do is follow the path I have decided for him.  
The woman did not say a word. Now she knew one thing, the man was losing his mind and that could be very dangerous. Grisha left her alone, dragging herself towards the stairs to - probably - rest. But he wasn't going to stop there, he had to do something.

"Damn," Ymir was listening wide-eyed to Eren's vicissitudes. "Unbelievable, you've basically been to hell and back."  
"No, hell is definitely more pleasant," the young man shuddered. "Luckily Hanji helped me escape, I think I would have exploded otherwise. It wasn't so bad though... I even met a friend," he smiled wistfully as he thought back to Mike. Who knows how he was? And who knows when he would see him again?  
Levi glared at him.  
"You didn't tell me that. Actually, why am I surprised? You make friends with everyone."  
"Look, look, I think someone here is jealous," his friend teased him. Eren then smiled, looking at him.  
"I used to talk to him about you all the time. And then he gave me a hand too,".  
The man muttered something. The last thing he wanted was to dent his pride, but when it came to Eren he just couldn't help but be jealous.  
"What are you guys doing? Are you hiding here?"  
"For the moment," Armin shrugged. "I mean... I don't think anyone has any idea we're here. And I suppose your father knows you're together?"  
"If he imagines it. I don't care about me, but Levi does, I don't want him to get hurt."  
Eren had to admit he felt better in knowing he was so supported. He had the man he loved, his sister and sincere friends who wanted to protect him. As he thought, a breath of cold wind brushed against his neck. He turned his head and noticed a woman who had entered timidly. He squinted a few times before calling out her name.  
"Mother!"  
Carla advanced, her dress covered in snow.  
"Eren! Mikasa! My childs!" The two brothers flung themselves into the maternal embrace they had so long sought. The woman could see that her sons appeared physically exhausted, yet they were alive, their eyes shining as brightly as ever. She kissed their heads and held them close.  
"Mikasa, I'm so happy to see that you are well! And you Eren, I feared the worst!"  
"Mother, I had to run away!"  
"I know, I know," she stroked his face. "Your friend Mike is really good... I gave him a hand."  
"You... really? You really helped him?"  
"Of course I did. I don't agree with what your father is doing. You love each other, there's nothing that can erase that," after which I looked at Levi. The latter was as serious as ever.  
"Levi," for the first time she called him by his first name. "I want you to know that I accept you. And that you are the only one who can stand next to Eren."   
The latter almost had to hold back tears. He had imagined such a scene so many times that he was now in complete disbelief.  
The man nodded.

"Thank you, Lady Jaeger. That means a lot to me."  
"Yes. Oh, by the way. I brought something I think you'll like." She had indeed taken out a small bag and given it to her son. In it she had found all the letters he had received from Levi, both those he had left at home and those he had left at St Margarite's. And there were the petals. And there were also dried rose petals.  
"But.... but these... how did you..."  
"I couldn't leave them there, could I, don't you think?" she asked, smiling.  
"Oh, mother. This is the best gift you could have given me. My memories. Our memories. I will treasure them because these letters tell our story," she whispered, clutching the small bag to her chest. They were there. His precious memories, how it all began, were there again, close to her heart. And, most importantly, he had his mother's support, which heartened and partly worried him. He knew that his father would not be happy about this. He knew that a woman could not possibly leave her husband, especially in an area like theirs. The family's good name had always mattered a great deal to Grisha, the same good name that had already fallen apart because of her and Mikasa's choices. Still, she didn't regret anything, even if it probably meant being a bit selfish.  
"Eren, what's wrong with you?" asked Carla.  
He lifted his gaze to look at her.  
"I'm just worried. Now that we're all together I'm afraid of having to be separated from the people I love again."  
Promptly Levi had approached him and wrapped an arm tightly around his waist.  
"We won't be separated. Even though it will be dangerous." Eren squeezed tightly beside him. He wanted to trust his words, though he was aware that nothing depended on them now.

A few days after Christmas, Jean and Marco had found themselves at the latter's house. They were looking for a way to try and put a roof over their friends' heads, but the house was small and a fair compromise had to be found.  
"Well, let's see," Marco looked around with concentration. "I'd say two beds next to that wall might also fit. I could sleep on the floor."  
"By me you mean us?" blurted Jean with folded arms. "I don't even think about it. Of course, if Conny wasn't here, we'd have more room."  
The freckle-faced boy waved him off. Kirschtein had the bad habit of not knowing how to calibrate his words, which often led him to make terrible mistakes. Behind him, in the company of Sasha, Conny was looking at him with amusement.  
"Come on, and I thought you liked having me as a roommate."  
Jean looked at him with wide eyes.  
"Ah, you're here, huh?" he asked seriously, as if nothing had happened.  
"Why do you have to say it in that irritating tone?!" he muttered, shaking a fist. Sasha then latched onto his arm, smiling.  
"Come on, give him the good news."  
"N-news?" asked Marco. "What?" Conny then sighed.  
"Well, apparently you'll have a lot more room here from now on. Because Sasha and I are getting married soon." There was a moment of silence which was promptly interrupted by Marco.  
"What?! Really?! You're getting married? But when did you decide this? You didn't tell us anything!"  
"Emh... surprise?" the friend asked. "Of course I'd like you to play at our wedding."  
"Me? It would be an honour for me!" she exclaimed happily. "Jean, did you hear that?"  
"Yes, I heard! Congratulations, indeed. Then may I go and warn the others?"  
"Don't you want me to go with you?"  
"No, it's too cold and I don't want you to go outside in this weather. I'll do it right away," Jean reassured him, looking for his coat and putting on a heavy scarf. Marco had been lucky. In the most unlikely of people he had found love, and he was certain that he would be the one he was destined to stay with forever.

There was silence as Jean sank his feet into the snow and dragged himself along as fast as he could. The church was not too far from Marco's house, but because of the bitter cold each step cost him a great effort. The darkness was broken by the few street lamps that lit the way. And it was snowing. Still. With his hands in his pockets, Jean's only thought was to arrive at his destination, competently ignoring the suffocating and threatening shadow that had been following him for some time. Grisha would have preferred to do something different than tailing a young boy, but he was convinced that Jean could do the trick. He was walking slowly, always carrying his elegant walking stick. At first, Jean took no notice, but then the footsteps became closer and closer, and without knowing why, he began to feel anxious. He quickly increased his pace, but because the snow was too high he ended up falling. As he tried to get up, he heard the footsteps getting closer and closer. He turned slowly and found the very person he feared to meet standing in front of him.  
"Young Kirschtein, why do you run away from me?" asked Grisha. Jean found himself unable to speak for a few moments. He did not know what frightened him most, whether it was her icy gaze or her cadaverous complexion. Slowly he got to his feet, shaking off the excess snow. .  
"I wasn't running away. I was just afraid it was someone dangerous." And indeed he had not been mistaken. For whoever was in front of him was far more dangerous than any beast.  
"Oh, I see. In fact I can understand your dismay. You see Jean, I always admired you, after all you were so perfect, so fair. And I can understand my son misleading and influencing you with his strange ideas...".  
Jean stepped back slowly.  
"He... didn't mislead or influence me. He just gave me the courage to act, that's all." The man turned his expression into an annoyed one, almost as if that wasn't what he wanted to hear.  
"Whether it is or not, it doesn't matter. You will help me and you will do so because I have decided so."  
The boy felt his breathing become rapid, heavy. He must have imagined something like this, and now he was finding himself feeling fear.  
"Help you? What do you want from me?"  
"Well," Grisha approached him like a predator. "I think you know that my son did it under my nose, leaving juvenile hall. And I know for a fact that you know where he is."  
"I'm not going to tell you, if that's what you want to know."  
"Momentarily I don't care. But it's your writer friend who's in my sights. You know, I'd take care of him, but I can't afford to stain my hands."  
Jean felt himself dying.  
"Are you asking me to kill him?"  
"Oh, no," the man let out an icy chuckle. "I would never ask you for anything like that. I need him to stay away from Eren, but I can't do that without a little help. I know that Eren and Levi will probably want to try to escape again, they're stubborn. But they won't be able to if I stop them first. And my informant will be you." Jean grimaced. He had not long ago promised Eren that he would help him achieve his dream in any way he could, how could he do that to him?  
"Never," he hissed. "Do what you want to me, kill me, I don't care. That yes, but never betray them."  
Grisha smiled then She had expected such an answer, however that was not what she was aiming for. Jean realised this and then panicked.  
"That pianist, that jovial boy with the freckles... what's his name? Marco, am I right?"

"Marco? What do you want with him?!" he exclaimed. "Leave him alone."  
"I'll be willing to do that if you give me a hand," he proffered sternly. "I'm doing everything I can to rebuild my family and my good name, and if you're not careful, your lover could meet a not-so-happy end. I must remind you that I am a nobleman, my word is influential, and in front of it the poor can say nothing. But these are things you already know. I expect your answer by tomorrow. You know where to find me.   
Jean stood there motionless without finding the strength to speak. He had just been threatened, never in his life would he betray his friends, Eren, who had helped him so much. But on the other hand there was Maco, whom he loved more than anything else and whose life he absolutely did not want to ruin. The heart in his chest continued to pound even after Grisha had completely pulled away. Part of him wanted to scream and say everything, but he was afraid that doing so would only make things worse. The man had eyes everywhere, he had lost his mind and knew he would stop at nothing. He sighed deeply and stiff as a stick returned to the church, where the air was quieter. Despite the unrelenting frost, Annie was having fun throwing snowballs at Armin, who in turn was seeking protection from Mikasa. Looking back in astonishment, she realised the bitter sweetness of what she was seeing. She didn't want to ruin everything, but she couldn't put Marco in danger in any way. Why did he have to choose?  
"Jean?", Eren called to him. "Are you okay?"   
Kirschtein looked into the eyes of the one he theoretically should have betrayed, the one he had called 'friend'. He smiled as convincingly as he could.  
"Yeah... I'm fine."


	26. Trahison

The New Year had arrived a few days ago. It had stopped snowing, and the soft white blanket that covered the streets and houses would probably melt before long. Levi was beginning to feel homesick, but he knew it would be better not to return, it would be foolish to go near the enemy. It sounded like a really good story. They were the heroes, and there was an antagonist to defeat. The good guys always won in the stories. And how did that work in real life?

Fortunately, Erwin had once again been extremely kind and had begged them to stay with him. And in order to give them as much privacy as possible, he often stayed outside or hung out with Hanji somewhere. Levi, however, was pretty sure that this was an excuse, he had the impression that Hanji and Erwin had a soft spot for each other, but he would keep that to himself.

Mikasa, Annie and the rest of their friends were temporarily staying with Marco and Jean, so they could at least find some comfort from the freezing winter cold. When Conny and Sasha had announced the wedding and insisted that they come, Eren had of course said yes straight away. He loved love marriages, they were the most moving and tender thing that could ever exist. And he probably envied those who were lucky enough to have their dream come true.

The boy had just taken off his shirt, he had to wash it, although the absence of sunlight would not allow it to dry quickly. And he would probably have to take a bath himself.

Levi stared at him in astonishment, the papers on his legs, the pen between his fingers. He would have happily smoked, but Eren was trying to get him to kick that unhealthy habit and had therefore hidden his packet of cigarettes.

"Oh," Eren sighed. "Levi, if you're going to wash something give it to me now, at least I'll do everything together. Levi...?"

"Sorry," he said slowly. "I was just thinking. Don't you think it's all too quiet? I mean... I think your father would have found us by now. And yet it's all so... quiet, still, normal. I don't know whether to be happy or afraid."

The boy then approached, smiling at him affably and leaning slightly over him.

"Come on, if there's trouble it's no good and if there's no trouble it's no good anyway? I don't know what my father is up to, but either way he won't have time to put anything in place. Because after Sasha and Conny's wedding we're leaving."

"Yeah, about that. Maybe this time we should decide where, don't you think?" he asked languidly, slowly stroking his hips.

The boy rolled his eyes, resting his hands on his shoulders.

"Please, let's go to Italy. There's too much to see. That country has always fascinated me. Oh, it is home to great artists poets, musicians..." he sighed. "Paris will always remain in my heart because that's where we met, but now I need to explore."

"So be it, then. As I once told you, anywhere is fine as long as we're together."

Eren lowered his gaze, smiling at him. His hair was getting really long, Levi would do well to cut it out.

"It would be a nice end to your story. Etienne and Léon going to live in a house hidden among the countryside, the trees and the flowers, and living there forever. Just the two of them and no one else. Yes. That's just the ending I'd like."

"That's the ending I'm going to try to give you," he stated, and then stood up. He walked over to one of the drawers and pulled out a pair of scissors.

"Now... tell me where you're hiding my cigarettes or I'll give you a cut so horrible you won't be able to leave the house."

"Hey! You shouldn't mess with such infernal tools!" he said. Levi, however, approached with the shadow of a smile on his lips.

"Speak up, little Eren!"

"No way!"

Annie was holding her breath, and she was certain that she would soon give in. The corset was the evil invented by man, how did her noble peers manage to wear it?

"Mikasa, I can't take it anymore!" she complained with her hands resting on the mirror. "I can't breathe, don't squeeze so hard!"

"But I just want to highlight your beautiful body," she stated seriously, fiddling with the infernal garment. "You have my mother to thank for bringing us all these beautiful dresses for the wedding."

"Yes," she sighed. "I'll thank her, eh."

At the same time, Historia was trying to convince Ymir to wear a canary yellow dress complete with bows and ruffles.

"Come on!" she exclaimed. "Just for one day, can't you be a little more feminine?"

"Absolutely not," she replied with folded arms, sitting on the bed. "You know I don't like those doll clothes. I thought you liked me precisely because I was different."

"I like you because you are different, but the circumstances call for more appropriate clothing. Shall I try to convince you otherwise?" she whispered, smiling mischievously, which pleased Ymir no end.

"Perhaps you could try."

"Oh," blurted Annie. "I'm glad you two love each other and are active, but do I need to remind you that we're here too?"

"Look who's talking," Ymir muttered, stroking Historia languidly. "Need I remind you of the noises last night? You and Mikasa are not of the silent class."

"W-what?!" the blonde was blushing, furious. "But why can't you be tactful at all!"

Mikasa, for her part, had brought a hand to her face. The two of them were arguing every second, probably due to their characters being so similar. Then, as if that wasn't enough, Berthold, Reiner and Armin thought it was time to get rough. In reality, the last one was only a victim of the first two, who had entered at full speed.

"Look at that!" exclaimed Reiner. "We're just a bunch of figures, aren't we? And Armin is as adorable as a child."

Saying that, he began to caress him energetically. The blond, for his part, wanted to disappear, mainly because he was facing four girls who were barely dressed. Mikasa and Annie were only wearing a bodice and petticoat.

"But... but... I... huh...?" he whispered blushing. "I can't look!"

"How demure you are, what are you, twelve?" teased Reiner.

"Would you mind closing the door?" blurted Ymir. "We don't come over and bother you."

"Actually, yes, you do," Berthold clarified.

"Armin, please," Mikasa asked gently, "take these two fools outside."

"I... y-yes, now!" exclaimed the boy, without the ability to open his eyes.

Hanji and Erwin were hearing all the commotion, but decided not to intervene, as they were only guests after all. Sitting opposite each other, the two of them spoke in low voices.

"Marco and Jean were nice. Ah, I never thought this would happen, but I've bonded with all of them."

"They're great guys," Hanji added. Then he spoke after a brief moment of silence. What are you going to do after Levi is gone?"

The man paused for a moment to think. He and Levi had been together from an early age, living together, travelling together and sharing experiences. Staying in Paris would surely have been detrimental.

"I think I'll leave France. I would like to go to America. I have the feeling that there my art will find the success I think it deserves. Staying here would be useless."

Hanji then lowered hergaze. It hurt strangely more than he had thought.

"I understand. Of course it's a shame, though. We had just found each other again."

Erwin didn't know why, but he found himself reaching out a hand and grasping hers. In that instant their eyes met and they both silently felt a tremor.

"Well... you could... come with me..." he murmured without even realizing it.

"With... you?" she whispered. "Oh, no. I can't... I mean... my students are here and... then... are you sure that would be appropriate?"

"Oh, you're right," the man mentally called himself stupid. What had he been thinking, asking her to come with him to America and leave everything? Those were certainly not things that could be asked of anyone. Now Hanji nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and hercheeks flushed. She was undoubtedly beautiful. Beautiful. He had never dwelt too much on that aspect, probably because what had bound them together had always been simple and pure friendship. Before the situation could become unmanageable, the hosts, Marco and Jean, returned.

"Oh," gasped the former. "Here we are, straight from rehearsal. Everything all right here?"

"Apart from the mess your lovely housemates make, all is well," said Erwin. "How did rehearsals go?"

"Good! I'm feeling a bit nervous, maybe because my friends are being talked about. Oh, I hope I'm not wrong, darn it!"

"You'll see, it'll be fine!" reassured Hanji, who had actually been dwelling more on Jean than anything else. It seemed strange, his expression was as serious as ever, but there was something in his eyes that he recognised as fear. And she just couldn't explain why.

"Yes, indeed," Jean took Marco by the hand. "Now excuse us, we're a little tired."

The freckle-faced boy was a little taken aback. Of course, Jean always tended to be a little testy, but he seemed even worse these days. Oh, if only he'd known about the thoughts and responsibilities weighing on his shoulders. If only he had known what a horrible situation he was in! Jean had been tempted several times to tell him everything, but he was afraid. Only by hiding everything from him could he protect him, but at the same time the thought of having to betray Eren, Levi, their friends, made him shudder. He couldn't stop thinking about something else. He didn't want to choose! What, if anything, was the right answer? Who should he put in danger?

While he thought this he locked himself in the bedroom with Marco, who was looking at him apprehensively.

"Jean, are you all right? You're not feeling ill by any chance?"

The boy then looked at him. Marco was all the good there was in the world, he was his own good. He loved those sweet eyes, his freckles, his gentle smile and his good soul. The sweetness of his soul. With heavy breathing she came up to him, took his face in her hands and kissed him with immense sweetness and passion. Marco was surprised as she tightened her arms around his body.

"Um... Jean... what's wrong with you?"

His fiancé looked into his eyes, caressing his cheeks. "You know I love you, right?"

Marco blushed. It wasn't very often Jean came up with sentences like that.

"B-but of course. I love you too."

"And you know that everything I do is for you and for us... right?"

He wanted to be sure that him knew, that he was aware that to protect him he would do anything crazy. But of course, Marco couldn't imagine.

"Yes, Jean. I know. But why are you telling me this?"

Perhaps, unknowingly, he had already made up his mind? He knew Grisha would not stop, after what he had done to Eren he had learned to fear him.

"It's nothing," he affirmed, smiling. "Now excuse me, I have to go."

"But where are you going? We just got back, it's almost dark outside!"

"I think I'll stop by and see Eren and Levi."

"But...!"

Marco made to say something, but of course Jean had blithely ignored him. He'd left him there, alone, with his crazy roommates. Good stuff.

Each step was as heavy as a boulder. Jean could not believe he was doing such a thing. He was torn between reason and feeling, between wanting to go back and wanting to go on. Anxiety gripped his stomach, nausea was strong. Why had fate been so cruel to him? Was this perhaps the punishment for having always been a coward? Of course, he had first denied himself for years, then he had to choose. Another person would have found the solution, but not him. He was Jean Kirschstein, a nobleman who had fallen in love with a beautiful, too-good man he did not deserve. Yes, he didn't deserve Marco, because he was pure, he was an angel. He, on the other hand... was evil. He was thinking with such intensity that he could hardly see what was in front of him. And meanwhile, the Jaegers' home was getting closer and closer. The very fact of being there could be considered a symbol of a great betrayal. Yet he could still be in time, he could turn back!

But he was afraid. The fear was great, unmanageable, the fear that he might be separated in any way from the person he loved.

And he had just passed through the gates of the Jaeger house. The servants greeted him and when he found himself inside, Jean shuddered. The house was different from how he remembered it. It was cold, as if no-one lived there any more. Oh, he was a fool! Was he really going to do something like this? He was going to burn in hell as a traitor!

Grisha Jaeger appeared shortly afterwards. He was even blunter than last time, the dark circles under his eyes prominent, his face pale and thin. He was certainly not the picture of health, yet he was still eerie as he approached the boy and greeted him.

"Jean Kirschstein. You are definitely a smart boy. Please follow me."

As he said this, he had rested a hand on his shoulder. The young man would have preferred to avoid such contact, but he did not find the courage to speak. The man led him into his study, invited him to sit down and then served him what, judging by the smell, must have been rather old whisky. Jean held the small glass in his hand without daring to take a sip. Of course, the alcohol would probably serve to inhibit his despondency and fear a lot, but on the one hand his stomach was totally upset. Grisha was sitting in front of him, only a desk separating them. And he was looking at him with a certain satisfaction.

"Well, Jean? If you've come here it's because you've obviously thought about my words."

And how he had thought about it. Lately he had done nothing else; he had lost hours of sleep and most of his sanity. Even now he was not convinced, indeed he had been trying to find a shortcut until the last moment. But what could he do? He was just a boy, not even particularly brave or intelligent. He had fallen into that trap and did not know how to get out of it.

He put the snifter down on the desk and looked him in the eye.

"There's one thing I want to know. Is someone going to be hurt?"

"Oh, but you really are a dear boy to worry about the fate of his friends."

To Jean that seemed so much like teasing.

"I have no interest in harming my son, I just want him to do what is right. That's why I have to separate him from Levi, who will be much better off somewhere else. No blood will be spilled."

The boy stiffened. He wasn't sure he could trust him, but what choice did he have but to listen to those words of his?

"And Marco will be left alone, won't he?"

"Of course. After this is over, you and your lover can live as you please, after all, it's none of my business. But now," his tone became harsher. "I'm the one asking the questions. What are Eren and Levi's intentions? I guess they plan to run away."

He lowered his gaze again. It all seemed so absurd, and yet it was really happening. He really was going to betray them.

"Tomorrow we will attend a friends' wedding at Saint Ambroise. After that they will go straight away, but they haven't told us where, I'm not even sure they've decided. The wedding will be in the afternoon,

so I suppose in the evening... they'll go..."

Coward.

"Well, this is interesting. If keeping Eren trapped is impossible, then let's try trapping his beloved writer. I warned them, you see. It's for the greater good, you know?" he asked as he stood up and coughed loudly. "One day I will die and I cannot assume that the Jaeger name will end with me. Eren will have to carry on our lineage, one way or another. I know for a fact that one day, when he is wiser, he will understand. You'll probably all understand."

Jean was disgusted. Those were beautiful words that simply served to mask a deep selfishness. And he was participating in that deception, he was an accomplice. He would probably be saved, he would save Marco, but what about Eren and Levi? And what would he be? The one who would once again divide them? He didn't want to think about that, not least because he had already acted.

"I... I have a feeling that not even death could separate them," he let slip, as he kept his eyes glued to the floor.

"That remains to be seen, Jean. Unfortunately, everyone here has lost their minds. My adopted daughter, for whom I have done so much, has gone with a woman, and my wife, blinded by feelings, is on my son's side. Where will we end up if the world goes on like this? What will become of normality, of all that the good Lord has created? Action must be taken now to preserve the future."

Grisha had taken to speaking in a grave tone as he walked over to the window to look out over it. More fine words that served to disguise far less altruistic intentions. Certain things, certain abnormalities as he called them, had existed since the dawn of time and always would. Surely this would not be enough to stop them. Jean reached out and downed the whisky quickly, feeling the need to distract himself a little. He grimaced.

"Can I go now?"

"Yes, go ahead," he dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "But remember: no talking. It's them or you," he finally clarified.

Jean nodded slowly, his face flushed with the alcohol he had swallowed earlier. He would not rest as long as he lived, of that he was certain. He grabbed his coat and then headed down the stairs, Grisha's back still to him. The man was seriously convinced that what he was doing was right, that Eren was simply a victim of his own fantasies. Oh, but it would save him and with it his honour.

Eren sighed relaxedly once his body was immersed in the warm water. He and Levi had joked around a lot, and in the end the boy had been forced to give in and return his cigarettes. In return, however, Levi had fixed his hair, making it neater now. The young man actually fiddled with his locks as he thought. They would try to escape again. The first time hadn't gone well at all; maybe the second time would be the charm. He had to admit that he and Levi were indeed two star-crossed lovers. And star-crossed lovers always had intense, poignant and almost never happy endings. Of one thing, however, he was certain: they would stay together, whether they lived or died. Sitting on the opposite side of the tub, Levi looked at him with a somewhat sleepy expression, in his hand he held his cigarette.

"What are you thinking about?"

"About death," he whispered thoughtfully.

"... But you do like macabre things."

"No, it's not that," he muttered, clutching his legs to his chest. "It's just... I wouldn't want to risk our lives on this one. I mean... it's not that I'm worried because then I'd be separated from you, because when you leave I'll leave too. The thing is, I don't want to leave like this, not now... I'm so young."

Levi had made a strange grimace.

"My God, Eren. You really do make speeches that give me the creeps. No one's going to die here. I'm hard to take down and you certainly won't die. Besides, I'm not selfish. If I died I wouldn't want you to follow me."

"But didn't you say we'd never be separated again?"

"That's a separate case. I liked you better when you were boring me with your talk of love."

"Ah, shut up!" he muttered, splashing water on his face.

Levi wiped the latter off with his arm, then put out his cigarette and bent his head halfway to the side, with a look that Eren could not resist. He moved closer to him and then laid his head on his chest, enjoying the sweet sound of his breathing, which had accompanied him for nights on end.

"Levi, how can you do this?" he whispered suddenly. "How can you not be afraid?"

"That is a lie and you know it too. When we parted, I was afraid. I'm still afraid, but I have to make an effort. I know you count on me," he grabbed his face, looked at him for a long time and then caressed him, "just as I count on you. I keep you anchored to this world, you allow me to let go. It's a symbiosis. It is completion."

"Levi... my beloved Levi..."he murmured. "Forgive me, I am an idiot. But you are so perfect in my eyes, you are my hero, my lover, my prince."

He lifted herself a little and kissed him on the lips.

Levi narrowed his gaze, looked at him seriously and then smiled. He had been smiling a lot lately, more than he had in many years of his life.

"'Yes, you are an idiot, but that is also why I love you. My precious lover," he rested his forehead on him. "Fire that burns my soul. Eren Jaeger, the name that makes me quiver."

The boy closed his eyes. How could he still fall in love? How could she fall in love with him every day? He tightened his arms around his neck and hid his face on his shoulder as he stroked his wet back.

"Love me forever," he whispered.

"I was born for this," he replied in his ear as the night outside advanced.


	27. Les yeoux d'un feu

Eren had been forced to get up early that morning, but it didn't bother him that much. After all, it was his friends' wedding, so an effort was in order. Levi, who had been getting ready for some time, waited patiently for Eren to finish getting dressed. And he had always thought that was a woman's prerogative. The boy was really taking his time.  
"Eren," he called after him, closing her eyes. "Look it's not you who has to get married, what's taking you so long?"  
"Pain in the ass," he complained as he tried to adjust his cuffs. "You talk a good game, you don't give a damn about looking presentable."  
"Ah, is that a nice way of telling me I don't care?" he asked as he reached over and grabbed his tie. "Silly, it's crooked, let me fix you."  
With flushed cheeks, he lowered his gaze as Levi smoked his morning cigarette and fixed him up. He was as handsome as ever. He also felt strangely light. Maybe his father had finally given up on him; he hadn't had any problems lately. Maybe he could finally leave Paris without any difficulty. That was his hope for the very near future. But for the moment he had to think about marriage.  
"Now you are perfect".  
"We're perfect, you mean," he whispered, grabbing his wrist. Levi then smiled slyly.  
"Don't get any ideas, we're already late. Now hurry up and walk," he mumbled, tugging at his jacket, which Eren grabbed. Despite the midwinter, a warm sun was peeping through the clouds that day.  
Eren and Levi reached the church of Saint Ambroise, noting with great relief that the ceremony had not yet started. They went to sit next to Erwin and Hanji, who was wearing an incredibly feminine and elegant dress compared to how she was usually dressed. Conny on the other hand was standing at the altar, Marco was her best man and was trying to keep him at bay.  
"Hey, there you are," Armin whispered suddenly, his hair perfectly neat. "We thought you weren't coming."  
"Sorry, Master Eren wasted his time," the writer teased him. "Where are the girls?"  
"Ymir and Annie are sitting in the back, Mikasa and Historia are with Sasha. I think they are calming her down, she is a bit nervous."  
"Ah... weddings," muttered Levi massaging his temples, a sign of an obvious headache.  
Eren then elbowed him and, soon after, they heard the sweet sound of the organ. The wedding march announced the arrival of the bride. Eren watched as Sasha walked down the aisle. The dress she wore was very simple, but it suited her perfectly. Even through her veil you could see her eyes shining with emotion. There was a really nice atmosphere, the air was light and there was a lot of emotion. Eren had always been so emotional, he hadn't been to many weddings and the ones he had attended certainly hadn't been for love. But Sasha and Conny loved each other, and you could tell that by the way they looked at each other, even from a distance. In a rush, he grabbed Levi's hand and shook it. Levi looked at him, grimacing.  
"You're not going to burst into tears, are you?"  
"So what if it is? You know me well enough by now to know what I'm like. Are you making fun of me now?"  
"No, stupid. I love your sensitivity."  
In the meantime Sasha had joined Conny, who had pulled back his veil to place a kiss on her forehead. Then the service began, and Eren stood there listening with dreamy eyes. It would have been nice if one day there had been a chance for people like him to get married. But for the time being, it was enough for him to stay with Levi and simply dream about such things. Finally a tear fell down his face, and Armin had to look for a handkerchief to hand to him. It was good to find out later that Levi was not completely indifferent to this moving union either. He was rigid, hard, severe, but deep down he had a sensitive heart. He had to be that way, otherwise he would not have been the artist he was.  
Then it was Marco's turn. He played a piece that he had composed and learned in a very short time for his friends, and it was absolutely outstanding. And as Jean watched him play, he couldn't help thinking that this guy probably deserved all the good in the world. He deserved to make it big, he deserved to have everyone appreciate his music. And he deserved love. Yes. Jean loved him a lot, but if only he was as pure as he was....  
Instead he was a coward, a traitor, a weakling. They were all so happy, they were all so hopeful about the future, while he stands there, brooding over his bad choices, knowing that that choice would ruin everything.  
When the music finished, he was the first to applaud. Marco gave him a tender smile, which hurt. It hurt his heart. He could not turn back.

"I love weddings," sighed Eren hugging Armin, now out of the church. "This is the most beautiful one I've ever been to."  
"You too," whispered the blond. "You know, Levi, I almost got the impression that you were moved."  
"This is nonsense".  
"There would be nothing wrong with that," Mikasa added.  
"Yes, indeed!" exclaimed Hanji bringing an arm around his shoulders. "Bring out your more sensitive side!"  
Levi looked around with annoyance. "Tell the truth, this is a conspiracy against me."  
Eren laughed. Then Armin signalled to him to look straight ahead: Carla had come to see them, as she often did now, and was looking at her son with a smile. Eren broke away from his friends for a moment to approach the woman.  
"Mother. I wasn't expecting you."  
"Hello, Eren. What a light air you breathe," she sighed. "I know you weren't expecting me, but I've been trying to spend as little time at home as possible lately."  
The boy became serious. He had had a long talk with his mother, and she had told him how strange Grisha had become lately. He seemed to have given up his malicious intentions, but on the other hand he kept to himself, locked up in his study. He had been drinking heavily and his health also seemed to have deteriorated.  
"Mother, you should leave that house. We will find another place.  
"My son, unfortunately it is not as easy as it may seem," she said softly, taking his face in her hands. "Your father and I are married, I promised to respect and honour him until death separated us."  
"Ah, you mean the way he loved and respected you? I don't find that right."  
Carla smiled, caressing his cheek.  
"I thought so. Because you are brave, Eren. And I'm so happy that you and your sister have found love... in your own way. I'm so proud of you."  
Eren turned his head for a moment. Indeed, both he and Mikasa had struggled and suffered. Perhaps now the time had come for them to have some peace of mind.  
"I'm happy to hear you say that. Anyway, this is no time for depressing speeches. Today is a celebration. Will you join us? It won't be comparable to the big gala balls, but you might enjoy it."  
"Oh, you pique my curiosity, son."  
While Eren talked to his mother, Levi watched him with his arms folded. He liked to watch him, whether he was near or far. Erwin approached him, with the expression of someone who urgently needed to talk to him. Until now his role had been that of an advisor, but now the roles were ironically reversed.  
"'What a look of love'.  
"Erwin, what do you want? I can hear from three metres away that you want to tell me something."  
"Damn it," he cursed as he looked away from Hanji, who was talking to the new bride. "Alright, you're right. I... I guess I do have feelings for Hanji."  
The friend looked at him interested.  
"Look, look, now who needs advice?"  
"I'm serious, damn it! What should I do? Should I throw myself into this? Hanji and I have always been just good friends, and anyway she's such an outstanding woman. Ah, and I'm just a poor artist with no art and no part."  
Levi looked at him for a long moment, before then shifting his gaze and staring straight ahead. "Well, if a writer with a block managed to be with a noble little boy who loves romance books... I think there's hope for everyone at this point... don't you think?"  
At that point he gave him a strangely affable look.  
"This means that..."  
"That you mustn't waste time. Go on, go to her. I believe that before long there will be another wedding to celebrate..."  
"Don't say that!", Erwin had blushed. "But... thank you! Thank you indeed! I never thought you'd give me advice on love one day!"  
"Yeah... Me neither," he whispered with the shadow of a smile on his lips. It was going to be all right. Everything was going to be fine.  
Marco was the last to leave the church, just long enough to retrieve his sheet music. Immediately Jean approached him and grabbed his arm.  
"Jean?"  
"Marco. Look, let's get out of here."  
"What? But how are we going to go? We have to go with the others. Do you... feel sick?" he asked worriedly as he saw her pained expression. Jean could feel the rush with which his heart was beating. He was in trouble, he knew that now.  
"Look, there's no time to explain! Let's just go!"  
He grabbed his hand. All he wanted to do was take him away, stop him from seeing... stop him from knowing. Oh, what was he talking about? Of course he would know!  
"Jean, wait!" he shouted. And then, thunder in the distance. How strange, yet the day had been so sunny up to that point. Was this an omen of something bad?  
The smell of rain preceded the arrival of several carriages, which almost surrounded them like trapped animals. Eren knew immediately that something was wrong.  
"What the... what's going on?" Immediately his gaze fell on Levi, who had immediately stiffened. The first person they saw was Grisha herself. It seemed like a lifetime since they had last seen each other. But he was still the same, only more angry.  
"Good morning, everyone. I'm sorry to interrupt this happy event, but unfortunately there are family matters I must resolve. Hello, son. Long time no see."  
The boy's breath caught in his throat. The threat of his father had been what had haunted his sleep for nights. It could not happen. Not again.  
"Levi! Go away, run!"  
The man did not even have time to realise that he had the barrel of a gun pointed at his temple. Uniformed men were surrounding him.  
"Levi Ackerman, you're under arrest."  
"Hey!" exclaimed Conny, Sasha clutching at him. "What are you doing?! This is my wedding!"  
A stony silence had fallen. Mikasa was left with her eyes wide open; Marco did not understand. In truth, no one there understood.  
"Grisha!" exclaimed Carla. "What are you doing? I thought you'd be over it by now!"  
"If you thought that... then I feel sorry for you!"  
"No!", Eren's scream was clearly heard. "Not again! Leave him alone!"  
"I'm sorry, Eren. But I made it clear, and you wouldn't listen to me. You ran away and as a result you blew it."  
Levi breathed deeply. He had to try to remain calm.  
"Eren!" he called to him. "Listen to me, calm down, all right? We'll find a way, don't despair!"  
"Silence!" exclaimed Grisha, approaching the writer and looking him with a satisfied look in his eyes. "You will suffer so much that you will regret defying me. I can assure you that you will suffer!"  
"Leave him alone! Leave him alone now, otherwise I'll...!"  
"Or else you'll what, Eren? You would kill me? Would you really kill your own flesh and blood?" an icy laugh followed. "Nonsense. The time has come to restore some order. For that I have your great friend Jean Kirschstein to thank. If it had not been for him..."  
At that point, the person concerned felt dead. The bastard had blamed him without too much trouble. Now all he could feel were the eyes of his friends, the eyes of Eren, the eyes of Marco. With great difficulty, he turned to look at him.  
"Marco... I..."  
The latter was breathing hard and had retreated.  
"Jean... what are he saying?"  
His distraught gaze was the last thing he wanted to see, yet those irises looked right into his soul.  
"I... Marco... Marco, I'm sorry. I had to do it. You would have paid the consequences, I did it to protect you."  
As he said this, he put his hand on his shoulder, but the other man immediately retreated, trembling and with his mind clouded and confused, perhaps due to his inability to believe such a thing.  
"Did you tell him where we were? Did you really do that? You acted like a traitor!" he exclaimed in shock.  
"You would have died otherwise!"  
"Shut up!"  
Jean had never seen him so angry. He almost found himself feeling afraid.  
"This is no way to behave! Yours is an excuse, your behaviour is cowardly! You always have been!"  
Kirschstein would have loved to answer, but after all, what was there to say?  
Marco was right: all his life he had been hiding and had needed a big hand to regain his freedom. And now once again he had allowed his fear to win. He felt as ashamed as never before in his life. His beloved would have been right to hate him.  
"I don't like these whiners," Grisha proclaimed. "Take him away. He will get what people like him deserve, as well as death!"  
"You can't do this!" shouted Mikasa. "This is madness! Levi has done nothing wrong, no one here is guilty of anything!"  
"Boys!" the writer called to them. "Stay out of it and don't get into trouble, do you understand?!".  
Eren then fell to his knees in a tremor. Was this some kind of punishment? It would have been a fitting end to a love story like theirs. But it was not the end he wanted.  
"Please, no! Levi is my life, if you take him away from me I will die too!"  
The writer had stopped and looked at him. Every time Eren collapsed before his eyes, he felt the desire to help him, to rescue him, to support him. Yet at that moment he found himself with a gun to his temple, unable to move.  
"Eren..." he called to him in a whisper.  
Composed and rigid as ever, Grisha approached his son, looking at him almost with disgust. A nobleman should not have bowed and begged. Nor should he have done all that his son had done. He had acted without thinking of the consequences, and it was right that he should now take responsibility.  
"Ah, look at you," he commented contemptuously, shaking his head. "You kneel and weep for a man who simply deflected you. His death will be a release for all of us. And you will finally be able to move on."  
"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" the boy shouted, bringing his hands above his head, as if to estrange himself. He did not want to listen to a single word he said, nor did he want to think about the possibility of Levi's death. At that point Marco, nervous, decided to momentarily abandon his gentle and calm nature. He was part of the situation, too, and he wasn't about to sit on his hands.  
"I will not allow you to do such a thing!" he exclaimed, coming forward rather aggressively. "You can shoot me if you want, I don't give a damn, but leave them alone!"  
"Marco, damn it, shut up!" Levi tried to shush him, as he did not want to get his friends into trouble. But the other guy was blithely ignoring him.  
"Well? What are you going to do, boy?" asked Grisha. "You might not want to play hero, you could get hurt a lot."  
"I am not a hero," he commented aloud. "I'm just an ordinary person who wants to be useful. I've seen my friends suffer, but I'm not going to see these injustices again, even if it means my life!"  
At that point the man reached into his coat and pulled out a gun, pointing it at him.  
"Grisha, what are you doing?!" cried Carla.  
"I merely borrowed this weapon. It won't be murder if you try to attack me, but self-defense. What do you want to do now? Are you afraid?"  
The boy's chest was moving rhythmically. Jean, a few metres away, had had a kind of vision. He knew that Grisha would shoot anyway, for in his eyes there was now only madness and no trace of reason. So he moved. He did so without thinking, he paid no attention to anything, his fear seemed to have disappeared. There was only his great instinct for protection.  
"I'm not afraid!" exclaimed Marco impetuously, stepping forward. There was a shot, it all happened too quickly. The boy was sure he would feel pain, but he had felt nothing but a push: Jean had stepped into the middle, using his own body as a shield and letting the bullet hit him. He stood still for a few seconds, then his body staggered to the ground as the rain began to pour down.  
A cry.  
"Jean!", Marco immediately leaned over him. "Jean, no! What have you done? What have you done?"  
Kirschstein immediately felt a sour taste in his mouth. The warm sensation he was feeling was probably due to the boiling blood that was leaving him. He had not thought about the consequences of his actions. He had simply acted. Because he really was probably a coward, the worst of them all there. But he couldn't stand by and watch the people he loved suffer injustice.  
"Marco," he called weakly. "Forgive me, I..."  
"No, shut up, shut up!" he shouted in the midst of his exasperated crying. "You shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't have! Please look at me, don't close your eyes! Call for help, please!"  
Grisha put the gun away, completely indifferent to the tragedy he himself had caused. The important thing was that Levi was finally caught.  
"We can go," he said harshly, while the writer was no longer looking at the gun over his head, but at the scene in front of him. He quickly fixed his eyes on Eren, who was lying on the ground, with the expression of someone who had just lost everything for the second time, and perhaps for good. The young man stretched out a hand towards his direction, towards the something that now seemed to be again as distant and unreachable as a dream, a vision. Levi was going to die and there was nothing he could do to stop it? He no longer paid attention to the rain that was entering even his bones. All he could hear was screaming, crying. And finally, his heart beating fast, faster and faster, until it burst.

That was how his story ended. Put in prison and sentenced to death like the worst of criminals. What was his crime, if not to love? Why was this more horrifying than the evil in the world?  
These were the questions Levi pondered as he was taken to the prison where he would be. Yes, but only for a short time. Death was waiting for him. That was one of his worst nightmares, to die like a wretch. There was nothing worse than leaving like that, like a criminal. No one would remember his name, he would never complete his greatest work. And above all, his lips would never again touch Eren's. If he really had to go, he wanted to at least say goodbye. Probably being afraid of death was stupid. After all, when you died you didn't feel anything. It was the idea of ceasing to exist that scared him.  
He was thrown into a cold, cramped cell, not after receiving several thrashings just for the fun of it. But Levi had kept silent, not a moan of pain had escaped his lips, because at least his pride was not to be affected. It was the only thing he had left, now that he had been forbidden love, life and joy. The fear was so great that he could not even cry. All he could do was remain silent, staring at the emptiness as he gazed at the plaster of the walls.  
Levi Ackerman ends up like this. Miserable failed writer who couldn't protect what he loved. May Eren forgive me, may they all forgive me.  
He looked up when he heard footsteps. Beyond the bars appeared the figure of Grisha, who had not resisted witnessing his plan come to fruition. Seeing Levi Ackerman in that condition and close to death was exactly what he had longed for. Finally, everything was going to be all right.  
"I would say that this cell is the most suitable place for you".  
Levi looked at him, his knees clenched to his chest, his eyes wide open, his expression indefinable. His right eye was contoured in black, his back burning from the whipping. Strangely, he did not feel hatred towards her. More like pity. And incomprehension.  
"You shot an innocent boy. Tell me, Lord Jaeger, at this point who is more dangerous between you and me?" he whispered.  
The man then smiled.  
"Being the writer you are, you are good at talking. I acted for the greater good."  
"It's not like that," he whispered, lifting herself up on shaky legs. "You are only acting this way because you are unable to accept those who are different. I might die, but it won't change Eren. He will always love only me. And he will rather be killed following me than obeying you."  
Grisha reached out and grabbed his arm.  
"Do not speak as if you know everything. What you have created is evil, and as such it will be eradicated. Even by Eren. You have made my son weak."  
"I set him free".  
"You have ruined our name and our family".  
"You have done it".  
"I'd still rather have you both dead than together".  
Levi could not resist and with all possible contempt spat in his face.  
"Whoever says that is not even worthy to call himself a man," he said coldly.  
Grisha watched him for a few moments, then wiped his face with a handkerchief and laughed loudly.  
"Of course, of course. It would be pointless to indulge you. Because, at the end of the day, you're the one who lost anyway. Enjoy these last few days, because shortly your head will be chopped off."  
Levi stepped back as far as the wall. Then he let himself fall, sitting down, defeated and distraught.


	28. La messe rouge

The first time, Eren had felt nothing. When he had been separated from Levi, he had forgotten how to feel. The first time, he had even felt relieved, since he had at least been certain that his lover was safe. Now things were very different. Levi had been caught and thrown into prison. He was going to die.

Dead. He could not even formulate that thought.

He sat there with glassy eyes and a motionless gaze. Mikasa had placed a hand on his shoulder and was stroking him gently. Not so much to calm him down. Eren hadn't exploded yet, and that was worrying her.

Erwin paced nervously back and forth, looking rather nervous.

"We can't just sit on our hands!" he exclaimed. "Levi doesn't deserve this! He didn't do anything, it's not fair!"

Although she was not at fault, Carla could not help but feel responsible. Perhaps she should have imagined such a thing on her husband's part, but... oh, what nonsense! Who could have imagined such a thing? The man had completely lost his mind.

"It is not so easy. He is noble and powerful, it is easy for the likes of him to corrupt the law..." he whispered.

"You are also a noble."

"I am a woman," she stated bitterly. "I wouldn't be heard anyway."

The wooden door opened and Armin stepped inside. He was soaking wet from the rain and tired from running.

"Armin dear," Carla called. "How is Jean?"

"Alive, but not out of danger," he gasped with her hands resting on her knees. "Marco is with him now. I don't think he'll stray for a moment."

Hanji was nervous. Sitting at the table, she had taken to smoking. It wasn't a habit she used to have, but nicotine seemed to be the only way she knew to calm her thoughts.

"I can't believe it, it really happened! Jean is suspended between life and death, Levi has been captured. But why did he do it?"

"Lord Jaeger had threatened him, Hanji," Erwin whispered. "I don't blame him. Any of us would have acted as we did."

Silence fell again. And then Annie spoke.

"Well, so what? No matter how or why Levi was captured, we can't just sit here and do nothing, can we?"

"It's all useless," Eren's whisper had risen like a faint breath of wind.

"What do you mean it's all useless?" asked Mikasa. "Didn't you say that you and Levi would never be separated again?"

"That's right, I did!" he cried, jerking away from her grasp. "But it's hard, it's hard! Even if I could save him now, we would still be tormented. We'll never have peace, I don't want him to suffer, I don't want to suffer any more either, enough, dammit, enough!"

He was breaking down again, and although he would usually avoid letting go of his tears, this time it seemed not to matter. He cried in despair, cried out of frustration. What had they ever done wrong to deserve this?

"Eren, darling, please don't despair," Carla gently begged him. Seeing her son in that condition - because of her crazy husband - broke her heart. The boy, on his unsteady legs, approached the wall, which he touched with his fingers.

"Sometimes I think if I had been a little stronger, all this wouldn't have happened. Levi did so much good for me, and all I did was ruin his life. He didn't deserve this... he didn't deserve this," he cried so hard she couldn't even speak. "The fault is mine alone, mine alone!"

He gave a loud headbutt to the wall. That gesture left the others baffled.

"Hey!", Erwin grabbed him by one shoulder. "What are you doing? Stop that at once!"

"Leave me alone!" he inflicted that pain on himself again, wanting to punish himself somehow. "I'm useless, useless, useless!"

Blood came out. From where he could not have told, but the scarlet red liquid was running down his temple.

He heard Armin's cries. "Stop it, stop it!"

His former servant's arms had grabbed him. It was at that point that Eren stopped, remaining interdicted and dazed by the blows to his head. Armin had rested his head on his back and was crying in turn.

"Eren, please don't hurt yourself anymore! This is not what you deserve, this is not what you deserve! The world is cruel, but I can't stand by and watch you inflict pain on yourself. Because... if it wasn't for you... I wouldn't be here. None of us would be here now. I won't let you do this to yourself. To do this to you."

"Armin..." he called his name through gritted teeth. "How... how can I...?"

Mikasa reached them. She rested a hand on her brother's shoulder.

"How can we? That would be the right question. You don't have to worry about that. Eren, you know better than me... love always wins."

"Mikasa, you..."

"I only learned what you taught me," she told him, smiling.

Eren blinked. His head ached, but now he seemed to have come to his senses. Even though he felt excruciating pain, he felt alive, and that was bizarre.

"S-sorry..." he whispered.

"Ah, don't worry," Erwin reassured him. "It can happen. Rather, we must think of a plan to save Levi. We're on the clock."

Marco had never thought it possible to hate and love a person at the same time. He had found himself hating Jean the moment he had learned the terrible truth: he had betrayed hisfriends just to protect him. Him! It made him feel responsible. He would have preferred to die than to know Levi in prison because of him. And Jean? He had been a fool. He had made a mistake, then tried to make up for it, and now he was risking his life.

Hospitals were terrible places for ordinary people: beds and people crammed together, poor hygiene, little space, and draughts from the windows. Jean lay on a bed with his chest bandaged. The bullet, which had been removed, had hit his right lung.

You knew how those things went: the pain was excruciating and the chance of success was not always high. And to see how the boy was suffering, he must have been more on the other side than in their world. He was breathing heavily, his chest moving with great effort. Marco had moved closer, looking at him without being able to say a word. He had hated him, for a brief moment, and now he was finding himself feeling a shameful fear. Jean could feel his gaze on him. She would have preferred anything, everything, but not to be looked at like that by him. It hurt too much.

"M-marco..." he gasped.

"Ah... you're awake. You shouldn't be talking," his lips had begun to tremble. He didn't want him to die. He didn't want to lose the love of him life after finding him. He couldn't let that happen, but there was absolutely nothing he could do.

"At least I got to see you before...before..."

"Hey! Don't say that... don't you dare say that!"

"But I feel it, Marco. I can feel myself leaving."

"I said shut up!" he whispered, squinting. "You can't leave me, hell no! You deserve a good yelling, how can I if you're dead?"

With the hint of a smile, Jean extended a hand. Marco stepped closer and the other gently stroked his face.

"You are so good and pure that you don't deserve to be next to a horrible person like me. You are right. I am cowardly and weak. And this is probably the end I deserve."

"N-no!" he grabbed his hand. "Jean, you can't leave me! I don't want you to die! And I don't care if you were wrong, I don't care at all! I want you to live, I want you to be able to live next to me!"

He rested her face on his chest, hearing that pulse he wanted to hold on to, that pulse she hoped would never stop. Jean brought a hand through his hair.

"What good have I done to deserve you being an angel?"

Hot tears wet the boy's face.

"I love you, Jean...don't leave me. Hold on to me."

"But I cannot forgive myself."

"Then I'll forgive you, everyone will forgive you. But please... please... stay with me, just for life." Jean sighed noisily, continuing to caress him. His life seemed to hang by a thread. Yet he was calm, not afraid.

Levi couldn't sleep. Not because of tiredness, but because of fear. He was afraid of waking up with a start, of being captured and taken to the guillotine. He knew this would happen, but on the one hand he did not want to believe it. Eren and all his friends would not leave him to die, but what could they do?

They had done enough foolishness and this seemed like the end.

He paced nervously in his cell. He would have loved to smoke, but that was not possible, and his nerves were on edge. There were numerous bruises on his body that hurt a lot. He had hit the walls of the cell so many times that his knuckles were completely blackened. Staying in there would drive him insane.

"Eren, Eren," he called his name. "What a cruel fate has befallen us! Why me, why us? This is the end of Levi Ackerman, a writer without glory, condemned to death for daring to love."

"Silence in that cell!" he heard the voice of a guard shush him.

He leaned his back against the wall, looking down. He did not want to die. No, he didn't. He still had too much to do, too much to live for and to achieve. If he imagined his life together with Eren, he imagined it in a small house in the Italian countryside, surrounded by greenery. She imagined herself somehow managing to finish her novel and live with dignity. He imagined that one day people would remember his name. He imagined the long nights next to Eren, the winters and summers, life passing by, growing old together. But this would not be there. He would only be the one who had been a fool, who had dared and lost. He had been deprived of everything, of his will and dignity.

"If I could kiss you one last time and find a better end to our story..."

He would have liked to cry, at least to let it out, but his tear ducts were completely dry, dry. He would have even hurt himself and written in blood, if only he had found something to hurt himself with. But there was nothing there, only emptiness.

Live like a wretch and die like one. What did you think, that love was enough?

He let himself fall down in his seat and took his head in his hands. He didn't want to listen, didn't want to hear. He didn't want anything at all.

He only wanted him, his Eren.

"Mother, perhaps you should go home."

"I have no intention of going back to that horrible man," Carla proclaimed decisively. "And that's all I have to say about it."

Mikasa seemed very intrigued by this.

"I thought a woman should always obey and be loyal to her man."

"That's what they tried to teach us. I'm now convinced it's all nonsense. After what he did, he will never see me again, I don't care what the consequences are."

"Well, apparently we don't lack determination," Hanji said. "Where did Armin go?"

"He warned Conny and Sasha. The more the merrier. Ymir, Historia, Berthold and Reiner have gone to look for information. About what I don't know," Eren sighed, bringing a hand to his face. The madness had momentarily left him, but in return he felt a great deal of worry. He shook his legs nervously.

"We need to break him out..."

"Good idea. And how?" asked Erwin annoyed.

"Well, I don't know, but there doesn't seem to be any other way! If we don't break him out... he'll be executed. My Levi, my love..."

"It's alright Eren, no one here is going to be executed, do you understand Erwin?", Hanji gave him a dirty look and he rolled his eyes.

Maybe he was feeling a little jealousy.

"Guys, guys!" they heard Armin's voice coming from outside and immediately Erwin rushed to open up. The first to enter was Sasha, who looked fierce.

"Alright! They ruined my marriage, they hurt one of my friends and sent one of them to die, as well as breaking up a beautiful love story! I'm going to kill them all!"

"That was exactly what I wanted to say too," Conny added.

Eren stood up, walking over to Armin.

"Armin, what took you... so long?!"

His blond friend was looking at him with an embarrassed smile. Next to him was another person.

"Um... I guess you guys know each other, right?"

Jaeger blinked. Either the blow to his head had knocked him out completely, or that was his friend Mike, the companion who had kept him company at Saint Marguerite's during those terrible days, the one who had helped him escape.

"Oh... my... Mike?! Mike, is that really you?!"

"In the flesh, Eren!" he exclaimed, taking the cigarette out of his mouth. "You look good, love must have done you good!"

"But you are that boy!" exclaimed Carla.

"Lady Jaeger, what a pleasure to see you again, I'm enchanted."

"Mike!", Eren grabbed him. "How are you here? What about the reformatory?"

The older man shrugged, amused.

"Well, I told you, they couldn't lock me up forever. I managed to escape and my first destination was Paris. Finding you wasn't easy at all. While I was arguing with a guy for information, I met this kid, I heard your name and Levi's name and I assumed he knew you. And I asked him to bring me to you."

"It would be more accurate to say that he forced me."

"And he told me what happened to you. So your lover is in trouble..."

"Yes," he sighed. "And I have to save him. Will you help us out?"

"Um. Do you think I came all this way for nothing? Of course I'll help. You're my friend. Besides, I'm good at making people run away. So what's the plan?" he asked with an affable smile.

The others looked at each other, not knowing what to say. If only they had a plan, then most of the problems would be solved. Although the situation was dire, and surely reasoning was the last thing he could do, he had to abandon his impulsive nature for once. If he had acted recklessly, Levi might have died.

"Well?" muttered Mike. "Isn't there a way to break Levi out of prison?"

"We thought of that, but how?" sighed the boy. "Escaping from a prison is definitely not the same as escaping from a reformatory. Dammit, there has to be a way," he brought his hands to his head in a focused manner.

It was incredibly quiet, the only thing audible was the wind outside and an insistent creaking sound. They all gasped when they heard Ymir's voice calling out to them:

"Boys, boys!"

Erwin immediately rushed over to her: the girl looked quite agitated.

"Ymir, what's going on?"

"Tomorrow!" she exclaimed grabbing him. "They're going to execute him tomorrow! We have no more time to think!"

Eren felt a tightness in his stomach, so unbearable that it even caused him nausea.

"... Tomorrow?" he whispered in a low voice. "It can't be..."

"So I've heard. What do we do now?"

Mike had taken on a thoughtful expression. There were some basic things he had learned over the course of his life, one of which was to find the right time to escape. Or to help someone escape, even if it could be dangerous.

"All right, I get it," he began to say. "We can't break Levi out. We can't act while he's behind bars. We have to act later, the moment he is on the gallows."

"What?! Would you like to wait until the last minute?!"

"I don't see that we have any other choice! You said it yourself, Eren. Escaping from a prison is not the same as escaping from a reformatory. We have to be timely, quick and cunning. And for a moment you have to put your fear aside, otherwise you won't be able to save him."

Eren tried to stop shaking. He'd never seen Mike so serious, it felt strange.

"All right," Erwin said. "The idea is so crazy it just might work. Exactly... what do you have in mind?"

The longest night of his life. That's what Levi would have called it. The longest, but incredibly also the shortest. He wouldn't have been able to close his eyes and fall asleep; he didn't want to dream and delude himself that dreams were reality. No, he would remain alert and awake until the end. To mourn over a past so close and a future that would never be there. And thinking back on how magnificent those last months had been, regretting and resenting. If he had known, he probably would have held Eren a little tighter, kissed him one last time and said "I love you". At least with that, he would have been able to leave in peace, but like this....

No one would listen to his pleas. No one would listen to what he had to say. He was going to die like the worst of criminals, of human beings, just because someone had decided so.

You're really something, aren't you? Cowardly, weak, helpless.

"Shut up... shut up...", he tried to push back that thought, that voice that in truth was only in his head. He had already gone insane. Of course, he was certainly weaker than he thought.

The night was advancing, the stars were shining. Because of the absence of windows, Levi had lost track of time, and it was driving him crazy. He curled up against the wall. He was tired and wanted to drift off into a deep, sweet sleep. But he couldn't, he had to be awake, alert. He huddled even tighter, trying to bear the cold. And he closed his eyes.

Just a few moments wouldn't hurt anyone.

When he opened them again, it seemed to him that only a few seconds had passed. But the morning had come, someone had entered the cell and grabbed him firmly by the arms. That was why he had avoided falling asleep, although in the end he had not succeeded. He could barely stand upright as he was taken away in a daze.

It was fear but also shame. Levi was suffering, from terror and also from his pride, which was slowly fading away. Despite this, however, he walked forward proudly with his hands tied behind his back, looking at no one, heedless of the eyes of those who had come to witness his death sentence. Grisha Jaeger must have been among them; he had not seen him, but he could hear him. As he walked, in the middle of the procession, his steps became heavier and his breath less and less. Maybe it wasn't such a terrible end after all. Perhaps dying in this way was much better than dying as an old man, alone and without the ability to reason. If only he had had time to do something else. He stopped suddenly, looking up at the sky.

Eren had not come. And she wouldn't hold it against him for that; after all, he'd done enough. All she could do was thank him.

Yes, thank you. Thank you for loving me, thank you for giving my life meaning.

"Walk!" a stern voice behind him ordered. A hand then pushed him, and he moved slowly. Resigned. Afraid, full of regret.

Perhaps resignation would take him over completely.

Outside the prison, Eren was agitated. A special permit was required to attend the sentencing. But he was a noble, he was a Jaeger, so perhaps he could use one of his pribileges for once.

"I'm not sure he can do it," he whispered.

"Come on, Eren!" said Mikasa. "You must at least try! We'll infiltrate somehow."

"For once I'm worried too," huffed Hanji. "Mike's plan is supposed to be... messing around?"

"Hey!" exclaimed the man directly concerned. "You guys have to trust me! Come on Eren, be convincing!"

"Wait a minute!"

They turned around. Marco had just caught up with them, short of breath, tired.

"Marco!" exclaimed Eren. "Are you here? And how is Jean?"

"I don't know, Eren. I only know that he is risking his life. And someone will have to pay for it!"

"And for ruining my marriage!" clarified Conny.

Eren rested a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"I promise I'll do my best. Keep your fingers crossed for me."

He sighed deeply. He approached the entrance to the prison with the most serious expression he could muster.

"Halt," said the guard. "You can't pass."

"I'm Eren Jaeger. My father is in there."

"I know very well who you are. Your father advised me not to let you in."

"I'm well aware of that. I am, after all, a victim of molestation, afraid that I am too fragile. But I can assure you that I am perfectly capable of witnessing the death of... that man who hurt me so much," his voice had trembled slightly but he hoped that did not betray him. "A nobleman would be entitled to that too, wouldn't he?"

The guard huffed.

"All right, young lord. But if your father finds out anything, I have nothing to do with it."

"Of course," he replied quivering. The guard then allowed him to enter.

Eren walked forward, then heard a macabre drumming music, as if in some sort of death parade.


	29. Ensemble

Before being taken to the pillory, Levi found himself having to perform his last acts. Before he was executed, there were things he had to do, to express his last wishes.

In the crowd, Grisha Jaeger saw him coming. At last he could breathe a sigh of relief, for his plan to eliminate him had finally succeeded. It was he who was in the right. He had never thought for a second that he was ending the life of an innocent. For the simple fact that in his eyes, this man was not an innocent, but the worst of criminals.

When Levi passed him, he had the impression that Levi had paused to look at him, and he had not been wrong. The man's eyes, now vacant and despairing, but nonetheless devoid of any hatred, were scrutinising his deranged and deviant soul. Grisha did not change his expression, remaining as serious and impassive as ever.

He had also been allowed to write only one letter of his choice. The recipient had obviously been easy to choose: for Eren he would write his last letter, he would stain the paper with ink. His last gesture would be dedicated to him: the writing was short and snappy, after all he had no time to prolong himself.

" _Dear Eren,_

_I do not know if you will ever receive this letter, but my last act I want to dedicate to you. It didn't have to end like this, and we both know it. For once I am perhaps glad that you are not doing something crazy, like trying to save me. Because I can't be saved anymore. So go, live your life and be happy. We promised not to part again, and maybe this isn't even goodbye, just goodbye. In a beautiful place, as distant and ephemeral as a dream, we will see each other again"._

Then he had left written statements, a kind of testament that he certainly never thought he would write, after all he owned nothing.

_"I, Levi Ackerman, leave my house to my friend Erwin Smith, so that he can use it as he pleases. To Eren Jaeger I leave the drafts of my novel, so that he can keep them as a souvenir._ "

Cold, precise and concise. There would have been no need to add anything else. His wish was that this should end at once.

Then a priest approached him. Every person sentenced to death was entitled to a confession. But Levi, rigidly seated and with a perpetual air of defiance in his eyes, hissed only one sentence through clenched teeth.

"If my sin is to have loved, then I will have no problem going to hell". He had never believed in God, honestly he had never cared much, but now he was beginning to be afraid: what was there for the likes of them? Perhaps nothingness?

He rolled his eyes, sighing.

"I wish I could have one last cigarette," he whispered. He was not denied that request. As soon as he felt it between his lips and the taste of nicotine, he sighed.

The last cigarette tasted decidedly sweet and bitter.

Eren had meanwhile approached and was making his way through the crowd. Alone and frightened as he was, he had no idea what exactly he should say or do. When he reached a certain point, he stood up and saw him. They had grabbed Levi by force and were now bringing him closer to the executioner. His heart began to beat fast, faster and faster, more and more. He wanted to shout his name, to say "I am here". Now was the time to do something. Now he could no longer afford to remain silent. She saw how hard they were squeezing Levi and felt anger. During those months, her lover had been insulted, mocked, humiliated and punished for the sole crime of loving him. That was an ordeal, a struggle. And they would fight together, until the end. He filled his lungs with air and with tears in his eyes called out his name.

"LEVI!"

The latter had his back to him. At first he thought it was a hallucination. He could not be there. He wasn't crazy enough. Or maybe he was wrong. Slowly he turned and searched for him with his eyes.

"Eren...?" he whispered.

A buzz soon rose as Grisha clutched his walking stick fiercely. What was her crazy son doing there? He couldn't believe he had gone this far.

Eren gasped. He had their attention.

"Stop!" he exclaimed. "Freeze! There can be no condemnation today, that would be a grave crime, in grave sin!"

"Eren!" his father's voice, now coming towards him, jolted him. "What are you doing? What are you doing here? You should have stayed where you were!"

The boy trembled, but did not dare move. Levi looked at him, shocked.

"Eren," he whispered, "what are you doing?"

"I am exactly where I need to be!" he exclaimed loudly "Gentlemen present, a grave mistake has been made! Levi Ackerman, the man you wish to condemn, never touched me against my will. Everything, every single thing that has taken place between us, has been a consequence of the will of both of us!"

More whispers and whispers of indignation arose. Eren must have completely lost his mind. Grisha had understood him well, though; she was also doing all this to spite him.

"Ungrateful son, refrain from speaking! You are upset, that's why you talk so much!"

"I am not upset. Do you want to know what really happened? I'll tell you! Lord Jaeger here, my father, bribed the law and had Levi arrested just to save the family's good name. But now there is no name to save. And if the death of an innocent man is less of a scandal than two men who love each other, then I can only lose faith in the world. What I want now is justice!"

He was mad. Yes, Levi was now certain, that boy was crazy, completely. He had said certain things in front of the whole world, ignoring the possible consequences, ignoring everything.

"Eren," he called to him, this time smiling. "I should have expected this."

Lord Jaeger, for his part, seemed one step away from exploding. His son had succeeded, had managed to humiliate him completely.

He was ruined. He grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Damn you! Take back everything you said immediately!"

"And why should he do that? After all, it's the truth!"

The boy thanked his lucky stars that his friends had arrived at the right time: they were all there, they had managed to get in and they looked fierce.

"And what do you want? What are you doing here?!"

"We are here to fight. Because no innocent person has to die," Mikasa proclaimed proudly.

"Yes," Marco stepped forward, breathing heavily. "This man, in addition to bribing... he shot someone very important to me. He tried to kill me, because he won't accept anyone standing in his way. This indignifies me much more!"

More voices, dismay, whispers. Grisha felt trapped, for the first time in her life she did not know how to act. Eren smiled, releasing himself from her grasp.

"'We may have the world against us. But now it's us, all of us, against the world," then he looked towards Levi. "Levi, you helped me live. And now I will help you. Run!"

Three seconds passed, so slowly that Grisha seemed to be able to warn them one by one: then pandemonium broke loose. Her son's crazy friends had pounced on the guards and the crowd. Levi was stunned for a moment. Then he looked around.

"Man, what am I doing?!"

He threw a sharp elbow at the guard holding him tightly and jumped down. His only concern was, besides finding Eren in the middle of that chaos, not getting shot, which would most likely happen. He ran, ducking, fortunately he was trained and had good stamina. Eren looked around in hopes of finding him. What he feared was having to face his father, he had probably unleashed his wrath permanently. He shuddered as he felt himself being grazed. He turned, his fist hanging in mid-air.

"Eren!" he called, pinning his arm. "It's me!"

"L-Levi!" he exclaimed, then taking to smiling. "Levi, there you are! We... we need to get out of here, now!"

"What about the others?"

"I know, I know, but we don't have time, it's you they want! Hurry up, let's go!"

He grabbed him firmly by the hand now she knew, nothing could separate them, nothing and no one.

Grisha after searching for a long time finally managed to catch sight of them. No, this could not happen. Not again. He had grown tired of playing.

"Bastards," he whispered in a gasp. He absolutely had to go after them. Armin, who was lucky enough to be small and scrappy, had managed to avoid being shot. When he had seen Grisha trying to follow them, he had been seized by a surge of courage.

"No!" he exclaimed, clinging to him. "Leave them alone! Leave them alone!"

"Take your hands off me, you filthy beggar!" the man felt the boy's thin arms around his neck. "You'll burn in hell too, damn you!" Armin tried to grip his throat, at least to knock him unconscious. Grisha managed to push him to the ground, however. He groaned and then gasped for breath.

"Armin!", Mikasa walked over to him, kneeling down. "Are you okay?"

"Him!" he pointed to a straight spot in front of her. "He's gone!"

Eren and Levi had managed to get out of the prison through the back exit. They had run for a long, long time, through the trees, the branches had scratched them, but that had not stopped them. They ran again until they felt their lungs burn, their air run out. Physically they were exhausted, but they had never felt more alive than at that moment. They had found each other for the second time. They would always find each other again.

"Eren, Eren!" gasped Levi, stopping him to try and catch his breath. "You... what... how..."

"It's a long story!" he said agitatedly. "Let's just say Mike had a weird plan and I went along with it. I really did! Oh my God...."

Levi regulated his breathing. Then she looked at him seriously, giving him a light slap across the face.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"You didn't have to worry about me, since I was going to die of a heart attack from the blow you made me take anyway. You're insane..." he reached out to him, grabbing his face. "And you saved my life."

Eren lifted his gaze, his eyes watered with tears.

"I was scared, Levi."

"Oh, no. You're my man, brave, crazy. My beloved. My hero. You started a riot and saved me. I will never be forgiven as long as I live."

"Your kisses are enough for me! Kiss me and you will have paid your debt, my love!" she clung to him and looked at him adoringly.

Levi wouldn't let her say it twice. After risking his life, after risking never coming back, he would rest his lips on hers and take that kiss. He had always thought that it was Eren who had to be saved, but now that boy had snatched him away from a miserable fate. He grabbed Eren's face with great impetus and pulled him close, giving him a kiss full of feeling, gratitude and fear that was now fading away. Eren kissed him back with the same eagerness, pulling away for a moment to look into his eyes.

"No matter where we are..."

"Because we'll be together," the other finished the sentence, then looking into his eyes. A part of himself had never doubted him, had always believed that he would come to save him.

Around them were a few sparse trees, behind them a wall, the road ended. They heard a familiar sound, like trampled leaves. Levi moved instinctively, grabbing Eren by the arm: Grisha was limping. Grisha was limping. He was putting a lot of weight on her cane, and it was obvious, even from a distance, how laboured her breathing was. At this moment as never before, his physical frailty was evident. Eren trembled deeply at seeing him there, yet he did not move.

"You! Why did you follow us?!" he exclaimed angrily. Grisha had to wait a few seconds to catch his breath before he looked up.

"Eren... Eren..." he began to say in a serious tone. "Why did you do this to me? Why did you give such pain to your father?"

"Ah, I would have given such pain? What about you then? You took me and took me away, you bribed, lied, almost killed one of our friends, almost had Levi executed. Why all this? Why can't you accept the fact that we are together? Fine, don't accept it, but leave us alone!".

In saying this he had raised his voice and stepped forward. He didn't seem willing to give up so easily, quite the opposite in fact, Now the time for fear, for being afraid, was over.

"I will not listen to you I will go away, we will go away and you will never see us again. Call me selfish, call me crazy, call me a heretic, whatever you want, I don't care. But I have discovered what it means to live and I don't intend to give it up!" he stepped even closer, dangerously closing the distance. He hadn't noticed Grisha's hand tucked into his jacket.

"Then... may you forgive me."

Levi, behind them, noticed her gesture.

"Eren, get out of there!"

The boy lowered his gaze, saw Ma's hand draw the gun. However, Grisha dropped the weapon immediately afterwards, moaning, as if seized by an illness. He bent over and finally collapsed to the ground. His son lay still for a few moments, his eyes wide open: what had just happened? Had his father tried to kill him and then collapsed? Perhaps it had been divine retribution, perhaps he had died, so suddenly?

"What...? What...?" he whispered with glassy eyes.

"Eren!", Levi caught up with him. "My God, you're all right. But what happened?"

"I don't know... all of a sudden he lost consciousness," he grimaced. "Is he dead?"

The man bent down, resting two fingers on the nobleman's neck.

"No, the pulse is there," he huffed. "Maybe you should warn someone... your mother, for example."

"What? There's no time for that!"

"Even if he is a bastard, even animals aren't left on the streets to die." Eren rolled his eyes. Right then Levi had to bring out his more human side?

"All right, but then we're leaving for good! We can't stay here in Paris with all the chaos! Stay here, alright? I'll go get help!" he exclaimed, actually very confused and stunned. Levi shook his head, sighing. He let himself fall as he sat down next to the man's body. He aimed his gaze at the gun, held in the slow grip of his hand. It would have been so easy to pick up the weapon and shoot him. After all, that was what anyone would do. He slowly moved his hand and reached for the weapon. In those months he had been humiliated in every way, he had suffered as never before in his life and all because of that man. Levi huffed loudly and rolled his eyes.

"I would have many reasons to make such a serious gesture. But at that point I would no longer be innocent. And I can't do that to Eren, though he certainly deserves a better father."

As he took it, he dropped the weapon.

And he didn't feel like a fool, quite the opposite. He felt incredibly free.


	30. Rancoeur

It was strange for Eren to find himself within the walls of the house he no longer felt as his own. With arms folded, trembling slightly, he stood in the hallway. Levi stood next to him, seemingly calmer. What were they doing there? They should have been long gone by now, but they were stalling... for what?

The nobleman shifted his gaze. A few metres away, Carla was talking to a doctor in a thick voice. He saw the woman's expression change drastically from seriousness to surprise. She frowned, then looked at Levi. How could Levi be so indifferent? He had narrowly escaped death because of the very man he had taken care to spare. And now he stood there as if nothing had happened.

"I feel sick at the thought of standing here and doing nothing," he said, his lips moving slowly. "What are we doing here? We had to leave."

"We waited so long, what's the difference now?" the other asked sighing.

The boy arched an eyebrow and refrained from giving him a curt reply. Then he heard the sound of footsteps against the carpet: Carla was now approaching them with an expression he could not have interpreted.

"Mother?" he called. "What's going on?" The woman was incredibly serious and her eyes were glazed over.

"Eren, your father is dying."

He was surprised. Perhaps he could have imagined such a thing, the moment he had seen him give in under his own gaze. Still, her statement had surprised him.

"Dying? But how...?"

"Tubercular," she explained with a sigh. "Apparently he had been suffering from it for a while. Lately, it's not just his sanity that's gone."

Eren didn't have the faintest idea how he should or shouldn't be feeling. He should have felt sad and desperate, as any good son should. Oh, who was he kidding? He had never been a "good" son, and after everything that had happened, to feel sorry would be insane.

He stiffened.

"Well... obviously this is divine retribution. You reap what you sow, he made us all suffer and now he's going to suffer the same way."

"Eren...," Levi called to him surprised. Not so much because of his words, he could understand them perfectly well. The fact was that his Eren was capable of neither malice nor hatred. He was good, a pure soul.

"Well, what do you want? There's nothing to do now, is there?" he asked in annoyance. Then he turned away quickly. Levi could swear he saw tears hovering between her lashes, but he didn't speak. Instead he concentrated on the distressed Carla, who was shaking her head.

"I can't even imagine how Eren must be feeling. A son should feel sadness, but after all what my husband did... I'm not surprised. He probably hates him now."

"I... I don't think he does," he said lowering his voice. "I haven't known Eren very long, but I've been able to see his soul and realise he's not capable of hating. There are people who came into this world only to bring good, Eren is among them. He has brought so much good to me and to others. Carla instinctively smiled.

"All of us, myself included, thought we knew Eren well, having had him around for a lifetime. But you know him far better than anyone. Please, Levi. Talk to him if you can."

"I certainly will, Lady Jaeger."

At that moment, Eren didn't even feel the biting cold on his skin. He stood by the doorway, looking up at the sky and inhaling the biting air in an attempt to find some relief. It was probably right for his father to leave like that. He was angry with him, and how could he not be! He'd tried so hard to separate them, he'd nearly got an innocent man killed, he'd hurt him in every way possible. Perhaps the fact that he could feel nothing but resentment made him even more nervous. He heard Levi's footsteps behind him, but he didn't even dare turn around.

"What is it now?" he asked coldly.

"Your mother is worried about you. She asked me to talk to you."

"There is nothing to talk about, Levi!" she looked at him. "He's dying, well? He's no longer our concern! It's bad enough we brought him here, he didn't deserve this."

"I know deep down you're sorry." Eren narrowed his gaze.

"What about you, then? How can you be so calm? How can you have forgiven a man who almost got you killed?"

Levi didn't answer right away. He approached him slowly, with a look that reminded the boy of his early days, when he was still awe-inspiring.

"I never said I forgave him. You know what? When I was alone with him, I picked up his gun. And yes, for a moment I wanted to kill him. I probably would have felt better, because that man made me suffer and especially made you suffer. And then... I stopped for a moment and then I thought: if I shoot now, that would make me a murderer. And I want to be better than that'".

Words failed Eren for a few moments. He had never expected such a revelation from Levi; he had to admit he was shocked.

"I would never have considered you a murderer."

"Please, we both know it doesn't work that way. I just mean it's okay to feel sad."

"I... I'm not sad," he hissed with a edge to his voice. It was pride, Levi knew something about that, knew how hard it was to not listen to one's feelings and instincts.

"Eren, Eren!"

The two of them recognised what must have been Mikasa's voice, as she had just walked through the gates followed by Annie, Armin and the rest of the group.

"Guys? But you... you're all here!"

"Ah, all here minus one," Erwin complained. "Marco ran over to Jean. And we ran here, we really started a ruckus."

"Are they going to send us to the gallows?!" whined Armin.

"Like hell they are!", Ymir punched him in the head. "We didn't go through all this revelry just to get killed!" Mike, on the other hand, was silent. Then he took to smiling.

"So you're here, Eren. I thought you were long gone."

"It's... true," Mikasa added strangely. "What are you doing here?" The boy sighed, looking into his sister's eyes.

"Our father is dying."

Perhaps separating from the group had not been a wise decision, of which Marco was fully aware. But he had left Jean alone in the hospital and not hearing from him was making him very nervous. He stormed in, without even giving himself time to catch his breath, and rushed to his bed. To his dismay, he noticed that the bed was empty and in perfect order. His heart stopped suddenly. If it was empty, it must have been vacated following a death. No! This could not possibly be true! Jean would not have left so easily, he was too proud to die so cowardly! He slowly approached the bed, whispering the name.

"Jean...?"

He felt his eyes tingle. He hoped to hear an answer any moment, to hear his voice. Just the thought of not being able to have him next to him again made him die inside.

"Marco? Where have you been?"

He almost had a stroke. He turned around and saw that Jean was behind him, looking at him questioningly. He looked incredibly well.

"J-Jean..."

"Yes... you called me three times..."

"You! You're alive!" he exclaimed as he approached and filled his eyes with his image. "My God! I feared you were dead when I saw your empty bed!"

"I didn't die, I had only gotten up. They actually wanted to keep me here for a few days, but I explained to them that I couldn't and...."

Marco shushed him, kissing his lips and thanking God or any other deity in existence a for not separating him from his beloved.

"Oh, you must come with me immediately! I need to tell you a lot of things, Levi, Eren and the others will be happy to see you!"

"Wait! Levi... Is he okay?"

"He's fine. Come on, let's go!"

The grip on his wrist, however, had become strangely strong. Jean had taken on an almost frightened expression.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't go back to them. They'll never forgive me and they're right. I'm too ashamed." Marco frowned and puffed out his cheeks, pinching them on one cheek.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed. "But may one know what is the matter with you now?"

"Jean Kirschtein, I marvel at you. Take out your pride and stop being afraid," he said authoritatively. "I have forgiven you and they will too."

"How do you know?"

"I just know," he squeezed her hand tightly. "Now you have to come with me, and I don't want to hear any arguments!" Jean looked at him surprised. That little boy! Until some time ago he would never have addressed him with such bravado. Things had changed, and he couldn't be happier.

"Jean..." he repeated. Still silence.

The now ex-nobleman's hand clasped in his, his eyes avoiding looking at him. Jean felt guilty and he also felt that he deserved no forgiveness.

"I guess I don't have a choice... huh?" he finally asked with a smile that hid all his pain and dismay.

Eren's house was silent. A rather bizarre fact, considering there were so many of them. The boy stood sullenly with his arms folded. He didn't seem to want to talk or listen to anyone, Levi among them. He just couldn't understand it. How could he feel compassion for the very man who had separated them? Did he want to be forgiven? Never! That was impossible, unacceptable!

"I want to get out of here," he murmured.

"Lady Carla has gone to check on your father," Armin whispered quietly, sitting down beside him. "It might be the last time you see him."

"Well, so be it, I don't care!" he exclaimed aloud. "After all, it's what he deserves."

"I know you don't think so"

"Why do you all have to say the same thing? Do you really think you know how I feel?" she shushed him with an aggression that he would actually have spared himself. Armin remained silent for a few moments before replying.

"No one here is telling you to forgive him. In your place, I think I would act the same way. The only thing is... I don't want you to have any regrets one day. I'm sure Levi feels the same way. He cares about you."

Eren puffed out his cheeks, running a hand through his messy hair. Armin was incredibly wise, he was right to say such things. If only he'd known how it was appropriate to feel, he probably would have been better off. But he didn't. He only felt anger at the moment, because what had been done to them was practically unforgivable.

Hanji sighed, brushing some of the dust off her clothes. She was a fool, but that was nothing new, she had always been different from other women and had always avoided paying attention to the judgements of others. She didn't regret what she had done, she didn't regret helping Eren and Levi, who deserved all the good in the world. Erwin discerned concern in her gaze, cautiously approached her and then knelt before her, seeking her gaze.

"What's troubling you, Hanji?"

"It's nothing, Erwin. I didn't think my life could take such an unexpected turn, but I'm glad. Our Levi is lucky... because he has Eren by his side."

The man's hand moved, as if to reach for hers. However, he restrained himself.

"You're right. He really is lucky." Hanji kept her gaze strangely low.

"I'm afraid I'll have to leave Paris. After all that's happened, I think we all should. I don't know what will become of me. It's all very confusing, all very uncertain."

Erwin now looked rigid. What he was feeling was madness, he realised. Levi would probably have said something like, "Stop acting immature and act. Yeah, that's what he would have said.

If they could do it, there was hope for him, too.

"You know, America is big and it's a long way from here. But I know that's where I want to go," he began to say. "For people like me, for artists looking for a bit of glory, it's perfect. But..."

"But what?" she asked.

"... But I can't go alone. And since I can't separate Levi from his lover I want to ask you... Hanji, come with me, stay by my side."

Those words seemed so strange to him, spoken right from her lips. How would she react? Would she laugh? Would she refuse? Or would she not take him seriously! He saw Hanji's eyes fill with wonder and his cheeks turn red. She looked moved, happy.

"I feel I could never refuse," she whispered. At that moment, Erwin silently thanked his best friend, because if it hadn't been for him and the great example of strength and courage he had given them all, he would never have taken such a step.

_Thank you, Levi._

The writer had almost fallen asleep with his head against the wall, sitting uncomfortably on the wooden bench in the corridor. He was awakened by the creaking of the door as it opened. He recognised Mikasa and Annie, but the girls were not alone: Marco and Jean were with them. The latter did not dare to look up. Eren almost jumped when he saw him.

"Oh, my God. Jean... you're okay! You're alive! Thank God, I feared the worst!"

Upon hearing his voice, Kirschtein looked up. Proud as he was, he would never have dreamed of allowing himself to cry. But not in that context, in that moment, all he could do was beg their forgiveness.

"Eren," he whispered. "Levi... please forgive me!" He fell to his knees, under the astonished gaze of everyone present. The boy found himself opening his eyes wide. Not for a second had he thought it was his fault, nor that he was a traitor. Jean had been threatened, he could never judge him.

"J-Jean... come on, stop it, okay? No need to kneel."

Levi stood up, not after stretching, and walked over to Jean, leaning down so that his gaze met. The other trembled: the man really did look at him in a strange and disturbing way.

"I almost died because of your lies. If it were not for all of them, I would not be here. An innocent man almost died..."

"Hey, that's not the case," Marco interjected.

"Let him talk, it is the case," Jean interjected.

"I'm not done yet," Levi said harshly. "What an illogical thing love is, eh? It makes you put aside even reason. I know for a fact that you would have been willing to die yourself to save the boy you love, the fact that you protected him is proof of that. I probably would have acted in the same, stupid, illogical way as you. I love a lot too, just like you. You can't ask my forgiveness for loving someone too much, can you?"

The writer's gaze was serious, yet Jean could almost see sweetness in it.

"But... but how can you forgive me? Levi, you were about to die."

"If we have forgiven you, you can forgive yourself."

Jean was speechless. He didn't think such people could exist, with such a sensitive soul. Once again he had learned something important.

Eren smiled as he looked at Levi. He loved him and he loved his soul. A soul that was apparently cold, but in truth so warm and reassuring.

"Levi...."

The bedroom door opened: Carla appeared with a pale face and a stunned expression, turning to her son.

"Eren...your father would like to see you."

The two lovers looked at each other. Levi nodded his head slowly, locking his eyes with Eren's green ones. Eren sighed and seriously held out his hand. He wanted her to go with him.


	31. Ecarlate

Grisha Jaeger no longer seemed the proud man he once was. The illness that was inexorably leading to his death had made him weak, helpless, immobile in his bed.

His chest moved rhythmically, his lungs trying to store as much air as possible.

His face was pale, his cheekbones hollowed out and his eyes seemed larger.

When Eren walked in and found him looking like that, he hesitated for a few moments. He found it hard to believe that this man was the same man who had had so much power over him until recently, the same man who had separated him from the love of his life. Now he did not seem so different from the people he had always looked down on.

Were they not all equal in the face of death?

Annie and Mikasa had entered with him and Levi. Mikasa was clutching the girl's hand with an indefinable expression on her face. The man had practically disowned her, he had made it clear that she was no longer his daughter. She was angry with him for everything he had put her and her brother through, but she felt she had to be there.

There was silence. Eren kept his eyes fixed on his parent, having no idea what was appropriate to think. On the one hand he wanted to remain silent, but on the other hand he also wanted to let loose, to vent and express his anger without worry.

His father's eyes settled on him.

"Eren," he called weakly. "You're here. I thought you had left."

"Indeed, that was the intention," he replied nervously. "You have Levi to thank for insisting on helping you. Ironic, isn't it? The person you almost got killed helped you out. That humiliates you, doesn't it? You've always hated being indebted to others, especially people you deem unworthy."

"Eren," Levi called to him. "Maybe you shouldn't..."

"I do owe you," he looked as if nothing could hold him back. "Why should we look the other way? Just because he's dying? Ridiculous!" he looked at Grisha. "Listen, father. I have never done anything wrong. And you always knew I would never be the son you wanted. In these months I have suffered... I have suffered so much because of you, both Mikasa and I! You didn't hesitate to cut her out of your family. And what about me? You forced me to separate myself from the person I love, I wanted to die! And you almost got him killed, just because you wanted everything to go according to your plan!"

He paused briefly. He had begun to tremble and his voice had broken. No one was daring to intervene, probably because they knew this was a very important moment.

"I didn't give up," he continued. "It's not like me. Because as long as I'm alive I'll always drag myself along somehow, until I'm out of breath. But I've suffered, we've suffered so much, and no one can ever change that!"

Carla stood by the door. She realised how much her son had indeed matured, suffering and love had moulded him, without erasing his sensitive soul.

And she couldn't help but feel proud of him.

Eren had now fallen silent, clenched his fists, was still trembling and had lowered his gaze. He didn't care about anything but his own anger. He felt Levi's hand resting on his back, felt that gentle warmth that had given him life, hope, strength over those months.

"You always told me that what I read was nonsense. I never listened to you, now I realise I was right. Perhaps finding love should not be the prerogative of a young man of my standing but... I have found love. If it had been another life, another time, with a different name, it would have been him and only him, Levi Ackerman.

He turned his gaze to his beloved. Levi smiled. He wanted to tell him that he was proud of him, that he always had been, but words would probably not be necessary.

Grisha coughed loudly.

"Apparently it was all for nothing. If I had known it would end like this, I would have saved myself so much trouble. One step away from death, I can only resign myself. You've never been an easy guy. Always doing your own thing, always trying to disobey me. Mikasa, you were exactly as you were meant to be, or so I thought. In truth, you are very much alike, and no matter how hard I tried to clip your wings, I realise... that even that would not be enough to stop you. And maybe I should have realised that sooner..."

Mikasa blinked.

"Father... does that mean you accept us?"

He closed his eyes.

"Accept you... how could I? It's against nature."

Eren at that point grabbed him violently, yanking him.

"You continue despite everything?!"

"E-Eren," Carla called to him frightened. Her son's expression was contracted, his green eyes full of anger. He stared at the man, who in turn looked at him with apparent calmness.

"Although I think it's absurd, I can't help but put my heart at rest. Usually, for a son, the father is an example to follow. I probably would have liked that to be the case. But luckily ... you found something better."

And then he looked at Levi. The latter was puzzled for a few moments: Lord Jaeger had never spoken to him with such effective kindness, was he delirious?

"Me? I thought you despised me."

"Of course I do. Because despite everything, despite your rambling life and questionable choices... you're still a far better man than I am."

It was at that point that Eren's grip on his nightshirt loosened. The boy flinched slightly as his breath hitched and his heart began to beat fast. Why did he feel like crying again?

"What are you saying?!" he exclaimed. But his father no longer seemed to be listening. He only stared at Levi.

"I won't ask your forgiveness or say thank you. I'm just asking you for a favour, which you don't owe me but which I know you will do. You must stay with Eren, take care of him and help him grow. It pains me to admit it, but... you... are... the only one... who can...".

The writer lowered his gaze. It would have been nice if such a confrontation had taken place earlier, but sometimes you just had to hit rock bottom to understand.

"I would have done it a priori. Eren is... My whole life," he admitted softly.

Grisha was breathing harder and harder. She nodded, then turned to the blonde girl.

"Annie, you..."

"I completely understand what you want to tell me. Mikasa will be happy with me," she said seriously, but without being cold or showing any resentment. And Mikasa smiled radiantly, as her hand clasped the girl's. They had parted ways once and then found each other again, never to leave each other again. Now that she knew for sure, she could live in peace.

Eren meanwhile had stepped back, his hand on his chest, his heart beating fast. Levi circled his shoulders with an arm, forcing him to look at him.

"It's okay. You can cry if you feel the need."

The boy blinked. He would probably never forget what had happened, the happy moments and the moments of terror and sadness. After all, that was their story, what had led them to be who they were. At the same time, however, he wanted to rid his soul of all resentment, because only then could he live happily ever after.

He sighed deeply, tears hovering between his eyelashes, a few more moments and they would fall. He looked at his father, serious. And his lips moved slowly, almost imperceptibly, but he spoke loud enough to be heard.

"... I forgive you."

Levi looked up, a surprised expression on his face. Eren was serious, yet he could sense something, an inaudible sigh that suggested his soul was finally free of all grudges.

His father smiled faintly. He seemed to have waited for nothing more than that moment to let himself go to his sweet sleep without awakening. He closed his eyes and with one last choked breath, died.

"Grisha!" Carla immediately exclaimed. But no voice would answer her call.

Grisha Jaeger was now dead, and that realization had brought an icy, unnatural silence. And only then had Eren finally found the courage to cry. He sank his face into Levi's shoulder as Levi stroked him gently.

"It's going to be alright, Eren. We'll be together forever now," he whispered to him. It was true, he knew. Now somehow they could look forward.

Mikasa watched the dying sun set behind the mountains. The still warm rays brushed her face, lighting up her almost melancholic eyes.

"That's the way it turned out," Annie commented beside her. "You know... sometimes I think there was no other way. I think your father wouldn't have had his heart set on it, except right at the point of death. And that's kind of sad..."

"You're right, it is kind of sad. Even though he didn't clearly ask for our forgiveness, I know he was sorry. Now I can finally move on, we can move on together."

Annie approached her, and with half-closed eyes she gently took her face in her hands and placed a kiss on her lips. Neither of them had any hope of a happy future, for the simple reason that for people like them, happy endings could not exist.

But what if they were the exception?

Mikasa warmly returned the kiss as her cheeks turned red.

"Um... s-sorry," Eren cleared his throat, aware that it was never a good idea to interrupt such intimate moments. Thankfully Annie turned a smile to him.

"Eren, I see you're feeling better."

"That's all he needed, just a good cry," Levi shrugged.

"Stop teasing me," he proclaimed offended. "Anyway... I wanted to tell you that... well... yeah, I mean, it's going to be pretty hard to split up... again."

Mikasa assumed a sorry and resigned expression. It was only right that Eren should go his own way, even if it meant parting from him.

Levi ran a hand through his hair, huffing. They had been sad for too long, and there was perhaps something he could say to change that.

"I already know I'm going to regret this bitterly, but... maybe it's not necessary."

"Levi, with all the chaos we've been through, we can't stay."

"In fact I wasn't talking about staying," he sighed again. "Maybe they could come with us."

Eren's eyes widened.

"T-all of them? All of them, really? Mikasa... Armin... Annie... Even Jean?"

"Yeah... even Jean..." he replied distressed. Eren couldn't help but smile joyfully.

"You are a genius!" he exclaimed. "I have to go tell the others now." Levi made to add more, but really, what good would that do?

Mikasa approached him.

"He's going to give you a hard time."

"I'm aware of that."

"Yeah... anyway, Levi. Probably no one's told you yet, so... Welcome to the family," Mikasa smiled at him. That left him pleasantly surprised and caused him to smile back.

"It is my pleasure, as well as an honour, to be part of your family."

A year later, Florence...

"Oh, Levi! More letters have arrived!"

Eren didn't have to worry about disturbing the neighbours with his noisy ways, since they lived in a small house in the country, among the trees, hidden from prying eyes, like a sort of refuge in an enchanted place. Therefore, the only one he could disturb was Levi himself, who was sitting at his desk.

"Here I am!" he exclaimed cheerfully, entering and closing the door behind him. "Let's have a look. Oh, here it is, there's the one from Hanji and Erwin, I want to read it now!"

He let himself fall back into the chair as Levi turned to look at him, shaking his head. Always the noisy one, him.

"Dear Levi and Eren. New York is nothing short of amazing, there are so many things to see and do, you should visit one day. Finally, both Hanji and I have found our place in the world. My paintings and his sculptures are being appreciated and we are having success. Maybe in a few years' time we will become world-famous too, who knows? We also wanted to inform you that we will be visiting him this summer, since we have decided to get married."

The boy stood up sharply.

"Oh my god! They are getting married! They didn't waste any time, I see! They're so cute, of course you'll be the best man, won't you Levi?"

"Ah, and stop getting excited," she teased him with a shrug. "You're almost twenty now."

Eren puffed out his cheeks.

"Old..."

"Kid."

"At least I get to the pantry without having to pull up a chair," he said with a sly look. He saw Levi stiffen.

"... Time may pass, but you're still the same."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever!" he muttered, pointing his eyes out the window. "Oh, look, there are our friends!"

"Like every day anyway, right?" he sighed despondently.

Surely, their life was never boring, since they were surrounded by their lively and enthusiastic friends.

"Hello!" he greeted, opening the door. "But you're all here!"

"Give me some room!", Conny walked in, almost running into him. "Am I cool or not? Today Marco and I had our first and real performance in a theatre. A real theatre! You should have seen the crowd, they were going crazy!"

"But why do you always make such a fuss?" complained Levi stretching.

"He's right, be polite," Sasha resumed, who was holding a baby just a few months old.

"You brought little Aubry too! Please, give him to me, give me, give me!"

"All right, but be careful," the girl begged him.

In truth Eren was very capable with children, so there would be no need to worry.

Marco and Jean had entered arm in arm.

"Why do you have to have such an exalted fellow musician?" asked the latter.

"I don't know, but you have to admit he's good. You're not jealous, are you?"

"Not at all, jealous of that one? Marco Bodt, you may be the most famous pianist in the world, but you still belong to me!"

Marco was surprised by such audacity.

"I dare not retort."

Ten seconds later Mikasa, Annie and Armin arrived. The latter was out of breath.

"Sorry I'm late!"

"Armin, where are the others?"

"They stayed at the shelter to help your mother. Rather I brought you someone." Eren looked at him questioningly. The blond then turned away. Behind him the figure of Mike.

"You?! I can't believe this! Levi, hold the baby!"

"But...!" the writer found himself with the infant in his arms looking at him curiously. "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

The boy had rushed to hug his friend. Mike had been the only one to stay in Paris. He had returned to his family and had managed to mend fences with his father, who had died some time before, leaving him the inheritance and their good name.

"You're looking well, Mike!" exclaimed Eren. "You're not going to be a snooty, arrogant nobleman now, are you?"

"Heaven forbid. I may be more responsible, but that hasn't changed my disposition. Where is your mother? I would like to greet her."

"At the lodge, but I swear we'll go say goodbye later."

After her husband's death, Lady Carla realised that there was nothing left for her to do in Paris. That is why she had decided to follow the young people in their adventure. Settling in Florence, she had used her wealth to open a refuge where she could take in children without families or homes. Naturally, Mikasa, Armin, Annie, Historia, Reiner and Berthold helped out. And strange as it may seem, Armin was Carla's right-hand man.

"Little Armin is even above us," Annie pinched him. "Besides, he's so loved. I think there's one or two little girls who've set their sights on him. What do you think Armin? Who do you prefer, the blonde or the brunette?"

"Aaah, stop saying that, you're embarrassing me!" he pleaded with them blushing.

Eren laughed. Then he had turned around: Levi had disappeared again and gone to take refuge in his study. He decided to join him. He approached him slowly and, sitting down as he was, it came easy to encircle his torso with his arms and hold him.

"Well, my beloved writer? Did we make it yes or no?"

"Ah, you may well say so. Dear, Eren. I inform you that my novel is officially finished. And... I want you to be the first to see it." Levi stood up and handed him the finally complete manuscript.

"You've finished it? Have you? At last! Oh, Levi, I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, so am I. I'm just sorry I probably can't publish it now. I guess people aren't ready yet...for a story like this. But maybe one day they will be. My goal anyway was to finish it."

Eren smiled, then lowered his gaze.

"Ècarlate. I like the title." He stroked the cover and then flipped through the pages.

"Go to the end, there's something....".

Curious, Eren obeyed. Right after the epilogue, there were some very peculiar pages: they were their letters, the ones they had exchanged, and there were dried rose petals attached that still gave off - he couldn't explain how - a nice scent.

"But... but these are... these are the letters we exchanged.... Eh... oh my God. Levi, did you...?"

"The rose petals are all the ones you saved. I wanted it to be special for you."

He smiled, clutching what was their story to him.

"Levi, you did it. We made it. I never thought I'd make it this far Lèon and Etienne got their happy ending, did they?"

The man stepped closer.

"They had their happy endings," he whispered on his lips. Then he kissed him. And kissed him again. Outside their windows, the rosebuds would bloom in a few months and become beautiful scarlet flowers.

_"La fin"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone to follow this story and the journey of Eren, Levi, Mikasa, Armin and all the other characters <3


End file.
